Agatha H. And the Clockwork Princess (17 page)

Rivet opened a hatch. A double row of jeweled ovals, each meticulously etched with swirling patterns and encrusted with glittering jewels were revealed. She shrugged. “We need the eggs.”

At dinner, Agatha was again dragooned into helping serve. When she finally had time to eat, the food was filling and delicious. In addition to the promised borscht, there were succulent roast hares and fresh loaves of poppy-seed bread. Taki, the cook, had kept Agatha busy all afternoon, basting the hares with a spicy yogurt mixture. For dessert, the cook opened a large stone crock and dished out a creamy sweet cheese, which everyone eagerly slathered upon the remaining crusts of bread.

Thinking of Lilith and her warnings on the subject of strong drink, Agatha contented herself with several cups of the Countess’ specially-brewed sweet tea.

During the meal, members of the troupe took turns entertaining the rest with music, sleight-of-hand, and assorted soliloquies. Some of these last were touching, some amusing, and one made absolutely no sense to Agatha, although Zeetha had found it hilarious, especially the part about the mad doctor and the impossibly tiny man who played the piano.

One of the more outré performers, a tall Asiatic fellow who appeared to be covered in luxuriant golden fur, who introduced himself as Yeti, successfully juggled various fruits and vegetables even as Zeetha sliced them into smaller and smaller bits.

As Agatha helped clear the plates and bowls away, the party split into two groups, one playing musical instruments, the other dancing merrily. Everyone was relaxed and happy, and the conversations were fascinating, but the second time Agatha nodded off, and then jerked awake, she gave up. She said good night to her companions and headed for bed.

Exhausted, Agatha climbed aboard the Baba Yaga and gently shut the door behind her. She pulled herself up a short ladder to the sleeping compartment, which ran the entire length of the vehicle. The wagon bed was tilted slightly forward, thus Agatha had to pull herself upslope just to reach the back wall. There she managed to fold down the bunk platform. As she was adjusting the heavy support chains so that the bed would lie level, Krosp leapt up from below. He found one of the small windows, and curled up on the deep sill. His tail lashed jerkily.

“What’s with you?” Agatha asked. She found a built-in cedar chest and exclaimed over the luxurious eiderdown-filled mattress she found inside.

Krosp peered out the window. Outside, the music continued, along with the occasional burst of laughter and appreciative whistling. He turned away. “There’s something these people aren’t telling us.”

Agatha opened another chest and pulled out a patchwork quilt that looked as if it had been made from old costumes. She arranged it on the bed. “That’s not surprising,” she said, after a deep yawn. “We’re certainly not telling them everything about
us
.”

Krosp waved a paw dismissively. “That’s
their
problem.”

Agatha finished tucking in the quilt. “What
exactly
is bothering you?”

“These people have no weapons. Well, no weapons worth anything, anyway. There are smells… that make me think they’ve got something, somewhere, but I’ve been looking around—and there’s
nothing!”

Agatha frowned. “Those pointy things most of the guys are wearing are called ‘swords.’ The blunt ones are called ‘guns.’”

Krosp hissed and began to pace the length of the compartment. “Please. I mean
real
weapons. When that crab clank attacked, they scattered and ran!”

Agatha frowned. “Well, of course they did. So? Their guns are just guns. The Baron doesn’t let people have anything too Sparky. So they wouldn’t do much against a clank like that.”

“That’s just it! I read some of Wulfenbach’s reports about the Wastelands. That clank was
nothing
compared to some of the stuff that’s supposed to be out here—and yet we’re supposed to believe that these people have been traveling around out here for years—essentially unarmed?” He sat and glared out the window. “They should all be dead!” Agatha climbed aboard the bed and began to undress. Krosp continued musing. “No. They must have
something
.”

Agatha frowned. “But then why didn’t they use it against that crab clank?”

Krosp looked at Agatha. “The only thing that makes sense is that they were hiding it from you.”

Agatha frowned. “From me?”

The cat nodded. “That clank attacked right after we left. They couldn’t be sure we’d gone far enough.”

“But why?”

Krosp slumped. “I… don’t know. Maybe it’s just that you’re a stranger?” he said unconvincingly.

Agatha shook her head. “Krosp, that thing picked up Olga and
fried
her. What could I
possibly
do that would be worse than
that
?”

Krosp pounded his little paw against his forehead. “I don’t
know
! I’m
missing
something!”

He turned and came face-to-face with a little clank that looked like a pocket-watch. It had legs, arms, and a single mechanical eye that peered at him curiously. It waved at him and chimed.

The cat shot underneath Agatha’s skirt. “Where did
that
come from?” he yowled, peeking out from underneath the hem.

Agatha smiled. “It’s one of mine. I found it hiding on the airship.” She paused, “Well, I suppose ‘hiding’ is the wrong word, its spring had run down.”

Krosp glared at the device. “I don’t like it.”

Agatha used a foot to push him out from under her skirt. “
You
don’t have to. Anyway, it’s harmless, I have to wind it every day or it’ll stop.”

Krosp looked unconvinced. He jumped onto the bed and licked his paw, then settled down in the exact center. “Pity it’s so useless. Now, that gun you built—
that
we should have kept.”

Agatha finished getting undressed—leaving her camisole and long pantalettes to serve in place of a nightgown. “We’ve been over that. Leaving it on the grave was supposed to look like a mark of respect for the stranger who saved them from the crab-clank. To make Wulfenbach think I was the one in there, right? Anyway, like I said, the Baron’s people would
never
have let us keep it.”

Krosp, still in the center of the bed, kneaded the quilt up into a tidy little nest around him. “Yes, yes…” he muttered, laying his head on his paws and preparing to sleep.

“Besides,” said Agatha casually, “We don’t really need it.” She reached into her travel bag and pulled out a device made of wood, glass, and what looked like decorative brass tubes pulled off the calliope. “I’ve already built a better one.”

Krosp jerked upright. “You’re worried too.”

Agatha nodded as she scooped up the cat and deposited him at the foot of the bed. “Not
worried
, exactly…” she said, as she slid beneath the quilt, “I just have this…
odd
feeling. And it’s been getting stronger all day.”

Several hours later, the last of the musicians yawned and declared themselves too tired to play another note. As the troupe headed off toward the wagons, Master Payne tucked his petite-gaffophone under his arm and frowned. “A bit of a late night for you, isn’t it Lars?”

Lars waved reassuringly. “I can stand the occasional late night. Besides—” He glanced over at the wagon that he shared with Abner, “Ab’s talking to Pix about
Race to the West Pole
.” The Countess and Master Payne grimaced. Pix was known for her temper, and she had been the troupe’s unrivaled leading lady ever since she joined. Even if she didn’t like playing Lucrezia, no one was quite sure how she would react to another actress taking what she would see as “her” role. Still, they hadn’t heard any actual shouting…

Lars continued, “Anyway I figure they’re into the ‘kiss and make up’ part by now, and if I’m any judge, that’ll go on for a while. I thought I’d just take the first watch. I’ll still be good to go in the morning, never fear. Augie and I will be waiting for you slow coaches in the next town.”

Payne nodded, “Fare thee well then,” and with his arm tucked around the sleepy Countess, he took his leave.

Lars stood up, stretched, and tossed a few more logs onto the fire. Around him, the circus settled in for the night. The murmur of the last few conversations dwindled away. Otto’s stentorian snoring could faintly be heard, despite the excessive amount of soundproofing André and Rivet had designed for his wagon. Soon the only sounds were the popping and crackling of the fire. Despite his assurances to Master Payne, Lars felt his eyelids drooping.

A sudden clatter brought him up to a crouch, his hand on his sword hilt. It sounded like it had come from the makeshift paddock. Slowly a shape materialized against the darkness. Lars stood still, and then blew out a sigh of relief. It was the new horse—the one Abner had ridden back to camp. The animal had somehow broken its tether and was wandering loose.

Lars held out his hand and slowly moved toward the horse. It watched him for a moment, like a pet pony expecting a carrot. Then it opened its mouth, revealing several rows of sharp, glittering teeth. Lars froze in astonishment. The monster snarled, reared up on its hind legs and
leapt
at him, easily covering the intervening six meters.

His reflexes taking over, Lars dropped and rolled toward the creature, yelling as loudly as he could as it landed directly above him. He scrambled for footing as the monster twisted about, feet stamping furiously as it tried to crush him.

With his feet under him, Lars launched himself sideways and landed near the fire, grabbing a protruding branch as he tumbled past. He heard the creature’s scream of rage as it leapt after him, and, ignoring the pain in his hand, he thrust the burning wood up into the monster’s face. The beast snarled as it lunged forward, jaws snapping over the flames. Lars was showered with burning embers as the branch shattered. He desperately scrabbled backward, staring in horror as the beast swallowed the burning stick. The monster was preparing to lunge, when a voice shouted—“
Eyes!”

The monster whipped its head toward the sound, but Lars slapped his hand over his eyes.

FOOM! A blue actinic glare lit the entire area. Lars could sense it, even from behind his shielding hand. The horse-creature screamed in rage and pain as it staggered back.

The next instant, a fusillade of shots struck its side. The firing continued for almost a full minute. The force of the shots knocked the beast to the ground, until finally, Otto lowered his mechanical arm and dug into his pocket for more bullets. “I hit it directly!” he yelled. “Is dead, yes?”

Trish, next to Otto, lowered her crutch. It could now be seen that this was an automated rifle of exotic design. She bent it open with a “crack!” and snapped in a fresh drum of ammunition. “I’m not sure—” she began, closing the weapon with one jerk of her arm. She raised it to her shoulder as the beast lurched back to its feet. It glared at them and showed its teeth, as dozens of spines erupted from its head and body. It screamed again and stalked toward them purposefully.

“—But I think we got it mad,” Trish cried.

“Stev!” Guntar shouted, “Destroy!”

With a rumble, the squat automaton strode forward. As he moved, he shuddered and shrugged, unfolding his joints and growing as he advanced. Smilin’ Stev suddenly looked a lot more dangerous. The enormous grin plastered across his face widened—and a buzz saw slid out of his mouth, shrieking as it gained speed.

The monster saw the approaching clank and paused. As Stev came within reach, the creature wheeled about and delivered a punishing kick with its rear legs, punching two enormous dents into the machine’s hide and sending him flying backwards. Stev hit the ground rolling. When he stopped, he was on his back, limbs waving feebly.

By this time the rest of the circus performers had appeared, most of them carrying strange bits of equipment. A high-pitched squealing filled the air, causing everyone’s teeth to vibrate painfully. “Cover your ears!” André yelled, “I’m using the sonic cannon!”

Dame Ædith appeared atop one of the wagons. She opened a huge prayer book to reveal a hand-held machine cannon, and began firing wooden stakes at the creature. “Aut vincere aut
mori!”
she screamed.

Yeti lumbered forward. He took a string of huge beads from around his neck and wrapped it around his hand. The light around him began to bend slightly as he advanced. “Stay back,” he called out, “I am contemplating the gravity equations!”

Professor Moonsock rushed up, wearing nothing but a leather waistcoat and bloomers. She gleefully pulled the stopper from a large canister covered with warning symbols. “ Fools! None of that will work!” she announced joyfully, “I am releasing my poisonous skywurms!”

At this announcement, the entire company turned
away
from the spiny horse-monster and screamed “No!” But it was far too late. A horde of glowing purple insects boiled forth from the canister. They spun about in the air, and then, at a signal from their delighted mistress, dived en masse toward the bemused horse beast.

As the wurms neared their target, the monster reared up and spat out a stream of foul-smelling flames that engulfed the entire swarm.

Guntar blinked in astonishment. “It breathes
fire?”

Professor Moonsock stomped in fury. “Cheating! Cheating! That is
so
unfair!”

At that moment, Yeti clapped his huge hands together and boomed forth a low “Ooooommmmm…” The horse gasped, and its knees buckled.

From the darkness, Zeetha leapt onto the horse-creature’s back, her swords crossed before her. As she landed, she swept her arms forward, and the blades effortlessly sliced through the creature’s neck.

The head flew off with a surprised expression frozen upon its features. The body shuddered, but before anyone could react, the creature’s chest split wide open, revealing a gaping, fang-filled mouth that gibbered and squealed. Zeetha, astonished, had recovered quickly and was repeatedly sinking her swords into the creature’s back, but long tentacles burst out of the open maw, and plucked her into the air. Helpless, she roared in fury as she was pulled toward the creature’s huge mouth.