Advancing ((Advance Industries #2)) (16 page)

“How very predictable of him,” she says. “Nevertheless, they were earned. Keep them. My gift to you,” she tells me.

“I want a gift from you as much as he does.”

“Do not be stubborn. You need them. Shall I tell you why I offer these to you?”

“It doesn’t matter, we don’t accept.”

“You both showed true strength in that room. Clearly you are in love…” She says the word with disdain like it’s dirty, “…But you both put yourselves through that to save the other. If you were weaker you would have attacked me. If he were weaker he would have just refused, but your overall need to see the other safe overrode those feelings. It truly was a pleasure to experience. Not many people impress me and I can understand your reticence to accept my help, if I were you I’d feel the same. But make no mistake, this place is all about testing people, finding the flaws, the weaknesses and getting rid of them. There is a method in my madness. It may seem cruel but the city is cruel and I can’t fight against them with chinks in the armour.”

“Fine, I’ll take them as I have my own battle with the city to win. I still need that information though and I still have some for you, so can we cut the crap about good causes and the justifications of actions and just help each other?”

“We can. You first.”

“Johnson Franks is dead; he was killed a week ago. The city has not been told but an election will be held soon and his successor will be Fraser Laudnam, if I don’t stop it first. They have taken every able bodied man, including the homeless, armed them with guns and are training them each day. They know they’re vulnerable with no leader right now and are doing what they can to increase numbers. If you want your shot at them, do it now because in a week’s time a new President might be in power.”

“And you know this how?”

“It’s too long winded to go into, just know that our goal is the same as yours. We want them stopped by any means. Your turn.”

“You’ve given me a lot to think about, thank you for your candour. The girls you are looking for according to the rumours my scouts heard are still in the city. They have moved to a new lab location. It is true they no longer have chips but this new lab is underground and not in the complex site. That is all I know.”

“Thank you.” It’s not much but it’s a hell of a lot better than I did have which was nothing.

I’m beyond pissed that she’s taken off to see Charlotte. That woman is vindictive, a master manipulator and a walking contradiction rolled into one. You never know where you are with her, she likes it that way, keeping you on your toes, always second guessing her reactions. Faith can be a hot head and after watching me with my mouth on Charlotte’s she’s likely to do something stupid. The last thing I need is her causing a scene. Speaking of which, I still need to disinfectant myself. Her saliva is probably coated with deception too and I want that shit out of my body. It’s a shame I can’t scrub my mind clean too. Faith hasn’t said much about the pregnancy, not shown any happiness or trepidation but then we haven’t had time alone. Trusting that Cal will look out for her I wander to the market in the hope of finding shelter for tonight, a tent and sleeping bag for two so I can wrap my girl in my arms and talk about us, our future. We have so much to hash out. Her days of sleeping rough are over. She needs comfort, she’s growing a piece of us. What kind of man would I be if I let her sleep in the conditions I’m used to? We have a lot to talk about and some separation from the team will do us good. We need to reconnect and I have some major grovelling to do. I have no idea how I’m meant to purchase these items, though, my Comm is pretty much useless in this time, only good for travelling. I want to do something for my girl, treat her, spoil her. Celebrate the fact I have her back and she and the baby are safe. The vendors are only able to ply their wares with Charlottes permission and she obviously takes a cut. I stroll up to one after spotting something I can’t resist and tell the seller, “It’s on Charlotte.” She doesn’t bat an eye and hands over my purchase with no hesitation. I wonder how many sellers I can pull this on? The team are mulling around as well, testing their charms and trying their luck to get things for free.

After getting everything I’m going to get, some being put in my backpack, others being hand held I make my way to the gates to wait, firstly for the guys but also for Faith. I’m trying not to imagine what’s going down in Charlotte’s home, I could do with Cal and his distractions really. It’s virtually impossible to think or dwell when he’s near.

Trask is the first to make it over to me and we stand together awkwardly. We haven’t been alone and even though I vowed to let it go it’s hard. I’m glad he was there for her when I wasn’t, when I was being a dick. I’m pleased she had someone fighting her corner, taking care of her but at the same time he’s admitted he adores her. He’s said he wouldn’t make a move but how am I supposed to act around the guy knowing he’s fallen for her too? I could lord it up, rub it in and make him uneasy around us. I could bask in the fact that she’s chosen me, fuck knows why but she has choices and she’s chosen me. I could be the bigger person and overlook it all but I know when it comes to her I’m pretty juvenile, petty and riddled with jealousy. So how to fix this? How to move forward?

“Do you love her?” I blurt out, surprising him and myself.

We’re not looking at each other, our backs are against the gates and we’re staring into the market. I sense him tense and then he sighs. “I don’t want to. I never planned on it and I hate that I do.”

“Does she know?”

“Probably.” He turns to me. “You have my word Kye I’m not going to pursue her, this is just as awkward for me. You’re my leader, my mate. I never wanted this, I never chose it. It just happened. Maybe it’s a crush? I don’t know but you need me to be honest. I wouldn’t cross that line, she loves you, you don’t need to feel insecure or threatened. I just... I want her to be happy and she is... with you.”

“She confides in you?”

“Yeah, as much as she tells anyone what goes on in that head of hers. I don’t get special treatment Kye. I don’t know her any better than you. I just... I’ve been in that dark place, I could relate. I couldn’t watch her keep spiralling and being alone.”

“I’m... glad she had you. Much as it pains me to say. I was spiralling too and I hate myself for cutting her off. I cringe at the thought of her in so much pain and I left her to it.”

“Kye, she’s not stupid. She knows you were hurting too, she blamed herself but she’s forgiven you. You need to forgive yourself... And I’m asking you to forgive me?”

“Done.” I turn to face him. “But I’m warning you don’t give me any reason to regret it. She needs you to be her friend so be it. But knock off any other thoughts, don’t overstep the mark and keep your hands to yourself. I can’t promise to be happy when you’re together but I have to trust you both and I will, I’ll get there. Don’t make it hard for me though.”

I see the other guys making their way over and tell Trask. “Lock it up now. This heart to heart never happened.”

“Kye...”

“We’re good okay. Or at least we’ll get there. Just leave it for now.”

He looks crestfallen. We’ve been mates for longer than we’ve been teammates, I never thought a woman would come between us and I’m determined not to let it happen. If I’m being honest he’s probably more deserving of her love than me and that’s what kills, if she ever realises that I’ll crumble. I can’t blame him for falling for her, not really but I’m damn sure not gonna accept it. And I’m definitely not the kind of guy who’d step aside graciously if it meant she’d be happier. Fuck no.

This waiting is agonising, having no working Comm to check in with them is frustrating the shit out of me. What’s taking so long? Just as I resolve to go and get her myself, they round the corner. Faith is laughing at something Cal is saying and my heart picks up a beat. She’s happy? I can’t remember the last time I saw her genuinely laugh, not the hysterical laughter she displayed in the tunnel room but honest to God pleasure. She ruffles his hair affectionately and he bats her hand away causing her to laugh harder. I melt. Thoughts of her with our child start tumbling in my mind and when she reaches me she looks puzzled at the grin on my face. I tangle my hand in her hair and pull her closer for a quick kiss. I know I’m pushing my luck but her lips are calling me. Everything else has disappeared, the market, the team. It’s just us, just her, and I lose myself as she holds me in her gaze. There’s no sound, just feeling, the feel of her face in my palm, our entwined fingers sending sparks of desire up my arm. I groan as she breaks the connection quicker than I would have liked, the lack of contact almost painful. We just never seem to get enough time together. She strokes my stubbled jaw and I close my eyes as I lean into her hand. I have her back. I’m not losing her again. I need to get her alone!

“I forgot how sickening you two are!” Cal protests bringing me back to the present.

We’ve been walking for a while. Kye has insisted on way too many breaks, stopping to make sure I’m okay and can keep up. Asking if my feet are sore, making me drink too much water. It’s actually annoying, he’s treating me as though I’m fragile, he’s going overboard and I know it’s because of guilt but also because he thinks I’m pregnant. If he’s going to be this overbearing this early on I don’t know how I’ll cope for months.

I’m not even sure I believe him. I know he believes but I won’t until a doctor tells me the news or produces some physical evidence. I don’t want to burst his bubble though and I definitely don’t want to get my hopes up, not after last time. It would be just my luck to start believing, hoping and getting carried away in the dream all for it to come crashing down as things always do in my life. So I’ll accept it, I’ll talk to him about it but I won’t let excitement creep in. I won’t let belief trick me into a false sense of comfort again.

Kye stops us and decides to set up camp just over in the tree line for added safety. He wanders off with his new purchase and starts erecting the tent. The others start making themselves at home too and I just stand here watching, feeling a little lost and disconnected.

“Hey, are you okay?”

I turn and see Trask observing me so I smile at him and nod. He takes my arm and walks me over to where someone has started a fire going and we sit cross-legged before it. We sit in silence, a comfortable silence as it always is with Trask. He never pushes for me to talk, he just patiently waits until I’m ready and if I’m not he keeps me company anyway. I look back over my shoulder and see Kye still putting the tent up, he’s trying not to look our way but can’t help himself.

“What happened with you two?” I ask Trask.

“He’s pissed with me and for good reason but we have an understanding so don’t worry.”

“Evasive much?”

“Right back atcha. What’s wrong?”

“Trask I... I, he says I’m pregnant and he’s so happy. I’m scared.”

“It won’t happen again, Faith.”

“Not just that but... I don’t know. I feel like I can’t accept it, can’t believe because if it is true it’ll be ripped away. I’d accepted that it wasn’t for me, that it wasn’t going to happen and now I’m back to square one.”

“It’s normal to be scared, girl. But you have us, we won’t let anything happen to you.”

“It’s not me I’m worried about. I might fall apart but I’m used to it, I’m used to picking myself up and moving forward. It’s him... If this is wrong or if something happens I can’t watch him destruct again. I can’t let him back in completely because I can’t risk him throwing me away if I mess up. I can’t go through that pain again. I can take a lot Trask but I can’t do that again. I won’t do that again.”

He sighs loudly and goes to put his arm around my shoulders but he stops himself and clears his throat. “You should be telling him this Faith. He needs to know how you feel, where your heads at. I can’t offer you the reassurances you need because they’re his to give. He needs to help you through this and he can’t if you close off parts of yourself. You want my advice? Tell him.” He stands up and walks off and I stare after him. He’s off, back to being gruff, holding me at arm’s length. What the hell happened when I left?

Kye is staring at me, something unreadable passes his features, he beckons me over to him.

He takes my hands in his and stares deeply at me but doesn’t say a word, he flips the opening of the tent back and leads me inside. I smile at the single pillow and sleeping bag laid out before me. This is as luxurious as it gets out in the field and he took the time to consider that for me. I’d sleep anywhere with him next to me and I have done but I get he’s trying his best to make me as comfortable as possible. Beds are nice but without him to snuggle up against, what good are they? I’d prefer to forego comfort and loneliness for safety and being nestled against him. We kneel down on it as there isn’t much head room and I turn to show him my appreciation. My lips press against his warm mouth and longing claims me, I slip my hand inside his jumpsuit and am blocked from touching his skin by a t-shirt. Without breaking away from his lips I pop the poppers on his suit and slide the top off his arms. He pulls back to throw his t-shirt over his head and then his mouth claims mine again in a cinching kiss. I run my hands down the hard planes of his stomach, slowly reaching lower, lower...

He stops me, stilling my hand and pulls away. His face is contorted and I feel rejected.

“Baby don’t look like that. I want this more than you know but not here, not like this.” He tilts my chin so I can’t escape looking at him. “I want to take my time with you. I want to hear you without holding back. I want to worship you, baby. I can’t do that in a fucking tent in a field with seven other guys just feet away.”

He presses against me and whispers in my ear, “Please stop looking like that Sweetheart or I won’t be able to control myself. Can’t you feel how much I want you?” He presses against me again and hell yeah I can feel his want pressing against my thigh. “I want you to myself Faith. I want to treat you right.”

His words have the opposite effect and I want him all the more. They’ve made me bold and I reach down to stroke him through what remains of his jumpsuit, he groans and I don’t know whether it’s from pleasure or pain. He’s asserting some serious willpower and in a roundabout way trying to be chivalrous. I don’t want to talk even though I know it has to happen at some point. I just want to lose myself in him. The fact he’s saying it can’t happen only makes me determined to provoke him into giving in. I want to test his restraint, I want to watch it snap and I need the consequences of doing so. I need to rid us both of the images Charlotte left us with and replace them with my lips on him.

I push him back gently until he’s lying flat and pull the jumpsuit down past his thighs, he’s commando underneath and his shoes are already discarded. He rests on his elbows and stares at me with smouldering eyes. “Sweetheart!” He warns.

I smile at him and tell him to shut up before taking him in my mouth. A strangled gargle escapes his lips and I look up to see his eyes closed tightly. He’s waging a war with himself between wanting my mouth on him and stopping this.

I swirl my tongue around the head, dipping my tongue into the slit at the top and he arches his body. I slide my mouth down him, again and again, feeling him grow. I run the flat of my tongue underneath him and when I know he’s close I stop and lick my way back up and start all over again, taking him in further each time and cupping his balls as I do. I feel powerful knowing I’m the cause of his pleasure, I start lapping at him like I’m hungry. I’m relentless in my torture and turned on by the growls and low groans coming from him. I moan against him and he starts thrusting into my mouth, holding onto my head, his fingers wrapped tightly in my hair so he’s back in control. He lets out a strangled, “Fuuuck baby!” as he spurts into my mouth, warm, salty cum, it’s a taste I’ll never enjoy so I swallow it quickly, imagining it’s something tasty.

He hauls me up as though I weigh nothing and flips me until I’m resting at his side, he kicks off the rest of his jumpsuit and I stare at his glorious nakedness, he straddles me before gathering my wrists in his hand and raising them above my head. I watch as his tanned muscles flex and I want to run my tongue over every inch of him.

“Is this what you wanted, baby?” He asks huskily as he pulls up my top and with his free hand reaches around me to unclasp my bra. I’m trussed up and wriggle beneath him, he holds me firmly with his thighs and starts kneading my breast, “You asked for it, Sweetheart.” His mouth closes around a nipple and he teases me the same way I did him, swirling relentlessly, grazing my nipple with his teeth, he starts nipping and biting his way down my body until he’s at the apex of my thighs and my body is a juddering mess of nerves. He releases my hands and sits back on his feet as he throws my trainers off and rips my jeans down my legs. He stares at my lace underwear before raising his brows suggestively and lifting me slightly to remove my top and bra as well. He lays me back and murmurs, “I love you naked!” He starts rubbing my swollen spot. “When this is all over, I’m gonna keep you naked, at my mercy. All day. Every day!”

I buck against him needing him inside but he denies me. “Patience, Sweetheart.”

He grins devilishly knowing he has me right where he wants me, paying me back for forcing his hand. He’s going to drag this out until I’m a wobbly mess. I’m about to receive a Kye molesting. He rises up to kiss me. Hot. Heavy and while he’s lavishing my mouth with attention, his fingers do the same to my sweet spot, circling repeatedly. “Kye!” I gasp against his mouth as his fingers pick up the pace. His cock is sliding up and down rubbing against my opening, his kiss is relentless, searing. I’m burning up and can feel beads of sweat on my head. I rake my nails down his back, searching for something to grab hold of while he tortures my body with too much sensation. He slams into me and I sigh gratefully. He moves slowly at first, teasing. His thrusting picks up momentum and I’m carried away, practically floating with the rhythm, my eyes close as I try to control the build-up fluttering away in my stomach.

He whispers in my ear as he nips my earlobe, “Be quiet baby.”

I shake my head, there’s no way I’m going to be able to stay quiet, no way at all. He pounds into me and I start to tense right from my fingers down to my toes. “Look at me Faith,” he says.

I open my eyes and staring into his is my undoing. How can he have such beautiful eyes? They’re lust filled, dark, intense, hungry. He’s so frigging sexy. They’re focused completely on me almost as if he can devour me with his eyes alone and I let go, my toes curling. His mouth covers mine swallowing some of my incomprehensible cries. I’m pretty loud but jeez how can I not be? I shudder against him, the force of my orgasm vibrating through me and a few more thrusts later he comes apart too holding our eye contact. He collapses against me before propping himself back and staring at me with a host of unsaid emotions.

“You’re amazing baby. Beautiful. Perfect. I’m so fucking lucky that you’re mine.”

“I love you, Kye. I’m the lucky one babe.” It’s all I can muster, I’m worn out, ready to sleep but I have to tell him. He’s turned as needy as me. That was… Just wow!

“Shit!” I blurt out. “We didn’t use anything!”

He frowns at me. “We didn’t need to, babe, did we?”

Ahh right, I’m already pregnant supposedly. I bite my lip feeling foolish for breaking the moment we were sharing.

He moves off me and lies on his side staring at me. “We need to talk about this baby.”

“Kye... I can’t, not right now. Can’t we just be together? We’ve plenty of time for talking.”

“You can’t ignore this, Faith, I won’t let you. I’m done with shutting each other out. You need to tell me how you feel baby. I can’t help you through this otherwise.”

“What do you want me to say, Kye?” I snap. “That I don’t believe it. That if it is true I can’t be happy about it. That I’m worried I’ll fuck up and lose you again? Happy? Is that what you wanted? No, of course, it isn’t. You expect me to be as happy as you. Well, I’m not and I won’t be.”

He looks like I just slapped him and I regret my outburst. I turn away from him, sliding into the sleeping bag and lie on my side. He slips in behind me a moment later, wrapping his arms around me and resting his chin on my shoulder.

“It’ll be okay baby. I promise you.”

A tear rolls down my cheek and I’m glad he can’t see my face. “You can’t promise that though Kye. You have no control over this, same as me.”

“Are you scared or do you just not want a baby?”

“Kye... Please. Just drop it. I’m tired,” I beg, hating the pathetic tone of my voice.

There’s always something. From sexual bliss to bumps in the road again. Will we ever have a full day of no drama? I’m not asking much but just as we start making headway something comes along to spoil it. I love this man so much, he literally consumes my thoughts when we’re apart but when we’re together there are moments of passion, moments of all-consuming need and then the inevitable fall down the rabbit hole. I can’t be without him but why is it so difficult to be with him?

Where did I learn to keep putting my foot in it? I can’t let this go, though. I can’t let her keep internalising, she needs to remember we’re a team, a unit and I don’t mean the guys, I mean the two of us. She can’t ignore this, can’t block it out and she can’t deny it. If she’s scared, fine. But if she doesn’t want a baby? I don’t know how to solve that. I won’t dampen my excitement because she’s apprehensive. I can’t wait to be a dad. I never realised how much I wanted that until it was taken away. When it was gifted back to us I vowed I’d be deserving but how do I deal with the mother not wanting to be one? I can’t force her to be happy about it.

I lie back when I hear her heavy breathing and I stare up at the tent. She was so lost after what happened in my time, is that it? What did she tell me when she was in the tube? I think back. “...
Because I had a dream, we were happy and excited. I knew you wouldn’t let me fail, you’d teach me how to be a great mum. We were going to be a family. That’s when I woke and realised. I’m bad Kye, good things will never happen for us because I’m bad and bad people don’t deserve happiness.”

And I get it. Last time she struggled with finding out, doubted her ability to be a mum, when she finally accepted she could do it and got excited, maybe even planned for the future, she woke up covered in blood and devastated because she knew she’d lost it, she’d failed. She thinks that if she lets herself feel this time and rejoices, then it will be taken away again because she’s bad and she doesn’t deserve something good to happen, she thinks she doesn’t deserve to be happy. She believes with the good comes loss, that good and bad come hand in hand. And recently it has but the universe doesn’t have it in for her, she’s not being punished because she’s a bad person. Shit happens, she’s not to blame. She’s the best person I know but Advance Industries taught her otherwise and that one nugget of information has held on in her head, it’s burrowed deep and she believes it wholly.