Accidentally...Evil? (Accidentally Yours) (11 page)

Niccolo’s rage percolated as she clutched her stomach and slapped her knee. How dare she mock him! In truth, he had no objection to killing for the right reasons—for example, to protect the innocent from dark vampires, Obscuros—but for far too long he’d killed simply because he’d been ordered. He needed to be free, to know that every death he caused was justified.

Then there was the small matter of the queen’s mental instability, which undoubtedly fueled her unscrupulous behavior. The last straw had been when she demanded he blind the maid because the girl did not curtsy properly. He’d had to quickly call in several favors and get her a position with a respectable family where she’d be allowed to keep her eyes.

Sì
, it was as clear as the fangs in his mouth; if there were a Crazy-Shrew Olympiad, the powerful queen would triumph.

Upholding the Pact between the gods and vampires, destroying Obscuros, those were still worthy causes, but he needed to get far away from Reyna before he ended up killing her—an act that would have fatal consequences for any vampire unfortunate enough to carry her blood, including himself
.

Cimil continued howling with laughter and then suddenly spotted a large black beetle strolling past her foot. Her eyes filled with horror. “N-N-No. I think you are”—she swallowed hard—“lovely. I would never say that.” She jerked her head up and looked back at Niccolo. “Okay. And if I don’t help you?”

Is she speaking to me or the insect?
“Then I will die,” he answered anyway.

“Live free or die, is it?” she said, eying the bug again.

She is mad. Why did I come here?

“
Sì
. That is correct,” he replied hesitantly.

Cimil watched the beetle disappear under a rock. She sighed with relief and then continued rolling up the other pant leg.

“You’re like a bad bumper sticker,” she said.

Bumper sticker? Why does she insist on speaking in code?
Niccolo began grinding his teeth.

She stood, grasping the waistline of the pants to hold them up. “Lucky you, I enjoy a challenge. You’d be surprised what dull, predictable things people ask me. ‘When will I die? When will the world end?’ Blah, blah, blah…”

Niccolo released a quick breath. “Will you assist me or not?”

“Sure, my little cupcake of despair. Now, normally I charge twelve ninety-nine, plus shipping and handling, but in this case I’ll cut you a deal. You will be indebted to me, and I will have the right to call in the favor at any time in the future or past.”

Past? That settles it. I have found another contender for Crazy Shrew. Very well, at least I will not have to sleep with her.
He hoped. He, too, “liked ’em warm,” and with a heart or a soul, for that matter. A little sanity might be pleasant, too.

“Agreed,” he said.

Cimil took several steps forward, closing the gap between them, and stared with her large turquoise-green eyes. “Prophecy time, mighty warrior. Kneel.”

Niccolo complied.

Baring a devilish grin, Cimil placed her soft hands on his cheeks and rubbed his unshaven jaw. “Oooh. Just like your eyes. So tough and black. The things your stubble could teach my calluses.”

Niccolo cocked one brow.

Cimil frowned. “No? Not into calluses? Fine, then.” She took a deep breath and then stared into his eyes before softly kissing his lips. She sucked in a deep breath as if absorbing his scent. “Okay. Up, up.”

That is all?

“Well?” he asked.

She turned and pushed through the thick underbrush, uncovering an overgrown path.

Niccolo trailed behind her, thoroughly perplexed. “Where the devil are you going?” he bellowed with his deep, commanding voice. “Tell me what you saw!”

“I was right about you, big guy,” she said. “You
are
a challenge, and I’m going to love watching you run this gauntlet. It’s a delightfully cruel one, at least for your shallow undead mind.”

What the bloody hell?

She continued talking without slowing her pace. “I saw all possible outcomes of your life, and there
is
a path that leads to your release from Her Majesty’s command.”

“Is
not
dying part of the equation?”

She kept up the rapid pace. “You’re dead already.”

Touché.

Cimil stopped abruptly. Niccolo plowed into her back.

“Ow!” she yelped. A small flock of blackbirds burst from the bush to her side, chirping noisily as they fled to the sky. He winced as the sunlight continued to heat his skin and weaken him.

She spun to face him. “Listen, Hellboy, we need to make this quick. I have garage sales to hit and naughty souls to claim. Decide.”

“I do not understand.” Was this goddess tormenting him for sport? Why did she call him “Hellboy”?
How very rude!

She poked at his bare chest with a razor-sharp fingernail. “You hate taking orders.”

Sì, true. After all, I am a vampire.

“And even if you decided to listen like a good little boy, the odds of pulling this off are slim to none.”

I happen to excel at all things impossible. I am a vampire!

“So don’t come crying if you end up in your queen’s dungeon.”

Vampires do not cry, silly woman.

“Tortured three times a day for all eternity, which is where you have a ninety-nine point nine-nine-nine percent chance of landing if you don’t do exactly as I say.”

Actually, those numbers are quite encouraging.
He thought his odds were somewhere between pigs flying and hell freezing over. “
Buon
. I understand. Tell me what you saw, what I must do.”

“First, you will have to find your true mate. Or, more accurately, she will find you. A human, by the way.”

“Human?”
That is disappointing. But, on the other hand, there certainly are more tedious creatures on the planet. Cimil, for example.

“Yesss.” Cimil narrowed her eyes. “And watch your tongue. I happen to be partial to humans—most, anyway. Clowns, not so much. Those evil bastards never stop smiling.”

Niccolo didn’t know what these “clowns” were, but he made a mental note to stay away if he ever encountered one. Sounded unpleasant.

“I did not say a word,” he retorted innocently.

“Good, because I’m warning you, if you’re not in this for the long haul, jump off the Cimil Soul Train now and boogie your naked body home.” Her eyes quickly shifted to a squawking toucan perched above on a branch. “Who the hell asked you? You can’t even dance. I mean,
really
.”

Niccolo scratched his chin, ignoring the bizarre behavior and the urge to wrap his hands around her neck. “My resolve will not waver.”

She stifled a laugh. “Even though your kind considers such a fate, to be with a human—your food—a curse?” She began laughing again. “This particular female will be disobedient, demanding, and a pain in your cold, old, naked ass. She’s also hotter than an apple pie fresh from the oven.”

Cimil’s description piqued his interest. “You mean to say… she is beautiful?”

Cimil smiled. “Irresistible. Sharp as a whip. Sexy. Perfect for you in every way.”

Niccolo felt his insides twist with anticipation. She would be his? All his?
Hmmm.
“Go on.”

She raised her brows. “Before you get all excited, Mr. Stud-tastic, there are rules. First, you must continue to uphold the Pact. No ifs, ands, or buts. That means you must keep that”—she pointed to his penis—“in your pants… when you find some, obviously. And those”—she pointed to his fangs—“in your mouth.”

The Pact had many parts to it, and he knew them all since he’d spent the last thousand years upholding its laws. It was central to maintaining the vampires’ existence; as long as they followed the commandments, they would be left alone by the gods to live. Rule one: Vampires could not kill innocent humans—Forbiddens—although the queen’s compliance to this law was highly questionable. In any case, even the most honorable of vampires were known to lose control in the throes of feeding or passion. Therefore, those activities with Forbiddens were strictly off-limits, too. The only exception was for those mated to a Forbidden—practically unheard of—in which case, a careful, consensual nip here or there was allowed, but nothing more.

“Done,” he said. “I will refrain from biting without her permission. Nor will I sleep with her until she has been turned.”

“Not so fast, tomcat,” she added. “No biting, even if she begs. And she
must
be turned
with
her permission on the anniversary of your third month together. That very same day. Understand?”

“Why three months?” he questioned.

“Hey buddy, my gig is prophecies and hunting for garage sales. I don’t make the signs, I just follow them.” She shrugged. “Anywhooo, the rest is up to you.” She turned and continued marching forward, quickening her pace. “So. You in?”

Niccolo looked from side to side. “In? In what?”

“Yes.
In.
Are you on board? Ready to throw down. Roll the dice. Ride that crazy cow called life and make her your bitch?”

Niccolo frowned. Her colloquialisms were simply offensive. And this coming from a ruthless vampire. “You are asking if I am committed.
Sì
?”

“
Siii
.” She rolled her eyes.

What other choice did he have? Besides, he did not believe in this ridiculous mate business. He had known tens of thousands of vampires over his existence, but only a dozen or so claimed to have found their true mate. It was extremely rare. And for those few, he saw no evidence they were anything more than contented couples who’d beaten the odds. There was no cosmic force at play.

As for his “mate” being human, he could find a way to cope temporarily. Sure, humans were only a step up from a cow or goat one would eat, or perhaps keep as a favorite farm pet; however, he wouldn’t be the first immortal to bear the shame of coupling with a human. It was manageable. Especially if she happened to be beautiful.

Whoever she was, he would woo her, set her up with only the finest of things, and after the three months were up, he’d have her begging to be turned. Once he was free from the queen, he had ample resources to provide his mate with a comfortable, separate life for eternity. Everyone would win. Everyone would be happy.

How doing all this could possibly free him from being that festering bunion of a queen’s general, he had no clue. He’d been warned that Cimil’s instructions were cruel at best, fatal at worst, and required an extreme leap of faith. But at this point, anything was worth trying. Hell, if he failed, there was always death. He hoped. The queen’s dungeons were notoriously hellish.

But he wouldn’t fail. He was the strongest warrior the vampire world had ever known. He had fought and won thousands of battles, upheld the Pact, and maintained the peace between the gods and vampires for a thousand years. This would be a stroll through the park… or jungle. Whatever.

“It’s much better than I’d hoped for,” he stated coolly.

Cimil’s eyes lit up. “All right then. Oh, and there’s one more thing…”

Cimil waved her hands and watched the vampire collapse to the ground. She poked him several times in the chest, checking to make sure he was out cold.

“
Buon
, Niccolo DiConti,” she said, perfectly imitating his deep voice. “Your mate will not be born for, oh, say, about three hundred years, and I have to entomb you in the meantime. Otherwise, you won’t live to see another full moon. Did you know your paranoid sorry excuse of a queen fears your strength and plans to kill you? Crazy shrew. I wish I could take her out myself. But nooo.” She shook her head.

The beautiful naked vampire lay completely oblivious over a bed of leaves.

Cimil sighed. “You are such a scrumptious man treat. How could anyone think of killing you? But I guarantee, after three hundred years, your queen will only be a teensy bit peeved by your absence, and she will have reconsidered her plot to murder you. You can thank me later.”

She leaned down and pressed her mouth to his full lips and then ran her finger along his chiseled jaw.

“Come, my handsome vampire. I have a few things I must do to prepare you. Then I’ll put you somewhere safe to await your bride. Oh—I know!” She clapped excitedly. “You can stay inside my piggy bank! And I’ll create a drama-tastic jungle intro to your lady! How about
Romancing the Stone
meets
Apocalypto
?”

She flung the naked giant over her shoulder and gave him a loving pat on his bottom. “Watching you two will be so much fun! I might have to charge the other gods admission to
this
show when the time comes.”

A
CCIDENTALLY
Y
OURS,
B
OOK 3

Wondering which screw in her head had come loose
this
time, twenty-four-year-old Emma Keane strapped a parachute to her back in preparation for yet another fun-filled jungle mission.

“Dammit! Stop wiggling!” she barked over her shoulder. “And that had better be your flashlight!”

Well, actually, it was a cranky, rather large warrior named Brutus strapped to her back and wearing the parachute because she had yet to find time for skydiving lessons.

Dork.

In any case, looking like a ridiculous, oversized baby kangaroo wasn’t enough to stop her from making this nocturnal leap into enemy territory—Maaskab territory. She had scores to settle.

Emma sucked in a deep breath, the roar of the plane’s large engines and Brutus’s growls making it difficult to find her center—the key to winning any battle. And not freak out.

Funny. If someone had told her a year ago that she’d end up here, an immortal demigoddess engaged to the infamous God of Death and War, she would have said, “Christ! Yep! That
toootally
sounds about right.”

Why the hell not? She’d lived the first twenty-two years of her life with Guy—a nickname she’d given her handsome god—obsessed with his seductive voice, a voice only she could hear. Turned out, after they finally met face-to-face, their connection ran blood deep. Universe deep, actually. A match made by fate.