Adam, Enough Said (This Can't be Happening) (23 page)

I couldn’t fix this
with words and I knew it.

Looking down at her -
so small and fragile as she laid on her back with her fingers laced over her stomach with one wrist wrapped with a bandage - a tear leaked from the corner of my eye. The only view I had of her face was her profile, but I could easily see it was sickly pale and her eyes were closed.

I moved to cover her hands with mine, but as soon as they made the briefest contact she dropped her hands to her side
s, and I fisted mine.

“Please look at me,” I beg
ged, my voice tortured. I had to see her eyes. I wanted to look in them and know she was still with me. I wanted to tell her how sorry I was. I wanted to tell her I would make this all better, but she never turned.

“I’m so sorry, Mia. For everything.
I don’t even know where to begin.”

“Get out,” she whispered
in a voice that was lifeless.

I flinched.

“Mia, please --”

“You got
what you wanted. There’s no more baby. Now get out,” she whispered again, and my body solidified.

What
the fuck was that supposed to mean?

“You don’t think I wanted
my baby? You think I wanted this to happen?” I asked in a voice so rough and pained I sounded like another person, but she didn’t answer, she didn’t move...

N
othing.

“I
was scared about the baby in the beginning, but I wanted a baby with you more than anything, Mia. We’ll try again…as soon as you’re ready,” I promised.

But a
gain, no movement came from her…

N
othing.

I swallowed passed the lump in my throat. I was desperate for her to talk to me.

“I was working a case tonight. I wasn’t cheating on you. I never touched her. Ever. The dancer kissed me to save my life.”

Still
… Nothing.

“Baby, please. Look at me,” I
commanded in desperation, and after a long agonizing minute, her neck turned and her vacant eyes hit mine. They were void of all emotion. No tears, no understanding, just…dead.

“Get out,” she whispered, and
I looked away as tears filled my eyes.

I shook my head
in refusal, in regret, in pain.

“No.
I love you. I’m so sorry, Mia. Please,” I cried.

“Don’t be
sorry. It’s not your fault.” Her voice was as lifeless as her eyes.

“
We need each other. I need you. We’ll get through this.”

“There is no
we
in any of this, Adam. There never was and there never will be. You checked out on me the second I got pregnant. I don’t have my baby anymore because of the choices I made, not you. I should have left you the day I told you I was pregnant. This isn’t your fault, so you might as well leave. There’s nothing you can say or do to make things right between us or make me think differently. And I don’t want to be married to you anymore. No baby, no last name, no house… no to anything that’s a part of you. I have never hated anyone so much in my life.”

I wiped the tears from my eyes and whispered, “I won’t let you go.
I messed up. I’ll give you time, but I won’t let you go.”

“Get out,” she ordered, her voice a little deeper
.

I shook my head.

“I won’t let you divorce me. You’re my
wife
and you’re staying that way.”

I wasn’t letting her go. No fuckin’ way. I messed up and I had to fix it.

I jerked when she screamed, “Get out” as she reached for the railing on her bed and punched repeatedly on the red call button.

I
reached for her hand, pulled it from the button and exploded desperately, “I fuckin’ love you! You’re my heart, Mia. I can’t lose you!”

Tears were raining down her face
… and my face… she was shaking.

A second later
, two nurses ran in, and following behind them, was Eric who ran straight to Mia.

“Ge
t him out of here! Just get out,” she shouted hysterically, and when a nurse grabbed my arm to escort me out of the room, I didn’t fight her.

I’d give Mia time, but that was all. I couldn’t lose her. I needed her. She needed me.
She was my fuckin’ world.

“I’m never letting you go,
” I roared at her from the doorway before storming off, angry at everything… at everybody… at life... at the loss of my baby… at Mia for wanting to give up… at me for making so many goddamn mistakes.

It was all my fault.

All of it.

Everything.

The Finale – One Month Later

Adam Bryant

“She won’t see you. She won’t even let me mention your name, Honey. I’m sorry,” Mom whispered softly from the phone.

I
threw back the rest of my scotch as I stared straight ahead at the black TV screen.

Mia had still been taking mom
to dialysis. It'd been one month and she still refused to see me, refused to answer my calls or return my messages.

I was
wasted most of the time anyway, so, really, there was no telling what I said on those messages because I couldn’t remember.

“
I just need to know if she’s okay. This is driving me crazy, Ma. I call every day but her voicemail is full, I call Eric and Kenny’s house just as much. I stop by after work every day. I’ve sent flowers… I have no fuckin’ idea what I’m supposed to do,” I finished in a whisper.

I heard M
om's shaky inhale. “She just needs more time, Honey. It’s only been a month.”

“I get that, Ma, but she
’s supposed to be with me. We should be going through this together. I don’t even know if she’s okay.”

I
squeezed my eyes shut.

“I just…I think she’s
hurt...and sad, Honey. I’m not sure the reality of it all has sunk in for her either, unless she’s hiding it from me because she doesn't want me to tell you. I don’t know. I’m just so sick at heart. She deserves to be happy. You both do.”

“I don’t deserve shit, Ma, and you know it. I killed my own baby,” I hissed because
she was wrong and it pissed me off when she defended me.

I was tired.

So goddamn tired.

And sad and miserable.

“Don’t say that,” she cried. “It wasn’t your fault. You went about things the wrong way, Honey, but you had the best intentions at heart. Please stop tormenting yourself.”

Right.

“Whatever, Ma, I gotta go. Please tell her I love her. Tell her she’s my world and I need her back.”

“I
will. I love you,” she cried.

“I love you too, Ma. More than anything.”

And with that, I hung up, thinking of nothing but Mia and Mom. My women. Both of whom I needed in different ways. Both of whom were the loves of my life. My world. One raised me to become a man, a father…a provider. The other was meant to be the woman at my side, my wife, the mother of my kids… the one I provided for.

I adored them both.

They each owned a piece of my soul.

Mia had taken the first half
when she left me, and I wasn’t sure she’d ever give it back... not that I wanted it. It was hers to keep.

But t
hree months later, my mom took the other half of my soul when she left me too… and without my soul, nothing really mattered.

Chapter
Seventeen

Three Months Later

Mia
Bryant

"I told you," Eric hissed at my side as he pulled out of the funeral home parking lot and turned onto the main road. "He's a piece of shit."

I stared unseeing out the passenger window
silently crying uncontrollably. I was beyond shattered, beyond destroyed, beyond broken.

I was ruined.

Adam brought the blonde to his mother's funeral. The stripper he’d cheated on me with.

It'd only been three months and he'd already moved on... well, technically he moved on the day I told him I was pregnant, but I
’d thought and hoped the stripper had been just a momentary mistake.

Obviously
, I'd been wrong. God that hurt.

After hearing about Mrs. Bryant's passing, I'd decided I was going to talk to Adam. I had to tell him that I still loved him and tha
t I wanted to come back to him.

I needed him.

I'm pathetic.

He'd been calling me and calling me and I stupidly thought
he wanted me back too. Maybe he'd been calling to ask for a divorce?

I
wouldn’t know because I'd deleted all his messages without listening to a single one.

I kn
ew I'd said I didn't want to be married to him anymore, but that had only been in the heat of the moment. I hadn't been thinking clearly, but now I was.

F
uck Adam.

One Year and Six Months Later

Adam
Bryant

“Bryant,” I grumbled into the phone without glancing at the caller id, mostly because I wouldn’t be able to see it even if I tried opening my eyes.

Hell, I was still
fucked up.

When was the last time
I was sober
?

I couldn't remember.

Oh shit. Where was I?

I felt around and when my hand hit leather, I remembered I’d fallen asleep in the chair
in the living room. Thank God. At least I was inside my house. Last time, I didn't even make it inside and I’d passed out on the front porch.

“Adam,
” I heard a soft, shy voice ask in my ear and I froze sobering instantly.

She sound
ed like an angel. My heart pumped faster making me dizzy, and I gripped my cell tight enough to pulverize it.

“Mia?”
My voice was rough from not enough sleep.

“
Yes. I’m sorry to call you on such short notice, but I wanted to see if maybe we could meet somewhere. I really need to talk to you..." she paused. “...it’s important.”

I moved to sit up
, but it was too fast and vomit inched up my throat. I swallowed hard and breathed deep to tamp down the sickness.

"Just tell me when and where." I'd be where ever she wanted me to be
, no matter how sick.

"Ummm...can we just meet at the Starbucks by your house?
In...say...an hour? This shouldn't take long," she informed me, but from the distress in her tone, I knew whatever she wanted to talk about was going to be bad.

Sure enough, exactly one hour later, as I sat across from my perfect Mia - my beautiful wife - staring at her like I had never seen her before, I knew what she wanted.

A divorce.

She met someone. Here I'd been getting trashed, drinking myself sick every fuckin' day since she left me to forget all that was screwed up in my life, and Mia had met someone else.

A
nd she wanted a fuckin' divorce?

Here I thought she might want to talk and work things out.

Her eyes wouldn't meet mine, like she knew better, which was good because if I saw her eyes, I might just strangle her.

I fuckin
’ loved her.

Bitch.

I never thought she'd be one. Ever. But here she was, looking so beautiful, wearing a white sundress, her wavy red hair down and flowing around her shoulders, and she had light makeup on. She looked good and healthy. I hadn't eaten for days.

"
I think it will be better for the both of us, Adam," Mia said as she looked down at the coffee sitting on the table in front of her. Her finger drew circles around the lid.

"You serious about this guy?" I asked
, and again she wouldn't meet my eyes.

"Yes," she
replied, but she didn't sound very confident and I didn’t know what that meant, but in that moment, I hated her.

She wanted a divorce; I'd fuckin' give her one.

"All right, Babe," I said and took pleasure in watching her flinch at the endearment she hated.

"Really?" she whispered with suspicion. "Just like that?"

My chair scrapped against the floor when I stood.

"Yeah, bitch, just like that,"
I growled.

"Adam
, wait --" she started, but I kept going, pretending she didn’t exist. I threw a twenty on the table and walked out the door.