After Tuesday (21 page)

Now that I have it in my possession, I look to Cody to see what he thinks of this development. His face doesn’t show disappointment or encouragement. Rather, he’s smirking with a look of understanding in his eyes. Raising the joint to my mouth, I’m careful not to put too much lip on the paper.
Hey, I’ve seen this done before.
I exhale through my nose and then slowly draw the intoxicating heavenly vapors into my lungs. I hold my breath a little too long. When I exhale, I cough, but it comes out with a giggle.

Holy shit!
I’m smiling, like genuinely smiling. I take another hit, smaller than the first, and then pass the joint to Cody. With a sad twitch of his lips, he takes it and inhales a big hit while I wash away the itch in my throat with a sip of beer.

“Guess we popped your cherry.” Cody snickers, passing the joint to Juice.

Involuntarily, I laugh, causing beer to lightly spray out of my mouth. Everyone starts cracking up. It’s flipping hilarious.
What isn’t funny about beer spray?
Beer spray. That’s a funny word.

“Well, you might be too late.” I chortle. “But this isn’t bad. Bad. Baaaaaaaaaad. That’s funny.”

Everyone laughs some more.

“Wait, what do you mean ‘too late’?” Cody asks, turning to me.

“Looks like you know a douche when you seem him,” I say, trying not to outright laugh.

Tom nudges my arm and hands me the joint. I take another hit and then pass it to Cody. After I exhale, I chase it with another sip of beer.
Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer. Ear. Tear. Jeer. Leer. Seer. Pier. Pierce. Earring. Ring. Phone. Bone.

“Ruby…” Cody rattles my arm, grinning like a fool. “Earth to Ruby. Hello? Hello? Hello? Anybody home? What was I thinking…oh! What douche?”

“Brent,” I sing. “We broke up. He no want me anymore.” I fake pout, batting my eyes.
Yes, I’m acting like a child.

“I knew that little shit would use you,” Cody snarls, all the goofiness leaving his face.

“It’s not like that,” I say. I try to sober up to meet his mood, but I can’t help myself. Laughter gurgles out. “Calm down, Cody. He’s a shit. Whatever. Who cares?”

“I’ll kill him.” He pounds his fist on the table. Standing up, he knocks over his chair behind him as he drops his beer on the floor.

Geez, overreact much?

“Code,” Russ cautions as he stands. “Calm down.” Russ looks at me. “Ruby, are you okay?”

“Yeah.” I fake smile.

“All right. Are we all cool?” Russ asks, looking at Cody.

“Jeez, guys, I was just kidding around,” Cody says with forced humor.

He could have fooled me.
Meeeeeeeee.
I laugh out loud again.
What is wrong with me?
This is serious stuff. Cody looks seriously pissed, and all I can do is notice how straight his nose is and…“Your beard looks like a Brillo Pad.” I gesture to Cody with my beer.

Everyone looks at Cody, but I have no idea why.

I just shrug. “Are you gonna use that to clean up the mess you made on the floooooooooooor?”

Cody loses it and loosens up.

“Shit, Ruby, you’re wasted,” Cody says. Smiling as he shakes his head, he picks up the chair and sits back down beside me.

Cody leans over to get two more beers, one for him and one for me, and we focus back on the group. After a ceremonial round of cheers, we each take a drink. When my body sways in the seat, I accidently bump into Cody and Tom a few times, but I don’t care.

I really don’t care.
I don’t care about the beer on the floor, I don’t care what people think about me, and I don’t care that I can’t walk to the bathroom without tripping over a flat surface.
I. Don’t. Care.

Chapter Nineteen

I. Am. Not. Awesome.
I don’t even want to move.

Peeking out of one eye, I can see that I’m in Cody’s unbalanced dark living room. By
unbalanced
, I mean, it doesn’t want to stand still. Taking shallow and measured breaths, I close my eyes while my head pounds harder in my ears. Every part of my body feels like it weighs four times what it does, and I come to the conclusion that moving is not necessary.

My mouth feels like a combination of a cotton T-shirt and sand, and I can taste…
ugh, I can’t say
. Closing my mouth is not a good idea. The feel of my fat tongue threatens to gag me, which makes my body want to go into a fit of heaves. My stomach jumps violently while my head spins. As my breathing increases, sweat begins to bead on my brow. Involuntarily, my eyes spring open, and I immediately leap my upper body off the couch and reach for the small bucket sitting on the floor.
Oh, this is not good.
I hurl into the bucket, banishing everything in my stomach. My sides and stomach begin to hurt from the tensing muscles trying to expel the poison from my system. After what seems like an eternity, my body settles, and I roll my back onto the couch. I close my eyes, waiting for death to take me, and then I eventually fall back asleep.

***

There is light in the room the next time I’m able to open my eyes. I feel like a slab of tenderized steak.
Ewww.
The thought of food sends a message to my gag reflex, making me want to upchuck, but thankfully, I’m able to stop it. Taking slow deep breaths in and out of my nose, I’m able to sit up and address the situation. Looking at the floor, I notice that the bucket is empty
. Thank God
. I see a bottle of water, which looks like liquid gold to my mouth, and a roll of paper towels sitting next to the bucket. It takes almost all of my energy, strength, and bodily control to grab the water bottle and lie back down on the couch. My instinct is to chug the water, but knowing that I might have a bad reaction, I sip it gingerly as I stare out the window.

“Here.” Cody puts his hand in my face.

I just stare at the two pills in his palm.

“They’re for your head. I’m sure it feels like a ton of bricks just gave you a major smack down.” He chuckles.

“Thanks,” I croak, taking them in my hand. I swallow them with another sip of water.

Rubbing the stubble on his head, Cody plops down on the worn brown recliner across from me. “Your dad called,” he says, staring unfocused at the ground. “I told him you were here. You can stay as long as you want, but I gotta head into the garage today. Do you want me to drop you off first?”

“Yeah, that would be best.”

I guess it’s time to face the music. It doesn’t matter what my dad has to say anyhow. Since I feel like such shit, I’ll probably be too focused on trying not to get sick to even hear a word.

Rising from his seat, he says, “Okay, we’ll leave in five minutes.” He leaves the room, heading for the bathroom.

Forcing my body to sit up, I look around for my jacket. After finding it, I wrap it around my body and head to the door to wait for Cody.
Thank God someone invented walls.
There’s no way I could be vertical on my own while Cody finishes up in the bathroom.

Last night was the wrong move and I’m seriously paying for it right now.
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

The ride home is silent. Cody doesn’t even turn on the radio. I can barely think through my pounding head, so the lack of noise is just fine by me.
God, I feel like total A-S-S.
The movement of the car is making me nauseous, so I close my eyes to decrease the stimulation. Maybe drinking my worries away wasn’t such a smart idea. Then again, I’m so ill today that I don’t care about the stuff going on in my life. That stuff can eat it until I feel better.

“We’re here,” Cody states, putting the car into park.

I open my eyes. “Thanks,” I utter and then clear my throat. “For last night and the ride.”

“Yeah.” He laughs. “Anytime. Are you gonna be okay?”

I grunt. “I think so.”

“It looks like your dad is waiting,” he says, gesturing his head toward the front door.

“Yeah, he can wait. I wait on him all the time,” I fume bitterly.

“Hey, everyone has their moments.”

“Oh, I know, but his moments have lasted years. It’s no longer a moment. It’s more like a lifestyle.” I sigh.

“But that isn’t what’s bothering you, is it? You knew he’d fuck up. They always fuck up. You can’t be that blindsided.”

“I guess not. It’s just his, um…mistakes mess up my life. It’s not exactly fair,” I whine.

“I know what you mean,” he says quietly. “So, what did he fuck up? Happily ever after with Mr. Douche Bag?”

Yes. Yes, he did.

“Yeah,” I respond with a controlled exhale. “He did. We broke up.”

“Aw shit, Ruby. I was just kidding.”

“I know, but you were right,” I say.

“Yeah, they’re always fucking things up,” he adds, lost in thought. “I gotta go. The garage is waiting on me.”

Opening the door slowly, I get out carefully, so I don’t jostle my system too much. I turn back to Cody. “Thanks again,” I say before shutting the door.

I walk to the house with my arms wrapped tightly around my waist. My dad holds open the front door as I enter, but he doesn’t say a word. I head straight back to my room, close the door, crawl into my bed, and fall back asleep.

***

My room is dark when I awake again. My phone says it’s a little after six o’clock.
Is that right? Did I really waste an entire day in bed because of a hangover?
Last night was such a stupid idea.
Who’s the idiot now?
All fingers are pointing right at me.

I’m starving. I skip a shower, even though I desperately need one, pull on some new clothes, and head to the kitchen.

“Hey, Tuesday,” my dad says in a monotone voice as he sits at the kitchen table.

“Hey.”

I pull out stuff to make a sandwich and grab a bag of chips, then join my dad at the table. I would stand because I don’t want my dad to think I want to talk, but I am
still
exhausted. I eat in silence with my eyes focused on my plate. Although I can feel his eyes on me the whole time, I try to avoid any form of conversation.

“Sorry—” my dad starts.

“No need to say anything. I understand.”
Yeah, I understand, but that doesn’t mean I like it.

“I went to a meeting,” he says, boring his eyes into me.

I know he’s trying to make me look at him, but I’m stubborn. Instead, I  concentrate on my sandwich like it holds the answers to world peace.

“I know. That’s good.” The words come out, but I don’t mean them. I’m too pissed, and I’m trying my best to remain calm. If I start talking, I’m afraid I’ll let loose.

“I know you came to get me. Benji told me. Are you okay?”

“Yep, I’m fine. Perfectly fine,” I say, attempting to keep my voice from shaking with anger, disappointment, and overall loss. Part of me feels bad that I couldn’t fix him, my dad, so I’m disappointed in myself as well.

“He said there was a kid there with you. I guess he got hurt. Is that right?”

“I guess.” My eyes are starting to water.

“Who was he?” he asks.

I take a final bite of my sandwich and then allow myself to look into his face.

“Don’t worry about it,” I tell him, withholding the tears in my eyes. I stand and head to the sink.
I’m not having this conversation.

“Was he the guy you won’t bring over?”

“Don’t worry about it,” I say again with my back to him. I take a big breath. “He’s nobody special.”

When I begin walking back to my room, I hear him stand.

“Did I mess something up?” he says with a bit of regret in his voice.

Of course, he did, but maybe I did, too. I want to fight with him, but I know it isn’t worth it.
What good would that do?
It would likely just upset him and set him off. I’m walking on eggshells once again. I’m unable to do anything to make things right.

“Nope.” I sniff. “You didn’t mess up anything.”

“Tuesday,” he drawls, “you can tell me. You need to tell me what I’m doing wrong. I need to know how it affects you. I know it’s hard, but I really need to know. It’s part of getting better.”

I decide to tell him. Honesty is important. That’s what the sponsors say in meetings. Although I don’t know if he can handle it, I tell him anyhow.

“Yes, you messed it up. You messed a lot of things up.” I start to cry as I feel uncontrollable anger pump through my system.

My emotions have been pent up for so long. Now, I’ve lost something I really wanted, and I can’t deny that it’s because of him.

“I never had a mother! I lost my father! And now…
now
, you and your problems have messed up a normal high school life for me. I’m in freaking
high school
! You’re supposed to be the adult.
Not me.
I’ve been living in this house with you for two years while you’ve basically been in a walking coma. It’s like you don’t exist. You hurt him, and you hurt me. Just leave me alone. Please don’t show you care now because I can’t handle you letting me down. So, there’s your answer. You’ve royally messed things up for me, and you keep messing them up.”

I know my final words hurt, but I can’t help myself from saying them. Although I immediately regret them, it’s the truth nonetheless. I storm back to my room and slam the door shut.

Shaking, I crawl back into bed. Knowing the shower will be there in the morning, I have no plans to leave this room until I have to.

I was so stupid last night. I can’t believe that I did the same crap my dad does. It was a total mistake. Yeah, maybe I forgot about my problems, but I knew they would still exist in the morning. I don’t want to end up like him.
Look at him.
I hate him, and right now, I hate myself, too.

I quickly check my phone and see a few missed phone calls and messages from Lexi. There’s also a text from Cody, but there are no messages from Brent.
No surprises there.

Before I fall asleep, I hear the back door open. Listening to the familiar pitter-patter of feet coming toward my bedroom, I wait anxiously for what seems like forever. My door opens just enough to let Dragon enter. I can’t see who let him in before the door quickly closes again. Moments later, after the back door opens again, I hear the sound of a car starting. It could have been Cody, Jas, my dad, or maybe I have some sort of fairy godmother who drives a car.
Who knows?