After Earth (2 page)

//////// ENTRY 3

I
feel like all I've done today is wait. I dressed carefully in my full Ranger Academy formal attire so my dad would be impressed. Mom made his favorite meal and set the table for three. But then we sat silent, staring out at our sparkling view of the city, with a nearby planet and two suns looming in the sky. He wasn't back, and I wondered if something had pulled him away. Mom would never say it, but I thought sometimes he made up reasons to stay away at the last minute, because when the time came, he couldn't actually stand to be here with us. Or
me
. I know he will never forgive me for what happened to Senshi. I can only try to win back his trust. A losing battle, probably.

The wind shifted outside, making the smart fabric sails outside our building billow, and Mom broke our silence to point it out. Of course she would notice it—wind energy is her field.

 

 

Then we heard a sound on the landing outside, and I leapt to attention. It had to be my dad, and I had to make a good first impression. Mom got to her feet too. “How are my lines?” I asked her.

She smiled at me, the way no one but my mom can, and said, “Your lines are perfect.” Teasing me, she asked if her lines were okay too.

I shook my head, in no mood for jokes. But she just gave me that smile again before heading to the door.

She opened it to reveal my dad in full dress uniform, kit bag in hand, his dark eyes staring intensely at us. He looked older than the last time I'd seen him, but stronger than ever.

I felt some tension running between my parents at being together again. It can't be easy to be apart for so long. But I was more worried about the moment when the Commander General turned his attention to me. “You've grown,” he said. Guess I should be glad he opened with a compliment. But it seemed so generic that it stung.

Standing at attention, I said, “Sir, Cadet Raige reports.” He nodded, then walked slowly around me, giving me the full military inspection. I guess I had asked for that.

Stopping in front of me, he said, “Your collar's ragged. You have a crease on your right pant leg, but not your left. Fold crease. Your jacket is improperly fastened. Before you present yourself for inspection, Cadet, square yourself in the mirror. Is that understood?”

“Yes, sir.” I couldn't meet his eyes. I committed every word to memory so I wouldn't make the same mistakes again. All I wanted was to impress him, and I had failed.

I caught my mom giving him a look, and he added, “But this isn't an inspection.” I thought that might be the cue for a hug, so I moved closer to him. But all I got was an awkward pat on the back.

We sat down to dinner, eating in silence until he asked about my test. The question I least wanted to answer. I told him I wasn't advanced to Ranger. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to say.

He corrected me immediately. For not making eye contact. For leaving off the “sir” when I replied. I keep forgetting he's much more the Commander General than he is my dad. He wasn't like this with Senshi. I remember how they joked and laughed. He was proud to be her father. That was always clear.

Finally he said, “That's all right. You're young.”

Not what I wanted to hear. I'm tired of people acting like my age is a disability. I'm still one of the best Cadets out there. The Rangers need me.

“I ran the canyon eleven seconds faster than you did,” I told him. Then I felt silly. Of course that wasn't the sort of thing that really mattered, to him or to Velan.

“Well, if you were ready, Velan would've promoted you. He's a good man. Knows his stuff. You weren't ready.” With that, he returned his attention to dinner.

Just like I thought—he would never stick up for me. Didn't care about my side of the story. Thought I deserved what I got.

I stared at my plate, fighting back tears, until I finally managed to choke out, “I'm not hungry. I'm going to my room.” I couldn't let the Commander General see me cry.

“Are you asking me or telling me?” he asked in a voice cold and hard as the canyon's walls.

“May I go to my room, sir?” I asked, biting off the words.

“Denied. Sit down,” he replied, and I did.

My mom gave him a look before walking out. It made me feel a little better that she was on my side at least, but with her gone I was stuck there, alone with him. I knew she wouldn't mind if I walked out like she had, but I wasn't going to disobey a direct order from him.

I sat there clenching and unclenching my fists in my lap, wondering when he would let me go. It couldn't have been fun for him sitting there in stony silence, either. Finally, he said I could go. I leapt up from my chair and went to my room. I was so eager for him to come home, and now I couldn't wait to get away from him.

This isn't what I wanted for tonight. Senshi's birthday was hard enough. Shut away in my bedroom, I kept thinking about the last birthday she ever celebrated.

Dad was out with the Rangers, as always, but when she called, he answered. I remember how she and Mom and I sat around the table, with a seat left open for Dad. My sister and my dad talked a little about
Moby Dick
, and then she held up her cake to him, nineteen candles flickering on top. “Dad, you help me.”

I grinned, excited for the little trick my sister and I had planned. Dad told her to go ahead and blow out her own candles, but she insisted he help her. Finally, he gave in, leaning forward and blowing—and all the candles went out. I saw the surprise on his face before I leaned into the frame, laughing. I had stood in for him so it would look like he was there with us, blowing out the candles for Senshi. “Happy nineteenth birthday, Senshi,” he said. Then we heard an alarm in the background. “I have to go,” he'd said.

I know it wasn't easy for him, goofing around with us while he was on duty—but for my sister, he'd do anything. He never would have given in to silliness like that for me. Maybe he didn't want to have those inside jokes with me because it would make it even harder if he lost me too. Maybe he felt guilty that he was gone so much, that his last words to her were “I have to go.” Or maybe he just liked her better.

Thinking like that wouldn't do any good. I pulled out Senshi's copy of
Moby Dick
, trying to focus on the words. It's an ancient book from Earth that my father and my sister used to read together. I've wanted to read it forever, but my mom said I had to be old enough. At thirteen, I finally am. I thought, maybe, if I read it too, it might help me find that connection to my father that seemed to come so easily to Senshi. I know it's just a book. But it meant so much to them. It has to mean something to me too. Problem is, it doesn't. Not yet, anyway. The book's so long, and it's weird reading it on paper instead of on my smart fabric screen. But this is the same copy my dad read, the same pages my sister turned. The two of them even made notes in the margins about their favorite parts, and I want to be connected to them any way I can. So I keep reading, even though it's already clear that my dad is not exactly interested in reconnecting with me.

I can't stop thinking of my dad, though. Alone in the guest room in his own house, separated from me by only a wall.

The guest room was never Senshi's room, because she never lived in this apartment. We moved after what happened to Senshi, to a bigger place, on a higher floor, safer and better in every way. But it's the room that would've been hers. We don't talk about it, but I know I'm not the only one who feels it. Especially because it's the room where we keep all her old things. I imagine him surrounded by the pictures of my beautiful sister, and I understand why he doesn't want to be here when she isn't.

 

 

I hear sounds from the guest room, and I listen at the wall. I probably shouldn't, but I have no other way to know what's going on. I hear Senshi's name called in an official-sounding voice, cheering in the background. I don't have to hear much more to recognize it as one of her Ranger award ceremonies. I've watched these video feeds so many times that I could probably identify any of them from a two-second clip played from the next room. I know he is seeing the bounce in her step as she crossed the stage, the light in her eyes as she accepted her award. I know he is looking at her holographic image and feeling how much
less
it is than her actual self. And yet, it's all we have left of her.

Now he bursts out of the guest room, and I hear him walk to my mom's office. I know she's up, working on plans for the wind turbines. Since her office is down the hall, I can't hear what they're saying. Of course I know eavesdropping is wrong. Conduct unbefitting a Ranger, and all that. But then, I'm not a Ranger—not yet.

Their voices are soft and before long, I hear him marching back to the guest room.

I change out of my uniform, leaving it crumpled on my bed. No point in trying to keep it nice since apparently I'm no good at it. I hear footsteps in the hall again, coming this way. Better sign off, maybe pretend to be asleep.

 

It was my dad. He stood in the doorway, looking strangely uncertain, as though he wasn't sure he should come in. “Pack your bags. You're coming with me to Iphitos tomorrow.”

I was sure I must've heard him wrong, but I could see that he meant it. He left just as quickly as he'd appeared and I stared after him, confused but hopeful. Maybe this meant things were finally going to change between us. My mom had probably told him to take me, but I didn't care. At least he had agreed. As I stared out my window at the stars and the nearest planet looming in the sky, I couldn't believe that tomorrow, I'd be flying past them all.

Now I can't sleep, I'm so excited. I've never been into space before. Usually only Rangers travel off planet, and sometimes scientists—but never Cadets. Iphitos is one of our key military bases and research stations, and I'll get to see it in person. If Bo and whoever else got promoted thought they were better than me, this will impress them at least.

I shouldn't have said that. Bo's my friend, and it's not like he has to be. I wouldn't hang out with a ten-year-old, so there's no reason, at sixteen, he should be friends with thirteen-year-old me. But he is. And anyway, what really matters is that this means my dad wants to spend time with me. That's more than I could've hoped for.

I definitely can't sleep now. I guess I'll read
Moby Dick
for a while. It'll give us something to talk about on the ship tomorrow.

//////// ENTRY 4

I
couldn't believe the spaceships when I saw them up close for the first time. They were enormous, gleaming in sleek, contoured silver like some kind of sea creature. The hangar they're in is the biggest structure I'd ever been in.

A Ranger who introduced herself as Lieutenant Alvarez told my dad his ship was being repaired, but we could take a Hesper Class-B Ranger and cargo transport right away. The Commander General said we'd go now.

The lieutenant looked starstruck talking to my dad. I know the feeling. She told us, “The boys on board are pretty excited to rub elbows with the OG.”

My mom didn't know what that meant, but the lieutenant was happy to explain—“the Original Ghost.” That's what the Rangers call my dad.

 

 

Of course, my dad wasn't fazed by the lieutenant's obvious admiration. You must get used to it, being the Commander General, and the Original Ghost. Turning back to my mom, he explained that he would be supervising some training at the Ranger base on Iphitos. A quick mission, but important for the troops stationed there.

Suddenly, a loud bang rang out, and Dad pushed Mom behind him, shielding her. Turned out, someone had just dropped a tool, but it was nice to see him protecting her. When they hugged, I knew she liked that feeling too.

Seeing them hug for the first time in years reminded me of when I was little and the two of them were so in love, always holding hands and kissing, not caring who saw. I knew it was just a little thing, but it kind of made me feel like we might have a chance at being a real family again. I smiled so big at the sight of them together that my cheeks hurt.

I was watching a giant pod being loaded onto a ship when my friend Rayna strolled over. She's the prettiest Cadet in our class, no question. I can't lie, I maybe have a little crush on her. Even though she's older than me, I think she might like me too. She said she was jealous—not because I got to do Lightstream travel, but because I got to go with my dad. Well, she's right—that is the coolest part, any way you look at it.

My mom headed over to say good-bye, and Rayna said she'd watch our takeoff from the tower. Nice of her to give us some alone time, though I wouldn't have minded talking to her a little longer first.

Mom gave me a long, tight hug. She whispered, “Take it easy on your father. He's a little rusty.” I grinned.

That was when a Ranger veteran, being moved to a medical transport in his wheelchair, shouted, “Stand me up!” He gestured to the two attendants at his side, his magnetic chair hovering just off the ground as he addressed my dad. I'll never forget what he said. “General Raige, I was on the Plateau. You saved me and four others. And I just came from seeing my baby girl's face for the first time.” Then he repeated, “Stand me up.”

“That's not necessary, Ranger,” my dad told him, but the veteran insisted.

The two attendants helped him up, supporting him since he had lost a leg in an Ursa attack. He shook with the strain of staying upright, but still managed a smart salute.

Snapping to attention, my dad saluted back. The respect in his eyes shone so bright—I longed to have him see me that same way. I watched the Ranger's eyes fill with tears. My dad is a hero. Everyone wants his respect. I don't know why these soldiers get it and I don't. I'm his only son, after all. Maybe that's the problem? Luckily, my dad was too busy helping the veteran back into his chair to notice me. I saw him whisper something in the Ranger's ear. I couldn't hear what he said, but I could see that it comforted the man.

This is what the Commander General means to the Rangers. He's a true leader, brave and compassionate, gentle and strong. And this is what he did while he was away from us—saved the lives of his men so that they could return to their families, see their own children's faces. Maybe sometimes he stayed away from us longer than he had to, but then again, maybe he had no choice. He's the best protection our planet has.

He's also the only father I have. Don't I deserve at least as much of his attention as these random soldiers get? But then, I guess that's the problem. All of these men are heroes, and I'm—well, I'm just the kid who let my sister die. So maybe I don't deserve any better than this.

My dad and I followed Alvarez to our ship. The same ship that the giant pod had been loaded into. That was interesting. I wondered what was in there, but there wasn't anyone to ask.

Soon we were flying over the wind turbines and flowing structures of our city, the honeycombed rock faces spotted with smart fabric coverings where our first homes on this planet were built. Before I knew it, we were hurtling through the stars.

I could see my father was scanning a mission dossier, but I couldn't help interrupting him to announce that I was reading
Moby Dick
. I'd been so eager to tell him, but he said Mom had already mentioned it. Then he added, “That's great,” like he was trying to care, but didn't really mean it. I guess that's better than not trying at all. I wanted to talk about it with him, like Senshi used to, but I guess this wasn't the time.

I've had so little time with him, I feel like I need to cram everything in at once. I tried to remind myself that we have the whole trip to talk.

The cabin lights dimmed and Dad told me to get some rest. I agreed, but now I can't sleep. This is my first trip into space, and I want to remember every minute. So I'm recording this log instead of sleeping. Disobeying orders again, I guess.

 

Sometime after everyone else fell asleep, I unbuckled myself and crept past row after row of sleeping soldiers. I only meant to go to the bathroom, but when I realized how close I was to the cargo hold, I had to try to get a look at that pod. I ignored a sign that read
Restricted Area. Do Not Enter. Hazardous Cargo.
I know I shouldn't have, but I couldn't help myself—that sign made me want to keep going even more. I headed down a narrow ramp into the belly of the ship. It was creepy down there, dark and strangely quiet. I slipped past a heavy mesh curtain and into the cavernous cargo hold. I immediately spotted the pod, half-hidden in the shadows. I started toward it, but suddenly a hand clamped around my arm.

“Can you read?” a gruff voice demanded. When I didn't answer, he repeated his question.

Turning, I saw I'd been caught by the ship's Security Chief. Not good. “Yes, sir,” I told him.

While he quizzed me about the sign I'd ignored, I peered past him at the giant pod. “What's in there?”

That was when another member of the security detail looked up from a game he was playing with a few of the others. “Might wanna go easy on him, Sarge,” he told the chief. “That's the Prime Commander's son right there.”

Prime Commander. My dad has so many titles, but that's the most important one. The one over thirty Raiges have held in our history. Prime Commander. The leader of the Rangers. Of this entire planet. I know it's a big deal, but it drives me crazy to have people always acting different around me because of who my father is. But this time, it definitely had its perks. “You're Raige's kid?” the Security Chief asked.

I could see him looking at me in a whole new way, and I puffed up a little with pride. When I asked about the pod again, he offered to show me.

Stepping toward the pod, I paused to guess. “Is it an Ursa?” When he nodded, I asked, “A dead one?” He shook his head, and my eyes widened. Rayna had said something about them catching a live Ursa, but I hadn't really believed her. These monsters were almost impossible to capture alive. But studying the live ones was probably our best shot at figuring out how to finally defeat them.

“This is one of three we caught,” the Security Chief explained. “We keep all three on Iphitos, away from the civilian population. This one we call Viper. She's the biggest and meanest.”

Then he issued a challenge, one I couldn't resist. “You want to see if you can ghost?”

I noticed that all of the other Rangers were watching us now. “The pod is biostructural organic armor. She's strapped and suspended in a gel inside there.” The chief nodded toward the pod.

Fascination and fear battled inside me as the Security Chief kept talking. He said a lot of stuff, but I'm pretty good at remembering, especially when it's about the Ursa. “All you need to do is step over that red line around the pod. The gel doesn't allow smells at certain distances, but at that distance, it can smell you.”

I stared at the red line around the crate, gathering my courage. “You're not scared, are you?” asked the Security Chief. A few of the others snickered, and that was it for me. I couldn't let anyone say they'd seen the Commander General's son chicken out.

“I'm not scared of anything,” I announced, keeping my voice strong and steady.

The men shouted, “Uhh rahh!”—the Ranger war cry—in support.

“Don't worry,” the chief said, grinning. “Even if she imprints on you, she's locked up tight.”

I nodded. No backing down now. But the idea of it imprinting on me gave me the chills. Once an Ursa imprints on you, it will hunt you down until you're dead—or it is.

“Ladies and gentlemen, the son of the OG is going to try to ghost,” the Security Chief called out. “Place your bets.”

A few Rangers sitting in the corner actually exchanged money. I wondered which ones had bet on me. Then I wondered if anyone bet on the Ursa.

I stalked around to the rear of the organic pod. Holes in the pod's outer shell revealed the gel inside, but that was all. “I don't see anything,” I told them.

“Active camouflage. Photosensitive skin cells change color and texture to match its surroundings,” the chief explained. “It only uncamouflages so it can frighten you. So you release more pheromones.”

I guess I should've known that from watching it attack Senshi, and from all the studies we've done on Ursa. I knew they could go invisible, but I'd never really thought about why they revealed themselves. Makes sense, though. They need our fear to track us, so the more fear they can cause, the better for them. They really are designed to be the perfect human-killing machines.

As I crept closer, the chief added, “Ghosting is when you don't have a trace of fear in you. Good luck doing that.”

“To ghost, you must be so free from fear that you become invisible to the Ursa,” the Security Chief continued. “Fear is territorial in your heart. It refuses to share space with any other virtues. You must force fear from your heart and replace it with any other virtue. It could be love or happiness or faith, but the virtue is specific to the individual and comes from the deepest part of that person.”

I knew those words well. My dad wrote that, to explain how he ghosts. The Security Chief recited it, but I could've too. I've pored over that manual so many times, trying to learn its secrets—about being a Ranger, sure, but also whatever it might tell me about my dad. But the passage on ghosting doesn't really explain much. You can either ghost or you can't—it's not something you learn. And my dad simply has no fear.

Which meant, neither should I. That was enough to hurtle me over the red line.

“Try to control your breathing,” the chief instructed me. “Your blood is filling with adrenaline right now, whether you know it or not. Your heart's beating faster. The pores on your skin are opening up and secreting pheromones into the air, an imperceptible amount seeping into the molecular structure of the gel.”

I stood about a meter from the pod, eyes wide, waiting. But there was nothing, and at first, I thought it couldn't sense me. I was just starting to think I had ghosted on my first try when the pod began to shake violently. Through one of the holes, I saw the sickly white skin of the creature as it uncamouflaged. I jumped back as the monster screamed, the same horrible sound I remembered from the day Senshi died.

The Rangers laughed, but their laughter was cut short. Tearing my gaze away from the pod, I saw them all standing at attention, cutlasses at their sides, facing my father. I suddenly couldn't believe I had done something like this and thought he wouldn't catch me.

“Kitai, back in your seat now,” he ordered. At first, I thought he had come for me, but then he turned to the security detail. “Rangers, go to Red Con One.”

The Security Chief told them to secure all cargo, and they hurried to lock down anything they could. While they worked, my dad led me back to my seat. He didn't seem as furious as I would have expected. I guess he had bigger things to worry about than me right then.

He told me to put on my lifesuit. I struggled to pull on the suit that all Rangers wear—I'd never worn one before, for one thing, and I felt weird getting dressed right in the middle of the ship. I managed to wiggle my way into the slippery material, hoping I hadn't put it on backward or anything. I tried to ask my dad what was happening, but he didn't answer. He just ordered me to get into full harness. While he headed for the cockpit, I sat strapped in my seat with no idea what was happening. I watched Rangers securing the cabin, shouting out things like “Left rear secure!” “Cargo hull check!” and “Right zero locked.” I only knew what some of that meant. Peering out the window into the darkness beyond, I tried not to let the fear swallow me.