Accept This Dandelion (16 page)

Renee ignored all phone calls to her apartment over the next few days. Her friends and co-workers kept calling to check up on her, but no one knew how the show ended, and she couldn’t face anyone without showing her heartbreak. Once the last episode aired, going out in public would be even worse, but at least she wouldn’t have to explain what went wrong. Everyone would already know.

When Janice arrived at her door and almost beat it down just before the final show aired, Renee gave up resisting. Having a shoulder to cry on might be nice. And she had to face the real world eventually.

“Girl, where have you been?” Janice asked as Renee opened the door. “And why haven’t you showered?”

Renee pulled at her t-shirt, which she wore over hole-ridden sweat pants. She had her hair back in a greasy ponytail. She looked her worst.

“Does this mean no happily ever after?” Janice placed the take-out meal on the living room coffee table. “I understand you’re not supposed to tell anyone, but come on, the
show’s
about to air.”

Renee heard the concern in Janice’s voice. She wasn’t trying to get the drop on the show. She simply wanted to comfort Renee.

“Oh, Janice.” Tears formed in Renee’s eyes yet again.

“Come here, baby.” Janice held her arms out to Renee, and she collapsed into them. “It’s okay.” Janice stroked her hair. “That man didn’t recognize a good thing when he had it right in front of him.”

Renee sobbed for a few minutes and then plopped down onto the couch, emotionally exhausted.

“What happened?” Janice asked softly.

“I really don’t know.” Renee blew her nose. “I mean, I was ready to tell him I loved him.”

“Wait, love?”

Renee nodded. “Without a doubt. I wanted to be with him.”

“But he didn’t feel the same?”’

“That’s just it. I think he did.”

They turned to the TV as the commercials ended, and the theme song for the show sounded.

“Maybe this will give you some answers.” Janice waved toward the screen. “In the meantime, you need to eat. You look like you haven’t had a meal in days.”

Janice was right, Renee hadn’t. She accepted the open container of Chinese food with a grateful smile, but she knew she wouldn’t be able to force down more than a bite or two.

Janice and Renee watched the show unfold, and Janice cackled when Renee slapped the misbehaving monkey. “I cannot believe you just did that,” she said between loud laughs.

Renee chuckled as well. It came across even funnier than she expected. She had to hand it to herself…she was entertaining.

Janice quieted as Renee and Ben had dinner on screen and danced under the twinkling lights and the changing sky. As the picture faded to black and the loud commercials came on, she shook her head. “At this point, I can’t see how he wouldn’t pick you.”

“Me either,” Renee admitted. She was too close to the matter, but the way Ben looked at her…it seemed obvious his desire mirrored hers. She set down the take out container and leaned forward as Ben greeted Tracy for their date.

Ben and Tracy had a fancy dinner in some ballroom. Despite the surrounding romantic and elegant atmosphere, Ben kept his distance from Tracy. Halfway through the meal, Tracy leaned in. “There’s something you need to know about Renee,” she said.

Renee felt Janice’s eyes on her as they watched in horror. Tracy laid out Renee’s master plan…to heighten her public profile to get on the morning show at the radio station. She needed to make the city love her in order to be considered for the job. The way Tracy delivered the news, it was no wonder Ben hated her. He didn’t have a choice but to pick Tracy in the end.

Had Janice not been there, Renee would have turned the TV off right then. She didn’t want to see any more. She tried to tune it out because seeing Ben and Tracy dance and gaze at one another with stars in their eyes was too much. Watching them kiss was even worse.

“Look at me,” Janice said when the tears took over Renee’s cheeks again. “Look at me,” she commanded.

Renee turned on the couch and obeyed. From the corner of her eye, she could still see Ben and Tracy making out.

“You love that man, do you not?”

Renee nodded. Her love existed, though she needed to examine it closer after seeing the way Ben acted with Tracy.

“You need to concentrate on what you had with him and believe in it. I don’t care what he said or did. Believe in that love, you got me?”

Renee wiped the tears from her face with the back of her hand. A tiny sliver of hope rose in her heart. Janice was right. She gave up too easily. If Ben was the man she was meant to love for the rest of her life, she needed to give him a second chance…the opportunity to choose again.

She watched Ben turn her away on the screen and wasn’t sure how to do it. Once she stumbled off the set, Janice snapped the TV off.

“We don’t need to see anymore,” she said. “What are you going to do about this?”

Renee thought it over, and a plan formed. It wasn’t much, and it likely wouldn’t bring Ben back to her, but it was the least she could do. She wanted to tell the city how she felt, and she needed to apologize to everyone involved. Then she could move on, though brokenhearted, with a clean conscious.

Renee stared at Chuck across the counter. “100.4 KGBR… Goooood morning.” He smoothly addressed the city through the microphone. “We have a special segment planned today. With us this morning is our very own Renee Lockhart, runner-up on
Accept This Dandelion.
We’ll get her thoughts on the show soon. We also have a big announcement you’ll want to hear. That’s all coming up next.”

Chuck pressed a few buttons and turned off his microphone before swiveling his chair toward Renee. “That was some finale.” He shook his head. “What a bummer.”

Renee figured people would to act strangely around her for a while. No one knew what to say or do when they saw someone get their heart broken on TV.

“
It’s
okay, Chuck.” She wanted to believe it as much as she could. “I’m going to be fine.”

“You are.” He nodded. “You certainly are.”

When the next song ended, Chuck pushed buttons like mad and got them back on the air with the theme music from the TV show playing behind their voices.

“Thank you to Renee Lockhart for being with us this morning. Renee, I don’t want to ask you any questions. I’m going to turn things over to you and let you have your say. The airwaves are yours.”

Renee gave Chuck a grateful smile. They discussed this before going on the air. She didn’t need an interview. Their manager wouldn’t be happy, but she would take the blame, not Chuck.

“Thanks, Chuck. Today, I want to tell the listening audience everything I didn’t tell Ben. When I auditioned for the show, I had only one thing on my mind, and it wasn’t love. I wanted everyone who saw the show to learn my name.” Renee took a breath and continued. “I desperately wanted to replace Claudia right here on KGBR. Being on the morning show is a dream I’ve had for years.”

Renee glanced at Chuck, who leaned back in his chair. “When I found out Ben McConnell was the bachelor on the local show, I almost ran the other way. His reputation intimidated me, and I didn’t think there was any way I would be able to fall in love with someone like him.”

Here comes the hard part.
“But I went ahead with the show with my own selfish reasons in mind. I knew I wouldn’t find love, but at least I had the chance to heighten my public profile, so, with any luck, I could get the job here at KGBR.”

Renee took a deep breath. “The problem was everything I thought about Ben was wrong. And I
did
fall in love with him. That’s right, I said it. I love Ben McConnell. Despite what he decided to do and who he may chose, I love him. Part of me always will. Even if our paths never cross again in this world.”

Renee’s hands shook. She was nearing the end of her time, and she couldn’t believe what she was about to do. “And so, as an apology to Ben and to those who watched the show, I want to ask the managers here at KGBR to take my name out of the running for the morning show position. I would love nothing more than to be here with you, Chuck, but I don’t deserve the job. I used Ben…the TV station…and the viewers. No one wants listen to a girl like that every morning.”

Chuck’s jaw dropped. He, of all people, understood how hard it was to get into the early time slot. For someone who loved being on the radio as much as Renee did, dropping out of the running was unthinkable.

“To wrap things up,” Renee continued. “I want to address Ben if I could. Ben, I don’t know if you’re listening today, but if you’re out there, I offer you my heartfelt apologies. I taped the show with my own ulterior motives, and I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve to be used. But I can’t and never will apologize for how I ended up feeling about you…the way I still feel. Ben McConnell, I love you. I truly believe you’re the one I was meant to be with for the rest of my life. I am devastated you don’t feel the same way, but I completely understand.”

Renee turned to Chuck after ignoring him during her confession. It wasn’t right to stare at him while admitting her love for Ben. “Thank you, Chuck, for letting me have this time. I appreciate the job you do here at KGBR, and I hope you find a great partner to fill Claudia’s shoes.”

Chuck’s mouth hung open as the heavy studio door banged against the wall, and Janice stormed the room. She grabbed the microphone in front of Renee and swiveled it toward her.

“Now you listen here, Mr. McConnell. Renee told you quite a bit just now, but she didn’t tell the full story. She didn’t go to that audition solely with ulterior motives in mind. She went because I practically pushed her out the door. That’s right, I signed her up for the show because she’s one of the loveliest people I know, and I wanted her to meet someone. Blind dates don’t seem to work, and she never lets me set her up with my cousin, but for some reason, I managed to talk her into the show. It was out of her comfort zone, but she did it. And now I know why. She did it for you. It was all for you. If you can’t appreciate that, then you don’t deserve her.”

Chuck adjusted his microphone and leaned forward. Janice held her hand up to stop him from speaking. “Renee Lockhart is the kindest, sweetest woman I know. She went on your show because I made her…no other reason. She stayed because of you. Now that, Mr. McConnell, is all you need to know.” Janice put her hand down, and a stunned Chuck finally found his voice.

“There you have it, folks, Janice Cloud having her say on the matter.” Chuck started the commercial block and briskly turned the microphones off.

With nothing more to say, Renee pushed her rolling chair away from the counter, stood, hugged Janice tightly, and left the studio.

* * *

“Drive faster,” Ben commanded.

“It’s rush hour, sir, I’m going as fast as I can.”

Ben shook his head in frustration as he beat his fist against the window. He needed to arrive now. He couldn’t let her get away without having his say. It was only fair.

* * *

Renee plodded back to her office and closed the door. She would have to answer plenty of questions from her manager later, but for now, she wanted to be alone. She had KGBR on in the background of her office, as usual, and she listened as Chuck continued the show.

“Well, Renee Lockhart took care of the announcement we were planning to make. After our interview with her, the good people here at KGBR were going to offer her the morning show position opposite yours truly. But now…since she turned it down before receiving the offer…I don’t know who we’ll hire.”

Renee never heard Chuck flustered before, and she was relieved when he started a song. She’d done it. The position she always dreamed about could have been hers. But none of it meant anything without Ben. She hurt him in a way no one deserved and because of that, she needed to punish herself. She couldn’t take the job knowing she climbed over him to secure it.

Renee turned on her computer, intending to write some scripts from the requests piled up on her desk. She had a lot of work to catch up on and burying herself in the daily grind would be the best way to move back into the real world. She would get over Ben. She had to.

After a few more sets of songs, Renee realized the first script she tried to write was still laying before her with only one word written. All she had was the company’s name. She scooted her chair away from her computer and put her head in her hands. What was she going to do?

“We’re back here on 100.4 KGBR, thanks for listening.” Chuck’s voice sounded through the small radio on her desk. “With us now is a special surprise guest. I can’t even believe it. For the second time today, I am handing over the reins to the microphone. Thanks for coming in. The floor is all yours.”

Renee expected her manager’s voice to come next. He might be going on the air to explain Renee’s monologue. Perhaps he had decided who would be on the morning show opposite Chuck instead of her. There were several candidates, and any one of them could fill the position instead.

“Uh, hello.” A deep voice filled her office. Renee’s head shot up, and her ears tuned in to the small speaker on her desk radio.

The man cleared his throat. “Sorry. I’m not used to this.”

“Right,” Chuck interceded, throwing his guest a line of help. “You’re more accustomed to TV.”

The guest laughed nervously. Renee knew that laugh. Ben.

“I wanted to answer Renee’s comments.” Renee stood and moved toward her door, stopping with her hand above the knob. “I feel bad for how we left things, and she needs to know I heard her say she was sorry, and I’m not holding a grudge. She probably shouldn’t have kept the information from me, but she was true to herself and the viewers in every other way.”

Renee smiled through her tears. Ben forgave her. She could move on knowing that he was over the hurt she caused him. But now, she had to get out of there. She didn’t want to see him. Her heart was too newly broken. She turned the knob and pushed the door open. She glanced furtively up and down the hall. Clear. Renee rounded the corner, her eyes on the back exit door. She was almost to the end of the hallway when fingers surrounded her wrist and jerked her to a halt.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Janice asked.

“I don’t want to see him.”

“You mean you wanted him to hear you out but you’re not going to do the same?”

The look on Janice’s face told the story. She was disappointed in Renee.

“I’m not asking you to go into the studio and face him. Just listen.” Janice tugged Renee’s hand and led her into the nearby empty engineer’s office.

His desk radio was off, but with one click, Janice turned it on. She dialed the volume up and Renee leaned against the wall closest to the door. She could still make a quick escape if the need arose.

“Renee,” Ben said as Renee stood frozen. “I want you to take the job here at KGBR. It’s your dream, and if you turn the job down, I’ll feel like I held you back.”

Renee’s shoulders sagged. Ben came all the way to the studio to let her know he heard on-air apology. That was huge. It meant even more that he stepped around his hurt and encouraged her to take the job. Any other man would have enjoyed letting her accept her punishment.

“More than anything, Renee, I needed to tell you something too. Because I wasn’t honest with you either.”

Renee frowned, her white knuckled fingers grasping the door handle.

“When I told you I didn’t want to be with you, I lied. I was hurt, and I didn’t know what to do, so I ran from you. But Renee, you need to know this…I love you too. You’re the first person I’ve ever said that to in my life, and I wouldn’t be surprised if you were the last.” Ben hiccupped. “Thanks, Chuck, for letting me drop in on you like this.” He hiccupped again. “Pardon me. I wanted the listeners to know I forgive Renee and love her with all my heart.” Hiccup.

Chuck wrapped up the break and started another song, but his voice was merely background noise. She stared at the radio, wondering what she missed Ben say when she was in the hall between offices. Her guilt caused her to flee and hearing Ben’s admission seemed to have paralyzed her.

Janice placed one hand on each of Renee’s shoulder. Renee felt a subtle shake as she focused her eyes on her friend’s face.

“What do I do?” She searched Janice’s features.

“Honey, I think you know the answer to that. Go get that boy.”

Renee’s hands shook as Janice gave her a shove toward the office door. The studio was a direct shot from where she stood. She quivered when the door moved, and Chuck’s loud voice echoed down the hall. Renee took a couple of steps. When Ben stepped out of the studio, she stopped dead in her tracks.

“Thanks again, Chuck.” Ben waved and allowed the door to close. His chin sank to his chest.

Ben turned and caught her eye. “Hello, Renee.” She heard hesitation in his voice, but smiled when he hiccupped again.

“What’s with the hiccups?”

“I’m nervous.”

“Radio makes you nervous?” Renee asked. “More nervous than TV?”

“It wasn’t so much the airwaves that got to me.” Ben took a few steps forward. His chest heaved again as he held in another convulsion. “It was more the things I said.”

“You really accept my apology?” Renee cut the distance between them in half by taking several quick steps in his direction.

“I absolutely do. I can’t blame you for your motives in the least.”

“Why not?”

“I explained it on the air.”

“I missed part of your broadcast.” Renee didn’t want to admit that she’d been trying to flee. She wondered if Janice hid in the office near the exit with her ear to the door, straining to hear the conversation taking place.

Ben put his hands in his pockets and casually moved a few more steps toward Renee. “After I told Chuck I forgave you, I said I couldn’t blame you for using the show to gain popularity in the city.” Ben’s shoulders jerked up with another hiccup. “I did the exact same thing.”

“What? How?” Renee inched forward.

“I wanted to fall in love, but you’ve seen what the media says about me. No one thought I could really do it. I’ve been painted the playboy bachelor for years in this city. I thought the show would be a good way to change my reputation. Sure, it was a shot at finding someone special, but even if I didn’t, I figured I could pick a winner and stick with her long enough to change the way people looked at me. At least I hoped.”