Accident (37 page)

“I know. It's okay. I know all about her.”

“Have you seen her?” he asked, looking amazed as he pulled away from her, but his mother shook her head, thinking how sweet he looked as he lay there.

“No, I haven't. Have you?”

“At lunch. She was terrible. She's skinny and dumb and ugly, and she hates me.”

“I'm sure she doesn't. She's probably scared of you, and wants to make a good impression.”

“Well, I hated her. And Dad says I
have
to try to like her.” It was serious then, Page thought to herself. If he was pressing Andy on her, maybe they were planning to get married. She felt a tug at her heart at the thought, but knew that, like Andy, she'd have to get used to the idea that Stephanie was part of Brad's life now, perhaps forever. “Why don't you just try?” Page said gently. “She may be nicer than you think when you get to know her. She must have something good about her, if Dad likes her.”

“No, she doesn't,” he said, and wiped his eyes. “I hate her.” And then, with worried eyes, he asked her a question.

“Do you think Daddy will ever come back to us?” he asked anxiously. That was what it was all about. Stephanie was a threat to Brad's safe return to Andy's mother.

“I don't know,” Page said honestly. “I don't think so.”

“But if he marries her, he
can't
come back to you.” He looked at Page miserably. “I
hate
her.”

“No you don't. You don't really know her. And Dad's not marrying her yet. I think you're worrying too much.” But she also knew he wasn't wrong. They probably would get married.

“They're going to Europe this summer. That means he won't take us on vacation.” He didn't understand that Brad wouldn't have taken them on vacation now anyway. But it irked her to hear that Brad was taking Stephanie to Europe. He had never taken her, and she had wanted to go for years. She hadn't been since before she married Brad, with her parents.

“We shouldn't leave Allie anyway,” Page said quietly. “Does Daddy want to take you with him?” He hadn't said anything to her, but maybe he would eventually. But Andy just shook his head.

“They're going alone. For a month.” Page nodded as she listened. He had his own life now, and they had theirs. And she had Trygve.

“Let's not worry about it now, okay? Daddy loves you very much, and so do I. And I'll bet his friend is really very nice, and you'll get to like her.”

He growled a little bit about it again as she tucked him in, and the next day he was still grouchy over breakfast. To him, the threat of Stephanie meant only one thing: Brad was not coming back to him, or his mother. And then he looked up from breakfast suddenly and asked Page a question that tore at her heart. She had to turn away so he wouldn't see her crying.

“What are we going to tell Allie about Dad? When she wakes up I mean? How will we tell her?” Page looked out the window and blew her nose as she struggled for an answer. If only one day they'd have a chance to talk to Allie.

“We'll figure something out by then.”

“Maybe Stephanie will
die'
he said angrily, and Page almost laughed when she turned around to face him. He was so emphatic, he was almost comical. She chased him out to the garden then, and her mother called a few minutes later.

She had nothing new to say except that Alexis had developed a frightful ulcer. It didn't surprise Page at all. It was something that happened to anorexics. From starving themselves their stomach acids began eating through their stomach. But of course her mother said it was because Alexis was naturally nervous.

Her mother seemed surprised when Page explained again that Brad was no longer there. It was as though Page had never told her. As usual, she refused to accept what Page was saying to her, and they hung up a few minutes later.

She said something to Trygve about it that afternoon, about how dysfunctional her family had been, and it was hard for him to understand it. His parents were normal to the point of being boring.

“You're lucky,” she said comfortably.

They sat together talking and touching hands, and wishing they could kiss as they sat on his front lawn, within clear view of their children.

Bjorn and Andy were playing ball, and Andy was throwing left-handed. His cast was going to come off soon. And Chloe was sitting in a wheelchair, next to Jamie Applegate, poring over some homework.

“Brad introduced him to Stephanie yesterday,” she told Trygve as they watched them.

“How did he take it?”

“Not very well. But I wouldn't expect him to. She's a big threat to him. It means it's really over. He said he hated her.” She grinned mischievously. “It must have been a great lunch.”

“I think kids always have dreams of their parents getting back together.” He smiled at her. “I know even mine still secretly think that Dana will come back home and we'll get back together again.”

“Would you want her to?” she asked with a look of interest, and he leaned close to her and smiled.

“God, no. I'd leave town …with you in my suitcase.”

“Good.” She smiled back at him and their hands touched briefly.

The two families spent a happy afternoon, and Page and Trygve cooked dinner for them. Chloe set the table from her wheelchair and did what ever she could, and Bjorn and Andy cleaned up afterward. They were a good team and they had a great time together. Chloe seemed to fill Andy's longing for his older sister. Nick was coming home in a few days again too. He had a summer job in Tiburon, at the tennis club, and they were excited about him coming home from college. The only one missing would be Allie.

After dinner, they were sitting in the dining room, talking about her, when Chloe said how much she missed her, and how much she still hoped she'd wake up from her coma. They all wished for that, and it still wasn't too late. But two months was a long time. In another month, the outlook would dim further. Dr. Hammerman still seemed to feel that if she didn't come out of it within three months of the accident, perhaps she never would. It was something Page tried not to think about, but late at night, as she lay in bed, she was haunted by the fear that Allyson might spend the rest of her life in a coma.

“I saw Mrs. Chapman yesterday,” Page said quietly. “At Safeway. The poor woman looked awful. She just looked kind of gray, as though all the life had gone out of her.” Trygve nodded, thinking of what it would be like. He couldn't even imagine it, and didn't want to. Phillip would have graduated a few days before. And at graduation, there had been a moment of silence for him.

Chloe's eyes filled with tears, and she turned away, thinking of that night, as she often did. Bits of it had come back to her. She had even gone to the therapy group with Jamie because she had a lot of guilt about talking Allie into going with her. That night had changed so much for so many.

Trygve suggested a game of Monopoly then, and the young people played ardently, wheeling and dealing and cheating when they could, squealing with amusement and amassing paper fortunes, while Page and Trygve quietly went upstairs to sit in his study. He put his arms around her there, and kissed her as he'd been longing to all afternoon. He was aching to spend more time with her, to have her spend the night with him, to go away with him. There were a thousand things he wanted to do with her. But he knew it was too soon. He knew Page couldn't leave Allyson right now, and he had his own hands full with his children.

“Do you suppose we'll ever get any time away from them?” he asked with a rueful grin as he held her. “Maybe even for a weekend?”

“It would be nice, wouldn't it?” she dreamed. She liked the idea of Lake Tahoe with him too, but she just didn't feel right leaving Allie. Spending her days at the ICU was her whole life now. She felt badly for Andy too, there was so much she wanted to do with him, that he needed now that Brad was gone, but Allie came first. That was just the way it was for the moment. They all had to wait their turn, including Page herself, and they knew it.

She hated to leave Trygve that night. She loved spending time with him, and the days when they meshed their families were particularly happy. Andy looked a lot happier than he had the night before when she had put him to bed, and he stared at her with a silent question.

“What's up? Did you have a good time today?” she asked on the way home.

“A great time. Chloe beat us at Monopoly, but she cheated. Bjorn says she always does.” Andy grinned. “So does Allie.” Page smiled at the mention of her. It would have been so nice to see her playing Monopoly. So nice if she could have.

“Bjorn says his dad likes you,” Andy said, looking noncommittal.

“What makes him say that?” She didn't comment one way or the other, but her heart was pounding faster as she watched Andy's face. She wanted him to like him. Just as Brad wanted him to like Stephanie, but he didn't.

“He just does. He says he's watched you guys a lot, he thinks you're really nice, and he says his dad says you're really pretty and fun to be with. He says you kissed him once, on the lips. Did you?” It was not an accusation, it was more a question. After the shock of Stephanie the day before, this was a whole new world for him, and he was examining the landscape. But it was a whole new world for her too, and she wasn't sure how much to tell him. Just exactly how much of the truth did she owe him?

“Maybe when I said good-bye to him, something like that. But yes, I like him.”

“Like …, like Dad?”

“No. I don't like him as well. But like a friend, like a very good friend. He's been wonderful to me while Allie's been sick.” Andy nodded. He didn't disagree. He just hadn't thought about him that way.

“I like him too …and I like Bjorn …but I like Daddy better.”

“Your daddy will always be your daddy. Nothing's ever going to change that.”

“Are you and Dad going to get divorced?” he asked worriedly. That really would mean it was all over. A lot of his friends' parents had gotten divorced, and some of them had remarried. He knew what that meant.

“I don't know.” In the month that he'd been gone, neither of them had called a lawyer. Brad had asked her to, and Stephanie was pushing him, but Page just couldn't bring herself to do it. Trygve had offered her the name of his, but she kept saying she was too busy to call. But she knew that one of these days, she'd have to.

Brad reminded her of it too the next time she saw him at the hospital. He came by one afternoon, he hadn't seen Allie in a week, and when she looked up, Page was suddenly startled to see him.

“Hi, how are you?” she said uncomfortably, trying to pretend she didn't feel awkward.

“Fine.” He smiled down at her, looking better than ever. He was an awesome looking man, sometimes she let herself forget that. “How's Al-lie?”

“Not much change. But she's still moving and making little sounds. It's hard to know what it means.” But the scans showed movement when Page said her name, she wanted to believe that that meant something too. But who knew? She was still sleeping, and the respirator still kept her breathing.

He stayed for as long as he could. Five minutes was his limit, and then he asked her to come out in the hall of the ICU and talk to him for a minute.

“You're looking good,” he said, watching her closely. She looked less tortured than she had, and happier, but there was still something sad in her eyes when he saw her. He wasn't sure if it was because of Allyson, or him, and a part of him still wanted to take her in his arms, and hold her, but he knew he couldn't. Besides, Stephanie would have killed him if she knew. She was ferocious with him, she said she wouldn't put up with any cheating on his part, not even once. She wasn't Page, in a lot of ways, and sometimes Brad really missed her. “Are you okay?”

“Hanging in there.” She was happy with Trygve, and hopeful with Allyson, but life wasn't what it had once been, with Allyson still so sick, and a divorce to be gotten through, and it made her sad when she saw him. Her life was reduced to such a small scale now. Hospital and home, and an occasional dinner with Trygve. There were no horizons to look toward anymore, except the constant hope that Allie would come out of her coma.

“I wanted to talk to you, and I haven't had time to phone. I think it's time to call our lawyers.” He said it apologetically and he felt like a total bastard when he saw the look in her eyes. She looked like Andy.

“You're right,” she agreed. But she hated to do it. It was the final death knoll to their marriage.

“There's no point hanging on. It's just painful for us, and I think it creates false hope for Andy. I think he'll adjust better if he knows this is it. And maybe we will too, who knows? You have a right to more than this too, you know,” he reminded her, and she nodded, not disagreeing with him. She had a right to a family, and Allie whole again, and a husband. She had a right to a lot of things. But whether or not she got them was another story.

“You're sure,” she asked quietly. “About the divorce I mean.” He nodded, and she inclined her head. She understood. She accepted it. It was over.

He wanted to marry Stephanie, to start a new life with her, and maybe this time, do it better.

“It's time,” he said sadly. “Do you have someone to call?”

“I have a name, but I haven't bothered
to
call him. I didn't realize you were this anxious.” There was an edge to her voice as she said it. And she was suddenly angry that he had come to tell her this here. Everything terrible had happened to her in this hospital …but good things had too …there was Trygve …

“We'll be divorced by the end of the year,” Brad said soberly, as Page mulled it over in silence. “Probably before Christmas.” Stephanie wanted to get married on Christmas Eve, if the divorce came through in time, and it might just, if they hurried.

“I can think of other things I'd rather put on my Christmas list,” she said ruefully. And then she looked up at him and took a deep breath. “I'll call the attorney in the morning.”

“Thanks. I appreciate it.” He hesitated for a moment then, as though he wanted to say more, but wasn't sure how to do it. “I'm sorry, Page …”

“Yeah, so am I.” She touched his hand, and she went back to the ICU again. But Allie didn't stir all day, not even one little moan or rustle. It was as though she knew her mother was depressed, and she was leaving her alone. Page just sat there all day and watched her. And that night, when she put Andy to bed, she didn't even call Trygve. She needed one last moment to mourn for Brad before she moved ahead into the future.