Read Alfred Uhry - Driving Miss Daisy Online
Authors: Alfred Uhry
Alfred Uhry - Driving Miss Daisy (4 page)
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HOKE: Yassum. You right.
DAISY: I just hope she doesn’t take it in her head to sing this year. (
She imitates
) Glo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-oriaaaa! She sounds like she has a bone stuck in her throat.
She imitates
) Glo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-oriaaaa! She sounds like she has a bone stuck in her throat.
HOKE: You done say a mouthful, Miz Daisy.
DAISY: You didn’t have to come. Boolie would’ve run me out.
HOKE: I know that.
DAISY: Then why did you?
HOKE: That my business, Miz Daisy. (
He turns into a driveway and stops the car
) Well, looka there! Miz Florine done put a Rudolph Reindeer in the dogwood tree.
He turns into a driveway and stops the car
) Well, looka there! Miz Florine done put a Rudolph Reindeer in the dogwood tree.
DAISY: Oh my Lord! If her grandfather, old man Freitag, could see this! What is it you say? I bet he’d jump up out of his grave and snatch her baldheaded!
Hoke opens the door for Daisy.Wait a minute.
(She takes a small package wrapped in brown paper from her purse
) This isn’t a Christmas present.
HOKE: Nome.
DAISY: You know I don’t give Christmas presents.
HOKE: I sho’ do.
DAISY: I just happened to run across it this morning.
Open it up.
HOKE (
Unwrapping package
): Ain’ nobody ever give me a book. (
Laboriously reads the cover
) Handwriting Copy Book—Grade Five.
Unwrapping package
): Ain’ nobody ever give me a book. (
Laboriously reads the cover
) Handwriting Copy Book—Grade Five.
DAISY: I always taught out of these. I saved a few.
HOKE: Yassum.
DAISY: It’s faded but it works. If you practice, you’ll write nicely.
HOKE (
Trying not to show emotion
): Yassum.
Trying not to show emotion
): Yassum.
DAISY: But you have to practice. I taught Mayor Hartsfield out of this same book.
HOKE: Thank you, Miz Daisy.
DAISY: It’s not a Christmas present.
HOKE: Nome.
DAISY: Jews don’t have any business giving Christmas presents. And you don’t need to go yapping about this to Boolie and Florine.
HOKE: This strictly between you and me.
We hear a record of “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. ”They seen us. Mist’ Werthan done turn up the hi-fi.
DAISY: I hope I don’t spit up.
Hoke takes her arm and they walk off together as the light fades on them. Light up on Boolie, wearing madras bermuda shorts and Lacoste shirt. He is in his late forties, waiting by the car.
BOOLIE (
Calling
): Come on, Hoke! Get a wiggle on! I’m supposed to tee off at the club at 11:30.
Calling
): Come on, Hoke! Get a wiggle on! I’m supposed to tee off at the club at 11:30.
Hoke enters.
HOKE: Jes’ emptyin’ the trash. Sad’dy garbage day, you know.
BOOLIE: Where’s Mama?
HOKE: She back in her room and she say go on widdout her. I think she takin’ on ’bout dis.
They have gotten in the car, both in the front seat. Hoke is driving.
BOOLIE: That’s crazy. A car is a car.
HOKE: Yassuh, but she done watch over dis machine like a chicken hawk. One day we park in front of de dry cleaner up yonder at the Plaza and dis white man—look like some kind of lawyer, banker, dress up real fine—he done lay his satchel up on our hood while he open up his trunk, you know, and Lawd what he do that for, fore I could stop her, yo’ mama jump out de back do’ and run that man every which way. She wicked ’bout her paint job.
BOOLIE: Did she tell you this new car has air conditioning?
HOKE: She say she doan’ like no air-cool. Say it give her the neckache.
BOOLIE: Well, you know how Mama fought me, but it’s time for a trade. She’s losing equity on this car. I bet both of you will miss this old thing.
HOKE: Not me. Unh-unh.
BOOLIE: Oh come on. You’re the only one that’s driven it all this time. Aren’t you just a little sorry to see it go?
HOKE: It ain’ goin’ nowhere. I done bought it.
BOOLIE: You didn’t!
HOKE: I already made the deal with Mist’ Red Mitchell at the car place.
BOOLIE: For how much?
HOKE: Dat for him and me to know.
BOOLIE: For God’s sake! Why didn’t you just buy it right from Mama? You’d have saved money.
HOKE: Yo’ mama in my business enough as it is. I ain’ studyin’ makin’ no monthly car payments to her. Dis mine the regular way.
BOOLIE: It’s a good car, all right. I guess nobody knows that better than you.
HOKE: Best ever come off the line. And dis new one, Miz Daisy doan’ take to it, I let her ride in disheah now an’ again.
BOOLIE: Mighty nice of you.
HOKE: Well, we all doin’ what we can. Keep them ashes off my ’polstry.
Light out on them and up on Daisy’s driveway. Daisy, wearing traveling clothes and a hat, enters lugging a big heavy suitcase. She looks around anxiously, checks her watch and exits again. In a moment she returns with a full dress bag and a picnic basket. She sets them by the suitcase, looks around, becoming more agitated, and exits again. Now she returns with a large elaborately wrapped package. Hoke enters, carrying a small suitcase.
DAISY: It’s three after seven.
HOKE: Yassum. You say we leavin’ at fifteen to eight.
DAISY: At the latest, I said.
HOKE: Now what bizness you got draggin’ disheah out de house by yo’seff?
DAISY: Who was here to help me?
HOKE: Miz Daisy, it doan’ take mo’n five minutes to load up de trunk. You fixin’ to break both yo’ arms and yo’ legs too fo’ we even get outta Atlanta. You takin’ on too much.
DAISY: I hate doing things at the last minute.
HOKE: What you talkin’ ’bout? You ready to go fo’ the las’ week and half!
(He picks up the present)
(He picks up the present)
DAISY: Don’t touch that.
HOKE: Ain’ it wrap pretty. Dat Mist’ Walter’s present?
DAISY: Yes. It’s fragile. I’ll hold it on the seat with me.
Boolie enters carrying his briefcase and a small wrapped package.Well, you nearly missed us!
BOOLIE: I thought you were leaving at quarter of.
HOKE: She takin’ on.
DAISY: Be still.
BOOLIE: Florine sent this for Uncle Walter. (
Daisy. recoils from it
) Well, it’s not a snake, Mama. I think it’s notepaper.
Daisy. recoils from it
) Well, it’s not a snake, Mama. I think it’s notepaper.
DAISY: How appropriate. Uncle Walter can’t see!
BOOLIE: Maybe it’s soap.
DAISY: How nice that you show such an interest in your uncle’s ninetieth birthday.
BOOLIE: Don’t start up, Mama. I cannot go to Mobile with you. I have to go to New York tonight for the convention. You know that.
DAISY: The convention starts Monday. And I know what else I know.
BOOLIE: Just leave Florine out of it. She wrote away for those tickets eight months ago.
DAISY: I’m sure
My Fair Lady
is more important than your own flesh and blood.
My Fair Lady
is more important than your own flesh and blood.
BOOLIE: Mama!
DAISY: Those Christians will be mighty impressed!
BOOLIE: I can’t talk to you when you’re like this.
Daisy has climbed into the car. Boolie draws Hoke aside.I’ve got to talk to Hoke.
DAISY: They expect us for a late supper in Mobile.
BOOLIE: You’ll be there.
DAISY: I know they’ll fix crab. All that trouble!
BOOLIE (
To Hoke
): I don’t know how you’re going to stand all day in the car.
To Hoke
): I don’t know how you’re going to stand all day in the car.
HOKE: She doan’ mean nothin’. She jes’ worked up.
BOOLIE: Here’s fifty dollars in case you run into trouble. Don’t show it to Mama. You’ve got your map?
HOKE: She got it in wid her. Study every inch of the way.
BOOLIE: I’ll be at the Ambassador Hotel in New York. On Park Avenue.
DAISY: It’s seven sixteen.
BOOLIE: You should have a job on the radio announcing the time.
DAISY: I want to miss rush hour.
BOOLIE: Congratulate Uncle Walter for me. And kiss everybody in Mobile.
DAISY (
To Hoke
): Did you have the air condition checked? I told you to have the air condition checked!
To Hoke
): Did you have the air condition checked? I told you to have the air condition checked!
HOKE: Yassum. I got the air condition checked but I doan’ know what for. You doan’ never ’low me to turn it on.
DAISY: Hush up.
BOOLIE: Good-bye! Good luck!
(Light out on the car)
Good God!
(Light out on the car)
Good God!
Light out on Boolie and back up on the car. It’s lunchtime. Daisy and Hoke are both eating. Hoke eats while he drives.
HOKE: Idella stuff eggs good.
DAISY: You stuff yourself good. I’m going to save the rest of this for later.
HOKE: Yassum.
DAISY: I was thinking about the first time I ever went to Mobile. It was Walter’s wedding, 1888.
HOKE: 1888! You weren’t nothin’ but a little child.
DAISY: I was twelve. We went on the train. And I was so excited. I’d never been on a train, I’d never been in a wedding party and I’d never seen the ocean. Papa said it was the Gulf of Mexico and not the ocean, but it was all the same to me. I remember we were at a picnic somewhere—somebody must have taken us all baching—and I asked Papa if it was all right to dip my hand in the water. He laughed because I was so timid. And then I tasted the salt water on my fingers. Isn’t it silly to remember that?
HOKE: No sillier than most of what folks remember. You talkin’ ’bout first time. I tell you ’bout the first time I ever leave the state of Georgia?
DAISY: When was that?
HOKE: ’Bout twenty-five minutes back.
DAISY: Go on!
HOKE: Thass right. First time. My daughter, she married to Pullman porter on the N.C. & St. L., you know, and she all time goin’—Detroit, New York, St. Louis—talkin’ ‘bout snow up aroun’ her waist and ridin’ in de subway car and I say, “Well, that very nice Tommie Lee, but I jes’ doan’ feel the need.” So dis it, Miz Daisy, and I got to tell you, Alabama ain’ lookin’ like much so far.
DAISY: It’s nicer the other side of Montgomery.
HOKE: If you say so. Pass me up one of them peaches, please ma’am.
She looks out the window. Suddenly she starts,
DAISY: Oh my God!
HOKE: What happen?
DAISY: That sign said Phenix City—thirty miles. We’re not supposed to go to Phenix City. We’re going the wrong way. Oh my God!
HOKE: Maybe you done read it wrong.
DAISY: I didn’t. Stop the car! Stop the car! (
Very agitated, she wrestles with the map on her lap
) Here! Here! You took the wrong turn at Opelika!
Very agitated, she wrestles with the map on her lap
) Here! Here! You took the wrong turn at Opelika!
HOKE: You took it with me. And you readin’ the map.
DAISY: I was getting the lunch. Go on back! Oh my God!
HOKE: It ain’t been thirty minutes since we turn.
DAISY: I’m such a fool! I didn’t have any business coming in the car by myself with just you. Boolie made me! I should have come on the train. I’d be safe there. I just should have come on the train.
HOKE: Yassum. You should have.
Lights dim to suggest passage of time and come right back up again. It is night now. Daisy and Hoke are somewhat slumped on the seats, Hoke driving wearily.
DAISY: They fixed crab for me. Minnie always fixes crab. They go to so much trouble! It’s all ruined by now! Oh Lord!
HOKE: We got to pull over, Miz Daisy.
DAISY: Is something wrong with the car?
HOKE: Nome. I got to bixcused.
DAISY: What?
HOKE: I got to make water.
DAISY: You should have thought of that back at the Standard Oil Station.
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