After We Fell (20 page)

The sun has disappeared early here, and the sky is nearly black.

“And keeping it in is?” she asks sensibly. Too sensibly.

“Look, you seem . . . nice and all, but I don't know you and you don't know me, so this conversation isn't going to happen.”

She frowns. Then sighs. “Fine.”

Finally, I can see the familiar sloped roof of my father's cabin in the distance. “Well, this is me,” I say by way of dismissing myself.

“Really? Wait . . . your dad is Ken, isn't he?” She slaps her small hand against her forehead.

“Yeah?” I say, surprised.

We both stop walking at the end of the driveway. “I'm an idiot, of course! With the accents, how did I not think of it earlier.” She laughs.

“I don't get it.” I look down at her.

“Your dad and my dad are friends, they went to college together or something. I just spent the last hour listening to them tell stories of their glory days.”

“Oh, that's ironic.” I half smile. I don't feel as uncomfortable around the girl as I did a few minutes ago.

She smiles brightly. “So really we aren't strangers after all.”

C
ookies,” Landon and I answer in unison.

“Cookies it is, then.” Karen smiles and opens the cabinet.

Karen never stops, she's always baking, roasting, toasting. Not that I'm complaining; her cooking is incredible.

“It's dark out now. I hope he doesn't get lost out there,” Ken says. Landon just shrugs like
That's Hardin.

Hardin has been gone for nearly three hours, and I'm trying my best not to panic. I know he's okay; if something were to ever happen to him, I would know. I don't know how to explain it, but I know deep down that I would just know.

So something harming him is not what I'm worried about. I'm worried that his frustration will just become an excuse to find some local bar. As much as I wanted him to get away from me, it would kill me to see him stumble through the door and smell liquor on his breath. I just needed my space, time to think and cool down. I haven't gotten around to the thinking part; I've been avoiding it at all costs.

“I was thinking we could all get in the Jacuzzi tonight or maybe in the morning?” Karen suggests.

Landon spits his soda back into his cup, and I look away quickly, biting the inside of my cheek. The memory of Landon spotting my floating panties is much too fresh, and I can feel the heat in my cheeks.

“Karen, honey, I don't think they want to get in the Jacuzzi with us.”
Ken laughs and Karen smiles, realizing that it would be a little awkward maybe.

“I guess you're right.” She laughs and starts separating the cookie dough into small balls. She scrunches her nose. “I hate this premade stuff.”

I'm sure that for Karen, premade cookie dough is awful, but for me, it's heaven. Especially now, when I feel like I could snap at any moment.

Landon and I were in the middle of a discussion about Dakota and their soon-to-be apartment when his mother and Ken finally checked in on us. They mentioned that they ran into Hardin as he was leaving. Apparently he told them that I was asleep, so I did my best to go along with his lie, saying that I had only woken up when Landon came in.

I've been wondering where Hardin is and when he will return since the moment he left. Part of me doesn't want to see him at all, but part of me, a much bigger part, needs to know that he isn't doing anything that will further jeopardize our already fragile relationship. I'm still extremely angry at his interfering with my move to Seattle, and I have no idea what the hell I'm going to do about it.

Y
ou sabotaged her getting an apartment?” Lillian asks, her jaw falling open.

“I told you it was fucked up,” I remind her.

Another pair of headlights flashes by us as we walk to her parents' cabin. I had every intention of going back to my father's, but Lillian has proven herself to be a decent listener so far. So when she asked me to walk her back to her cabin and finish our discussion, I accepted. My absence will give Tessa some time to cool down and hopefully be ready to talk by the time I return.

“You didn't tell me what level of messed up it was. I don't blame her for being mad at you,” the girl says, of course ready to take Tessa's side.

I can't imagine what she'd think of me if she knew about all the shit I've put Tessa through in the past six months.

“Well, what are you going to do about it?” she asks, opening the front door to her parents' cabin. She gestures for me to come in, like it was a foregone conclusion that I would.

Once I step inside, I see it's very extravagant. Even bigger than my father's. Fucking rich people.

“They should be upstairs,” she says as we walk inside.

“Who should be upstairs?” a woman's voice questions, and Lillian grimaces before turning around to the woman I assume is her mum. She looks just like her, the only difference between them being age. “Who's this?” she asks.

Just then, a middle-aged man wearing a polo shirt and khakis walks into the living room.

Great; fucking great.
I should've just stuck to walking Lillian home. I wonder how Tessa would feel if she knew I was here. Would she mind? She's pretty mad at me anyway, and she has a history of being jealous of Molly. Still, this girl isn't Molly; she's nothing like her.

“Mom, Dad, this is Hardin, Ken's son.”

A huge grin appears on the man's face. “I was wondering if I'd get to meet you!” he exclaims with a posh British accent. Well, that explains how he would know my father from university.

He walks over and pats my shoulder. I take a step back, causing him to frown slightly, although he also kind of seems to have expected this reaction from me. My father must have warned him about me. I almost laugh at the thought.

“Honey,” he says, turning to his wife. “This is Trish's son.”

“You know my mum?” I ask him before also turning to his wife.

“Yeah, I knew your mom back before she was your mom,” the woman says with a smile. “We were all friends, the five of us,” she adds.

“Five?”
I ask.

Lillian's dad looks at her. “Now, honey.”

“Anyway, you look just like her! Only you have your father's eyes. I haven't seen her since I moved back to America. How is she?” she asks.

“She's good, she's getting married soon.”

“Really?” she squeals. “Tell her congratulations from me, that is just so great to hear.”

“Okay,” I respond. These people smile too damn much. It's like being in a room with three Karens, only much more annoying and much less charming. “Well, I'm going to get going,” I tell Lillian, figuring this has been awkward enough.

“No, no. You don't have to go—we'll go upstairs,” Lillian's father says, then wraps his arm around his wife's waist and leads her away.

Lillian watches them go, then looks up at me. “Sorry, they are . . .”

“Fake?” I answer for her. I can sense the bullshit behind the man's bleached white smile.

“Yes, very.” She laughs and goes over and sits on the couch.

I stand awkwardly by the door.

“Will your girlfriend mind if you're here?” she asks me.

“I don't know, probably.” I groan, running exasperated fingers through my hair.

“Would you want her to do the same thing? How would you feel if she was hanging out with a guy, one she just met?” As soon as the words leave her lips, anger swells in my chest.

“I'd be seeing red,” I growl.

“Thought so.” She smirks and pats the couch next to her.

I take a deep breath and stride over to sit on the opposite side of the couch from her. I'm not sure how to read her; she's rude as hell and a little annoying.

“You're the jealous type, then?” she asks, eyes wide.

“I guess so.” I shrug.

“I bet your girlfriend wouldn't like it much if you kissed me.” She moves closer, and I jump up from the couch. I'm halfway to the door before she begins to laugh.

“What the hell?” I try to keep my voice down.

“I was just messing with you. I'm not interested, trust me.” She smiles. “And it's a relief to know that you aren't either. Now sit.”

She may have a lot of the same traits as Tessa but she isn't as sweet . . . nor as innocent. I sit down on the chair across from the couch. I don't know this chick enough to trust her. I'm only here because I don't want to face what's back at my dad's cabin. And Lillian, despite being a stranger, is a neutral third party, unlike
Landon, who happens to be Tessa's best friend. It's sort of nice to have someone to talk to who doesn't have a reason to judge me. And hell, she's a little nutty, so she's more likely to get where I'm coming from.

“Now tell me what is in Seattle that you aren't willing to face for her?”

“It's not anything specific. I do have some bad history there, but it's more than that. It's the fact that she'll be thriving,” I respond, knowing how fucking insane I sound. But I don't give a fuck; this girl stalked me for an hour, so if anyone is insane, it's her.

“And that's a bad thing?”

“No. I want her to thrive, of course. I just want to be a part of it.” I sigh, missing Tessa desperately even though it's only been a few hours. The fact that she's so angry with me makes me miss her even more.

“So you refuse to go to Seattle with her because you want to be involved in her life? It doesn't make sense,” she says, stating the obvious.

“I know you don't get it, she doesn't either, but she's the only thing I have. Literally, she's the only thing in my life that I give a shit about, and I can't lose her. I'd have nothing without her.”

Why am I telling her this shit?

“I know I sound fucking pathetic.”

“No, you don't.” She gives me a sympathetic smile, and I look away. The last thing I want is sympathy.

The light on the staircase shuts off, and I look back at Lillian. “Should I go?” I ask.

“No, I'm sure my father is ecstatic that I brought you home,” she says, no sarcasm in her voice.

“Why is that?”

“Well, ever since I introduced them to Riley, he's been hoping we would break up.”

“He doesn't like him or some shit?”

“Her.”

“What?”

“He doesn't like her,” she says, and I almost smile at her.

I feel bad for her father not accepting her relationship, but I have to admit I'm extremely relieved.

L
andon's been explaining that since their apartment is so close to campus, they can walk there easily every day. No need to drive, and he won't even have to take the subway on a daily basis.

“Well, I'm just glad you won't be driving in that massive city. Thank goodness,” Karen says, putting her hand on her son's shoulder.

He shakes his head. “I'm a fine driver, better than Tessa,” he teases.

“I'm not that bad, better than Hardin,” I remark.

“
There's
something to brag about,” Landon says playfully.

“And it's not
your
driving I'm worried about. It's those insane taxis!” Karen says, like a mother hen.

I grab a cookie off the plate on the counter and look at the front door again. I've been watching it, waiting for Hardin to return. My anger has been slowly shifting to concern as the minutes tick by.

“Okay, thanks for letting me know. I'll see you tomorrow,” Ken says into his phone as he joins us in the kitchen.

“Who was that?”

“Max. Hardin's at their cabin with Lillian,” he says, and my stomach drops.

“Lillian?” I can't stop myself from asking.

“Max's daughter; she's about your age.”

Why would Hardin be at the neighbors' cabin with their daughter? Does he know her? Has he dated her?

“He'll be back soon, I'm sure.” Ken frowns, and when he looks at me, I get the feeling he hadn't considered my reaction to this information before he said it. That he seems uncomfortable makes me even more uncomfortable.

“Yeah,” I choke, standing from the stool at the counter. “I'm just . . . I'm going to go to bed,” I tell them, trying to hold myself together. I can feel my anger resurfacing, and I need to get away from them before it boils over.

“I'll come up with you,” Landon offers.

“No, I'm okay, really. I had an early morning, we all did, and it's getting late,” I assure him, and he nods even though I can tell he isn't buying it.

As I reach the stairs I hear him say, “He's a damn idiot.”

Yes, Landon. Yes, he is.

I CLOSE THE BALCONY DOORS
before walking over to the dresser to change into my pajamas. With my mind racing, I'm finding it difficult to focus on clothing. Nothing appeals as a substitute for Hardin's worn clothing, and I refuse to wear the white T-shirt resting on the arm of the chair. I need to be able to sleep in my own damn clothes. I give up after rummaging through the drawer and decide to settle for the shorts and sweatshirt that I have on, and lie down on the bed.

Who is this mystery girl that Hardin's with? Ironically, I'm more upset about my apartment in Seattle than I am about her. If he wants to jeopardize our relationship by cheating, that's his choice. Yes, it would tear what's left of me into pieces, and I don't think I would ever recover, but I'm not going to focus on it.

For the life of me I can't picture it. I can't picture him actually cheating on me. Despite all of the things he's done in the past, I just don't see it. Not after his letter, not after his pleading for my forgiveness. Yes, he's controlling, too controlling, and he doesn't
know when to stop interfering with my life, but the intentions behind his actions are more about keeping me near him than trying to escape, like cheating would be.