Accident (22 page)

“I'm not so sure.” Trygve smiled ruefully. “Maybe phase two won't be so easy. She wants her music, her friends, she wants to go home next week, which is impossible, and she wants me to wash her hair.” But they both knew how thrilled he was to be having these problems, and not those related to her survival.

“You're very lucky,” Page said with a quiet smile. She would have liked to have the same problems he did.

“I know,” he said gently. “I hear you almost lost Allie the night of the surgery.” One of the nurses had told him the whole story.

She nodded, not quite sure how to explain it to him without sounding crazy. “It was the strangest experience I've ever had. I knew what was happening. I felt it before they even called me. I was sure she was about to die, and so were they …I've never felt closer to her … I remembered every day, every hour, every minute … I thought of things I'd forgotten for years, and then suddenly I could feel things change … I could feel her come back from a great distance. And I've never felt anything as powerful, or as peaceful. It was incredible.” She still felt awed by it, and he could see it in her eyes as she told him.

“You hear about things like that …thank God she came back,” he said, looking at Page, almost wishing he could have been there with her. The nurse had also told him they'd called Brad, and he had never come to be with her.

“She surprised us all,” Page said with a warm smile.

“I hope she continues to do that.”

“Me too,” Page said softly.

“How's Andy holding up?”

“Not so great. He's been having nightmares,” she lowered her voice not to embarrass him, even though he wasn't there, but he would have hated anyone to know, “and wetting the bed. I think he's really shaken up over all this, but I don't want him to see her.”

“I agree.” Allie still looked terrible. No matter how stable her situation had become since the second surgery, she still looked terrifying to those who saw her. Even Chloe had been shocked the first time she had been aware of it, and she had sobbed when she understood it was Allie. At first, she hadn't even known it. “It would be too traumatic for him.”

“Actually, he's having a hard time with us too.” She hesitated for a long moment, staring down the hall, and then she looked up at him. “Things are getting pretty rough with Brad, and Andy knows it. He's not coming home much these days. He …uh …actually, he's talking about moving out,” she said almost calmly. There was the smallest tremor in her voice as she said it, but she surprised herself by how smoothly she said the words. After sixteen years, he was leaving her. In fact, for all intents and purposes he had already left her. He had called her that morning and told her not to expect him home for the weekend.

“Poor kid. That's a lot to handle all in one week,” Trygve said emphatically.

“Yeah, except I haven't told him. But he knows something's up, and he's very worried.”

“I didn't mean Andy when I said 'poor kid,' I meant you. You've really been through it. At first it just sounded like Brad was hysterical after the accident, but it sounds like things are a little more complicated than that.” He was sorry to hear it.

“They are. He's been involved with someone else for eight months. He seems to be in love with her. I missed that somehow. Too busy doing murals and car pools, I guess.” She tried to make light of it, but she didn't convince him. He stood very near her, and watched her.

“I know what that feels like, and it's not good,” he said softly.

She shrugged, wanting to make light of it, but she couldn't. “I didn't even suspect …can you imagine that? I feel so stupid….” And hurt, and cheated, and bereft …and lonely.

“We're all stupid sometimes. Those things are pretty hard to face. Everyone in Marin County knew about Dana, and I was still trying to pretend we had a marriage.”

“Yeah … me too….” Her eyes were damp when she looked at him and he wished he could put his arms around her. But it was different somehow when they were talking about Brad, and not Allie. “It's funny how it all happens at once …Allie …Brad …it's kind of a shock …and poor Andy is trying to cope with all of it. So am I, but I'm supposed to be the grown-up.”

“Forget that, kick him in the shins if you want to.” She laughed at the idea, and the image.

“I think we just about did for most of this week. I can't believe how bad it was, and then when Allie almost died, suddenly I got a different perspective … it didn't seem quite as catastrophic anymore, Brad I mean, it's just something we have to resolve …and the accident is something I have to live through. I feel stronger now, though I'm not quite sure why.”

“You look it. The mind is an extraordinary thing. We always find the resources we need there.” She nodded, feeling comfortable and close to him, and he looked at her almost shyly then with a question. “What are you and Andy doing tomorrow afternoon?”

“I'm not sure, he doesn't have a baseball game for once' and I was going to leave him with my neighbor. Brad won't be around but I haven't told Andy yet. I don't want to leave Allie alone all day. I really hadn't figured it out yet. Why? What were you thinking?”

“I was thinking that it would be nice if the two of you came for lunch. Bjorn loves kids Andy's age, and they might get along okay. If they do, you could leave him with me when you go to the hospital, and pick him up again after dinner, or even come back and join us.” It was quite an invitation, and she was touched that he had asked her.

“That sounds like a lot of trouble for you. Are you sure you want us? What about Chloe?”

“I promised Bjorn we'd come over tomorrow morning and see her, and then go home and play. Two of Chloe's friends said they would visit and Jamie's going to visit her too. I thought I'd come back again in the evening.”

“Sounds like a full day for you.” She was hesitating, but his eyes pleaded with her to come. He enjoyed her company, and he liked the boy, and they both needed a break from the grimness of the situation. It had been a rough week for both of them, and he knew she needed a breather as much as he did.

“Honestly, Page, we'd enjoy it …and maybe Andy would too.” It might also distract him from wanting his father.

“I'd enjoy it too,” she said softly. “Okay …and thank you….”

The two girls who'd been visiting Chloe left the room, which was his signal to go back in, and he told her to come at noon the next day, with Andy.

“And tell him to bring his mitt. Bjorn loves to play baseball.”

“PU tell him.” She smiled and waved, and then she went home and told Andy about the plans, and that Brad had to go away for the weekend on business.

“On
Saturday
and
Sunday}”
he asked suspiciously, but he didn't question her further.

She tried to explain Bjorn to him, and he wasn't frightened but intrigued. He knew Bjorn, but he'd never played with him before. He said there was a boy like him at school, but they had put him in special classes.

But she and Andy were both surprised by how smoothly it all went the next day. Bjorn had helped to make lunch, he had made really good hamburgers and french fries, and Trygve had made hot dogs and potato salad, and sliced tomatoes. Nick had gone back to school at USC, but Bjorn said he made the best hot dogs in the whole family, much better than their Dad's. He said it with great seriousness, and Andy laughed toothlessly, and helped himself to a hot dog.

“What happened to your teeth?” Bjorn asked, intrigued.

“They fell out,” Andy explained, looking nonplussed. He understood better about Bjorn now, and didn't think it remarkable that he had Down syndrome. He was intrigued by the fact that he was eighteen though. He was the oldest child Andy had ever played with.

“Will the dentist give you new ones?” Bjorn asked with continued interest. “I broke one last year, and the dentist fixed it.” He showed Andy which one, and Andy nodded solemnly, it looked just like the others.

“No, mine will just grow back in. Yours probably did at my age, too. You just don't remember.”

“Yeah. Maybe I wasn't paying attention.” Page and Trygve were watching them, intrigued. They were getting on splendidly, like two old pals, sitting on deck chairs in the spring sunshine. “You play baseball?” Bjorn asked, looking at him.

“Yup,” Andy said with another smile, helping himself to a hamburger this time.

“Me too. I like bowling too. You like bowling?”

“I've never been,” Andy confessed. “My Mom says I'm not big enough yet. She says the balls are too heavy.”

Bjorn nodded. It made sense to him. “They're heavy for me too, but my Dad takes me…. Sometimes I go with Nick … or Chloe. Chloe's sick. She broke her leg last week. But she'll be coming home soon.”

“Yeah,” Andy nodded, looking serious, “my sister's sick too. She hit her head in a car accident.”

“Did she break it?” Bjorn looked sorry for him, it was bad when your sister was hurt. He had cried when he'd gone to see Chloe.

“Yeah, sort of. I haven't been to see her yet, she still feels too yucky.”

“Oh.” Bjorn was pleased that they had a common bond. They both liked to play baseball, and had sick sisters. “I'm in the Special Olympics. My Dad does it with me.”

“That's nice. What do you do there?” Bjorn explained to him how much he loved basketball and long jump, as Trygve and Page walked away and sat down across the garden.

“I'd say it's a hit.” Trygve smiled. “Andy is just about the right age. Bjorn is somewhere between ten and twelve, but he has a real soft spot for younger kids. Andy's a nice boy.” Trygve had been touched by the warm, respectful way Andy had talked to Bjorn, and it was obvious that he liked him. “You're lucky.”

“We both are. They're all good kids. I just wish that two young ladies we know hadn't told a lie last Saturday night and gotten themselves in a hell of a lot of trouble,” she said, watching their brothers—it was hard to believe that only a week had gone by since fate had torn their lives apart stem to stern, and then thrown them together. All week she had bared her soul to him, and she had paid no attention at all to how he looked. But now she realized that he was actually very good-looking.

“Sometimes, I wish I could turn the clock back,” he said quietly, and then looked at her. She had stretched out on a lounge chair, her hair fanned out on her shoulders, and her face turned to the sun. It felt wonderful to be there.

“I'm not sure turning the clock back is the answer …maybe ahead would be better, but very fast, so you get past all the bad parts.” She smiled as she said it.

“The bad parts seem to take forever, don't they?” They both laughed, thinking how true that was.

“I wouldn't mind speeding up right now to the part where Allie gets better.” She sighed, thinking about it.

“She will,” he said encouragingly. She had lived a week past the accident, and as the doctors said, that was hopeful. “But it may be a long haul. Have you thought about that?”

“Nothing but. The doctor said it might be years before she's 'normal,' whatever that is.”

“It might. I don't know about those things, but I know what it was like with Bjorn. He wore diapers until he was six, and he still had accidents until he was eleven. I worried about street traffic constantly, he burned himself on the stove trying to cook something when he was twelve. It took a long, long time to get where he is now, and a lot of patience and hard work, on his part as well as mine, and off and on I had some great people to help me. You may need that too, you may have to start from scratch with Allie.” He didn't say it, but they both knew that it was possible Allie would never be normal. She might be even less capable than Bjorn, if she recovered.

“It's pretty frightening to think about …but I'd rather have her that way than not at all.”

“I know. I understand that.” It was very comforting talking to someone who understood, and she hated to leave to go to the hospital that afternoon. But she didn't want to leave Allie alone, and she had promised to take some things to Chloe. She wanted magazines, cookies, and her makeup. She was definitely feeling better, and she said the food in the hospital was disgusting.

The boys were playing baseball on the front lawn when Page left for the hospital, and Trygve waved as she drove away. She felt happy for the first time in ages. No matter what else was happening, at least he was there for her, he had become a good friend, and her time with him was an island of calm in a sea of terror.

Everything was peaceful at the hospital that day. Allie was still deep in sleep, the respirator breathing for her, and her condition listed as critical but stable. Page sat next to her as she always did, talking quietly and telling her what was going on, and reminding her of how much they loved her. When she took a break from Allie, she went to Chloe's room, and found Jamie Applegate visiting her. He had brought a stack of CD's, his own player to lend to her, and another bunch of flowers. And he was extremely polite to Page and asked how soon he could visit Allie.

“Not for a while,” she explained. It was too soon for her to have visitors and it would have been too upsetting to him. As a parent she knew that. She promised to let him know as soon as he could, and left the two young people listening to music.

Page went back to pick Andy up late that afternoon, the boys were screaming with laughter playing cards. They were playing slapjack, and they were both cheating, and Trygve was busy making dinner.

“I'm making my famous Norwegian stew, pasta, and Swedish meatballs.”

“The meatballs are pretty good,” Bjorn volunteered as he flew through the kitchen with Andy at his heels. They were on their way upstairs to watch a movie.

“I don't think Andy'll leave. You'll have to stay for dinner.” Trygve grinned and she laughed, and offered to help him. She set the table for him, and cooked the pasta and some mushrooms. The stew actually smelled pretty good, and he let her try one of the meatballs. Bjorn was right. They were delicious. He was a good cook, a good friend, and fun to be with.

“How was Chloe?” he inquired, checking on his stew, and Page smiled.

“Fine. Jamie was there. He's a nice kid. He seems very nervous, and apologetic. But he brought her a stack of CD's and they were listening to music when I left.” Her face got more serious then, as she thought of it. “It made me lonely for Allie. Just last week, a week ago tonight in fact, she was trying to con me out of my favorite sweater.” The pink one had been destroyed, of course, it had been cut off her in shreds at Marin General. Tonight was the first time it had even crossed Page's mind. She didn't want her sweater back, just her daughter.