Alexandr's Reluctant Submissive (5 page)

She swallowed hard, twice, before bracing her hand on the wall for a moment. “I’m so sorry.”

Growling deep in his throat, he snapped his fingers and pointed to the bed. “Here, now.”

When she looked up there was an indignant cast to her refined features. “Pardon me?”

“You heard me. I want you in our bed, now.”

Her little huff of annoyance eased something deep inside of him and his rusty sense of humor began to reawaken.

When Jessica had been gone from his life, his emotions had faded away until it seemed as if he only felt the shallow ghost of feelings. Well…all feelings except anger. His rage had rushed in to fill those empty spaces left by the loss of his family. Now his chest ached with the reemergence of tenderness, of the need to be gentle and loving with his woman.  Yes, he’d cuddled his submissives, but never because he particularly desired to. He did it because it was what they wanted and he needed their bodies and submission to remind himself that he was alive.

His wife’s breathing grew shallow while she slowly slipped nude into the bed, and she lay flat on her back, staring at the ceiling with her hands clasped on her chest. Letting his instincts guide him, he turned out the lights then joined her in bed and lay on his side facing her, propping his head up on his hand so he could see her clearly. Her eyes were closed, and her lower lip trembled as she held back tears.

Part of him knew his tenderhearted girl cried when her emotions became too strong, but he hated seeing her struggle.

“Jessica,” he whispered before placing gentle kisses all over her face, worshiping her with his touch. “What has made you so sad?”

“Not sad, stressed.” She took a hitching breath, which came out in a rough laugh that made him wince. “Well, let’s see, I want to kill your father, like really kill him, and I’m trying to talk myself out of it. Then there is the thought of how I’m going to tell my family in the States I’m alive, or if that would just endanger them, along with Tatiana’s safety and how to ease her into her new life. And I’m not even going to go into my feelings regarding you.”

“What feelings?”

Her mouth snapped shut and in the dim lighting coming from an outdoor porch light below his windows he studied her exquisite profile. In the shadows she looked the same as he remembered and he couldn’t stop himself from tracing his fingers down her throat, over her racing pulse. She still refused to look at him, but turned her body enough to rub her cheek against his chest.

“I used to wonder if I imagined how good things were between us, if I’d somehow tricked myself into seeing an idealized image of our relationship. Living with you was so intense, so passionate. I enjoyed every moment of it because I got to share my life with you. Now I’m back with you and it scares the hell of me to know the truth.”

“What truth would that be,
dorogoya
?”

“Being with you is even better than I remembered, and I underestimated how damn sexy you are,” she muttered against his throat.

He couldn’t help but laugh at how disgruntled she sounded. “This is bad?”

“No, not really. Just annoying because I’m helpless to resist you.” She sighed, then snuggled closer, curving into him in a way that had him closing his eyes so he could savor this moment. “No more talking. I really need to sleep.”

The soft scent of her perfume filled him as her breath warmed his skin. She gave him a little hip wiggle followed by a soft sigh, and soon settled down. She wrapped her arms around his biceps, drawing him closer until he was practically on top of her. Once he was positioned to her liking, she slowly softened beneath him, her exhausted body falling into a deep sleep.

For a long time Alex stayed awake, planning, plotting, and savoring the joy of his wife cradled safely in his arms.

A loud pounding on the door roused Jessica from a deep sleep and a man grunted next to her. She turned then buried her face against the warmth of his wide back, cuddling into a body she knew as well as her own. With a smile, she placed a kiss on the smooth skin over his spine, the smile growing bigger when he groaned and stretched as she continued to rain kisses on him. Disbelief raced through her that he was really here in bed with her, but before she could decide if she wanted to ride him until he was speaking in tongues, or have him pound her into the mattress, a knock on the door again interrupted her.

Alex grabbed her hand that was on his ribs and pulled it closer so she was holding him as he shouted out in Russian, “Unless the world is burning down, fuck off.”

There was a few seconds of silence, then the knocking came again.

Jessica and Alex both rolled out of bed on a sharp indrawn breaths then grabbed some clothing. She quickly dug through her luggage, absently wondering why it looked like someone had put a huge hole in the dry wall, then donned her gray stretch pants and a black silk t-shirt that partially slid off one shoulder. Not even bothering to put on a bra, she shoved her arms through the shirt while attempting to follow Alex to the door. Clad in only a pair of black trousers that hung low on his heavily muscled hips and lower abdominals, he turned and faced her, his body broad enough to completely block the door.

She bounced off his chest, totally not ready for him to stop her. Before she could lose her footing, he caught her gently. “Jessica, stay here.”

“What?” She frowned as someone took a heavy fist to the door. “No, I want to know what’s going on.”

“No, you stay here. We do not know who is there, what is intention.”

“Alex—”

With a gentle move, he set her away from him, deeper into the room. “Please, for me. Stay safe. Trust me.”

There was a fine tremor going through his large frame that made her bite her tongue, then nod stiffly. “I’m trying.”

His eyes tightened with pain and she wanted to apologize, to take the words back, but he was already shutting the door.

When she pressed her ear to the wood and the crack around the frame, she couldn’t hear anything and sighed. Damn well-built homes with their solid wood doors. Nervous energy filled her as her mind raced through all the awful things that could have happened. There was no such thing as a worst case scenario anymore; her overactive imagination liked to outdo itself with terrible images of death and destruction. By the time Alex returned, on the phone with someone, she was pacing the large room in an effort to work off some of the adrenaline spiking through her blood.

She searched his face as soon as he looked at her, and his grim expression made her freeze mid-stride.

“I understand,” Alex said in Russian. “We will be there as soon as possible.”

He spoke for another minute or so, brief words that told her nothing, before thanking the person on the phone and asking whoever it was to give Dimitri’s love to the stranger’s family then hanging up.

Tossing the phone onto his unmade bed, he quickly crossed the room before hauling her into his arms and squeezing her tight.

“Alex? What’s going on?”

His warm breath stirred her hair as he spoke. “We must return to Russia as soon as possible.”

His strong arms flexed around her, the muscles tightening as she ran her hands over his biceps, unable to be near him without touching him, absorbing his heat. “Why?”

“There is a delicate situation happening within the
Bratvas
that I must attend to.”

“Does it have anything to do with me and Tatiana?”

The corner of his mouth twitched. “Not directly.”

She sagged against him, realizing he wasn’t going to share. Damn him. Back when she still held out hope that Krom would come for them, she’d sworn to herself that when she reunited with Alex, their relationship would be different.  That he would treat her like an equal. Instead he was still doing that “because I said so” bullshit that irritated the hell out of her.

“Stop with this double-talk crap and tell me the truth.”

“Is truth. The situation indirectly impacts you because of association with me, not because direct threat to you.” He sighed, his big body slumping into hers. “Is not good.”

“Then what’s going on? I don’t need all the details, but tell me something. Please.”

He cupped her face and stroked her cheeks with his thumbs. “My uncle Petrov has summoned me.”

Petrov Dubinski, a very nice man who adored his nephew, and the head of what was rumored to maybe be the most powerful
Bratva
in Russia. They’d never met, but his wife and daughters had attended her wedding. From what she could remember, they were nice women who clearly adored Alex and Dimitri. During their time apart, she’d read up on the various Russian mafias and the men who ruled them. Petrov Dubinski was a living legend in the criminal world. He was ruthless, terrifying, but inspired a great deal of loyalty and even love among his people. The Dubinski
Bratva
was linked to the Novikovs’ by marriage; one of Petrov’s sisters was Alex’s mother.

All these thoughts raced through her mind as she gripped his shoulders. “Your uncle summoning you…is this bad?”

“I do not know. My uncle would not reveal what he wanted to discuss, only that needs me. He apologized for interrupting our reunion and asked me to tell you that he will make it up to you, and that he would also like to meet you as soon as possible.”

“Why?”

Darkness filled his gaze, an endless pit of emptiness that chilled her. “Because he was there for me when I thought I had lost you and my daughter. He was one of the people who gave me the unwavering support I needed. We spent many, many nights talking about you together.”

“Oh.”

A stillness filled him as he stared at her, and she sucked in a trembling breath, undone by the open pain in his gaze. “Did you think about me while we were apart?”

It took all of her strength to tell him the truth. They couldn’t start their relationship again built on lies. No, she would be honest with him, even if it hurt to admit what she’d had to do in order to survive. “At first I did constantly, every moment of every day, but as the years went on with no word from Krom, I-I tried not to. I tried to pretend you didn’t exist.”

The pain in his gaze doubled and his whole body sagged. “Why?”

“Because it killed me to see you on the Internet and know that I would be sacrificing our daughter’s safety if I ever approached you. I yearned for you, Alex, my entire being mourned without you. Holding on to hope year after year was beginning to destroy me, mentally and physically. Did you know that I’m on two different kinds of anti-depressants? I don’t take them to feel good or get high. I have to take them in order to be able to function like a normal human being. My loss of you was so great that it was destroying me. The only way I could be the kind of mother Tatiana deserved was to cut you out of my thoughts as much as I could. And seeing you with all of those women…I used to throw up when I saw an image of you kissing one of them.” She sucked in a gasp and couldn’t believe she’d just decided to let it all hang out.

One of the things she’d regretted over the years was not being upfront about her needs and emotions. Including her now irrational, raging jealousy. He studied her closely, and she inwardly sighed when she saw the familiar wall in his gaze, the one that blanked out all emotions. Despite the slightly bored look on his face, his attention on her had sharpened to the point where it felt like a touch as he slowly examined her. Then he took a step closer and cupped her neck with his large hands, his thumbs slowly stroking her jaw.

“I understand why you needed to protect your mind from the loss. Many times I tried to forget you as well, to move on as my friends and family were begging me to, but I could not. Even when you were dead and all hope was lost, I never stopped loving you and only you.
Prinsessa moya
, do not doubt for a moment that I would not have given anything,
anything
to just have one more minute in your presence.” His voice thickened and her eyes stung with tears. “I will treat every moment I have with you like it is precious, because it is. Those women served a physical need, my emotions were never involved. They were all aware of this, and fine with it for their own personal reasons. Until I held you in my arms mere hours ago, I thought I was still a widower, and always would be.”

“Damn it,” she grumbled in a choked voice, “I’m mad at you. Why do you have to make sense? It’s hard to argue with you when you’re being all logical.”

“So you would rather fight with me?”

“Yes—no, I don’t know! You make me crazy.”

Sighing, he gently kissed her lips. “I missed your temper.”

“I think you need to see a psychiatrist.”

“I missed the way you like to verbally lash me.”

“Now I’m wondering if you’re an emotional masochist.”

“Your body gets hot when you are angry. Is easy to redirect that energy.”

“What in the hell—”

Her protest abruptly cut off as he palmed her breast, teasing the already erect nipple with his thumb. Little stinging tingles of pleasure radiated down to her clit when he pinched it, hard. Her gasp was swallowed by his hungry kiss and he caressed her tongue with his own, inviting her to play. Unable to resist him, she threaded her fingers through his hair, drinking him in as he broke their kiss to bite the side of her neck. Another rush of painful tingles seared through her and she moaned, rubbing her hips against his.

“I remember everything about how to pleasure you. Even when my memory of what our bedroom in Ireland looked like had faded, I still knew every inch of you like I had just held you in my arms.”

He bit her again, deeper this time, and she cried out as he sucked on the spot hard enough to sting. Wrapping her fingers in his hair, she tried to tug him off, but he was like some predator intent on devouring her and refused to budge. Only when she had what she was sure was a world class hickey on her neck did he pull back. She was ready to scold him, but the feral look in his eyes made her knees weak.

“I do not care if you were with a thousand men while we were apart—”