Across the Line (In The Zone) (29 page)

Chapter Fifty-Four

Becca slept restlessly. She didn’t exactly have a nightmare, but when she woke, feelings of fear, anxiety and sadness lingered. The clock told her it was about ten p.m. and the lights on the wall behind her were on very low. The beep and hiss of the machines reminded her she was still in the hospital. She’d been there three days.

As she turned her head, she saw someone sitting in the chair.

She gasped softly when she realized it was Calder.

Wearing a rumpled tracksuit and T-shirt, he didn’t look his best. His hair was a shaggy, disheveled mess and his eyes were bloodshot. He had a cut on his cheek, another on his nose and it didn’t look like he’d shaved in a few days, yet he had never looked better to her.

All the feelings she’d been suppressing bubbled to the surface. She wanted to believe that his coming here meant something—that he wanted to reconcile and was going to beg her to move back in with him, but that would have been too pat. No. He was probably just here to make sure she was all right.

He stood with an uncertain expression on his face.

“Hey, visiting hours are over,” she croaked, then cleared her throat, coughed.

He reached for the cup of water on the rolling table and held it so she could sip out of the straw. “I got special clearance.” He held up his arm to show her a colored wristband. “How are you feeling? Erin said you were doing better.”

“I do feel better. Erin’s been a godsend. I owe her so much. So much. And she’s only one of the people on my list. I owe Savannah a ton too. Thanks to her, Cups is okay. It was a little rough that first day, but she has things running smoothly now.”

Calder gave her a reserved smile.

“And
that
never would have happened if it wasn’t for you. As if I didn’t already owe you a small fortune...”

His smile withered. “Becca...”

“I’m sorry. Pretend I didn’t say that. Pretend I said thank you instead. Thank you for saving my restaurant. Thank you for being there for me. Again.”

“I didn’t do that much. All I did was pick up the phone.”

“That’s beside the point. If you hadn’t called Savannah, Cups would be closed right now. It would have remained closed until I got better. Some of my employees probably would have quit, and my reputation would be horribly damaged because of the horror show that was going on before Savannah got there. Thanks to you, I think we’ll come through okay.”

“I’m glad.”

He sat again. The conversation lapsed.

“The Barracudas are doing well,” she said.

“Yeah. We’re running hot right now.” He didn’t look particularly happy about it.

After a pause, she asked. “How’s Hart? How’s Jeremy?”

“They’re good. Happy.” He fidgeted as if he’d drunk too much caffeine. Nurses out in the hallway talked quietly. A plane flew overhead. “Okay, well, I’m glad you’re okay. When do you think they’ll let you out of here?”

“Erin said maybe Friday. It depends. But even after I’m discharged, I’m not supposed to go back to work until the doctor says it’s okay.”

They looked at each other for a long moment. He seemed on the verge of saying something else, but eventually he moved forward, awkwardly kissed her cheek and left.

Tears threatened and as soon as his footsteps grew faint enough, she let them fall. Seeing Calder again, then watching him walk away, reminded her of everything she’d let slip through her fingers. She felt a pain in her chest that had nothing to do with her pneumonia.

She knew exactly where she’d gone wrong. By putting all her efforts into the restaurant, she’d put Calder on the back burner and let him fend for himself. After all he’d done for her, she virtually ignored him. Every time she’d said no to his suggestion to catch a movie or go out to dinner because she was too busy, she was essentially saying, “Cups is more important than you.”

She’d taken him for granted.

If she’d been smart, she’d have had a serious talk with him about how busy she would be until the restaurant got on its feet and asked him to bear with her, that there was light at the end of the tunnel. But she hadn’t. She’d made him feel as if she only valued him for his money. She didn’t blame him for breaking up with her.

As she wiped her face with the sheet, Erin, rapped lightly on the open door. “Hey, I figured you might be awake since I passed Calder on his way out. You okay?”

Becca lifted a shoulder. “I’ve been better.”

“Want to talk about it?”

Becca’s first instinct was to say no. Her problems were her own. But Erin had been such a good friend she didn’t deserve an abrupt brush-off.

Erin entered the room. “Calder looked a little bashed up. You didn’t do that to him, did you?” She had a half smile on her face as her gaze flicked to the monitors, probably out of habit.

“Fat chance. I couldn’t hurt a fly right now.”

“I’m just kidding. I saw him get into a scuffle during the game last night.”

“Me too. At least he looked better than the other guy.”

As usual, Becca had gotten a fiendish thrill from watching him play hard and give as good—or better than—he got.

“But what about Tim?” Becca asked. “Two goals, two assists. First star of the game...”

Erin’s smile got wider. “He’s leading the team in points right now. I’m so proud of him.” She patted her bulging tummy, then spoke to it. “Your daddy’s doing so well. Just wait until you see him play.”

“When are you due again?”

“April fourteenth. Just in time for the Playoffs.”

“I hope they make it to the Finals this year.”

“Me too.” Erin pulled up a chair. “So, Calder coming to see you...that’s a good sign, isn’t it? I mean—tell me if I’m out of bounds—you do love him, don’t you?”

God help her, the tears started leaking out again and Becca still didn’t try to stop them. She told herself they were full of toxins and crying was the body’s way of getting rid of them.

“I do, but...” She trailed off.

“But what?”

Sighing, Becca picked up the bed controls and raised the back. “He thinks he owns Cups.”

“Well, he sort of does,” Erin pointed out.

At that, Becca frowned. Erin was supposed to be on her side.

“No, he doesn’t. Not really. Cups is mine. He just loaned me the money.”

Erin cocked her head. “Did you get that in writing?”

“No. I—we had an agreement. It was a loan. He’ll tell you that himself.”

“Will he?”

“Absolutely he will.

“You sound very sure.”

That’s when Becca understood. She smiled in recognition of Erin’s roundabout strategy. “Okay, he doesn’t
really
think it’s his, but come on. He said something to that effect. ‘Technically, this all belongs to me.’ God, and he was so sanctimonious when he said it.’”

Erin pressed her lips together and nodded. “Yeah, there’s nothing worse than a sanctimonious man, I agree, but he’s a man. He’s going to say stupid things. That’s a given. The question is, how much stupid stuff does he say? What’s the ratio of stupid stuff to good stuff?”

Becca wanted to argue with Erin that Calder’s comment had been more than stupid. It had been hurtful, calculated and gone right to her heart like a wooden stake. But at the same time, she realized how childish this was.
He said something mean to me.
And he called me chickenshit.

Erin scooted her chair closer. “Come on. Ratio...?”

“Okay, okay. Probably ninety-five percent nice.” Once she’d said it, a lot of tension left her body. A couple more tears too.

“Then what’s the real problem, the real thing that’s keeping you apart?”

Becca’s answer came with a hitch in her voice. “It’s Cups. It’s my job. I’m—I’m married to my job and I have to work too many hours. It’s my restaurant or Calder. I can’t do both.”

“That’s a bunch of baloney. Right now you’re not working at all and your restaurant is doing fine. Judging from what Savannah says, it’s doing even better than it was in New York and she thinks you could conceivably open another location in the next year or two.”

Becca chuckled humorlessly. “No offense, but have you looked at the numbers? You can’t just look at the day’s receipts without knowing what my overhead is. There’s rent, food costs, payroll, taxes—and that doesn’t even include the money I have to pay back to Calder.”

“But it wouldn’t be a debt if he made the money a gift to you or—here’s a crazy idea—if you made him a partner.”

“No.” The word came out without Becca even thinking about it, but unbidden, Chef Lau’s words came to mind.
I’m here to meet with my partners.

“That’s it?” Erin asked. “Just ‘no’? You’re not even going to think about it?”

Becca felt restless. “I don’t know. I’ve honestly never considered a partner. It was easier getting a business loan. Cleaner.” She told Erin about her history with group projects in school. “I could never trust the other people as much as I trusted myself. They always screwed things up. And I...” She sighed. “I needed to prove to my family that I could be successful, that I didn’t need them, I didn’t need anyone.”

Erin’s face was awash with sympathy. “You’re talking about how they wouldn’t support you after you quit medical school.”

Becca nodded.

“I can’t even imagine not being able to turn to my family for support,” Erin said. “That must be horrible, but things are different now.
I’m
your family.” She laid a hand on Becca’s arm and squeezed. “Tim’s your family. Savannah and, yes, even Calder, especially Calder. Life shouldn’t be a thing you do alone. People need people. You need people.”

Becca saw such an outpouring of love and concern from Erin’s eyes that she had to glance away. She didn’t know what she had done to deserve such a good friend, but she was deeply grateful she had one. If she’d had to create a perfect sister, Erin would be it. Siblings helped each other in times of need. They didn’t call after a person lost everything and offer up pat phrases like, “Let me know if I can do anything,” when it was clear that they didn’t mean it.

“So think about taking on a partner or two,” Erin said, letting go of her arm after one last squeeze. “You know, there are partnerships that restrict people from doing anything but supplying the money. Silent partners or limited partnerships, something like that. They do it with movies, I think. Lots of people invest, but they don’t have any say in the casting or the script or anything, you know? They trust the movie-makers with the creative stuff. Calder could be a limited partner.”

“He doesn’t want to be my partner. He doesn’t want anything to do with me. He made that very clear.”

Erin looked skeptical. “Riiight. That’s why he called Savannah. That’s why he came here directly from the plane. That’s why he’s called me every hour since you checked into the hospital to see how you were doing.”

“He has?”

“It got to where I could almost time my patient rounds based on his calls,” Erin said, chuckling. “Seriously, though, that man loves you. You two could be living happily ever after, together, if you’d just get your head out of your butt.” Erin leaned forward, intent. “You said you couldn’t do the restaurant
and
Calder, and I say you can. Look, you have two choices. A, you can continue to be married to your job and stay in control, trusting only yourself, or B, you can get your head out of your butt—yes, I know I said that already, but it needed repeating—and realize that you can have it all. You can have a successful restaurant, you can maintain control and not be in massive debt, and you can have love—in my opinion, the most important thing of all. You just have to be open to it. Nothing is standing in the way of your happiness but you.”

Chapter Fifty-Five

After Erin left, Becca tried to sleep. She didn’t want to think about the crap mess her life was right now, but her mind insisted. Maybe her heart too.

For someone who had always prided herself on being independent, she was, at the moment, completely dependent on others for the roof over her head and for the continuation of her business. At one time, not too long ago, this would have made her feel like a failure. She would have done everything in her power to extricate herself from such a mortifying situation. But instead, she felt...comforted. Loved.

She had friends, true friends, who had stepped up for her time after time: when she lost everything in the fire, when she left Calder and had no place to live, and again, when she came down with pneumonia and her fledgling restaurant was about to go under from mismanagement. It felt good to not be alone.

It also felt good to know Savannah was in the driver’s seat. She was so competent and reliable. She reported to Becca three times a day without being asked to. Every morning she informed Becca of the daily specials, reported any problems or questions that had arisen, and mainly just reassured her that the café was set for the day. After the lunch rush, she called again and they talked numbers for a bit, discussed the plan for the next day’s specials and reviewed what orders needed to be made. Then at the close of the day, she made one last call to summarize and say good-night. Savannah knew how much Becca worried about everything and was doing her best to ensure that Becca had as few worries as possible.

“You can’t heal if you’re lying there tense and anxious,” Savannah had said.

She was right. The doctor had told her rest was the best medicine and Becca had done her best to do just that. But it was difficult. She’d screwed up with Calder so colossally. He had every right to be angry over how she’d transferred the money without asking first. And for him to have known about the transfer while she crowed about the expensive booths she’d splurged on...well, she could see how bad it looked, especially to a guy whose last girlfriend spent cash faster than a Kardashian. Now that some time had passed, she didn’t blame him for blowing his stack.

He deserved an apology. He deserved someone who valued everything he was and everything he did. Was she that person?

She hoped so, because she loved him desperately. It took losing him to realize just how much. Like a well-worn coat, his love had become so comfortable and familiar that she’d forgotten it was there until it was gone. The weather might be much nicer here in California, but without Calder she didn’t feel like she’d ever get warm.

* * *

She got discharged from the hospital three days later and after signing all the paperwork, she went home with Erin and Tim. Almost the entire way, Erin reiterated how much Becca still needed to recuperate.

“And remember your promise,” Erin said as Tim pulled into the garage. “No going to Cups until I say so. Savannah has everything under control.”

“I remember. Believe me, I don’t want to have a relapse. I’ve learned my lesson.”

They went into the kitchen because it was noon and Erin said she’d planned lunch.

“It smells great,” Becca said. “Did you—”

“Surprise!”

Savannah stood there beaming with a big bouquet of balloons in her hand. Erin smiled, too, her hands stuck in the pockets of her nurse tunic. There were bright streamers threaded through the pendant lights, presents on the counter and even a cake under a glass dome.

Savannah, dressed in her Cups uniform, hugged her. “Happy birthday, boss!”

“Holy crap! How did you guys know it was my birthday?” Becca hadn’t told anyone about it, mainly because she’d lost track of the date, but then when she’d realized, it wasn’t as if she could easily drop it into conversation with Savannah or Erin.

Tim put his arm around Erin’s shoulders. “My wife is a smart cookie. She noticed on your driver’s license when she checked you into the hospital.”

“And don’t worry,” Savannah said. “Cups is in good hands. Dominique is well able to handle things for a couple of hours.”

“What smells so good?” Becca asked.

“Lunch,” Savannah said, taking the lids off two pots. “Manny made you tamale soup, which I think is delicious and should be one of our specials. He got the tamales from a local woman and they’re amazing by themselves, but in the soup...? Insane. There’s also our Chicken Noodle, which as we all know is good for whatever ails you.”

“Oh my God. I want both,” Becca said. “I’ve been dying to eat anything not from the hospital cafeteria.”

After they all sat down, with two bowls each, Becca slurped up a spoonful of the Chicken Noodle first.

“Mmm. Perfect.” She smiled. “Good to know the food’s up to standard.”

“I taste everything, just like you do,” Savannah said.

“One of the many reasons why I love you.”

The other soup was amazing—large chunks of tamale, black beans, onions in a thick tomato broth, a sprinkling of Monterey Jack on top. Becca could taste the deep flavors of the base and appreciated the different textures, from the tender nuggets of tamale to the gooey cheese.

Erin moaned. “This is so good.”

Tim didn’t say anything. He just went to the silverware drawer and got a much bigger spoon, which made Erin laugh.

Becca looked at Savannah. “This is absolutely going on the menu. Providing we can price it reasonably. These are homemade tamales?”

“Yes. Friend of the family makes them. Manny said she’s willing to provide us with as many as we need.” At Becca’s arched brow, Savannah said, “Yeah, we did some reconnaissance, but I think we can settle on a reasonable price, maybe juggle the proportions if they’re too expensive.”

“I can’t wait to talk to her. Her
and
Manny. This is just excellent.”

She meant it. In the hospital, she’d had plenty of time to think, especially about how she ran her business with such a tight grip. She remembered putting off Eddie when he’d pushed to add the Greek Gyro Lettuce Cup because she hadn’t come up with the idea herself. What a stupid reason.

After lunch she opened the presents. Erin gave her a gift certificate to a day spa where she was entitled to a massage every month for the next year. Savannah, apologizing for her tight budget, gave her a framed photo of the two of them at The Rink. That had been the night she’d slept with Calder for the first time. Regret tugged on her heart at the memory.

“And this is from me. Sorry about the wrapping.” After fishing out the receipt, Tim handed her a plastic bag with the Barracuda logo on it.

Becca pulled a midnight-blue and silver Barracuda jersey out of the bag. “Oh my God!”

Tim pointed at the back of the jersey where it said Chen across the shoulders in big block letters. “All the guys signed it. Ever since you put on Mac’s gear that time, the guys have looked at you like an honorary Barracuda, so we decided to make it official with a jersey.”

“This is so thoughtful.” Smiling, she held it up to herself. “Thanks, Tim.” She hugged him. “And eight is a lucky number in Chinese culture.”

Tim turned to Erin and said, “See? I told you. Erin didn’t believe me.”

“No, I didn’t. Is eight really a lucky number?”

“Yes, it is. Very auspicious. Good job, Tim. I love it. I love all of it. This has been the best birthday ever. I mean it. Thank you, all of you.”

After they had the cake Erin had made, Becca retreated to the guest house where she discovered Tim and Erin had stocked the fridge and arranged for a flower arrangement to be delivered. Counting her blessings for the umpteenth time, she took a shower and dried her hair. After almost a week of forced vacation, it was time to get back to work. She didn’t plan to do much; after all, she’d only just gotten discharged. But she was determined to follow up on a matter of the utmost importance.

After getting Anson Lau’s business card out of her wallet, she picked up the phone.