Aligned: Volume 4 (24 page)

“Alex explained everything. They found the evidence to free James and her convicted rapist, Daniel. The rest of the men are still in jail. The police believe Ethan hired them. Ethan’s dead, but I guess you already knew that.”
 

I smile. I did. I knew the second I drove the car into his heart that he was dead.
 

“And his mother is in jail, but no one thinks she will serve much time.”
 

“So what do I do now?”

“You heal. And then you become the best father you can be to your daughter.”
 

“What about Caroline and Alex?”
 

He looks sadly at me. “I don’t know.”

I run to the bathroom and immediately sink to the ground as I cry. I watch as Drew’s cum sinks down my breasts to my stomach and lower ...
 
And now I know what to do. Landon will never be mine, not really. Even if he marries me, he’s doing it to protect her. There is only one way he will ever be mine, and Drew can help me with that. When all the tears are gone, I clean myself of my sins and climb into bed with him. I climb in bed with Landon.
 

I’ve been in the hospital on bedrest since Drew brought me in weeks ago. And I’ll be in here until the baby is born. They won’t let me leave. My blood pressure is too high. I could endanger my life and the baby’s life. Still, it hasn’t been easy to lie in bed all day.
 

My only visitor since I arrived has been Alex. Drew never came back. I think he thinks if he avoids me, he can push his feelings away and keep from getting hurt, and Landon has been in a different wing of the hospital healing. They wouldn’t let either of us go to the other.
 

That changes today. Today, Landon is being released, but Alex says he will just go from sleeping in his room to the recliner in mine. He won’t leave as long as I’m here. I don’t want him here, though.
 

I’ve made enough mistakes in my past that I need to set right.
 

Alex has come to my room every day since I’ve been here. She keeps me updated on Drew and Landon. She brings me food and clothes and entertainment, but what has surprised me is how she can be so nice to me when she must feel I ruined everything. Even if Landon does choose her. She should hate me, but I haven’t found the strength to ask her why she stays and tries to befriend me.
 

I look over at her sitting in the recliner as she does every day. She looks strong despite the wounds that mark her body and will never go away.
 

“Why? Why do you come here every day? Why are you so nice to me when I’ve been nothing but horrible to you?”
 

She glances up from her phone. “For the same reason you let me. We both love him and will do anything for him. Even if that means I have to give him up, I will.”
 

“Why don’t you visit him, though?”
 

“Because I’m afraid he’ll choose me when he should choose you and your daughter.” She takes a deep breath. “I’m also afraid he won’t. That he’ll choose you instead. You see, either way, I lose. But here, at least I can still love him from here. I can love his daughter and take care of her mother. That I can do.”
 

I close my eyes feeling the pain I’ve caused her. That’s all my life has been. I know pain. I felt pain when I lost my father. Pain every time my mother turned to pills. I felt pain caused by my brother.
 

But the pain I’ve caused Landon, Drew, and Alex is much worse. I don’t deserve any of them.
 

I let the tears fall down my cheeks. I let tears fall for all of their pain and mine.
 

“Caroline, are you okay? Should I get a nurse?” Alex asks when she sees my tears.
 

I shake my head and wipe them quickly. “You’re wrong, Alex. He will never choose me. It’s always been you. He was always yours, even now.” I touch my stomach. “He’s still yours if you want him.”

“I could never do that ...”
 

“See, that’s the thing, Alex. You wouldn’t be hurting my baby or me. I’ve realized that I was wrong. I don’t love Landon. I love someone else. Someone who will probably never forgive me for what I’ve done.
 

“But you, you still have a chance at real love.”
 

I take a deep breath, saying the words that are so hard for me to say but have to be said. I can’t keep pretending. I have to make things right. They deserve to have a chance at love even if I will never have a chance with Drew.
 

“I lied ...”
 

3. The only pieces of me that matter.
 

Caroline told me everything. She told me the truth. She may be a lying slut most days, but after what she told me, I understand her better. Even though her words hurt, even though the truth hurt, it set me free. It set us both free.
 

Now, I sit outside Landon’s hospital door listening to him play the most beautiful song for his daughter. I sit memorizing the beautiful melody while I wait for him to be discharged.
 

I wait over an hour, but I don’t care. I could sit out here and listen to him all day as long as he keeps playing like that. I hear the door crack open, and I watch as Drew pushes Landon in a wheelchair out of his room. Both men have a shocked expression on their face as they see me sitting against the wall opposite his hospital room.
 

I stand slowly as my eyes travel over Landon’s body. A body that looks healed in comparison to the last time I saw him, although I can tell he has a long way to go until he gets his strength back. I keep my eyes on Landon’s and watch as he studies me with anger in his eyes. Anger I probably deserve since I haven’t visited him even though he’s been in the hospital for about a month.
 

“Drew, go see Caroline. I got him from here.”
 

Drew doesn’t let go of Landon’s wheelchair. In fact, he holds it tighter.
 
I force my eyes away from Landon’s daggers to Drew’s heartbroken eyes. I look at him sternly. “Go see Caroline. Tell her the truth. That you love her and then listen to her. Listen to every fucking word she says. And then forgive her.”
 

Drew looks at me with a confused expression. I don’t think anyone expected Caroline and me to be friends. No, I wouldn’t call us friends. Not yet, but our lives will forever be intertwined.
 

“Go,” I say again. Drew reluctantly lets go of Landon and walks slowly toward Caroline’s room without saying a word to either of us.
 

I take his place behind Landon’s wheelchair. I push him out of his hospital room and down to where his car, Silvia, is parked. The nurse follows us with his guitar and a bag of clothes.
 

She helps Landon into the car along with his stuff. I climb into the driver’s seat.
 

“I need to go see Caroline.”
 

“You will, but you need to give her some time with Drew first. You can go see her tomorrow.”
 

“I need to see her today.”
 

I shake my head. “No. They need time to work things out first.”
 

“Drew loves her.”
 

I nod.
 

“God, this is so fucking messed up,” he says running his hand through his hair exposing the scar that has healed on his forehead from when he hit the tree.
 

I want to tell him. I want to tell him everything right now, but I wait. When we get to the condo, I help him out. He can walk, but his movements are slow and painful. He leans on me all the way up. We make it to his condo both sweaty and exhausted from the journey. He should probably climb into bed to sleep, but I need to do something first. So I lead him out onto the balcony. When he is finally seated, I see the anger return to his eyes.
 

“Why didn’t you come visit me? I worried about you every day. After what we went through, how could you just leave?”
 

I suck back the tears to keep them from falling. I can’t let them fall, not until I get through this. “I couldn’t. I couldn’t because I wasn’t ready to hear your answer. I didn’t want to know who you chose.”

“But you made me suffer everyday instead. The physical pain I felt was nothing compared to the emotional pain I felt at not being near you. I felt abandoned. I felt like you and Caroline were choosing for me. And now, I don’t know if I want either one of you. All I want is my daughter.”
 

I close my eyes at his words. They hurt, but they are true. Neither of us deserves his love. But I’m going to try. Just like Caroline will have to do her best to earn Drew’s.
 

I walk back inside and find his guitar. When I walk back outside, I hand it to him. He looks at me curiously.
 

“Play the song. The song you wrote for your daughter.”
 

His eyes widen. “How did you know I wrote a song for my daughter?”
 

“I sat outside your room most of the day just listening to you play.”
 

He reluctantly begins strumming the strings on the guitar. He closes his eyes as he plays, blocking the whole world out. The song is beautiful, easily the best song he has ever written.
 

I wait my body shaking as he strums the beginning of the song. My palms grow sweaty, and I have to wipe them off on my shirt. I swallow hard preparing for when he is going to start singing the lyrics.
 

Instead, when he opens his mouth to sing the first lyric, I open mine instead ...

“I was stuck in a bed

And I thought I was surely dead.”
 

Landon stops playing the guitar as soon as I start singing; his mouth has fallen open in what is most likely shock.
 

“Please,” I say.
 

Landon begins strumming again, but this time, he keeps his eyes open and locked on mine.
 

I start again ...

“I was stuck in a bed
 

And thought I was surely dead.
 

Then you burst in
 

And you saved me.
 

When I thought all was lost your eyes held me close.
 

You wouldn’t let me go

Even when I thought

I wasn’t worth saving.
 

You saved me.
 

When the pain was too much to bear

You saved me.
 

When I was truly scared

You saved me.
 

When I was crying on my knees

You saved me.
 

When I had nothing left in me

You saved me.
 

When the darkness was controlling me
 

You saved me.”
 

Landon stops playing as we are both in tears. We both went back to that night as I sang different lyrics to his song. I know the thought of his daughter is what kept him alive that night, but he kept me alive. We are all interconnected. I can’t live without him. He can’t live without her.
 

I need to finish the song, though. He needs to know the rest, but he doesn’t let me finish. He puts the guitar down and tries to stand. I don’t let him stand, though. I jump from my seat and walk to him taking a chance and kissing him firmly on his lips while I climb into his lap.

The kiss is sweet, tender, and perfect. But as soon as I think that’s all it will be, Landon thrusts his tongue into my mouth begging me for more. I moan into his mouth as I give him all the passion that I can. I give him all of me and hope I can get as much of him as possible in return.
 

He pulls away just slightly with a smile on his face, and he says against my lips, “You can’t just write a song for me every time you fuck up, you know.”

I smile at the words I said to him the last time we were on this balcony saying the words. “Sure, I can.”
 

He pulls me back to his lips not able to get enough of me, but I’m not sure what the kisses mean. I’m not sure if he is choosing to be with me over Caroline just as I chose him over Ethan. I just don’t know. So I force our lips apart.
 

I open my lips to ask what he wants, but he beats me to it...

With the largest grin I’ve ever seen on his face, he says, “I choose you.”
 

My face lights up at his perfect words, and I wrap my hands around him tightly as I kiss him again. He moans in pain when I do.
 

“I’m sorry.” I loosen my grip on his body realizing that I can’t be as rough with him as I want.
 

“Don’t ever be sorry. We’ve both made mistakes, but I don’t want us to apologize for them. I just want us to accept each other for who we are and move forward.”
 

I take his hand that is rubbing gently against my cheek into mine. “I agree.”
 

He chuckles. “You have nothing to apologize for except for your terrible singing.”
 

I smack him on the shoulder, which just makes him laugh harder. “It wasn’t that bad.”
 

He just smiles at me. I hear the buzz of Landon’s phone. A phone call I was expecting. I guess now is as good of timing as any.
 

Landon glances at his phone. “It’s Caroline.”
 

“Answer it,” I say getting up, but he holds me firmly on his lap.
 

“Hello.”
 

I lean against his chest so I can hear what Caroline is going to say although I already know and I’m afraid I’ll be able to hear his heart breaking.

“Have you gotten back together with Alex?” Caroline asks.
 

Landon squeezes me tighter and answers honestly. “We never fell apart. We have always been in this together.”