Accident (21 page)

“We're fine,” she said, remembering perfectly the first moment she had held her. She had been so firm and round, a perfect little ball with a bright pink face, and a' fuzz of blond hair. Despite the ordeal her birth had been, Page had laughed and held out her arms the minute she saw her. Thinking of it made her smile now, and she turned back to Allyson and told her the story, as she had a thousand times, as two nurses wiped their eyes and went to attend to another patient.

The surgeon continued to keep an eye on her, and it was an hour after he arrived when he checked the monitors again, and found that nothing had changed. She had not improved, but she was no worse. From somewhere deep within, Al-lie was fighting.

Page just went on sitting there, holding her hand, and talking quietly to her. In her heart, she had opened the doors, and let her go. She had no right to hang on to her, if she wasn't meant to keep her. She was like an angel now, and just being near her made Page feel happy.

“I love you, sweetheart.” She couldn't say it often enough, it was as though she needed to tell her a thousand times before she left them. “I love you, Allie …”A part of Page still expected her to wake up and smile, and say, “I love you, too, Mom,” but she knew she wouldn't.

Dr. Hammerman kept a close watch on her, and now and then he felt her hands, adjusted a machine, checked the respirator, and then he left them. Page had been there for almost two hours by then, and she was almost sorry Brad hadn't come. He needed to say good-bye to her too. She was startled when Dr. Hammerman approached her, and spoke to her in a whisper.

“Do you see that machine?” He pointed to one of the monitors as Page nodded. “Her pulse is getting stronger again. She gave us quite a scare …but I have to tell you, I think she's turning around on us.” Page's eyes filled with tears and all she could think of was the time Allyson had fallen in a swimming pool and almost drowned. By the time she got her hands on her all she wanted to do was spank her for the terrible fright she had given them. She looked at her now, grinning through her tears, wishing that she were well enough to shake or spank or kiss or hold or cry with.

“Are you sure?”

“Let's watch her.”

Page continued to sit next to her, and talked to her, she reminded her of the swimming pool and how scared they had been. Allie had only been four or five. And then she gave her mother another scare, riding her bike into traffic in Ross when Page was pregnant with Andy. She told her that story too, and reminded her again and again how much she loved her.

And as the sun came up slowly over the Marin hills, Allyson seemed to almost sigh and settle into a peaceful sleep. It was as though she had been somewhere and back, and now she was very tired. Page could almost feel her move into a different space. There was no longer that ephemeral feeling of her leaving them. She had settled in again, and decided not to desert them.

“My business is filled with miracles,” Dr. Hammerman said with a slow smile, and the nurses stood nearby whispering and watching. They had all been sure the Clarke girl would be gone before morning. “This young lady has a lot of fight. She's not ready to give up yet …and neither am I.”

“Thank you,” Page said, her emotions overwhelming her. It had been the most extraordinary night of her life. She had been terrified, and yet not afraid at all. She had known Allie was leaving them, and yet she was happy for her, and relieved, even though it was sad for them. She had almost felt her leaving this place, and then returning to them. And as she looked at her, and kissed her daughter's fingertips, she knew that nothing would ever frighten her again. She felt more peaceful than she had in years. They had been blessed, and as Page finally left the hospital to go home, she was awestruck by the power of the blessing. She had felt the hand of God near them all night, and she had felt safer than she ever had before, and as though Allyson were safe forever. Page was more grateful than she had ever been, and completely at peace as she drove home to Ross in the early morning sunlight.

CHAPTER 9

F
or the rest of the day, Page felt as though her life had been transformed. She had never felt as light or as happy. It was impossible to explain, or to describe, but it was as though she would never be afraid again, or unhappy. The miseries around her didn't matter anymore, she felt overwhelmingly calm, and at peace with the world around her.

Even Brad could see a change. She didn't look tired or upset, and although she had been awake all night, she looked refreshed and almost luminous as she made them breakfast.

He was deeply relieved that Allyson had made it through the night, and he was immediately moved by what Page told him. He took Andy to school, and told Page he'd see her at dinner that night. And after he left, she called her mother, and told her the latest news of Ally son. Her mother offered to come out again, and once again seemed to miss the point about everything, but for once it didn't bother Page. She still felt peaceful and happy when she hung up and promised to call again in a few days. She had never felt as close to Allyson, and she knew without a moment's doubt that Allie was safe and in God's hands. For once Page didn't feel as though she had to be at the hospital every moment.

She took a shower and went to bed, and fell into a deep sleep, and she awoke in time to dress and stop at the hospital briefly before she picked up Andy. Allyson was back in the ICU by then, and Page felt as though they had taken a long voyage together the night before. She sat down next to her and took her hand in her own, and spoke softly.

“Hello, sweetheart …welcome back …” She knew that somewhere Allie would know what she meant, in her heart, in her soul, wherever it was that they had been together. “I love you an awful lot …you fooled me last night. I'm glad you did though.” She could almost feel Allie smile, it was a warmth deep in her heart. It was as though she could feel her now, as though they could communicate without words but only with feelings. “I need you here, Allie … we all do …you've got to hurry up and get well now. We miss you.” She sat and talked to her for a while, and felt perfectly at ease when she left her.

Trygve was just on his way into the hospital when she was leaving, and he noticed the change in her. There was a fresh bounce in her step, her hair looked great, and she was smiling broadly for the first time in days.

“My God, what happened to you?”

“I don't know …we'll talk about it sometime.”

“How is she?” He looked concerned.

“Better. The same. She came through the surgery yesterday, and after a little scare last night, they say she's stable, that's something.” But there was much more to tell, it was just too much to try to say in a hallway. “Chloe's asleep, by the way, I just saw her. But she was awake when I came in. She was complaining a lot, which must be a good sign, and she looks better.”

“Thank God. Are you coming back?” he asked with interest.

She shook her head. “I don't think so. I want to pick Andy up and take him to baseball. And I thought I'd try and stay home for dinner, unless Miss Allyson pulls our chain again.” But Page felt absolutely certain she wouldn't. Whatever happened, she knew that another moment like that would never come again. Something like that happened once in a lifetime.

“I'll see you tomorrow then.” He looked disappointed. They kept each other company in ICU, and brightened the difficult moments.

“I'll be in after I drop Andy off at school in the morning.” She smiled and left him then, and went to pick up Andy.

They had a nice time that afternoon, and he did well at the game, although not as well as usual. He was still upset, but even he responded to Page's calm, and he cuddled up next to her in the car with an ice cream. It reminded her suddenly of Saturday. It was hard to believe that only five days before, their lives had been normal. It had been five days since the accident, four since the bottom had fallen out of her life with Brad, and it felt like a lifetime.

He didn't come home for dinner that night, but this time he called and said he had to work late at the office, and it would be “easier” to stay in the city. She knew what that meant, but at least he had called her and she wouldn't worry, and she could give some excuse to Andy. She was surprised by how little it bothered her. She was happy to be at home with her son, and relieved that there had been no additional crisis with Allie.

She put Andy to bed and called Jane, who had gathered a very disturbing piece of information. She had talked to a friend of hers in the city that day, a woman who had known Laura Hutchinson for years. She said she'd had a drinking problem ever since she was in her teens. She had gotten treatment for it years before, and as far as the friend knew, she hadn't slipped since then. “But what if something's changed?” Jane asked in a worried tone. “What if she's drinking again, or drank that night?” They would never know. Page listened to what Jane said, and mulled it over. It was all gossip, all conjecture, all wanting to blame someone. But none of it would change what had happened.

“She's probably clean,” Page said in a spirit of fairness.

“If she isn't, you'll be reading about it one of these days in the tabloids,” Jane said. “The papers certainly seemed interested in her when it happened.”

“I hope for her sake that's not the case,” Page said quietly. “I hope she's fine. I don't think gossip helps anyone.”

“I just thought you'd be interested in hearing her history,” Jane said. She'd been very excited by the information. What if it had been the older woman's fault, and not Phillip's?

“It's not really fair to judge her by a problem she had that long ago,” Page said to her friend. “Anyway, thanks for the information.”

“I'll let you know if I hear anything else.” And then they exchanged the usual information about Allie. There never seemed to be time to talk about anything else these days, and afterward Page paid some bills and caught up on some mail. It was the first time all week that she had taken a few moments to catch up on things, and it felt good to do that.

The next morning she took Andy to school, and then went back to the hospital to see Allie. In the past two days, she felt as though she had accomplished some things. She had spent some time with Andy, which he had needed desperately. And she felt calmer than she had before. She knew now that if this was going to be a long haul, she'd have to keep her wits about her, and her strength up.

Allie was still holding her own when Page got to the hospital shortly before nine o'clock in the morning and the nurses all smiled cautiously when they saw her. They all knew how close Allyson had come to dying the night of her surgery, and suddenly it made every moment, every day, more of a gift and infinitely more precious.

“How is she?” Page asked hesitantly. She had called several times since the night before, and they had assured her that nothing had changed. She was still stable.

“About the same.” The nurse smiled at her. She was a woman about the same age as Page with a good head, a warm heart, and a great sense of humor. Her name was Frances. “Dr. Hammerman saw her an hour ago, and he seemed satisfied with her progress.”

“Has the swelling gone down any?” It was impossible to see under the enormous dressing, but she seemed to be resting more peacefully, and her color was a little better.

“A little bit. The surgery seems to have reduced the pressure.” Page nodded and sat down next to her, she took Allie's hand as she always did, and began speaking to her softly. There was no visible change since the day before, but Page still felt better about everything. She was better able to accept what was happening, and she was even less angry with Brad. She couldn't explain why, but she knew she had changed after her experience the other night with Allie.

When Trygve showed up at ten with a bag of croissants for her, he noticed the change in her again too.

“You look happier than you have all week,” Trygve said with a smile. “It's nice to see it.” People had a remarkable way of adjusting to anything. He felt better himself, after six days of visiting Chloe. She was being moved out of ICU that afternoon, and in a few more weeks she'd come home. It had been a long week, but at least they had all gotten through it.

Page waved when they left the ICU, and when she left the hospital later that day, she stopped in to see Chloe. She was less groggy now, although she was still in considerable pain. But her room was filled with flowers, and a few of her closest friends had come to see her. Trygve was standing outside the room, taking a breather and leaving the kids to visit without him. It was the first time Chloe had seen friends since the accident. Until then she had only seen her father and brothers. Jamie Applegate had called and asked to see her too, and Trygve had asked him to wait another day until the weekend. Jamie had been very polite to him, very concerned, and he was very anxious to see Chloe. The largest bouquet of all, which arrived the moment she moved into her room, was from Jamie and his parents.

“Things are looking up.” Page smiled at him. It was nice to see him looking relieved and more cheerful.