Accidental Leigh (4 page)

“Medical issue? You can’t just say that you had some medical issue and not tell your only sister!”

“Fine, I have to warn you though, it’s pretty embarrassing.” She sounded shaky and unsure. There was no way in hell that she was
NOT
going to tell me what happened. I would drive to her house right this second if I had to, though it would be a pretty long drive as I lived in Illinois and she lived in Pennsylvania.

“Spill it!” I demanded.

“The other day, I decided that Bill and I were way overdue for a nice romantic evening. We really were. I had hoped to set it up for Saturday night, but the kids where little psychos all day and we were completely worn out. So I arranged it for last night. Nothing crazy, just a nice dinner and then, you know, a little grown-up time in the bedroom.”

“Sounds nice!” I tried to sound cheerful, but I was biting my lower lip. I knew she was about to drop the other shoe.

“It started out great. Awesome in fact. I have to tell you that everything I told you about Bill lacking in oral skills can be dismissed. He was like a professional or something. I’ve never experienced an orgasm by anyone eating my taco before- well, at least not with Bill. It was incredible, Leigh. Multiple times. Over and over.”

“Woohoo! Congratulations! Happy to hear it!”

“The thing is, even when he stopped, I didn’t. I was stuck in a full-blown orgasm. We tried everything to get it to stop. He thought maybe I needed more, you know, from him. Let me tell you, he was frickin’ engorged, too. It didn’t matter because I was still stuck on O. And he couldn’t do much of anything because he said his thing was burning.”

“His thing? Burning?”

“Yeah, you know, his penis. He had an erection that wouldn’t go away. He couldn’t do anything with it because he said it felt like it was burning inside. While my orgasm was fun at first it became painful, then it went beyond painful, it was killing me. I’ve had three kids and this was like the worst contraction, only it didn’t come and go, it just stayed.”

“Oh my God!”

“Yeah, well this went on for almost four hours. I accused him of getting Viagra and spiking my drink with it or something else. We were both in so much pain that neither of us could drive to the emergency room, but we both knew that we needed help. Bill called for an ambulance. Then he called over to the neighbors and asked if they could stay with the kids for a little while. It was so embarrassing. I can’t even begin to explain just how awful it was to have two paramedics here chuckling over my predicament. They couldn’t even touch me. When the guy pulled back the sheet to examine me, or to see if there was anything wrong, he touched me down there. I started screaming. According to Bill, I was completely out of my mind. Apparently, I told them that they should all fuck me and get it over with. He said, I was begging for double penetration. Of course they didn’t. I’m sure that I will be the laughing stock of the entire hospital. I hope, I never have any other ailments that send me to the emergency room, because they will likely never forget me or Bill. Not to mention the fact, I would be too embarrassed to show my face there, ever again. At this point, Leigh, I would rather die of a heart attack than seek medical attention at the ER. It’s probably on the internet by now, but I’m too afraid to go look.”

“Oh God
, Sarah, I am so sorry. I didn’t– I mean, I would never want to experience something so awful. So what did they do? How did they fix your, uh, problems?”

“We got an ambulance ride. Yep
. Bill and his fiery cock and me with my painful pussy. What a pair we were coming into the ER! Every doctor and every nurse came in to check us out. Poor Bill was diagnosed with priapism. They took a needle and drained blood from the vessels in his engorged penis. I was sedated with something through an IV. I have no idea, I can’t remember a thing after that. We were both discharged late into the night and had to take a cab home. Ugh, Leigh. It was the worst experience. I am afraid we won’t be having any sort of sex for a long time.”

“You’re OK now
, though. Right? No residual effects?”

“Yes
, we are both OK, just scared to death to start anything sexual now.”

After the phone call
, I was floored. Back to the drawing board, once again. Now, how could I have caused
that
mess? I scrolled through the half-finished story. Then I saw it. Fuck, Fuck, Fuck! Did I really write that?
His rock hard passion wand was burning hot.
That explained Bill’s little problem. Half finished! I left it half finished! That’s what happened to Sarah and why she ended up in the ER with an unstoppable orgasm. I had written to the point where she was experiencing an uncontrollable orgasm and I fell asleep for hours. It was no coincidence. Sarah’s ER visit was directly related to me leaving her fictional self in a state of bliss. I didn’t know whether I should laugh or cry. The thought of my sister ending up at the emergency room because of me writing a sex scene for her was not good, but her begging for all of the EMT’s to fuck her and becoming a regular joke at the ER- PRICELESS!

Chapter 5

White Magic,
Safety First!

Time was running out. I knew for certain that I was able to affect the love lives of just about anyone with my new found power. I guess you could say, I had become the witch I once daydreamed about, although, I didn’t know how it happened. In a way, it made me feel invincible. If I wanted to let my dark side out, I could really fuck up someone’s day. I’m just not that kind of girl. Really, I do try to have a sense of morals.  Any good woman will tell you, I may be an angel, but fuck with me and the halo is coming off. You can bet your ass the horns are coming out!

I needed another t
est. I needed to see if I would have the same effect on something completely nonromantic. If I could succeed at that, then I would be able to easily make adjustments to my parents’ upcoming dinner party. I had to think of something that really couldn’t go wrong. In adherence to the code of all good witches, I wouldn’t use it for my own benefit.

I started thinking about the people I knew that could use a little boost in their lives. There was
Lindsey, I remember she had complained about needing her roof worked on. My friend, Jennifer hadn’t taken a day off of her job in 30 years. She needed a vacation. Then there was Kim, who had been driving the same piece of junk car since she got her driver’s license. I figured, if I very carefully wrote something for each of them, I could do something really good for all of them. I would just have to write it as a snippet within a story.

It was time to whip up some white magic
. Without a clue as to how any of my magic worked, I sat down at my little antique writing desk and started with my first victim. Poor choice for words, I know. Don’t worry, I’ll explain.

A new roof for
Lindsey

Lindsey
looked up and saw yet another tiny but steady cascade of water dripping down from the ceiling in her kitchen. She selected an empty coffee can and set it in place to catch the droplets of water. If this kept happening, she would be out of cans, pans, tubs, and pails. It was a disaster. The problem was the roof on her old house had simply exceeded the life expectancy of the old shingles. Not only were they no longer functional, they made the house look like hell.

Lindsey
was one to always sign up for the promotional giveaways in the stores she went to. It didn’t matter that she never actually won, it was the hope of winning that pushed her along. Today was different. Her phone rang, and when she answered the call, she nearly fainted. The man calling her said she had won the home improvement grand prize from Big Box Home and Garden. The value of the prize was limited to a home improvement project that didn’t exceed $8,000. She was ecstatic. Finally, her efforts of frantically scribbling her personal information down and stuffing it into the overflowing cardboard displays had paid off. They would be sending an estimator to her home that afternoon. How much better could her day have gone?

Next up was Jennifer and a long overdue vacation.

Cruising with Jennifer

It was more like a parking
lot out on the interstate during rush hour, but day after day she dutifully climbed into her car and prepared herself for another ninety minutes of sweltering torture, otherwise known as The Commute. Normally, road rage set in for Jennifer at about twenty minutes into the drive. Today, traffic was at a standstill. Her doctor told her during her fifty year physical that she needed to find ways to relax. It just wasn’t healthy to get so stressed out over the traffic. The doctor said the stress would take years off of her life. Jennifer thought of it as a positive for her. She figured about another month of this and she would be all the way back to twenty years old again
.

Jennifer bounced from radio station to radio station
until she found something relaxing. Before long, the DJ began to announce the daily trivia contest winners. Jennifer cranked up the volume and intently listened. She had been hoping for months that she would be the lucky one to be selected for the grand prize. It would be heaven, a seven day all inclusive Caribbean cruise. The DJ rambled on and on. “Jesus! Would you just tell us who won already?” Jennifer occasionally pressed down on her horn and shouted obscene epithets for poor drivers while she waited for the announcement. Then it came, a grand prize winner had been selected. The catch was that they had to take an immediate cruise, leaving from Houston in just two days. The winner would be announced after the commercial break. “Oh, easy! That’s a piece of cake for me. I’m already in Houston and I am just dying to get out of this boxed-in traffic, and boxed-in life.” Traffic finally broke free and she shouted out to the broken down pickup truck that had been holding everyone up. “Hey, you! With that piece of junk, why don’t ya tie a quarter to it and throw it away, and you can say you lost something! And take yer ugly girlfriend with ya!”

The woman in the truck shouted back at Jennifer
, “Who you calling ugly?”

Jennifer was a Texan, and by God, she loved every chance she had at using her full repertoire of Southern euphemisms. “You! You’re so ugly, you probably have to slap your feet to get them to go to bed with you!
You’re so ugly, you look like you were pulled through a knothole backwards! You’re so ugly-”

“Yeah, yeah
, we get it! She’s ugly! Let’s move!” The people in the car behind her shouted.

Jennifer was still listening to the radio as she made her way forward through the snarled traffic. When the DJ came back on
the air, he finally made his announcement. Jennifer screamed with joy as she heard her name called. Finally, Jennifer was going to get out of the box and experience a true awakening! Further down the road she said to herself, “Well, no lie. That woman was ugly. She looked like she sorts bobcats for a livin’.”

Not to be forgotten was my third friend, Kim. She not only needed a new car, she deserved one.
She worked like mad and got nowhere fast. I really wanted to help her out in any way that I could!

It’s a Brand New Car!

Kim was ecstatic. She had been waiting for weeks for this day. She had been selected as a contestant on the top listed TV game show Fortune Wheel. They were coming to Chicago this week and Kim was primed. She had been doing crossword puzzles in every spare minute and more. She even woke up an hour early every day to squeeze in more prep time, before the big show.

When Kim
was finally called to the podium, she felt nervous yet confident that she was well prepared to solve every word puzzle that Janna could throw at her. It was ridiculously easy. Every spin of the wheel landed her more cash. She solved every puzzle, leaving her fellow competitors standing there open-mouthed with shock and awe.

The time had come for the final puzzle and the grand prize. A new car! It was a beauty. Her dream car. A yellow Mustang with black racing strip
es and it was fully loaded with every possible option. Fortune smiled on Kim that day.

Now, how could anything bad happen? With wonderful, happy stories like these, I was certain that I would have three very happy friends.
My phone rang and I cheerfully answered. It was Kelly, she wanted to know if anything happened with Sarah and Bill. I told her everything that happened with the hot date night that ended up at the ER. Kelly was in full agreement with my new plan to test out some white magic. All I had to do now, was to wait for the good news to come rolling in.

I
remembered to ask Kelly about the wedding she attended. I wanted the scoop on the doctor. Inquiring minds needed to know if he was panty wetting hot, drop dead gorgeous, or just finger licking good. “What about that doctor you were hoping to hook up with!”

“Oh, he got called in to the hospital
, I guess. The wedding was nice, but as far as meeting anyone, it was a complete failure.”

I started to hatch a plan. “Oh, that’s too bad. What was th
e doctor’s name?”

“Florian. Florian Klempner. I know, the name sounds horrid. I can’t even imagine what somebody with a name like that would be like, but he is a young
single doctor and those don’t come around very often, if at all.”

“That’s true. Too bad, huh? Well, sorry to hear that.”

“That’s OK. I have to run though. I’m supposed to drop off the shoes I borrowed for the wedding. She needs them back today.”

I knew I had to write one more little story. Very short and sweet. Just to put a spark under Florian’s ass.
After we hung up, I went back to my desk.

Phone call for Kelly!

Kelly was wondering how the wedding could have went had she gotten a chance to meet up with the doctor that couldn’t make it. She thought, perhaps there would be another chance someday. She really didn’t know anything about him. What kind of doctor was he? Was he good looking? Kelly tried to relax and slouched in her favorite comfortable chair and tried not to think about it. She had just opened up a hot new romance book and began to read when her phone rang.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Kelly? This is Florian, Florian Klempner.”

“Oh! Hi
. You’re the guy that was supposed to be my date for the wedding! How are you?”

“I’m fine, thanks. I got your number from your cousin. Sorry, but when
I’m on the on-call rotation schedule, things get really crazy for me. I hope you don’t mind that I asked your cousin for your number. I just wanted to apologize for skipping out on you.”

“Oh, don’t worry about it. It’s perfectly understandable. Everyone knows what a huge responsibility it is to be a doctor and all.”

“Well, I have a question for you. How would you feel about going out on a date? I understand that it’s unexpected and basically a blind date.”

“I’d love to! What do you have in mind?”

“I was wondering if you were free this evening, we could go out to eat. There’s a new Thai place that I’ve been wanting to check out. I’ve heard great things about it. How does that sound?”

“Sounds great, Florian. The only thing is that we need to drop by my sister’s house for a minute. I promised I would drop off some shoes I borrowed.”

“How about five o’clock, then? I just need your address. Oh and my friends call me Bob. Yeah, Florian isn’t the name I would have picked.”

“Ha ha, no problem
, Bob. It’s 2771 Monroe. It’s a tiny little white house with blue shutters. I’m looking forward to meeting you.

“Sounds great, Kelly. See you at
five then.”

I wanted to pat myself on the back
. I managed to come up with four great stories for my friends. Lindsey would get a new roof, Jennifer would get the vacation she deserved, Kim would get a shiny new set of wheels, and now Kelly would finally meet up with the doctor.