Absolute Surrender (14 page)

It was an all-too-familiar position, and Charles believed, once again, that he was asking permission for something he really shouldn
’
t ought to be asking permission for. The door opened.

“So soon, Jackson? I was expecting—”

Charles stood. “I witnessed an episode. I
’
m at a complete loss. I understand now that I may be in entirely above my head.” Well, that was putting it all out there.

“When?” Ender had stopped moving when Charles spoke, as though there was no moving forward until he had all the information.

“Today, after the outing to the park. I fear I may have been at fault. I may have—”

Ender moved closer. “Explain,” he ground out.

Charles did, quickly and quite thoroughly, and swallowing much pride in the act of it. He even explained the reticule. He did not, however, go so far as to speak in detail of his advance in the parlor.

“So you tossed her reticule in the pond,” Ender said finally as he moved forward, apparently appeased that immediate action on his part was unnecessary.

“Much like a javelin,”
Charles said.

Ender laughed.
“It
’
s not you. It
’
s her. Quite honestly. Well, mostly. Though, to be sure, if you had the skills to help her, the episode would not have been…well, was it bad?” He turned toward him, and Charles could see the concern. Could almost feel that concern as a palpable force.

“When I saw her on the floor, her mother—yes, in my estimation, yes, the episode was bad. But I have no basis for comparison, as you must have. It occurs to me the reason I was often turned away was to keep me from being witness to this. You…were not.”

“Of course not, because her mother didn
’
t want to take the time to discern what Amelia needed, and I happened to be available. I was pushed into the position and then…well, there was only me. You were sent away to protect her future. I
’
m sure that
’
s not what you wish to hear, but that
’
s the truth of it. Amelia
’
s position with you was to be protected at all cost.”

Ender motioned to the chair, and Charles took his seat. Ender sat in the chair next to him, instead of across the great hulking ship of a desk. “I assume she is well now, since you
’
re here,”
Ender said.

“As best I know, yes. I removed her mother from the room. Her maid—she seemed to be helpful.” Charles had liked her maid and wondered then if she would be allowed to move with Amelia to his household. He was sure Amelia would appreciate that.

“Louisa? Yes, she is. I chose her for the position once I realized how alone Amelia would be when I left for school. Louisa wasn
’
t born to service, and she
’s quite intelligent
. When we met, she’d needed a friend and somewhere to go. I believed her personality was one that would suit because Louisa was protective and delicate. She needed protection herself and a place to live.”
Ender
paused as he seemed to asses Charles. “You did well to remove Amelia
’
s mother. The woman does naught but make Amelia
’
s condition worse for her. As you seem to have recognized.”

Charles nodded, remembering the scene. It had been difficult to watch—he’d never felt so helpless—but he
’
d no basis to intrude, or interfere, or help. He believed himself as much to blame as he wished to help her. So he’d retreated.

Charles thought for a second, considering his next words carefully.

“You should know I entered into an agreement with her father. This is quite possibly the only reason I
’
ll not be barred from the household should I return. I
’
ve a feeling her father knows more than he allows about her…episodes? Is that what you call it? Her mother seemed to want to keep information from him.”

Ender nodded but seemed lost in thought even as he appeared to take the news of his official suit in stride. “But she was well when you left her?” His face was tense.

Charles knew
Ender
felt a great deal of sadness, possibly helplessness, and he found this a disturbing kinship with the man. Was it enough that Charles could leave her to him and not look back? Just the thought shook him to the core.

“I suppose as well as could be expected, considering the circumstances.” Charles paused and took stock of his adversary, such as he was. “Endsleigh.”

“
Castleberry.
” The man returned the regard, then attempted a grin. “Ender is sufficient. I
’
ve a notion we
’
ll become much more familiar in the near future.”

Charles narrowed his eyes. “Will we?”

Ender paused, then nodded. “If this is to work, we
’
re to become very close indeed. For in truth, the things you need to learn can
’
t be explained. They can only be shown. If you want this, if she
’
s prepared for this, this is how it should be done.”

“Truly? I
’
m not sure either of us is prepared for what lies before us. I have so many concerns,” Charles said. He tried to list the concerns in his mind, but they were such a jumble, he could not find the beginning, nor the end of them.

“Understandable, as do I. And yet, for Amelia…you see, I simply would do anything. Tell me of your concerns. Let us see if we can alleviate at least some of them,”
Ender
said.

Charles thought for another moment, then decided to tackle the one concern that was foremost in his mind. “My immediate concern is you,” he said carefully.

“I understand…please believe me when I say that I also want to spend as little time in this situation as possible. I wish to be done with it. With all of it,”
Ender said stiffly.
“I… If we are to work together, I imagine that will require a measure of trust. Though we
’
ve never been more than acquaintances, I
’
ll trust you at your word, and hope that you
’
ll trust me. I will do nothing to undermine what trust we build.”

Charles waited a moment. He didn
’
t want to like this man, the boy who had teased him mercilessly. “Do you truly wish to be done with it? Because Amelia led me to believe that that was not at all your intention this morning.”

Ender nodded.
“This morning it was not. In fact, I
’
m still unsure of my intentions, other than to see that
my Amelia
is safe and well cared-for.” He held Charles’s gaze. Quite an unspoken challenge, that.

“And something has changed that you allow me to attempt this?” Charles asked carefully.

“Yes, quite drastically, in fact. For one—” Ender paused and looked Charles in the eye. “You threw her reticule in the pond.”

Charles was quite tired of discussing the reticule and was believing that action to be a grave error. Until Ender continued.

“You gained a measure of trust there.”

Charles stalled. “Did I?” But that had been such a silly maneuver. So ridiculous, really. “I believe it was an action taken out of desperation. I
’
d no idea what to do, and she gave me a tangible foe. I simply…removed it.” Charles hadn’t thought much of his actions at the pond, beyond the fact that throwing her reticule had drawn out that laughter that had haunted him for so many years.

“Slayed the dragon, did you, Saint George?” Ender replied with a wicked half-grin.

“I suppose, of a fashion. Though her reticule seems to pale in comparison to her mother, as far as dragons go.”

Ender laughed at this. “I believe you just may understand. You
’
ve met the desperate feeling with which I
’
ve come to be so familiar.”

“Desperate?” Charles considered this. “I suppose it is, of a fashion. For at the moment we both want desperately to help Amelia, and thus…well, here we are.”
Throwing reticules into ponds
was left unspoken. He may have been convinced that this man was not at all bad.

Damn
.

Ender wagged a finger toward him. “Yet she
’
ll not have us out of desperation. She is…she
’
s quite true to herself, and her feelings. I cannot express enough how strongly her soul plays into this. She
’
s not one for games. She
’
s not one for lies. She
’
ll know, beyond doubt, if one of us is false. She has a keen sense of justice, ethics. In fact, she does know, beyond doubt, that I
’
m
not
false. It
’
s merely you that has to be proven.”

Charles leaned back at that, seemed to take stock of Ender for a moment as he considered the words. “And you? What do you believe? Do you believe my intentions to be false? Uncaring? Filtered somehow?” Charles asked, attempting to hide his annoyance at being labeled shallow.

“I know not. At this point, I only know the situation on it
s
face.” Ender held up a hand. Apparently, Charles hadn’t hid his annoyance enough. “She cannot marry me, but she
can
marry you. Her father disallowed me years ago. It
’
s the reason we were so close…in part. Because there was none of
that
allowed between us. It
’
s so much more difficult when there
’
s another level of threatened intimacy between a man and woman,” Ender said quietly.

Charles nodded. “And this intimacy you speak of…is that what frightens her?” He thought back to her response in the carriage, then the parlor. She’d seemed frightened at first, but he knew when she’d relaxed. He could feel her supplication. She’d responded to him, and that response had been truly lovely. “Is that what keeps her from trusting me? Because I am happy to—”

Ender let out a great peal of laughter then, cutting Charles off. “Happy to…what? Remove sex from the equation? We all know
that
isn
’
t possible, as you
’
re required an heir. Or am I now mistaking the requirements of your duties to Her Royal Highness?”

Charles shook his head. “No, there are certain requirements, certain expectations, the begetting of heirs being one of them. I meant only to belay the action of it…should that be necessary.” He cringed. That was an untruth. He wasn
’
t sure he could keep himself from her, considering the feel of her against him. He believed they could be well suited in bed. It was the rest of their life together that concerned him.

Charles rubbed his temples with one hand stretched across his eyes. Tried to hide his reaction to the realization that he wanted her so baldly.

“And for how long? I
’
m a man, as you are, and then what? Because I know Amelia would come to believe you are satisfying
those
urges outside the marriage bed, if not with her. And do you realize? This is possibly one of the reasons she
’
s terrified.”

“And what of the duchy? I need to know she can manage it, not merely for me, but for her sake. I do
not
want to put her in a position that would hurt her. As much as I wish for her to be my duchess, I also wish for her to be comfortable. In your estimation, with whatever it is that she has to deal with on a daily basis, can she handle the management of a duchy? The societal requirements of it?”

“I wholeheartedly believe she can, if she knows that whomever she is with will support her without fail, no matter what were to happen. Yes, if she has your unwavering support and trust, yes, she can manage a duchy—and quite brilliantly at that, for sure.

“That being said, at the moment our Amelia is in a situation quite beyond her control, and this”—Ender motioned between the two of them—“in and of itself is enough to cut her tethers, but that there is so much more here…Amelia
’
s mind is very much at the brink of complete and total destruction because of the situation. There
’
s so much pressure on her. I know her as I know myself, and though I don
’
t wish to pursue this, for her sake, I will. I understand that she thinks…
overthinks
every situation to the detriment of her health, and therein lies your conundrum. You cannot be responsible for this, because in her mind…
I will be hurt
. This is something that must be dealt with. But for you to tell her that I am
not
hurt will not suffice. She
’
s much too smart for that. This fact must come from me.”