All for This (5 page)

“How all of this happened. The pregnancy, the postponed wedding, your whole relationship with Nate Crane. A few days before your accident, you couldn’t
wait
to marry Max.”

I freeze with a tray of scones in my hands. “I couldn’t?”

“The sooner the better, you told me. You weren’t even wearing a ring yet, but you just wanted to start your life with him.”

“I said that?” I whisper.

“Yes. And it didn’t surprise me that you felt that way. Of course you would. You and Max were always so good together.” She looks down at her coffee and draws in a breath. “Then you had that horrible accident. You seemed so reluctant to make wedding plans, but I thought it was because you couldn’t remember. Then, suddenly, you were pregnant with another man’s baby. It didn’t make sense to me.”

“When did I tell you I wanted to marry Max?” I ask, pressing. Would I have told her that to help with his chances to get the grant? No. That doesn’t make sense. She would have been just as likely to support Max as my boyfriend as she would have if he were my fiancé.

Mom frowns at me. “Shortly before your accident.”

“But
when
?” I squeak. Mentally, I’m calculating what I know, what I remember, and trying to fit it in.

Mom props her hands on her hips. “Why does it matter?”

“I still don’t remember everything,” I explain. “And those last four days are still completely gone. I want to know.”

Her eyes tilt to the ceiling. “Well, I guess it was after Abby’s party. The day after, maybe? Because you’d forgotten to bring her gift to the party and you were swinging by the house to drop one off. Gosh, you know, maybe it was the day before your accident. That evening.”

“And I wasn’t wearing the ring?”

She shakes her head. “The first time I saw your ring, you were in the hospital. Why don’t you ask Max when he proposed? He can fill in some details.”

Because he proposed months before
.

Mom cocks her head. “You look pale, Hanna. Are you sleeping enough? You need to make sleep a priority for those babies. Pregnancy is hard on the body.”

“I will,” I promise. I hand her a cup of coffee and lead her out the door.

It’s so tempting to hold on to the secret as long as I can. I force myself to pick up my phone and text Nate.

“D
ADDY!”

My heart swells as Collin runs to me across Asher’s backyard. I squat and open my arms, and he throws himself in them, hugging me as I lift him off the ground. I can breathe easier when he’s close to me. He’s the reminder of all the reasons I needed to let Hanna go. All the reasons I should wish her well in her life with Max. He’s the only thing that matters.

“I knew you weren’t dead,” Collin says, his face buried in my neck. “I just knew it.”

I stroke his dark hair, close my eyes, and say a prayer. “I love you, buddy.”

He gives me one more squeeze before pulling back and grinning at me. “Mommy said I can stay here for a while. Is that true? Do I get to sleep over at Uncle Asher’s house?”

Five minutes ago, I didn’t feel like smiling, but Collin’s happiness is contagious, and nothing matters now that he’s here—safe and with me, where he belongs.

“It’s true,” I answer. “How was the flight?”

“Awesome! Mommy let me drink champagne and then she played DS with me! Did you know she can beat all the levels on
Luigi’s Mansion
?”

I lift my gaze to Vivian, who followed Collin into the yard. “Ginger ale,” she explains. “Extra yummy in a champagne flute.”

“Drake,” I say, nodding to her personal security guard.

The tall man straightens his sleek leather jacket and nods as a greeting. He’s been Vivian’s bodyguard since we were teenagers, and I’ve seen him bloody faces of men who dared get their hands or their cameras too close to Vivian. His flowing, platinum-blond hair and ghostly blue eyes make him a more likely candidate for a retro romance novel cover than a security guard, but he’s good at his job.

“Is that Collin I see out there?” Asher calls from the patio.

“It is!” Collin squirms, and I set him on his feet so he can run after “Uncle” Asher.

“Thanks for bringing him,” I tell Vivian. After over a week in silence, speaking still feels odd. When I went to India to join Janelle at her little spiritual retreat, I had no idea I’d be handing over my electronics and my right to speak for the foreseeable future. Not that I cared. I didn’t want to talk to anyone anyway.

“The last thing you needed was a paparazzo catching your reunion or, worse, following you here. It was better this way.”

I nod, watching as Collin follows Asher into the house. “Jamaal will be here soon, and Asher and I are hiring extra security. They’ll find me here, but I don’t have to let them get close.”

Her shoulders drop a little, and I know she’s relieved. She’s never been fond of what she sees as my “lax” security measures. “I’m glad to hear it.”

“How’s he handling the divorce?” I ask, looking at Collin.

She shrugs and puts on the brave smile I recognize so well. “Better than expected, I guess. Except he seems to think this means you and I are getting back together, and I try to explain that sometimes mommies and daddies love each other but can’t be together.”

“Viv,” I whisper.

She shakes her head. “Don’t apologize. That makes me feel worse.”

“I need to apologize, especially about what happened in London. It was—”

She puts her fingers to my lips. “Stop while you’re ahead. Please. I’m just glad you’re not dead. The rest is irrelevant.”

I pull her into a hug and press a kiss to the top of her head. “I’ll always love you. You gave me my son.”

“Be careful.”

“I’m not getting in a helicopter anytime soon, so you don’t need to—”

“With
her
, Nathaniel. Be careful with that girl. I don’t trust her.”

“Hanna?”

She nods. “I don’t want to see you hurt.”

Too late.
“You’re the one who insisted I tell her how I feel.”

“That was before I knew she was seeing someone else. I saw them together.”

“I know about her fiancé, Viv. Just…back off, okay?”

“She’s engaged to him?” She smacks me in the chest. “Why are you messing around with a woman who’s engaged to someone else?”

“She wasn’t engaged then.”

My phone buzzes. Hanna’s name scrolls across the screen, making my gut flip and clench all in one riotous movement. All summer long, texts from Hanna were the highlight of my days. How long has it been since I received a text message from her?

Hanna:
Can we talk tonight?

Nate:
What’s there to say?

Hanna:
Please.

I swallow as I stare at the single word in her last message.
Please.
I can’t say no to her, even if seeing her with his ring on her finger will kill something inside me.

“Is that her?” Vivian asks. She reaches for my phone, and I sidestep her.

“Back off, Viv. Don’t try to mother-bear me. This doesn’t concern you.”

“You said you told her how you felt.”

“I did,” I growl. “Drop it.”

“You see? It’s better. Now you know and—”

I don’t hear the rest because I’m walking away. The last thing I need right now is to hear Vivian’s opinion of my relationship with Hanna. When I’m alone in the house again, I reply to Hanna’s last text.

Nate:
The dock. Nine thirty.

“H
OW ARE
you holding up?”

I’m quiet for a minute, looking around Brady’s. There have been plenty of curious glances thrown my way since William and I sat down with our beer. The news of Hanna’s and my canceled wedding spread across town like the best kind of gossip.

By now, half the town knows Hanna is pregnant with another man’s baby, though I’m not sure who leaked that information. Not that it was a secret, but the summer breakup was. The story of her pregnancy is irresistible to the gossip hounds.

“I’m good,” I finally say. William is studying me as if he doesn’t trust my words. “Relieved, honestly.”

He raises a brow. “Yeah?”

I’m not sure how to explain it. I want Hanna, but I want her to be with me because I’m her choice, not because a tragedy made me the default choice. Every night I slept with her in my arms felt like a miracle made possible by the death of someone she loved. His death tainted what we had.

I only say, “It’s better this way.”

“You two are okay?”

I wish I knew. “She’s still in love with him.”

“She’s still in love with you, too,” Will says, and I nod because that’s what I’ve been holding on to. “Where is she tonight?”

“She’s meeting Nate.” I swallow. “She needs to tell him about the babies.” I offered to go with her. I wanted him to see that I’m standing by her side through all of this, but she declined.
“Having you there will just hurt him more.”

“He’s going to fight for her,” Will warns.

“I’ll fight harder.”

Will grins his approval.

I have to change the subject. If I think too much about Hanna meeting Nate tonight, I’ll lose my mind. “How’s Cally feeling?”