Alexia Eden (FairyTales Don't Exist) (40 page)

I find Ronny's car and stand near it hoping she will come out sooner or later. I walk near the sidewalk that leads to the beach and look out at the beautiful sea when a large hand wraps around my hand gently. I cringe and step backwards away from whoever it is.

“I'm sorry Lexi! I'm sorry for everything I’ve done. Please forgive me.” Jax begs me. I turn my eyes back to the sea. “I already told you…you don’t have to apologize Jackson.” I say curtly using his full name.

“No don’t say that you deserved what I said and the way I’ve been treating you because you don’t! I was being a dick…I thought it would be easier if I pushed you away.” He says.

“Yeah well, guess you did make it easier by pushing me away. You made it easier for both of us. Forget about me, find someone that is perfect, beautiful and everything you ever wanted, someone that isn’t me Jax.” I say vacantly staring back out into the darkness.

“Baby please…I’m sorry… what happened to you? Why do you seem…. so… empty?” he says miserably.

“That’s
 because I am…” I turn and walk towards Ronny's car where I see her and Chloe.

I don’t look back as we drive away and Ronny doesn’t say a word to me until it’s time to say goodbye. We say
 our goodbyes and Chloe is reluctant to leave me alone but I reassure her that I need to be alone.

I walk into the house and walk straight into the bathroom. I strip out of my clothes and unwrap the bandages on my wrists. I feel disgusting and I can’t even look at myself in the mirror so I place a towel over it.

I put the shower on above me but don’t put the plug in as I sit in the tub with the boiling water splashing on my battered skin the burning of the hot water against my cuts hurts but it’s the only way I can feel clean. I rest my cheek on my folded arms over the side of the tub as I stare at the bloodied bandages on the floor, I lift my one hand and stare at the wound that Drake's belt caused …it wraps around my entire wrist like a perfect pink ribbon, I continue to repeat over and over…
I love him
.
I deserved everything I got for betraying him.

I don’t notice Drake leaning against the doorway because I’ve been so focused on my wrist, I turn and look at his red sneakers
 then turn back to look at my wrist ignoring his presence even though on the inside I’m terrified there may be a repeat of last night.

JAX POV

I
 haven’t been myself since that night when Lexi saw that girl walk out of my room, she looked heartbroken and it killed me. It looked bad but I never slept with her, I tried, really hard…but I couldn’t get Lexi’s beautiful face out of my head and I felt disgusting when the girl started touching me.

When I saw Lexi crying on the floor in the dark kitchen, it broke my heart. Then she told me that she loved me and inside I was so happy that I just wanted to take her right there and mark her but I could never do that.

Lexi is so small and weak, I know deep down that I would never be able to mark her because she would never survive the turn, especially if an Alpha marked her; she is just not strong enough. I thought that there was some chance that she was a wolf and that she was just weak that’s why she didn’t smell like a wolf but when we found out that Georgina wasn’t her mother, I knew that Lexi was human after all. I thought I would be okay with it and I still wanted to be with her but after she mentioned her being intimate with Drake I lost it.

She had such a miserable look in her eyes as I just stood there after she just admitted to loving me and how guilty she felt when she was intimate with Drake. I knew I should have said something to her but I knew I couldn’t tell her how much I truly love her. I couldn’t betray Drake like that if she decided to leave him for me but after seeing her tonight I know I made the biggest mistake of my life by not telling her how much I love her when I had the chance.

These two weeks that I haven’t had contact with her have been horrible. I miss her terribly and I battle to sleep because she is the only thing on my mind….I thought I was doing what was best for us.

I was so excited to see her tonight at the restaurant although I was nervous that she wouldn’t want to see me and even if she ignored me the entire evening at least I would be able to see her and be around her.

I saw Drake coming up as I was chatting to Mark, I noticed he wasn’t holding Lexi close like he usually does. From behind him Lexi appeared, she walked straight past me and sat on the other end of the table near Chloe and Ron.

She seemed different, not her usual happy self, she didn’t give everyone her tight hugs or even that beautiful smile and the rest of the group also noticed this. She sat on the other side of the table stiffly as if she didn’t want to be here in the first place, I noticed her jagged movements and how jumpy she was too.

Did we cause this?
Malek asked me and I really wasn’t sure
. I hope not…

I watched as Rachel spoke to her and Lexi gave her a straight blank answer with a soft voice, her face was void of emotion even the smile she gave Rachel was fake.

“Why is she acting strange?” Rachel asked through the mind link.

I watched as Drake tensed next to me as he replied, “Not sure, just ignore her.” He says ignorantly and it immediately pisses me off that he doesn't care.

I chat with the boys a while as I observe Lexi and how she moved away from Drake when he put his arm around her, he pushes her roughly against his shoulder making her wince. I can feel my wolf becoming agitated at Drakes attitude towards our girl.

Those two haven't been their usual selves. They haven't said one word to each other the entire time and they're not all touchy feely like usual. Lexi sits there blankly as if she doesn’t hear a word everyone says and she continues to stare off into the ocean. I observed Chloe’s worried expression and I’ve seen her sad expression when she looks at Lexi and the death glare she’s been giving Drake since he got here.

The waitress came and took our orders, when it got to Drake's turn I watch as he checks the girl out whose flirting with him.
How can he disrespect Lexi like that right in front of her?

He orders food for Lexi without asking what she wants and passes a comment about him paying so he chooses, I look over to Lexi and she has the same blank look on her face again not saying one word. When Drake passes a comment about wanting the waitress later, everyone at the table lets out a growl. I look over to Lexi as Ronny asks them what's happened between them and why Drake's acting like a dick.

I watch as Lexi looks back at the ocean trying to avoid our eyes. She quickly wipes a few tears away before anyone can see…but I see. I turn to Drake to see him taking the girls number she handed him. I remember what he said when Ron asked him at lunch if he had a long night last night…they slept together.

Anger consumes me and I blurt out without thinking, “Dude she couldn’t have been
that
bad in bed?” I hear the gasps and I instantly feel regret, even if they did sleep together I shouldn’t of said something so callous.

Lexi seems shocked and sad by what I said and I can't look at her eyes, the beautiful blue eyes she once had are empty and vacant. She looks back down at her hands playing with her scarf as she swiftly wipes a few more tears away.

How could I be so harsh…? Chloe surprises us by yelling at Drake and I for our behavior and we deserve it. I was about to apologize when Chloe took Lexi away. Lexi battles to get out of the chair as Chloe helps her up then she leans against Chloe as she limps away out of sight. My wolf wants to run after her and beg for her forgiveness so he can look after her and make sure she's alright.

“Why is she limping? What happened to her?” I ask Ronny and Drake.

Ronny just shakes her head glaring at me. Drake looks sad as he answers, “She tripped down the patio stairs.”

“What the fuck is wrong with you two? How can you treat her like that!” Ronny yells at both of us finally letting loose.

“I know Ron, I'm going to apologize to her as soon as she comes back. Dude how could you blatantly flirt with that slut in front of her?” I ask Drake getting mad.

I notice he looks regretful for how he’s been acting, he wipes his hands through his hair as he looks down at the table, he sadly says. “I don’t know what I was thinking, I shouldn’t have done that. I guess I tried to get back at her and I thought that if I made her jealous she would see it from my point of view.” I notice he’s not telling me the full truth and he seems hesitant as he thinks of what to say.

“Why would you want to get back at her?” Rachel asks giving him a dirty look.

“She’s been hanging out with two guys from the other pack.
 I was jealous, that’s why I haven’t been myself today and that’s why I flirted with the waitress, I thought if she was at least a little bit jealous she would see my point.” Drake says. “Shit ...I shouldn’t have done that man, I feel like a complete asshole.” He says running his hands through his hair once again.

“I’m going to go look for them.” Rachel says getting up and heading into the restaurant.

“She just got back here and this is how you guys treat her? You two are going to chase her away! What are you going to do when she decides she’s not going to come down every weekend and that she doesn’t want to come back?” Ronny says angrily making me feel even more awful.

“She will come back! She is mine and she’s not leaving me!” Drake growls possessively. I can't help but feel jealous.

The girls come back and they seem a little odd, both of their cheeks are rosy and the two of them can’t stop snickering. I've never seen Lexi drunk before and it’s the cutest thing.

As soon as she covers her mouth to hide the giggles I notice the red stained bandages wrapped around her wrists as her shirt rises up. We all notice it as we stare, I look over at Chloe who has that sad look on her face as if this doesn’t surprise her.

Was Lexi hurting herself?

Look what we’ve done! We caused her this pain!
I tell my wolf.

I instantly apologize and so does Drake, he looks ashamed and miserable. The words that come out of her mouth next shock me.

“You don’t have to apologize… I deserved it.” She says this as she looks out into the ocean placing the emotionless mask back on, the one that she’s been wearing throughout the evening.

She asks Ronny to take her home and she rushes out the restaurant leaving all of us shocked.

Is that why she’s cutting herself? She thinks that she deserves everything that’s happened to her and the way we’ve been treating her? Maybe walking away from her wasn’t the best thing.
My wolf says to me.

I quickly rush up to her as I watch her near the sidewalk staring at the blackness of the ocean in the night. I reach for her hand and she winces at my touch and moves away as if I might hurt her.

I apologize again asking her for forgiveness, I practically beg her. I'm standing there waiting for some kind of reaction from her but she gives me nothing. This is very unlike Lexi and she’s never been this...hollow...before.

She says, “Yeah, well guess you did make it easier by pushing me away. You made it easier for both of us. Forget about me, find someone that is perfect, beautiful and everything you ever wanted…someone…that isn’t me Jax.”

Doesn’t she think she’s good enough for me? She is too good for me that’s why I did this. I could never get over her.

“Baby please, I’m sorry… what happened to you? Why do you seem….so…empty?” I say almost breaking into a sob not caring if I showed these weak emotions.

“That’s because I am…” These are the last words I expect to hear from her mouth before she walks away leaving my wolf howling in pain within me.

DRAKE POV

I walk out of her house with my wolf still in control. He went too far this time and he knows it. As he looked at her battered small body lying on the bed in her own blood, he howled in pain. He didn’t mean for it to go that far and he was going to mark her but he wasn’t sure she would survive the turning process.

I’ve shut him out completely now and even though I can hear him begging me to let my walls down, I can’t let him hurt her again. I don’t think she will ever forgive me for what I did to her and I don’t expect her to. I whipped her like an animal...she fought so hard against me but eventually she gave up and lay there as I shattered her fragile body.

My wolf destroyed her, he was completely in control of my body while I watched him break her,
 I wasn’t strong enough to take back control. She just lay there...

After dropping my car off at the house I showered
 and threw all the clothes I previously wore away including my leather belt that was covered in her blood. I went back to Lexi’s, I tiptoed to her room, it wasn’t too dark but with my heightened senses I was able to see her clearly. She lay in the exact same spot I left her, her eyes staring at the curtains I closed. Her face bloody and bruised, her one eye was almost swollen shut as she continued to look at the curtains, there was no emotion on her face....I have completely broken her.

She doesn’t even realize I'm standing watching her because she is in such a daze. I want to just run to her, hold her and tell her how sorry I am but I know that will only do worse, she was so scared of me last night.