Against the Tide (40 page)

She is my light.

Megan finally agreed to move in with me at Christmas. I was desperate to look after her, and although she usually either stayed here with me, or I stayed with her at Jamie’s place, I wanted a home, and I wanted it with her. Reuniting Meg with her parents had given us everything we could ever want. She was happy, beyond happy, to have a relationship with them again and to know our baby will have grandparents to spoil it.

With the baby due to make an appearance soon, I knew we had to get things ready. So, reluctantly Megan and I sort out Mum’s belongings. I had been putting it off for as long as I could as it was painful to even look in her room. But eventually Meg made me realise that time moves on with or without us, and I know our baby won’t wait around.

“Finn?” Meg says softly as she pulls out a box from Mum’s wardrobe.

“Yeah?” I slide the drawer closed in the bedside table and walk over to her.

“I think you should see this.” She looks up from where she’s sitting on the floor in front of the wardrobe.

“What is it?”

She passes me a shoe box, it’s wrapped in a white bow, and tears start to sting the backs of my eyes when I see my name on the top in Mum’s handwriting. Seeing something so familiar, so personal, really grabs at my heart and squeezes tightly.

I sit on the edge of the bed and thumb the ribbon, preparing myself for what’s inside. I tug the ribbon gently and it falls away, taking me one step closer to whatever is inside. I let my head fall back, and take a deep breath. I’m not sure I’m ready for this. I don’t think I can do it.

Meg sits next to me and places her hand on mine. “It’s okay, Finn.” She kisses my cheek gently and offers a smile to calm my racing emotions.

I take off the lid and place it on the bed beside me. My tears catch me off guard and a loud sob pushes out through my chest. Meg wraps her arms tightly around my shoulders as I stare in to the box. There’s a white teddy bear with a pink bow around its neck, a tiny version of the one I won for Megan on our first date, which now sits in our room waiting for us to get the nursery ready. Next to it in the box is a small white jewellery box and rattling around in the corner is a small white stone. I pick it up, holding it up in my palm and I recall that night. I remember picking it up. I remember how angry I felt at the world and how unfair it all was. But that night also brought our little baby to us.

“What’s that, Finn?” Meg asks softly.

“That, is hope.” I am stunned at its relevance. Even through the heart wrenching despair I felt that night, I had hope and didn’t even realise it. I place it back and take out the jewellery box, opening the lid. A silver St. Christopher sits on a pale green velvet lining.

“Oh, Finn. It’s beautiful,” Meg says through a stream of tears beside me.

“Yeah,” I whisper, not able to form any other words. I close the jewellery box, and go to put it back in, noticing an envelope underneath the teddy bear. Sliding it out, I feeling my heart ache when I see my name in her handwriting again. I look to Megan, feeling panicked and unsure of myself. “I don’t think I can open it, Meg.” I look at her through layers of tears building on my lashes, and I know once the first one falls, it won’t stop.

Meg places her hand on my cheek and looks deeply in to my eyes. “You can do it, when you’re ready. If you’re not ready, we can wait.”

“I can’t wait,” I say. I know I make no sense, I haven’t always been good at dealing with my emotions, but I have to read it.

“I’ll leave you with it,” Meg says quietly before standing up to go. 

“No,” I answer quickly, placing my hand on her arm. “Please stay, Meg. I want you here.”

“Okay,” she whispers, sitting back down beside me. I stroke her belly and she places her hand over mine, giving me a reassuring smile. We’ve shared so much over the last few months. She’s seen me in the deepest throes of grief and been there for me every step of the way. The baby wriggles under my touch and gives me the strength to open the envelope and take out the folded letter.

Finn … my handsome boy.

I can’t even begin to tell you how proud I am of you. I’ve always been proud of you, but never more than I am now. You’re going to be a dad. You’re going to be an amazing dad, and you’ll get to experience the unconditional love and pride I have for you, with your own little baby. I can picture you now, lying with a little precious baby on your chest while you stroke her soft hair and sing her to sleep. Yes, I said her. I think you’ll have a girl! I already see the love in your eyes, for your baby and for Megan. She’s an amazing woman, Finn. Don’t forget that. She saved you, and I will always be grateful to her. I know you’ll never be lonely. You’ll always have each other.

Now, I don’t want you to think of me with sadness, okay? It’s time to move forward and look to your exciting future. Remember all the happy times, remember Lizzie and me with smiles, how lucky we were to have had each other, and remember that I will always be there with you, Finn, you just can’t see me.

I love you millions, Finn.

xx Mum xx

The words blur, and as I get to the end, I let my tears fall freely. “I love you, too, Mum,” I whisper through loud sobs. I place the letter and the box on the bed beside me and bury my head in my hands, giving in to the grief that’s overwhelming me. Meg’s tears fall on my bare arm, and I turn, pulling her in to me. She climbs in to my lap, the baby wrapped between us, and we cry until we can’t possibly cry any more.

I can’t see there will ever be a time when I won’t miss Mum or Lizzie, and I’ll mourn for every moment I don’t get to be with them. But Mum’s right, again, it’s time to move forward, to our exciting future.

Meg pulls her head out of my shoulder and I wipe away her last tear with my thumb.

“It’s a shame we never found out if it’s a boy or a girl.”

“Yeah,” she says quickly looking away from me.

“Meg?” I question her evasive posture.

“I’m sorry, I had to know!” she blurts out, laughing.

“You know?”

“Yes. But you don’t want to know so−”

“I do. I do want to know, especially now that I know that you know. Was she right? Was my mum right?”

She looks up at me with those big, beautiful blue eyes that start to glisten as she nods. “Yes. Yes, Finn, she was right.”

“A little girl,” I whisper. “We’re having a girl?”

“Yes, we’re having a girl.”

Katie Elizabeth James was born on April 4
^th
, weighing a healthy 7lbs 5oz.

And they lived happily ever after …

Thank you so much for reading! Reviews are so important to authors so please consider leaving an honest reviews on Amazon and Goodreads.

The first person that is always on my list to thank is my husband. He is my daily source of strength, and I will always believe in true love because of him. Thank you, baby, for supporting me, encouraging me and believing in me even when I don’t.

My heart swells when I mention my children, not just because they are my pride and joy, but their interest in writing has increased tenfold while I’ve been working like a maniac on this story, and that makes my heart so happy! I love you both so much, you little buggers!

Thank you to all of my family for your unwavering support. You all prove to me time and time again, that when life throws you lemons, we make lemonade, together. It never ceases to amaze me how much of an interest you take in my new found passion. I love you all, very, very much.

This story would not be what it is if it wasn’t for feedback from my beta readers. They have busy lives, families, husbands, housework and day jobs, but all found time to give me the most valuable feedback a girl could want. I kinda don’t want the world to know how awesome you all are as I don’t want to share you!

Zoë Lowdon, my secret squirrel! You’re a rare find, a true friend, a total nutcase and an awesome beta. Thank you, for everything!

NJ Frost, you, lady, are fabulous! You always view my story through my eyes and see my characters the way they were meant to be seen, but somehow you still challenge me to make them clearer. I love it!

Sarah Arndt, your attention to detail is amazing. Thank you for always being completely honest with me!

T-Bird! You, lady, challenged me more than I thought you would, but I’m so happy you did! I love how you pushed me to think outside the box and made me a better writer for it. I hope you’ll work with me again, as I value your input more than I can express. Thank you!

Beth Michele. Thank you for always being there. I love you, Treacle.

My cover designer, Hang Le. As usual, you have done a Kick ass job of creating me a beautiful cover. You have once again reached in to my head and made the perfect visual to accompany my story. You are awesome!

My editor, Mandy Smith. You make the whole editing process almost pleasurable. Thank you for not beating me over the head with my overuse of ellipses and misplacement of commas!

Brenda Wright, thank you prettying up my baby! Awesome job!

Natalie Catalano, you’re a sweet, sweet soul, and I thank you for every minute you take to help me with cover reveals and blitzes. I hope you know how much I appreciate you.

Can’t forget my special sprint partner, Natasha Preston! Thank you for holding my hand over that finishing line. I do the best sprints when I’m with you!

All the girls in my Nikki’s naughtiest group. Thank you for your support, shout outs, and love of the fictional worlds I create. I love that you get as lost in my stories as I do.

A special shout out to Rhonda Koppenhaver, Kim Sutton, Gabri Canova, Donna Tutin and Tracy Dickson for your fantastic pimping! Thank you for every time you’ve recommended one of my books to someone. Your enthusiasm puts a HUGE smile on my face every day.

For every blogger that has ever shared or participated in anything to do with my books. Thank you, thank you, and thank you. It’s hard work being a blogger, and I appreciate every minute you take away from your families to promote authors like me.