All for Allie (8 page)

“You sure?” I ask, my voice shaky.

Her hands capture my face. “I’ve already told you yes. That’s not going to change, okay. I want you, Wyatt, all of you,” she assures.

“I know.” I do, but I don’t deserve her. “I know this is your first time and I just want you to be ready. You’re letting me take your virginity; I feel undeserving of it.”

She reaches out to take my hand, and then places it over her rapidly beating heart. “You feel that?” she asks. I nod as her heart beats against my palm. “We don’t have an ordinary love, Wyatt. You set my heart on fire. My heart sings for you. So please, shut up and make love to me,” she demands.

I crash my lips to hers. “I love you. No matter what, just know I’ll always love you. I’ll never stop loving you, butterfly,” I vow, slowly pushing my cock inside of her. Fuck me, she’s so fucking tight. Her hands grip my biceps as I fill her with me, completely. She sucks in a breath, but doesn’t show any sign of pain. “I won’t move until you’re ready,” I whisper against her lips.

“It’s okay, you can move. I’ll be okay.”

As slow as I can, I retract my hips before pushing back into her at an equally slow and gentle pace. She’s warm, wet, and tight. And as long as it’s been since I’ve had sex, I’m concentrating really hard on not busting at this very moment. I rock my hips against her slowly, allowing her pussy to adjust to me.

“Faster,” she moans softly. Oh hell, she can’t moan like that, especially if she wants me to last. But I do as she asks. I pick up speed and begin to thrust into her deeper. My mouth never leaves her body, not once.

I suck her bouncing nipples or kiss her neck as I rock into her. Her hands land on my back. “Oh God, it feels amazing,” she moans, breathless. Her panting and the sounds of my balls clapping against her have me on edge. I only hope she’s about ready to come. I pull my dick completely out of her, and then thrust it back in, stilling and twirling my hips in attempt to hit her G-spot.

It works, because she tosses her head back and begins to moan. “
Ahhhh...Ahhh! Oh, Oh. Ohmygod! Ahh!” I cover her mouth with my hands to muffle her voice, before she wakes up Lucille and Kyle.

She begins to tremble beneath me, but I don’t stop. I pound her several times, and then finally explode inside of her. Sweat drips down my face as I experience my pleasurable release. I can’t believe this just happened. I pull out of her and crash beside her. “Fuck that was unbelievable.” She lies beside me quietly, a smile consuming her face. And I assume it’s because she’s just as amazed as I am.

***

I lie naked, next to my gorgeous butterfly. It’s around two in the morning and I need to get going. I have to force myself away from her, but before I do, I kiss her one last time on the cheek. I bring my lips to her ear and tell her that I love her. I hope it’s not the last time I get the chance to say it to her. “I love you, butterfly; please don’t forget that. I’ll be back for you; just wait for me. Don’t hate me,” I say softly, so soft it can hardly be classified as a whisper. I stand up and begin to dress myself, keeping my eyes focused on her. Soaking in her beauty, how peaceful she is. Little does she know, tomorrow her world will be turned upside down. Fuck!

Nausea consumes me and my chest is tight. I don’t want to leave, but I have to go before she wakes. I debate writing her a letter to explain where I’m going, but that won’t help her with my absence. And as I watch her sleeping form, I think about how fucking good she felt. Shit...we didn’t use a condom. You know what, I don’t even give a shit. Feeling her heat, how wet she was for me; I wouldn’t have felt that wearing a rubber. Besides, what are the chances of her getting pregnant her first time? Slim to none, right?

I pick up a picture of her off her nightstand, remove it from its frame, and place it into my wallet. Even though I’ve committed everything about her to memory, I want this physical photo of her to help me on my worst days. Today was the best, yet worst day of my life. But there are darker days ahead of me. Those days are all the days I will have without her. On days that I feel like giving up, I’ll pull this picture out and let her smile urge me on. I’ll use my thumbs to trace her face and remember how perfect we are together. This picture will remain on me at all times.

I lean over the bed and run my fingers down the side of her face. “Goodbye, butterfly.” I cover her up and head out. Tears fog my vision as I climb into my Jeep. I’m not sure what the future holds for me, but I sure as hell hope it brings me back here. I pull out of the drive and head to Camp Lejeune, leaving behind my love, my life, my future.

Three and a Half Years Later

“HEY AL, HOW’S it going?” Kyle asks, holding the phone between our ears. For the last three years, I’ve listened to almost every conversation they’ve had. I’ve read every letter and I’ve seen all the pictures she sent to Kyle. God, she was beautiful when I left, but now her beauty is indescribable. I had a really hard time adjusting when I left Jacksonville. All I wanted to do was hear her voice, hear her laugh. Kyle decided that if I promised to remain silent, he’d let me listen to her as they talked. I’ve listened to her ever since. Now, it hasn’t always been easy listening to her and keeping my mouth shut. No. The first few calls he let me listen in on were completely heartbreaking, simply soul shattering.

Those conversations I would listen to her cry. She told Kyle how I left her without notice. She elaborated on how much she hates me and wishes she’d never met me. I wanted nothing more than to tell her I’m here. I love you. To tell her that I’m sorry, and that she’s on my mind ever second of every day, but still I keep quiet.

Kyle and I hardly ever get to go back home at the same time, but I make sure he takes her a gift each time he goes home. Of course, she doesn’t know they’re from me, but that doesn’t matter. When I get to go back on leave, I stay at the barracks, and never leave the grounds. I can’t risk someone seeing me and telling Allie that I’m in town.

Although she believes Kyle’s convinced that she hates me, we know differently. He said that she’s dated a few guys here and there, but she won’t commit to them. Which provides me with hope that she’ll take me back when I return home. We have six months left over in this shit hole, and I’m running out of this motherfucker like my boxers are soaked in gasoline and they’re firing missiles at my ass. I can’t get out of here fast enough.

“Not much, really. Sophie, Blake, and I are going to Willie’s tonight. Nothing spectacular or anything,” she replies. I’ve heard her talk a lot about these two, but I have to admit that I feel a little threatened by this Blake guy. She seems to be pretty fond of him, always bragging about how amazingly sweet he is and shit. If he were gay, I wouldn’t care, but he isn’t. Kyle already checked.

“Yeah. You’re not drinking though, are you?” Kyle asks protectively. The sound I love most fills my ears.

“I did plan on knocking back a few beers or so. Ya know, just until my tongue goes numb, and then I’ll slow it down,” she laughs.

“
Haha, funny girl,” Kyle smiles.

“I already told you that I don’t drink. Stop asking...Dad,” she teases.

“Good, keep it that way,” Kyle orders. “Hey look, I got to go, but I’ll try to call you again later,” Kyle informs.

“Okay,” Allie sighs. “I love you, be safe,” she adds.

“Love you too. And have fun, but not too much. Talk to you later, Al.” As usual, my heart drops as he hangs up the phone. He slaps me on the shoulder before we head out
.
“Head up, man. It won’t be too long and you’ll have her in your arms again.”

God, I hope so.

“When’s the next time you’re going back? Is it in one week?” I ask.

He nods, “Yeah, this is the last leave I’ll get before I’m home for good.” Lucky bastard. I’m here until the rest of my term. “I can’t wait to go back home, permanently. Six months seems like a lifetime away.”

“Nah, it’s not so bad. I plan on re-enlisting,” he announces.

What. The. Fuck!

“Why would you want to do that?” I ask, seriously.

“I actually like being here. I miss Mom and Allie, but they need me,” he says, nodding his head towards the Iraqi children playing soccer.

“Yeah, well you enjoy helping them. Your ass is on your own this time. I’m never leaving Allie again, ever.”

He chuckles and walks off toward the other soldiers who are playing football.

***

One of our soldiers lost her life last week, and I haven’t been able to hear her voice since then. My heart goes out to her family; she was a wife and mother of two. I couldn’t imagine being the husband receiving that news. Kyle and I have been lucky as shit while we’ve been here. We’ve escaped death multiple times, and this dodging death shit is getting old.

I’m over it.

Kyle and I aren’t together today. He has patrol duty, doing traffic stops. And I’m on guard in one of the towers nearby. “Alright, man, this is where we separate. Catch you later,” he says, walking to his post.

“Got your back, Anderson,” I assure. He hates doing traffic stops; you never know what you’re going to get.

It’s about a five minute walk to the tower from where Kyle’s at today. I’m three minutes in when the ground shakes and I hear a massive explosion coming from Kyle’s direction. I grip my gun and haul ass to where he’s supposed to be. This is the only time I’m appreciative for the drills we do. They are a major pain in the ass, but necessary.

As I round the corner, I have to fight through terrified citizens. I see a car on fire and several body parts scattered over the dust on the ground. I skim the area for Kyle, but I don’t see him. I see a boot sticking out from under one of the blown-to-bits wooden fruit stands. I run and rummage through the wood. “Kyle!” I scream, searching through the rubble for him, but no one answers. For a moment, I’m hopeful that this isn’t him; that he dodged death once again.

I remove several pieces of metal and call for him again. “
Anderson, answer me, dammit!”

Still nothing.

Finally, I remove the last layer of metal and wood and see Kyle. He’s flat on his back, and his face is black, cut, and burned. Blood is squirting from his neck. “Fuck me,” I mumble. I’m not supposed to remove any part of my uniform, but fuck this, I need something to stop the bleeding.

I undo my vest and remove my jacket. I ball it up and place it to Kyle’s carotid, where there are two nails lodged into the side of his neck.
Fuck, fuck, fuck! This isn’t good. Shit! I hear the sirens in the distance, but with all the rubble, they won’t make it in time.

“Cooper, what the fuck is in my neck?” Kyle asks, his voice just above a whisper.

This isn’t happening. God, please no. Three and a half years we’ve been here; he’s going home in a few days for fuck’s sake.

“It’s nothing, man. Just a nail or two....no big deal,” I joke, in attempt to calm him.

Ah shit, his face is turning pale. I can’t leave him to see where in the hell our help is. If I move my shirt, he’ll die quickly. I need to remove the nails, but I could do more damage than good.

“I’m dying, man,” he manages to whisper.

I shake my head, denial pulsating through my brain. “Shut the fuck up. You’re not dying,” I promise. “Listen, no more talking. Do not move. I’m going to ask you a question, blink once for yes and twice for no. Can you lift your hand to your neck?” I ask, hoping he has the strength. If he can, I’ll carry him to get help, but he’ll have to apply pressure to his neck. He responds by blinking two times. Shit.

Think Wyatt, damn. I have to do something! I have to keep his heart beating.

“Wyatt,” he chokes, blood seeping out of his mouth with his attempt to speak.

“Shut up. Don’t you fucking say
it. Don’t you dare give up, not now. Not after all these years. You fight, dammit! You hear me?”

He blinks once for yes. Good.

The sirens get closer, but still not close enough. Deep down, I know this is it, but I can’t accept it. I don’t know how.

“Go home to her when you’re done,” Kyle says, his voice weak. “Tell them I love them, and that...” His eyelids begin to close.

“Open your eyes, dammit! Open. Your. Eyes!” I order. He lifts them slowly. “Fight, push through this. You promised her, Anderson. You do not break your promises,” I choke out.

But he is, he’s breaking his promise. FUCK! Why is this happening? He’s fading. His eyes flutter back and forth, and he’s paler than a cloud on a sunny day.

“I’m okay to die. I’m fine,” he attempts to whisper. I hang my head as tears fill my eyes. “Just
,
don’t give up on her, okay? She loves you. She’s never stopped,” he pauses to cough. Blood sprays from his mouth as he coughs.

“I won’t give up,” I promise. “I’ll fight for her. I
won’t give up,” I assure him.

He opens his mouth to speak, but gasps instead.

“No. No, no, no! Wake up!” I smack his cheek hard enough to get his attention, but he doesn’t respond.

Shit. Maybe the pressure against his artery has caused him to black out. I release some pressure from his neck, but as I ease up, blood seeps through my thick jacket and covers my hand. I know he’s lost too much blood.

I use the fingers of my free hand and force his eyelids open. “Anderson, open your motherfucking eyes now...please,” I sob. Fuck being strong. How can I be strong when the only brother I’ve ever known is dying in my fucking arms? This can’t be it. This can’t be the end. We’ve been through too much shit over the last few years for it to end right now.

He still doesn’t respond. And deep down inside I know, even if the ambulance got here now; he wouldn’t make it. I watch as his chest stills, and his body goes limp.
Using my fingers, I check his opposite carotid for a pulse, but I feel nothing.

I lift my eyes to the sky, angry with my ‘Protector’. “What am I supposed to do now, huh? Why now? Out of the goddamn years you’ve saved us, why the fuck now!” I choke. I release the pressure from his neck, scoop him into my arms, and carry him away from the ruckus. My best friend, my brother...is gone.

Allie is going to lose her shit, and this time, I’m not there to comfort her. There’s nothing I can do. I can’t even call her; the phones will be shut down until they notify Lucille. I can’t imagine how hard Lucille is going to take the news. They say the worst pain in the world is experiencing the loss of a child. All I want to do is be there for them.

I feel like such a fucking failure. I came here to protect him, to keep him alive. I came here to prevent Lucille and Allie from feeling the pain of losing another loved one. I vowed to throw myself in front of bullets and bombs for him. This is what I get for letting my guard down, for getting comfortable with the quietness we’ve had over the last few weeks.

Finally, I’m met by the paramedics. They don’t have to ask me anything. They know who he is, who doesn’t? Plus, he’s identified by his name badge and unit patch on the side of his uniform. They don’t have to ask what happened; they can tell by the rubble, the ruckus, the burns to his face and hands, and the nails sticking out from his neck.

I fall to my knees and lay Kyle to the ground. I take my fingers and close his eyelids. Before I remove my hands from his body, I whisper my final farewell. “This isn’t goodbye, bro. This is ‘see you later’. Watch over me. Keep me safe and help me return home. Love you, man.”

Once the medics are finished checking his vital signs, to verify he doesn’t have a heartbeat, they call out his time of death; 13:30. They load him into the back of the vehicle, hand me some water, and drive away. Leaving me behind and alone, but not for long. I vowed to keep my promise of returning to Jacksonville, and I will.

I will not give up on Allie.

I don’t give a fuck if she’s moved on by the time I get back or not. I will fight for her until my heart stops beating.

I will never give up.

The End

Shattered and Mended

Coming April 2014