Addicted After All (27 page)

I don’t want him to feel bad. It’s not even the source of why I’ve been dodging him. “You don’t understand,” I whisper. How can I say this? My face scrunches in a wince. And I stare at his feet, the shameful heat swirling around me. “I really am gross. I mean…I’ve been aroused so much lately that almost anything turns me on, even things that never did before.”

The silence deadens the bathroom.

“Like what things?” Ryke asks, and I can almost hear the gears clicking in his brain.

I can’t look at them.

“Us?” Ryke asks. “Or just me?”
Both.

“I’m sorry,” I say. My instincts scream
retreat, retreat, retreat!
So I dart into the stall and shut it closed, my heart thumping against my ribcage.

“Lily—”

“You don’t need to say anything.” I take this time to change into my clean clothes, unfolding the black pants and finding a pair of purple cotton panties.

I don’t think too much about the fact that Ryke picked them out from my drawer.

“So this hasn’t been about the three-way rumors then?” Ryke calls out.

“No.” I’ve already accepted those rumors for what they are. The old me that would obsess and be affected by them has been buried away. I’ve been avoiding him because of something worse.

He keeps talking to me. “Look, I know you feel badly about this, but you shouldn’t.”

I frown, not expecting this reaction. After changing, I zip up my pants and step out of the stall, bundling my dirty clothes together. I need to see his face.

The minute I do, I only see compassion.

Daisy even looks empathetic. “We could’ve toned it down. I didn’t know…”

I shake my head fiercely. “No, that was the last thing I wanted you to do. You’re a new couple. You deserve to bask in it, and I didn’t want to take that from you. Especially since Lo and I aren’t discreet.” It would’ve been hypocritical to tell them to stop when Lo and I are almost always touching. I stare between them. “Why aren’t you disgusted by me?” I feel it. It’s like every pore needs to be scrubbed clean.

“Because it’s not disgusting,” Ryke says forcefully. “It’s fucking normal. People can get off by anything, even inanimate objects.”

“But I know you…” I just don’t understand how they can look at me and not see a freak? And why is that all I see when I stare in the mirror?

“I have a confession to make,” Daisy pipes in, raising her hand as she sits on the sink. “When I was younger, I totally had a crush on Lo.”

I end up smiling, and Ryke is staring at her like
what the fuck?

“Really?” I say.

She nods. “I thought he was really hot.”

“How young?” Ryke asks.

“Twelve, thirteen, somewhere around there. He was my first crush.”

A cool breeze washes over my hot anxiety as I begin to realize that I may not be so different from everyone else. It doesn’t extinguish all the bad parts, but it makes me feel a bit better in a way.

Ryke stares at her with this hard, dark gaze. “My little brother was your first fucking crush.”

“If only you knew me back then,” she says, swinging her legs.

He shakes his head. “I’m glad I didn’t know you back then. I would’ve been twenty.” And then he glances at me. “We’re okay now?”

I let out a deep breath. “I think so.” I doubt I’ll feel
good
about being aroused by their make-out sessions, but at least I know that it’s not the biggest regression on my part. I just have to believe that it’s okay. What Lo always says. And try to squash my arousal. I’m just happy that my hormones may go back to their usual level after I give birth.

At least, I hope they do.

“Good. I fucking missed you.” He did? “Maybe you should pee your pants more often.” He almost smiles. There is the Ryke Meadows I know…and yes, I love him too.

I squint, trying to narrow my eyes. “Not funny.” And then I trash my dirty clothes and head to the door, possessing way more confidence than I had. I’m not sure where it came from. Probably both my sister and Lo’s brother. It’s strange how other people can boost you to a higher, better place than you were before.

Ryke clips his backpack to his chest again. “Alright, I’m fucking out of here.”

I don’t want to mention how he’s made a very surly first impression with the board. It’s best that he stays oblivious to it so I can beat him.

Daisy hops off the sink counter and says, “Can I ask for another favor before you leave? Don’t freak out though.”

His stares down at her, questioningly. “What is it?” I have no idea where she’s going with this.

Though she seems nervous, fiddling with her fingers. “Can you…kiss me in front of everyone on your way out?” Oh, good plan! The men will realize that she’s
clearly
with Ryke and they may stop being so handsy.

“Why?” Ryke asks tensely. He’s smart enough to guess, so the muscles in his shoulders already bind.

“I want everyone to know that we’re together,” she says with a forced smile.

Ryke sees through it. “Which one of those fucking guys is all over you?”
All of them.

“None,” she says. “A couple are just touchy-feely.”

“Oh yeah?” Ryke is boiling. “Where’d they fucking touch you?”

“You said you wouldn’t freak out,” she says.

“I never made that fucking promise,” he retorts. “There are so many reasons why I don’t want you here, and this is becoming the worst one. Not to mention you’re starting to hide your scar—”

“Just never mind,” she cuts him off. “I’m sorry I asked for your help.”

Is this the beginning of a Raisy fight? I will not let this happen. I interject, physically standing between them by the shut door. “I saw the men,” I tell Ryke, pulling his attention on me. “And they really weren’t that bad, but I do think it’d be a good idea if they were reminded that you two love each other.”

Ryke’s jaw muscles tic. “Maybe I should just stay for the rest of the lunch.”

“
No
,” Daisy says. “You have to trust me.”

After a couple seconds, he nods. “Okay.”

I exhale. Thank God.

He sets a hand on her head. “This is fucking killing me.” He hates seeing her in this world. After this afternoon, I do too. There is something about Daisy that feels too contained and unnatural in a corporate setting. It’s not the real her, not completely. She can’t stand on tables and make speeches. She can’t do cartwheels along the carpet.

She can’t scream at the top of her lungs.

Or run naked down the hall, no one restraining her as she bolts away as fast as she can.

“It’s better this way,” she breathes.

“In what world, Calloway?” he asks. “Because in mine, you’re free.”

I step forward first and clasp the knob, waiting for them. Then Daisy nods to me like,
I’m ready.
And when I open the door, we all enter the conference room.

“They’re back,” Daniel exclaims, raising his glass to me. Everyone isn’t staring at me with shame or pity. They all just smile, talk and wave me over to one of the high-tables. Acting mature about the whole ordeal. They are adults. I’m the one trying to fit in.

While I head over to Rachel and Irene, I watch Ryke and Daisy stop in the middle of the room. Their body language says that he’s telling her goodbye before he leaves. And his hand is lost in her hair, after briefly eye-fucking, he kisses her with tongue.

I look away before my body responds, and I plant my gaze on the gaggle of men by a high-table. Some shrink back, though the majority of the ten men stand tall. The moment that Ryke breaks from Daisy and begins walking to the elevator, he shoots the men one of the most territorial glowers. Now more than a couple guys step backwards.

Message received.

“I’ll give him this,” Irene says, sidling next to me as Ryke disappears into the elevator, “he knows how to make an entrance and an exit.” She sips her champagne. “Just like his father.”

I have no idea who is going to win this, I realize.

If they warm to Ryke’s personality as it is, then we’re all screwed. The future CEO of Hale Co. could be any one of us. If I learned anything today, it’s that Ryke and Daisy’s relationship will not survive if one of them takes this position.

It has to be me.

{ 25 }

LOREN HALE

“How’d it go?” Lily asks me.

She chose after we had sex and took (separate) showers to bring up my meeting with the Hale Co. board members a few hours ago.

“They’re already engraving my name on the door,” I say, flashing a dry smile while I towel-dry my hair.

Her lips downturn, not exactly excited about that possibility. “You don’t really want it, do you?” She steps into cotton shorts and pulls on a baggy t-shirt to sleep in.

“It’s my destiny,” I say dramatically, touching my chest.

“I’m serious, Lo,” she whispers, her eyes on the ground for a second.

It’s easier to joke about it. I tie my drawstring pants and remember how all the board members treated me this afternoon. I went in with the same irritated expression I always wear, and they weren’t put off by me. They listened to everything I had to say. Never dismissed my comments. Always seemed interested. It was strange. And by the end, I realized that my father must’ve told them to treat me well. Something I never thought he’d do.

It’s made me uneasy all night. I didn’t earn this respect. It was just handed to me. My dad has always taught me to work hard for what I have, and for him to just pass this over to me—it goes against too many years of screaming matches and lectures.

I tug her to my bare chest. “I’m grateful for this opportunity.” It’s as rehearsed as it sounds, but somewhere beneath fear of
this
life I was meant to live, I am grateful.

I have the girl and the kid, the money and the house. Friends and a family.

None of that has to change by taking over Hale Co.—not unless I turn into my father. Being around him always magnetizes our similarities. I have no idea if corporate life will push me towards booze, something Connor and Ryke fear. Hell, something
everyone
has most likely written in stone.

I just worry that in twenty-four years, my son will be sitting where I am, thinking about all the mistakes that
I
made. How
I
fucked up his life, the same way that I look at my father.

I only hope that I’m not walking down a path that leads there.

“You did that well?” Lily says, her brows cinching in this adorable way.

“Honestly…” I wrap my arms around her waist. “I have no fucking idea.” At first, I thought Ryke bombed the meeting since he told
two
guys to “fuck off” when they brought up Daisy. But the women warmed to him, a sign that they liked his protectiveness and took it as a positive attribute.

Even though we’re “working together” right now, I wish Ryke did worse. Then I’d have an indication who’s the frontrunner.

 “At least you didn’t pee your pants,” Lily whispers, her cheeks reddening.

My hands rise to her warm face, her embarrassment and anxiety seeping into me. Christ. “No one even mentioned it today, love.” I wish I could just remove every uncomfortable emotion from her body.

“Really?” Her lips rise. So do her shoulders.

That was easy. I smile. “Really—”

Our bedroom door flies open. No knock. “Emergency meeting,” Rose declares, wearing a black robe, her hair in a pony. She acts like we invited her for a nightcap, aimed for the velvet purple couch against the wall. “Why is it so dark in here?” She takes a seat and cringes at the dim chandelier above our bed, as though it’s not doing its job.

I ignore her last statement and check the clock. Midnight. “You’re calling a meeting during the witching hour. Trying to harness your black magic, Rose?”

She narrows her yellow-green eyes at me. “
I
didn’t call this emergency meeting.” I frown, watching her shift uncomfortably on the couch, smashing a pillow behind her back. Having a pregnant belly hasn’t made her look any less evil.

“So then who called it?”

Lily steps out of my grasp, wearing a guilty smile.

“Lil…” I draw out.
What’s going on?

“While you were at Hale Co., I was doing some research.” She shuffles over to our end table. “I have notes…”

I’m still confused.

“Connor is bringing the accused,” Rose says aloud.

And then Connor knocks on the wooden frame, standing in the doorway with his orange, slender tabby cat curled in his arms. “Has the meeting started?” he asks. Great. Everyone knows what the hell is going on but me. 

I focus on Sadie, his cat. “This is about the cat?” I question, sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Yes,” Lily says with a nod, scooting next to me with a handful of notes scribbled on various pink post-its.

Connor glances at the chandelier. “Why is it so dark in here?” And then he flicks the light switch, brightening the room so much that I squint. Jesus Christ.

“Better,” Rose tells him.

Lily watches Sadie, intensely, and she scuttles back onto the bed, picking her legs off the floor. I get her paranoia since Sadie has hissed at her multiple times.

Connor sits next to his wife, and then she stretches out, resting her legs on the couch like it’s a chaise, and he places a hand on her calves. She looks ten-thousand times more comfortable. And I’m ten-thousand times more aware that this isn’t going to be a short discussion.

Rose has her phone in hand, scrolling through her own notes. “Before we discuss Sadie, we need to talk about the cliques in this house.”

What the hell is she talking about? I tilt my head at Connor for answers.

He scratches behind Sadie’s ears, and I can’t shake how submissive a normally hostile cat is in his care. “We called both of you to see how Hale Co. went, and no one answered.”

Lily raises her hand like she’s in class. “I rarely answer my phone.”

“Yeah,” I say with a deeper frown. “We barely talk on the phone with each other.” I motion between my body and Lily who is now sitting behind me. She holds onto my waist and peeks from behind my bicep, seriously avoiding this damn cat.