Alexandr's Cherished Submissive (40 page)

With a happy sigh, Catrin switched positions on the bed so she could peek through the open door of the master suite’s spa/bathroom. It felt wrong to call that opulent space something as mundane as a bathroom considering it also had a steam room, a massage table, a massive shower with water spouts all over the place, and a bathtub big enough to hold eight people. There was also an area set up just for her to use whenever she had hair stylists and makeup artists come to doll her up before a big event.

All of it was done in winter white marble with pale green and copper veins, clean and modern but also welcoming, especially in candlelight. The memory of making love with Alex in that huge tub tingled through her, and she missed him immensely. His larger-than-life presence was a part of her now, and she mourned when he wasn’t home, which was becoming more and more of a frequent thing thanks to situations that he refused to discuss with her. But Alex was coming home tomorrow, and she couldn’t wait to see him, taste him, feel his strength surrounding her again.

“Really, this place is marvelous,” Catrin said while she clapped her hands together. “Oh, we are going to bring this magnificent home to life, and once we’re done we’ll throw the biggest party Dublin has ever seen.”

Jessica had adored the sprawling two-story manor with its three separate guest houses on the grounds. While the home was amazing and the twenty-two acres it sat on were beautiful, it was the stables that had captured Jessica’s imagination. She could easily see teaching her children to ride out there someday and imagined greeting Alex out at the barn then having a romp with him in the hayloft.

“It’s not really a castle.”

Laughing, Catrin smacked her arm. “What-the-fuck-ever. You have a seven-foot fence encircling the property, guards on all the entrances, and there is a lovely tower like something out of a Disney movie with your own private underground hot springs. Bitch, you live in a castle.”

Jessica shook her head then grabbed a pillow and hugged it tight, the scent of Alex’s cologne briefly filling the air. “Okay, I live in a castle.”

“Alex has crowned you the new Novikov queen. Oh, there will be some broken hearts in Russia when they realize Alexandr Novikov has taken a bride,” Catrin said with a laugh in her voice that abruptly cut off as she grew alarmingly pale. “I mean Gorev.”

“Wait, you said Alexandr Novikov. Who is that?”

“Goodness, I’m tired. My mind is getting all mixed up.”

Catrin’s unusual behavior, the almost glassy look in her eyes that was definitely more fear than humor, put Jessica on full alert. Going over what Catrin had just said, she sucked in a hard breath through her nose. A memory tickled at the back of Jessica’s mind, something about that name, Novikov. She’d heard it often, usually when the bodyguards were speaking to each other in Russian. While she’d begun to learn some of the language, it was hard for her to get a grasp on it, and everyone spoke so fast. All she knew was that she heard that name a great deal, but had dismissed it as being some business partner she hadn’t met yet. And she’d seen the name Alexandr Novikov on some mail, but hadn’t really paid any attention to it, dismissing it as junk mail.

Her mouth went dry as she realized she’d heard Dimitri called Dimitri Novikov once. It had been to a man she was unfamiliar with, who was speaking in Russian, but she remembered thinking it was odd that the man called him that. Then again, she knew both Dimitri and Alex used aliases and had dismissed it as being one of them. Alex was revealing his world to her bit by bit, and among the things he’d shown her was where they each had two sets of fake IDs and a ton of cash along with keys to different safe houses and directions to them stashed away.

At the time, she’d been frightened that he had such illegal things. Now an even bigger fear gripped her, one so large she feared she might throw up all over her lovely bed, in her gorgeous bedroom, in her home fit for a princess…all built on lies.

“Alexandr Novikov,” Jessica breathed, watching Catrin’s pupils dilate in fear. “That’s his real name, isn’t it?”

“No, no, that is not true. I simply misspoke. Was error in translation.”

“Oh, God.” Her lower lip quivered, and she tried to ignore the burn in her nostrils, the taste of tears not yet shed filling her mouth. “I’m in love with a man who doesn’t exist.”

“No, Jessica, please don’t.” The fear was plain in Catrin’s voice, and Jessica wondered what kind of monster she’d tied herself to. Catrin wasn’t afraid of anyone, but right now, she was clearly terrified. “He loves you. He really does. It was for your protection.”

“Are you telling me that Alex is so dangerous I can’t even know his real name without being at risk?”

Catrin opened her mouth, but no words came out. Instead tears dripped down her cheeks. “I-that is…Yes. Jessica, their world is terrible, horrible place. They keep us, the women they love, as isolated from it as possible. They do not want any of that ever touching us. Is their way. I resisted Nico’s proposal for the longest time because I do
not
approve of the world of the
Bratvas
, but they are a necessary evil. Is paradox, they do bad things but are such good men. Nico gives away almost all of his fortune to his charities, supplying entire villages in Siberia with traveling doctors and midwives as well as scholarships for the children of poor families.”

Her heart pounded so hard she could hear her blood rushing in her ears. “That’s great, I’m happy for you and Nico, but Alex has crossed the line with me. We’re fucking done and I’m out of here. You can stay or go, but I’m telling you right now that I’ll be gone before Alex gets here.”

“Please, Jessica, you mustn’t run away. Let him explain to you.”

She pushed away from Catrin, rolling off the bed and pacing over to her closet. “Just to make sure we’re clear, I’m in love with a man who has lied to me about his fucking real name since the moment we met, and he’s somehow going to explain that away? Are you for fucking real?”

Catrin followed Jessica into the closet, her cheeks wet with tears and her hands out in a pleading gesture. “Jessica, calm down. You are overreacting.”

“Are you kidding me? Catrin, you lied to me as well, so forgive me if I tell you to go fuck yourself.”

Red flared in the other woman’s cheeks. “I couldn’t tell you. Alex forbid it.”

“Oh, right. Alex says you can’t do something because, of course, you don’t want to piss off Alexandr Novikov, whoever the fuck he is.”

“He has reasons for what he does!” Catrin began rub her arms, her agitation rising by the second. “There is a long history you must know to understand why he is way he is. As soon as you hear his explanation you can judge him, but do not shut him out before he has chance to explain himself.”

“No offense, but the only one I needed to hear explanations from was Alex, and he chose not to. He has had a thousand chances. So now, I’m choosing not to explain to him why I’m leaving.”

Jerking off her pajamas, she avoided Catrin’s gaze while getting dressed in a pair of jeans that fit her perfectly and a deep green sweater. Even though it was warm at night, she still got chilled, and she hated how her fingers would turn a weird purple red color when cold. That was part of the problem with having skin that was almost transparent. Maybe she should start using some kind of bronzing lotion so she didn’t glow in the dark.

Her gaze locked on her image in one of the mirrors in the closet. She looked like shit. Her eyes were wide, almost as if she was in shock, but her hands trembled with anger, and her face was puffy and red. God, why did she have to turn instantly hideous when she cried? A tear slipped free, and she swallowed hard, the pain that had momentarily entered her gaze nothing compared to the way her chest hurt. With a start, she realized her thoughts were rambling through mundane things with a desperation that scared her. It was like she didn’t want to think about what she’d just learned, was desperate not to consider the ramifications of what had just happened.

She needed to get to a computer right away.

Information was power, and now that she finally had a name she could get some answers.

Without sparing Catrin a glance, she pushed past the woman and grabbed up her tablet, typing the name ‘Alexandr Novikov’ into the search engine. Unlike when she typed in Alexandr Gorev and got practically nothing, a wealth of information came up, words like
Bratva
, mafia, murder, drugs, prostitution, extortion, blackmail, and just about every sin known to man was there on her screen. Her chest felt as though it had split open in a mortal wound as she looked at picture after picture of Alex with some of the most evil men in the world.

The man she loved to distraction was a monster.

Absently, she noted that Catrin was on the phone with someone, her voice close to frantic, but she was too busy feeling like she’d been kicked in the gut to pay any attention. Her pain became a physical thing as she read the story of the Novikov Curse, the real reason Alex was so paranoid about her safety. And the deaths…so many women had died in this stupid war between two criminal empires including his mother, half-sister, and stepmother.

Her breath came out in a harsh sob as she stared in disbelief when she scrolled down and saw a picture of herself on some crazy, mafia-worshiping website that was devoted to chronicling the lives of the underworld. They didn’t use her name, just identified her as Alexandr Novikov’s woman, but it was a picture of her walking down the street in Dublin with Oleg, who was also identified in the picture as one of Alex’s best bodyguards and a high ranking member of the Novikov
Bratva
. Next to that was an image of Alex looking down on Jessica like the sun rose and set in her eyes, his whole body curved around hers as she touched his face with her fingertips. He never hid his affection for her, always letting her know that she was cherished and adored. The setting for this picture was the Spanish Steps in Rome, and she knew this was one of the paparazzi pictures from when they’d arrived.

The bed depressed as Catrin sat next to her. On impulse, Jessica did a search for Catrin and came up with nothing beyond gossip and fashion pages mentioning her. Then did one for Nico. It was bad, not as bad as Alex, but still not good. Nico was known as the drug manufacturer for the elite of the criminal world everywhere, supplying them with drugs, but not the recreational kind.

No, Nico made top of the line prescription drugs for a variety of ailments, including chemotherapy and experimental treatments. In the opinion of the person who had written the article on Nico, this made the black Russian rich enough, and powerful enough, that he’d done the impossible and rose to power in a society that was
extremely
racist. He’d conquered the world with the help of the Novikov
Bratva,
and he was now one of the world’s richest men, untouchable because of his value as a healer.

At the bottom of Nico’s article, there was a picture of Nico and Catrin dancing together at some ball. They were backlit by the mellow glow of a chandelier, and the smile Catrin was giving Nico was totally radiant. Their happiness with each other practically leaped off the page, and she knew that any enemy who saw this website would see how much Catrin meant to Nico. A shudder worked through Jessica as she suddenly realized how big a target she had become by being with Alex. She let out a low moan, and Catrin slid the tablet off of Jessica’s lap, her nose wrinkling in distaste when she saw the screen.

“They would have to use that picture. That dress is hideous.”

“What?”

Catrin sniffed and turned the tablet off. “At least you look good in your pictures.”

“Are you insane?”

“No, just practical. If I have to be on such a disgusting website, I at least want to look good. That color is horrible on me.”

Unable to stop it, a startled giggle escaped her, the shrill sound making Catrin wince. “Am I dreaming?”

“No,
devushka milaya
, you are not.” Catrin laid her hands on Jessica’s thighs and looked her in the eyes, the light blue of her friend’s irises burning into hers. “You have fallen in love with a good man who does evil things.”

That seemed to sum up the situation nicely, and she pulled her hair back from her face, tension replacing the fear. “Evil things, Catrin. He does
evil
things!”

“But he is not an evil man. Jessica, you know this. He is good man, born into a world that he cannot escape. It is rule or die for him. Lead them all or become prey. If he does not rule with iron fist, they will think him weak. Trust me, there are much worse men out there that you do not want to be in charge of one of Russia’s strongest
Bratvas
, men who would not hesitate to kill Alex if they thought they could get away with it.”

“Kill him?” Her self-absorbed fear retreated a bit, replaced by a worry that was somehow worse. “People are going to kill him?”

“No, well, yes, but they try to kill him all the time and do not succeed.”

“Oh no,” Jessica moaned as she began to cry harder.

Making an exasperated noise, Catrin hugged her close. “Is not so bad. I promise. You will never know that part of his world. You will be his joy, his life, his reason for living. Russian men are not like Americans. They can be hard to understand for woman used to the Western culture, but that does not mean they do not love. Alex loves you. You are only woman he has ever loved. You may not know his name, but you know his soul. He has spent the past months introducing you to everyone he knows and respects because he is so proud of you. Not because you are beautiful and charming, but because you are sweet, and kind, and generous. You represent a life that many men crave, but have never had. To Alex, you are the ultimate prize.”

She hiccupped, then grabbed the edge of the sheet, and wiped her face. “This is crazy, I can’t deal with this. I need to go home.”

“You are home.” Jessica started to protest, but Catrin cut her off. “You told me you sold your parents’ farm to your uncle Adam, that your family is scattered all over the United States, and almost none of your friends are still living in your hometown. It would be a lonely, miserable life compared to what Alex offers you.”