Alien Redemption [Clans of Kalquor 06] (12 page)

Too bad her gorgeous beau hadn’t thought to pick up a pair of shoes too. But he was a man and trying to make her happy, so she was content to make do with her soft-soled hospital slippers.

Now she stood waiting to meet her potential clan. She wiped one sweating palm on the side of her hard-won dress and clutched her handheld in the other as Conyod ushered Erybet and Sletran into her room. Both bowed deeply to her.

The almost-too-pretty-to-be-a-boy Erybet straightened and said, “It is a pleasure to meet with you again, Matara. I’d like to thank you for the opportunity to present our case for clanship.”

She smiled and typed
, I am the one grateful to you, Dramok. Conyod told me he shared my
feelings for him with you. I hope we can all come to an understanding. Maybe more.

Erybet’s look was as cautiously hopeful as she felt. “I hope Sletran and I can impress you at least half as favorably as my Imdiko has.”

Her grin grew, and she found the courage to tease.
The fact he clanned with you puts you
ahead of the game. You have to be something special to have caught this Imdiko.

Erybet returned the grin. His obvious delight took a good ten years off his appearance, and Rachel had a glimpse into the hopeful young man he must have once been.

Conyod indicated the extra seating cushions he’d had brought into her room, all arranged around her low table. “Why don’t we all sit down so we can talk comfortably?”

They sat, and Rachel realized Sletran had yet to speak. Despite his silence he seemed quite attentive, his eyes riveted on her with seeming fascination. She also noticed Erybet’s smile had disappeared. He was back to being stiff and uncomfortable.

He flushed under her curious stare. “I apologize for our lack of preparation. We have nothing special to offer you at this meeting.”

She shook her head, not understanding.

“We do have something from our last attempt to attract a Matara that you might like to have.

It is a beautiful piece of jewelry. However, it is my understanding it would be considered poor form for us to give you a gift originally meant for another woman.”

I’m afraid I’m a bit confused, Dramok.

“We usually have a gift to present prospective Mataras, and our first meetings are usually in better atmospheres. Your quarters are pleasant enough, but taking you to a fine dining establishment or a museum would be much more impressive.”

Rachel waved off his concern
. I’m not concerned with such things, nice as they are. On
Earth, we had a saying; ‘It’s the thought that counts’. I do appreciate the consideration
.

Erybet nodded, but he continued to look ill at ease. There was a lull in the conversation, where no one seemed to know what to say next. Rachel looked again at the silent Nobek to find he was still studying her. He seemed to find her fascinating, but he didn’t speak. Meanwhile Conyod was looking from one clanmate to the other, as if watching a tennis match. He appeared worried.

Rachel decided to go right to the heart of the matter. She typed quickly on her handheld and showed it to the Dramok.
Erybet, do you see yourself as a good man?

He jerked a little upon reading her words, as if the bald question startled him. “I try to be.”

And as a Dramok, are you a good leader for your clan?

That query struck a nerve. Erybet froze. His eyes rolled to one side, taking in his stoic Nobek. Erybet looked back at Rachel and then his gaze dropped to the table. In a low voice he answered. “I’ve made mistakes and sometimes my clanmates suffer for it.”

His guilty conscience couldn’t be more plain if he’d tattooed it to his forehead. Rachel’s heart went out to him. She knew a lot about making those kinds of mistakes.

She typed,
That makes two of us. I led a revolt on Earth, and it got the man I loved killed,
along with several other good people. My intentions were noble, or at least I thought they were.

Maybe I was just stupid.

Erybet studied her message for so long that Sletran leaned over to read it too. Both men gave her identical stunned expressions. Then the Dramok’s tense demeanor relaxed. He nodded, his smile that of someone who had found a kindred spirit in pain.

“We never truly know, do we? We drown in the what-should-have-beens, the things that would have kept our loved ones safe.” He handed her the little computer as he glanced at Sletran again. The shame in his expression was far too familiar.

I felt guilty that I survived. I didn’t feel worthy of living.

Conyod was also reading along with Erybet now. He gave her a gentle smile. “We had a few scary spells, didn’t we?” To his clanmates he said, “She never did hurt herself, but she admitted she thought about it all the time.”

The interrogators didn’t mark my face, but they’d scarred my body. Clothes hid the marks,
but I knew I was ugly. I wanted to ruin what little beauty they’d left me, so no one would be
fooled into thinking I was something I wasn’t.

After the men had read that much, she went on.
On Earth after Armageddon I found a pair
of scissors. Any time my hair would start to grow out, I’d hack it off. I’d have done more, but I
was already in so much pain from torture that I couldn’t bring myself to injure myself further.

Sletran touched his hair at her words. He finally spoke in a deep voice that made Rachel shiver. “Horrible things happened in the war. Many of my friends died. Many who were under my direct command. Many innocents. It is hard to come home and be normal when so many others won’t. It is difficult to not suffer when so many have.”

Rachel’s chest ached with emotion. The Nobek spoke words she might have uttered had she been able to. He voiced her pain.

Without hesitation, she confided in the three men:
I don’t think I’ll ever return to the person
I was. I suppose the old Ray-Ray didn’t survive after all. I guess I have to make a new me.

Erybet huffed rueful laughter. “I talk about making a new start so often, I’m surprised my clanmates haven’t sealed my mouth shut.”

You’re right though, Erybet. The past can’t be changed. All we can do is pick up the pieces
and move on.

Erybet and Sletran nodded, their expressions registering complete agreement. Rachel had been ready to accept the two as companions simply because she loved Conyod. That she’d discovered a deeper kinship with them was a happy surprise.

Sounding like the leader he was supposed to be, Erybet asked, “What do you need from your clan, Ray-Ray?”

She thought about that. It would be easy to lie, or at least not to tell the whole truth that would expose her too much. But clanning was for life. As much as she was desperate to be with Conyod, Rachel recognized Erybet and Sletran were raw from their own traumas. They needed to know exactly what they were in for with her.

I need strong men I can rely on. Men who will make me feel safe.
Her face heated, and she added,
You have no idea how embarrassing it is to admit that. I used to be tough. Able to stand
on my own.

Sletran’s almost feral features somehow managed to convey gentleness. “I think you still are strong, Ray-Ray. Bravery isn’t the lack of fear. It’s facing life even when you feel overcome by terror.”

She swallowed. She had an overwhelming urge to impress this warrior, perhaps even more than Erybet. It was hard to bare the coward she’d become, but someone like Sletran would sense the real Rachel Hicks anyway.

Her fingers typed hesitantly, hating to reveal all
. I don’t face life though, not anymore. I
can’t even speak my own language now for fear my words will hurt someone.

Conyod’s hand rubbed up and down her back, soothing some of the self-recrimination. “But you are speaking. You’re heading towards the same destination. You’ve simply chosen a path with fewer obstacles.”

Erybet smiled at her, going stupefyingly gorgeous again. “He’s right. You are still strong, even if you don’t see it. As your clan, we would be there when your courage fails. And Ray-Ray, everyone’s courage fails at some point. Even Nobeks.”

Sletran pretended to snarl at his Dramok before loudly whispering to Rachel, “But don’t tell anyone. That’s a big secret.”

Conyod and Rachel laughed out loud, and even Erybet chuckled. The Dramok and Imdiko looked at their third member with hopeful expressions. Rachel noted how much more relaxed they all were now that a few of the uglier bits had been exposed. She thought they seemed quite capable of handling any burden she might stick them with, even though they were obviously struggling with their own demons.

Even if I wasn’t in love with Conyod, I think I would like to be part of this clan anyway,
she decided.

Sletran leaned forward and offered her his hand. She didn’t hesitate to take it, and she felt a thrill when his fingers closed, making her entire hand disappear in his careful grip. He told her,

“It is easier to be strong for others than for yourself. I can protect you. It might even make up for—”

He stopped. Powerful emotion made his mouth snap shut. Rachel heard his teeth click together with the force. He looked away from her face, staring instead at their linked hands.

Erybet had paled. He watched Sletran carefully. When the Nobek remained still and silent, he said, “We are carrying our own scars, Matara. I know you can see them.” A deep breath, then his words grated as if he was forcing them out through the strength of his will alone.

“Perhaps you would not be so well off with my clan, though it pains me to say so.”

Conyod’s head bowed, his hair falling forward to hide the agony on his face. Sletran’s hand tightened around Rachel’s just the least little bit, though his tormented expression didn’t relax or deepen.

With her free hand, Rachel typed
, Until now, I didn’t realize it was important to be with a
clan who understands the pain I’ve been through. You get my hurt as if it was your own. I am
sorry you’ve been damaged too, but at the same time, it allows you to know me. It makes me feel
I can trust you.

She slid the handheld towards Erybet and gave him time to read it. Then she opened her mouth and said in Kalquorian, “I love Conyod.”

The Imdiko raised his head and peered at her through the long black hair that hung over his face still. “And I love Ray-Ray.”

She took the handheld back.
Please give me a chance, Erybet. I think we would be good for
each other.

Conyod shook his hair back and looked at the Dramok with desperate hope. Sletran had finally stopped studying his fist curled around Rachel’s to read her last message. He still looked grim, but his jaw unclenched to speak.

“I also think we might do each other good. I want to try with Ray-Ray, Erybet. I swear I will do my best by her.”

Erybet considered the Nobek. Rachel thought she saw fear flicker across his face. Then a glimmer of hope dawned. He took a deep breath, blew it out heavily.

The Dramok turned to Rachel. He reached out and took the hand not commandeered by Sletran. His fingers were longer, more elegant, but still hid hers from view when they closed around them.

He licked his lips and said, “Thank you for giving us this chance, Matara. You are more than I dare hope to clan, but I will do my best to win you.”

Rachel’s heart leapt not just at his words, but also for the warmth in his eyes as he smiled at her.

* * * *

The last two weeks had been full of intense interviews, more psych tests than she could count, and numerous visits from her clan-to-be. No, they hadn’t asked her formally yet, but she had already made her decision. There was so much yet they needed to learn about each other, but Rachel was pretty sure about the three men. The doubts she still had about Erybet and Sletran, her love for Conyod made up for. She was determined to spend her life with him.

As she had her first look around the greeting room, what she would have called a living room, Conyod stepped beside her. He held two dresses the clan had bought her besides the one she wore, along with a small case of her few other possessions. The group looked over the plainly furnished room with its single small table and scatter of seating cushions. A vid monitor hung on one wall.

Erybet stepped to Rachel’s other side. She looked up to see him scowl, unimpressed.

“Small,” was his verdict.

Conyod’s outlook was much more upbeat. “It’s bigger than her room at the hospital.”

He was right. Plus Rachel had other rooms to explore. Using her handheld, she told the men,
It’s nice
. Besides, she reasoned that if all went well, she wouldn’t be here long anyway.

She stepped forward to move farther into the room. The vid suddenly came to life, showing moving pictures of the Kalquorian seaside. Arranged in the qwerty layout she was used to from her Earther handheld, letter buttons glowed at the bottom of the screen. A deep, mechanical voice issued from it.

“Welcome to Kalquor, Matara Rachel Hicks. We are pleased you have chosen to live on our planet. Your profile indicates you are nonverbal. For information on your rooms, this apartment complex, the city, or Kalquor, please touch the vid to bring up an alphabetic keypad and type your question. You may also link a personal computer or handheld to this device and type your questions via that method. In the case of emergency requiring immediate assistance, you will find a lit red button by each doorway. Simply press it, and someone will arrive immediately.”

Rachel saw the glowing red button next to the opening that led to the next room, the kitchen.

She turned and confirmed another was next to the apartment’s main entrance.

Sletran’s hand went to her shoulder, and he squeezed gently. “Security is good here, but be cautious anyway. The Matara we met with prior to courting you went missing from this complex several days ago. You are aware of the rebellion?”