Alexia Eden (FairyTales Don't Exist) (42 page)

I whimper at the thought of him hurting me again…
I don’t think I could live through that.

“Babe…please talk to me? Are you okay?” Drake says sounding worried.

“No Drake I’m not okay…I…I can’t get over what you did…what Sebastian did. I trusted you from the moment I met you even in your wolf form, I don’t trust easily and what you did…what Sebastian did? Broke all of that. I felt safe with you, I hadn’t felt safe in a very long time and I never depended on someone like I’ve let myself depend on you but you fucked that up too. I don’t care who was in control! It’s still your face that I see doing it when I close my eyes. It’s your eyes I'm too afraid to look at because it reminds me of those black cold ones that stared at me last night while you…your wolf… disciplined me. And it’s YOU that I’m scared of!" I say harshly as the tears falls onto my pillow.

I see him flinch when I mention the whipping. I watch his sad eyes as the tears tremble down his cheek but I continue my rant until I had nothing left to say. Just saying all of that exhausts me but I'm too afraid to fall asleep in case the flashbacks return and I have to relive what he did to me.

“I know… I’m so sorry Lex, I know what I did and how much I hurt you. I hate myself …I’m so sorry. I love you so much my baby. Please don’t be scared of me…please…it’s me here, not
him
! I will keep you safe I promise. Please don’t be afraid of me…please.” He begs me as he cries into my neck hiding his face from me and his whole body trembles while he begs me not to be afraid of him.

“I’m sorry Drake but I can’t switch it off, I can’t get it out of my head how cruel and horrible you were to me, I’ve never been more scared in my life. You destroyed the beautiful thing we shared with one horrible violent act that I don’t think I could ever forget…you ruined all that. It was so painful that it’s imprinted in my mind whenever you come close. I can’t even walk straight or sit down, I was screaming for you to stop, I begged you Drake and you continued. I can’t stand you being near me now. And right now with your body against me like that
 is making me more terrified than I already am. You don’t realize what you have done to me…you will never understand….  I love you so much that I can’t even hate you for what you did. When you cry I just want to hold you and make you feel better the way you used to make me feel safe…but I don’t feel safe in your arms anymore… I just want to run away and never come back to this place where all the reminders are but I can’t leave you because I need you. I’m so pathetic….I need you more than I should.” I say as I cry clutching the pillow to my face.

“You can’t leave me, you can’t runaway…I need you too Lexi! We need each other… I know we do. I promise I will make everything better but you can’t leave me. You won’t get better until I fix this, only I can help you Lexi, only me. I’m going to get help. I love you my baby. I’m so sorry…” He says as he cuddles up to my back holding me tight, the fact that I can’t see his face and my nose is blocked from crying eases me and his words about him fixing this, fixing me is hypnotizing me into thinking that its true. I make myself think that I’m surrounded by Talon or Tyler and it slightly calms me even though I’m still nervous, I need this warmth and the protectiveness that Drake is giving me now more than ever.I fall asleep in his warm embrace seeking comfort from the man that caused me to be frightened in the first place…

I wake up cold with my entire body stiff. I see my phone on the side of the bed and stretch my arm out to see that it’s already three on a Saturday afternoon
. How was I able to sleep for so long?

 
I look around for Drake but he isn’t there, his bag that was on the floor is gone and I automatically start to panic.

Where is he? He can’t leave me…please be here…

I look in Georgina’s room and the bathroom. I quickly walk into the lounge and I’m met by Frankie sitting there with his head in his hands looking upset and I immediately know something is up.

“Where is he?” I ask him flatly as he looks up to me with a sad expression.

“Why didn’t you tell someone what he did? You need to see a doctor…” Frankie replies.

“Where is he?” I say again ignoring his question.

“He needs help Lexi…he’s gone.” Frankie says and I can feel my body shaking with panic.

“Where?” I say breathlessly.

“He’s leaving to stay with a few people that may be able to help him control his wolf –WAIT!” Frankie yells, I don’t give him a chance to finish his sentence because I’m already out the door on my way to the pack house.

Panic and adrenalin rush through my veins, I don’t care that it's pouring down with rain and there’s lightening. I continue to run as fast as possible ignoring the pain in my body. I’m soaking wet and out of breath when
 I reach the pack house. I barge in the door, I spot Chloe and Ronny sitting in the kitchen looking shocked by my sudden entrance.

“Lexi? What the hell! What happened to you? What are you doing here?” Ronny shouts looking my body over. I'm wearing a big shirt and my long flannel pajama pants, the shirt is large so my shoulder and the bra strap sticks out. I don’t care that all my bruises are on show I just need to find Drake. I see Chloe’s shocked expression as she stands by the counter frozen with her mouth hanging open.

“What’s with all the shouting? What is going–Lexi? What are you-? What happened to you?” Jax says as he comes out from the lounge without a shirt on, he walks toward me but I step away from him and a hurt look appears on his face as he frowns at me.

“Where is he?” I ask them out of breath.

“Who did this to you?” Jax asks getting impatient, I hear a car outside and I look through the door to see Frankie coming out of his car and running in my direction.  I run past Jax leaving wet muddy footprints behind me. My body is aching and cold as I shiver but I continue to run up the stairs looking for Drake. I can hear the heavy footsteps behind me but I reach Drakes door before they can catch me.

I swing it open to find Drake by his bed packing a bag, he’s surprised to see me. I run up to him as Jax and Frankie reach the door with Chloe and Ronny running behind them. I jump into Drakes arms burying my face into his chest as I cry out.

“Drake don’t leave me please…please don’t…I love you! You can’t leave me too…it’s not fair…you don’t get to leave …please…don’t leave me here alone. I need you. You said I needed you to fix this. I do! If you leave then whose going to fix this? Whats going to happen to me?”  I can tell he’s surprised by my touching him because he froze when I reached him as if he didn’t think I would want him to touch me like I didn’t want him to last night but as soon as I talk he holds my body against him tighter.

“He needs to get help Lexi.” Frankie says, I hear his voice get louder as he comes closer. I feel a cold hand on my shoulder and I whimper moving closer into Drake. Frankie immediately takes his hand off me.

“What do you mean he needs help? He did this to her?” Jax growls from behind Frankie and I look up to see his eyes getting darker. I hold Drake tighter as he kisses my head then when he opens his mouth to confirm Jax’s suspicions I blurt out, “No Jax he didn’t. Can all of you stay out of it? I’m fine.” Although I'm trying to sound convincing I know my voice betrays me. I know Jax will kill Drake if he really knew what happened and I don’t want that…for either of them.

“Lexi, what are you doing?” Drake whispers in my ear. I look up to meet his eyes as I plead with him. “You didn’t do it Drake…YOU… didn’t do it.” I know he understands what I am saying because he gives me a big kiss on the cheek. Drake didn’t hurt me …his wolf did.

“Are you seriously going to cover for him Lex? After what he did? Don’t cover for him!” Chloe shouts moving closer to me.

“What do you mean,
what he did?
What do you know Chloe?” Ronny says frowning.

I glare at Chloe to try get her to stop talking, “You don’t understand Chloe, I love him…”

“I don’t understand?” She shouts and I wince. “I’m the one you called because you were so beat up you couldn’t get out of the bed! I’m the one that had to help you bath because you were covered in blood and scratches from what HE caused you. I’m the one that bandaged up your wrists from where he tied you to the headboard…and I’m the one that had to throw away all your bedding because there was so much blood stained from you being beaten and whipped!” I hear gasps and growls as Ronny and Jax’s eyes go black and their faces red. Frankie stands in front of Jax and Ronny ordering them to keep control of their wolf.

Chloe continues and I stand there frozen not knowing what to do or say. “I do understand! I saw you Lexi, your broken battered bloody body is imprinted in my head.
 I helped clean you up even though you were so afraid of my touch.  What I
don’t
understand is how you can love someone that did
that
to you!” She starts crying as she continues, “Let him get help Lexi, let him get the help he needs so you can be safe because next time... he
will
do worse, he could kill you and there won’t be time for me to help you!”

Ronny pulls her into her arms to comfort her but I'm still left with Jax growling and glaring at Drake behind me. I turn to look at Drake and he kisses my ear and then says, ”It’s okay babe… she’s right, I needed to hear all that, I need to get better. I never want to let Sebastian be in control of me like that ever. I want to protect you and make you safe I don’t want you to be scared of me. I love you Lex, we can chat as much as you want to but I need to find someone who can help me. I’m doing this for you baby. Seeing that you still love me after everything I did makes it worse because you should hate me. I love you so much and I'm not leaving for good. I will be back I promise.” Drake says as he whispers in my ear. I know all the wolves can hear what he said.

He picks up his bag and gives me another hug and leaves while Frankie holds Jax back. 

I crumble to the floor and hide my face in my hands as I cry. Everything Chloe says was true but she promised me she wouldn’t tell anyone. Every time someone promises me something they break it…they’re all liars and now Drakes gone.

I feel someone’s gentle touch on my back I turn to see her tear stained face. I backtrack away from her.

“Lex, you need to stay away from him, he’s not safe.” she pleads but it doesn’t help the fact that she broke her promise.

“No Chloe, I needed you to keep your promise. It wasn’t your story to tell! Now this whole fucking pack knows what he did to me! I’m already ashamed and disgusted with myself I don’t need people looking at me with pity. You promised me Chloe! You promised! Just like Drake promised he wouldn’t hurt me again! You both lied!” I cry as I lift my weak body up, Jax tries to help me but I brush him off. He doesn’t say anything just looks at me sadly feeling sorry for me.

“Don’t look at me like that Jax, why are you even here? Isn’t there some unfortunate girl’s heart you should be breaking?” I say harshly as I limp my way to the door. My body is tired and weak and I don’t have the energy to talk to them.

“Baby come here.” Jax says as he starts walking up to me with open arms.

I panic and bolt, I don’t want anyone’s hands on me. I run out the house passing a few people I don’t know and back into the rain. I continue to run until I meet the big rock by the waterfall. It's cold and I’m soaking wet. I can hardly see as the rain whips down onto me, I lunge onto the big boulder and curl into a ball as I cry out loud.

The rain washes the tears away, my heart aches at the loneliness I feel sitting here without Drake. This is the spot where I connected with him, where everything started between us. He was the first one to make me laugh and love.

I can’t believe I kissed the twins, how could I be so stupid? How did I not realize how much I loved Drake? It cannot happen again and it won’t.

Even through the sound of thundering and the loud drops of rain against the ground and water I still immediately know when Jax finds me. I hear him as he climbs onto the boulder and heads over to me, he ignores my protests when I push him away but he pulls me closer to his chest. Before, his touch would be able to calm me but all I can think of now is what would Drake think if he saw this, I don’t want to be touched by anyone… I guess this is what Drake’s wolf wanted in the first place. He beat me into being too afraid to seek comfort from any other male but him.

Chloe doesn’t understand…no one does. They don’t understand why I’m not running for the hills after what Drake did to me. They don’t understand that he was the first one to comfort me and make me whole again when I arrived here…even if it was him who broke me in the end… I love Drake more than I should, I know that, I’m not afraid of Drake, I’m afraid of his wolf and what his wolf could do to me when he’s angry. Of course I’m upset that Drake wasn’t strong enough to control his wolf but I saw how it hurt him to see and think of what he did to me. Chloe and the others don’t know the full story about what else I’ve been hiding from them and what I've done behind Drakes back, how I’ve acted with the twins and Jax while Drake has been loyal to me the entire time.

I need Drake …I didn’t know it then but I know it now. Everything seems crystal clear now but I know as soon as I see the twins I will start
rethinking all these feelings. I know deep down that I love Jax and I most probably always will but he would never be able to love me the same way and I guess this is why I’m backing away from him and trying to keep my distance.