Aftershock (11 page)

“You’re awfully sure of yourself.”

“You’re crazy about me.”

“Or just plain crazy.” I crossed my arms, too. “Is this where you’ve been?”

“Mostly.”

“And you couldn’t tell me that?” We were standing across the room from each other, but I felt a powerful pull, as if he were actually tugging me closer.

“Made myself a promise not to bring any more crap to our doorstep for you to deal with. I had to see my way clear first.”

“Clear of what, exactly?”

“Everything except you and Rutledge Capital.”

I rubbed at my chest. “I didn’t ask you to do that.”

“No, but it had to be done. And I wanted to give you time to fix things with your family and to decide whether or not you can forgive me for putting you in that position.” Scrubbing at his jaw, he said hoarsely, “Watching you deal with Deanna... Seeing you and Vincent hurting like that... It shredded me, Gia. I hated myself for putting you through that.”

“It’s all right now. We worked everything out.”

“I’m glad. But it wouldn’t have been the last time.” He shrugged out of his jacket. “All that bullshit I was feeding you about being strong and dealing with it? Famous last words. I said the same things to my mother the last time we spoke, and I think they killed her. They killed the hope in her that she could save me from the life she hated.”

“No.” My heart broke at the guilt and shame I saw on his face. “Don’t beat yourself up like that.”

“I deserve it.” He rubbed wearily at the back of his neck. “I’ll find a way to live with it. I was young. Thoughtless. High on my own self-importance and so certain my dad was a goddamned national hero. I didn’t care that his ambition was destroying our family.”

He looked at me fiercely. “I’m not doing that to us. Nothing is worth losing you again. Nothing.”

I swallowed past the lump in my throat, loving him more in that moment than I ever had. “Not even the White House?”

Jax laughed, his dark eyes sparkling with humor. “He told you about that dream, huh? That was never going to happen. I think Parker looks at me and deludes himself into thinking that he’s looking in a mirror.”

I could believe that.

“I’m not going to live the life he wants, Gia. I’m going to live the life he should have had. I’m going to marry a sweet girl from a great family, and I’m going to keep her sweet and protected and happy. We’ll have a few kids, a couple dogs, and the occasional barbecue with her overprotective brothers.”

“Is that enough excitement for you?”

“Absolutely. Especially if I can get you out of those clothes.”

I walked over to him and placed my hand on his chest, feeling his heart beating strong and steady through his vest. “I want you to be happy. I don’t want you to make sacrifices for me that you’ll regret.”

Setting his hand over mine, Jax pressed his lips to my forehead. “The only time I’ve ever been happy is when I’m with you. As for the rest of it...I felt like I needed to own those words I said to my mother, otherwise what was the point of saying them and causing her that pain? No one can say I’m not stubborn,” he said with a rueful twist to his mouth. “It’s too late to fix what I did to her, but it’s not too late to avoid making the same mistake with you.”

Closing my eyes, I leaned into him. Did he realize that with all the talk of picket fences and children, it was his raw honesty that bound me to him tighter than vows ever could? “I love you.”

His mouth curved against my skin. “I know. And I’ll never doubt it, not after this.”

“Your dad is going to have a hard time letting you go,” I warned, pulling back to study him.

Jax shrugged, but his jaw was set with determination. “Just so long as
you
don’t let go.”

“Don’t worry.” Lifting onto the tips of my toes, I nipped his lower lip with my teeth and smiled when he growled. “I’m stubborn, too.”

Epilogue

“I HAVE TO
keep telling myself it’s real,” I said, glancing at Lei.

She grinned and gently clinked her champagne flute against mine. “As real as that enormous diamond on your finger.”

As I did several hundred times a day, I extended my hand and admired the five-carat emerald-cut engagement ring Jax had wowed me with. His proposal had been the single most exciting moment in my life, although the opening of the first Trifecta restaurant was nearly up there with it.

I dropped my arm back to my side and turned my attention to the three chefs who were the stars of the party. Chad, David, and Inez stood together as a single unit, talking with the VIPs who’d been invited to the exclusive soft opening of the Atlanta venue.

“Chad looks awesome,” I pointed out unnecessarily. Lei was a red-blooded woman, after all. She knew a prime piece of male eye candy when she saw it. “I’m so proud of him.”

“I’m proud of
you,
” she said. “We wouldn’t be here now, if not for your dedication and hard work.”

“Thank you for giving me the opportunity.” Seeing the smile on Lei’s face sent a bright sense of accomplishment tingling through me. A lapel pin in the shape of Trifecta’s logo accented her figure-hugging red sheath dress. With her hair down and her eyes bright, she looked young and fresh.

“I feel sorry for her,” she murmured, gesturing discreetly with a slight tilt of her chin.

I followed her gaze and saw Stacy Williams hovering on the fringes of the crowd, her attention on her brother. “I wonder when her first restaurant will launch.”

“Good question. I haven’t heard anything.”

The pretty redhead didn’t look happy. I didn’t know if that was because her brother had shot out of the proverbial gate before she did or because Ian was spending the evening at Isabelle’s side. By all appearances, Ian had a new favorite.

“Does it bother you that he’s here?” I asked, searching the room until I found Jax talking with a man I recognized as the host of a Food Network TV show. Taking a deep breath, I enjoyed the sight of my man, which still hadn’t lessened in impact even after months of living together. He wore an elegant black sweater and dress slacks, and I was looking forward to stripping him out of both in just a few hours.

He caught me staring and winked.

“Ian?” Lei shook her head. “I would’ve been surprised if he hadn’t come. You should say hi to him.”

“Will you?”

She grinned. “When he breaks down and comes to me, yes. I’ll offer him a drink, too. It’s the least I can do.”

Lifting my flute in a farewell toast, I took her advice and started mingling. Eclectic fusion music pumped through the hidden speakers, an audible reflection of the menu. The food was garnering raves and the excitement was high. Opening a new restaurant was always a momentous occasion. Like Lei, I lived for the high.

Soon Vincent would be launching his own Rossi’s. So much to celebrate. Life was getting better every day.

“Congratulations, Gianna. This is quite an accomplishment.”

I stopped and faced Ian Pembry. My mother would call him “dashing.” I thought of him as arresting, with an undeniable charisma.

“Thank you,” I said, holding out my hand to him. “I’ll pass the kudos along to the chefs.”

He kissed my knuckles with firm, dry lips. “I know exactly how much work goes into a successful launch like this. Take the praise—you deserve it.”

I bowed my head in acknowledgment. “I couldn’t have done it without Lei. She’s an awesome mentor.”

Ian’s blue eyes gleamed with amusement and he squeezed my hand before releasing it. “You might be surprised at what you can accomplish without Lei. When you’re ready to take that step, let me know.”

I debated keeping my mouth shut for a minute, then I just went with it. “You blew it with her, you know. She loved you.”

Ian’s face hardened, but before he could reply, his gaze fixed on a point beyond my shoulder. When a steely arm hooked around my waist, I knew who’d drawn his attention.

“Jackson,” Ian greeted him stiffly. “I hear congratulations are in order for you, as well.”

Jax tucked me into his side. “I’m a lucky man who got a second chance.”

I arched a brow at Ian, since Jax’s words tied so neatly into what I’d just said. Ian’s response was a tight smile.

Jax excused us and led me away, his hand cupped around my hipbone in a grip that sent heated thoughts through my mind. “I managed to get us the same room you were in the last time we were here together.”

I remembered that trip well. It had been a turning point for us. The beginning of the end that kicked off a new beginning. “Are you being sentimental?” I teased, drawing to a halt and facing him.

“Still working on fixing past mistakes.”

“Oh? What was the mistake?”

He ran the tip of his finger down the bridge of my nose and his dimple flashed. The one-two punch made me more than a little weak in the knees. “Leaving you naked and wanting. Gotta fix that, baby.”

“I think you’ve left me hanging more than once. Maybe I should make a list.”

Jax’s grin widened. “Absolutely.”

“It might be a long one,” I warned, thinking about all the times he’d gotten me hot and bothered, then made me wait until I thought I’d lose my mind.

He reached for my hand and played with my ring. “Good thing we’ve got plenty of time.”

A lifetime. Which might just be long enough.

* * * * *

We hope you enjoy this
Cosmo Read-Hot read from Mills & Boon.
The sexy romances for today’s fun, fearless female are
dangerously addictive! Sex in real life can often be a little
different from how it appears on the page…and that’s where
Cosmo comes in with honest, relatable advice to make sure
you get exactly what you want in bed—and every
other area of your life.

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So turn the page to discover what advice
Cosmo’s sex psychotherapist, Rachel Morris,
has for women (and a few men!) like you.

Then six Cosmo writers reveal what
they wish they’d known about sex
from the start.

For
change-your-life sex advice, ask Cosmo’s sex psychotherapist, Rachel Morris

Can you please tell me
how
to have an orgasm? I’m twenty-two and almost ready to give up. I’ve come close, I think, but never actually had one. Can all women orgasm or are there some who just can’t?

Unless you’ve had a nerve-degenerating disease or genital surgery, it’s extremely unlikely that you’re incapable of orgasm. Most women who struggle to achieve orgasm find it hard
because
they struggle. You can’t force your body to come; it has to be encouraged, cajoled and then tipped over the edge. Many teenage girls don’t masturbate, so they don’t learn what makes them purr. Instead, they leave it to the inexperienced fumbling of teenage boys to show them the way.

Tip 1. Masturbate. Tense your thighs and buttocks and focus on your clitoris. 2. Use lube. Try Stimul8 Pure Lube, £5, from Sh-womenstore.com. 3. Relax your mind and focus on the silky sensations and your sexy thoughts. 4. Be patient and persevere.

Is it weird that I like porn? Every guy I know watches it, but no girls. I feel ashamed about what I like to watch, although it’s not what I’d want in real life. But my orgasms are so much stronger with porn.

No one raises an eyebrow about guys masturbating to porn;
it’s what men do.
But when a woman explores her sexuality away from her lover’s bed, the world winces. Stand up to this inequality by ignoring it. There are things about our sexual tastes we don’t understand or want to share. So what? It’s OK to be private, but shame is destructive—so shame no more! Take care, though: porn is a powerful stimulant. Use it too much and you risk losing the ability to be fully satisfied by a lover.

What’s happened to me? I used to love sex, but now I’ll make any excuse not to have it. My boyfriend wants it daily, but I can’t manage more than once a week. I need to find myself again before he finds someone else.

You describe yourself like a sex toy that isn’t doing what it said on the box. Is sex all you believe this guy wants from you, or all you feel you have to offer? Ask yourself what
you
want. The pressure you’re putting on yourself to perform is exhausting you. It’s OK for him to want sex 24/7, but you don’t have to provide it. If your relationship can’t survive his momentary disappointment each night, it’s not worth having.

My boyfriend thinks I’m great because I role-play for him (he was a virgin before me), but I feel like a terrible person because I secretly fantasise about my boss when I want to come. I don’t even fancy him—he’s old and fat—so why do I do it?

When it comes to sexuality, it’s best not to ask, ‘Why?’. Desire is a constantly evolving, complex mosaic of experiences, thoughts and sensations; why waste time trying to see what’s on each tile when the whole picture brings such pleasure? All sexual fantasies are rooted in having or relinquishing power. Sex with your inexperienced boyfriend might force you (temporarily) into a more dominant role, whereas the ‘boss’ fantasy allows you to feel submissive, which is probably what triggers your orgasm. We can’t control what pops into our heads, but we can decide how to feel about it. Choose
not
to feel guilty and the problem will go away.