Addy And The Smart Guy (Big Girl Panties #3) (2 page)

"Works for me."

Kellen came out, nearly as tall as Jayce but with blond hair instead of black, blue eyes instead of brown. Blue eyes that were a little wider than they should be. Blond hair mussed by too many times running his hand through it. He gave her a wild smile when he saw her. "Addy, thank God. Take her away. Please?"

Addy gave Kellen a hug and went into the house. Maya was on the couch with her arm thrown over her eyes, clearly having given up. "Where are the kids?" Addy asked.

Jayce, who had followed her inside, said, "At their grandparents." He made his way to the couch, sat on the edge, and then leaned down to kiss his woman. It was all so wonderful, Kellen and Zoey moving in together; Maya finding a patient and kind man who would love her on her own terms. The jealousy that Addy kept shoving to the back of her mind seemed so petty and twisted. To resent her two best friends, both of whom had overcome so many obstacles to be with these amazing men, seemed the most despicable thing in the world. Addy forced herself to focus on the part of her that was truly, sincerely happy for them.

"See, the problem is, the dimensions of the boxes make it impossible to efficiently load the beds of the pickups because there'll be an extra six inches along the edge, and that's a waste of space," Zoey rambled from where she sat at the kitchen table with paper and rulers and pencils neatly lined up in front of her. "Kellen!" she shrieked.

"Right here," Kellen said, from where he stood behind Addy. "No need to yell."

Zoey looked up, her expression harried and a little bit frightening. "Sorry, baby. Listen, I think I just need different boxes, because these won't work. We might have to get a U-haul and then get U-haul boxes because they're designed to fit all the way across and all the way to the top with no extra space, and—"

"Hey, I've got an idea," Addy said. "Let's go over to Jayce's bar, get a drink, calm down, and discuss our options. Sound good?"

"What?" Zoey asked, as though Addy had spoken in an alien language.

"That's a great idea!" Maya said, after extricating herself from Jayce's arms.
 

Addy couldn't help noticing how Jayce gazed at Maya. His expression remained blank, but just the fact that his eyes never left her spoke to how deeply he cared for her. Addy often wondered how difficult it was for him to move at Maya's pace; newly divorced and struggling to find her own way in the world, Maya wasn't anywhere close to making a formal commitment.
 

"I can't get a drink!" Zoey said in a crazy voice. "We have work to do. My God, it's four-oh-six…we're already six minutes past schedule." She turned to Addy. "Were you late? Did you arrive late when I specifically asked you to be here by four?"

Addy shot a look over her shoulder at poor Kellen. "I'm taking her to a doctor when this is over," he said. "She needs medication."

Zoey was breathing hard and almost in tears. Addy jerked her head toward Maya, and the two of them approached their friend. "Come on," Addy said, taking Zoey by the arm. "This is no longer your job."

"No, I have to figure this out," Zoey said, even as she allowed herself to be pulled to her feet and led toward the door. "I have to do it just right or it will be wrong, and we won't be able to do this all in one trip, and things could get broken and…" She continued rambling as Addy tucked her into the passenger seat of her car. Maya climbed in back, and they drove over to Jayce's bar.
 

By the time they arrived, Zoey had quit talking and was quietly crying, dabbing at her eyes with a tissue and letting out the occasional sniffle.

Maya and Addy guided Zoey under the green awning and into the bar. The jukebox played at a low volume, and, since there were hardly any customers, the atmosphere was peaceful and perfect. They took seats at a table near a window. The clop of heels on bare boards announced the arrival of a waitress who took their order with a perky smile. "Hey, Maya," the waitress greeted.

"Hi, Tasha." Maya worked for Jayce part-time, so she knew all the other employees as friends. "Can you bring us wine? Something sweet and red?"

"Sure thing."

Zoey was already calming. Addy stroked the back of her red head. "This got pretty out of hand, sweetie," Addy said.

Zoey just nodded. The wine arrived, and Zoey downed hers in one gulp. "I don't know what happened."

"Are you nervous about moving in with Kellen?" Maya asked.

Addy nodded. It was a good insight.

Zoey sighed. "I'm having another attack of he's-too-good-for-me syndrome. I don't know if I'll ever stop worrying about losing him. He's been so faithful and good to me, but I just don't understand why."

Addy struggled with these sorts of internal conflicts. She'd been raised in a fairly stable environment, unlike her two friends, and had a good sense of self-worth. "He's faithful and good to you because he loves you, he's a good man, and you're a deserving woman. That's all there is to it."

"Saying it's one thing. Believing it's another. I mean, I'm not so insecure that I'm pushing him away like I did in the beginning. But it's just this constant thing, nagging at me all the time. Except when he kisses me. When he kisses me, everything else goes away." Zoey leaned on her fist and sighed, dreamy-eyed.
 

It was a behavior that never ceased to amaze Addy. Zoey had never been a sappy romantic until Kellen had managed to win her heart. Now she was downright—girly.

"Jayce's kisses are the same way," Maya said. "I get so stressed sometimes, and Jayce will just sort of be in the background, helping me out, making sure everything is in order. And then the minute I'm free, he kisses me, and it's like this moment of pure…I don't know…perfection. Everything makes sense. I love it. I love him so much."

Addy smiled. It was an easy smile, because she truly was happy for her friends. But the loneliness and envy hovered nearby, tainting this sweet moment with a twinge of bitterness.

"It's all so perfect," Zoey said. "Or it will be when Addy gets her man."

"How is Dr. McDaniel, by the way?" Maya asked coyly.

Addy rolled her eyes. "Would you two get off of that? I'm not in love with Dr. McDaniel. I'm his teaching assistant, he's my advisor for my thesis, and besides, he's got a girlfriend."

"So many unethical possibilities," Zoey said, with a malicious laugh. At least her mind was off the packing.

"Come on," Maya said, reaching across the table and taking Addy's hand in hers. "You can't tell us you haven't at least fantasized about doing unethical things with the professor?"

Addy wished she could keep from blushing. "Dr. McDaniel cares way too much for his reputation to behave unethically toward me."

"Not what I asked," Maya said.

"That's right," said Zoey. "All we want is for you to confess, once and for all, that you have feelings for him. And then tell us exactly what those feelings are."

"God, you two are relentless." Addy drank the last of her wine and looked around for the server, who was already heading their way with the bottle. Once the glasses were refilled, Addy sighed heavily. "Of course I've had feelings for him. But more importantly, I believe I've become a friend to him, and I know he's become a friend to me, so I'm sure we're both beyond any romantic feelings at this point."

Zoey and Maya fell back in their chairs. "Bullshit," Zoey said.

"I can't believe you won't just be honest with us!" Maya reprimanded, truly indignant. "Our lives are open books to you, why won't you just tell us the truth?"

Addy clamped her teeth together, shocked to be forced to this point. Usually when they started hitting her up for information about Grey—Dr. McDaniel—Addy was able to shut them down before the conversation got too close. But Maya had just cut to the heart of the matter. Addy swallowed down a lump of unwanted emotion. "I don't tell you the truth because it's not comfortable for me," she said.

Zoey and Maya watched her in silence.

Addy drew herself up and sipped her wine. "I can't have him, so there's no sense hoping for it. Dwelling on my feelings only ends in pain."

"You won't be his student forever," Zoey said.

"Even when I'm not, Grey is not the kind of man to settle down. That's the main problem. I…as independent and career-minded as I am at the moment…eventually want to get married and have children. Grey and I have never talked specifically about these things, but he's made several comments that indicate he has no intentions of ever marrying or having children."

"That doesn't mean anything," Maya said. "He could easily change his mind."

"Not easily," Addy said. "Not Grey."

"Can I ask you something?" This, from Zoey, who'd suddenly gotten a furrow in her brow.

"Sure. Why the hell not?" Addy answered as she sipped some wine.

"When you graduated, you said you were going to get your degree and then travel. I remember some time in college you talked about joining the Peace Corps."

"That was because of Grey," Addy said. "He always gives the most inspirational lectures. My junior year I took his International Intervention class and the first week he talked to us about the Peace Corps. I swore to myself I'd go, it sounded so perfect for what I wanted to do. I wanted to be a part of something that made a difference. I wanted to give back."

"So Grey inspired you to go. And then he inspired you to stay?"

Addy looked away. This was her deep shame. "Well, I wanted my Master's degree," she said, which was true. She wanted a doctorate as well. She wanted a great many things.

"Be honest," Zoey said, "would you have gone if you hadn't fallen in love with him?"

Addy finished off her wine. "Know what? I think I'm done talking about this. Let's talk about Maya. When are you going to ask poor Jayce to move in with you?"

They both glared at her for a moment, then rolled their eyes. Maya said, "Fine. It's better than we've got so far. As for Jayce, I'll ask him when I'm ready. I just need to take things slowly. And we're trying to get the kids adjusted to having him around. He's trying to make a place for himself in their lives and he's doing such a good job."

"Well, I'm glad he'll go slow for you. But you're aware how hard it is for him, aren't you?"

"I'm aware," Maya said. "He hides it well most of the time, but sometimes I catch him out of the corner of my eye, staring at me a little too long, or looking a little too sad. He's afraid I'll change my mind. But I never will. He's the best man I've ever known."

"Do me a favor?"

"Sure," Maya said.

"Remind him. Frequently. He deserves that much."

At first, Maya appeared annoyed, but her expression softened. "I will. He's so tough on the outside, sometimes I forget to take care of his soft, squishy center."

Addy laughed. Maya had been the only person in their group oblivious to Jayce's gentler feelings. For the longest time, Addy had imagined marrying him herself. He wasn't really her type, but he was a good friend. They'd already promised to be each other's backup plans. Which sucked, because now she didn't have a backup plan.
 

"Is Grey the best man you've ever known?" Maya asked.

Addy dropped her head to the side and arched a brow. "Will you please drop this?"

"Is he?" Maya asked, grinning and all but giggling like a little girl.

"No," Addy answered, surprising herself with how quickly the word came out. "You two got the prizes. If Grey was so wonderful, he would let me go."

Her friends' smiles vanished. Addy realized she'd said something out loud that she'd never even voiced in her own thoughts. She also realized that her friends wouldn't let her get away with it. With a deep, painful breath, Addy shook her head. "Please don't make me talk anymore."

She felt Zoey's arm around her shoulder and Maya's hand on hers. Thankfully, they let the subject rest for the time being. But Addy couldn't help but remember all the ways that Grey had subtly kept her on a leash, over the years.

CHAPTER THREE

Spring break arrived, a week after helping Zoey move—or rather keeping Zoey occupied while Kellen and Jayce helped her move. Now Addy found herself with a weekend free of plans.
 

Spring break had meant little to Addy when she was an undergraduate and even less now as she worked through her Master's degree. She would still have work to do, mid-terms and essays to grade. Her parents wanted her to come spend some time with them. Even though St. Louis was less than an hour away, she still lived in the city and went home on weekends rarely.

It was hard to avoid the bigger breaks, though. Addy hated to hurt her parents' feelings, but she was just happier in her little one-bedroom apartment in the city where there were no rules or expectations but her own. Still, it would be nice to hang out with Zoey and Maya for a while. If she could separate them from their boyfriends.

Addy sat at her small desk in Dr. McDaniel's office organizing her files. She taught Political Science 101 for Grey—Dr. McDaniel. After talking about him to her friends, she'd gotten in the habit of thinking of him as Grey. She mentally berated herself and determined to get back in the habit of calling him Dr. McDaniel. She was prioritizing her work on her laptop so she could take it home with her when he walked in.

Addy glanced back and smiled. Though she tried not to be in the office with him when he was there, sometimes their schedules overlapped. He looked fantastic as always.
 

A raggedy professor, he kept his hair a little too long and his clothes a little outdated. His glasses came off sophisticated, rather than nerdy, but the way he shoved them up the bridge of his nose frequently softened his image. His face, though, was achingly beautiful. A strong nose and jaw, sharp angles and the perfect amount of stubble. A slim, fit body which she'd had the occasional privilege of seeing in gym clothes. When he went to the gym, he pulled his hair up in a stubby ponytail that was somehow adorable and sexy at the same time.

Addy just couldn't stand to look at him. It hurt too much.

"Good afternoon, Ms. Hart," he said.

"Good afternoon, Dr. McDaniel." She'd already turned back to her computer screen.