All for This (9 page)

“S
OMEBODY HAD
a late night,” I call when Liz pushes into the bakery.

She looks like hell warmed over this morning. Her blond curls are pulled back in a ponytail and her eyes are barely open. And thank God she’s here. Mom showed up twenty minutes ago and has been quizzing me about my plans for the twins. It’s not even seven a.m. and my brain is spinning with information on breastfeeding and the dangers of co-sleeping as well as her opinions about the attachment parenting movement.

“It’s not the late night that’s the problem,” Liz mutters. “It’s the early morning.”

Mom frowns at her and clears her throat. “Claudia Bauer saw you leaving Sam Bradshaw’s apartment the other day. Sam’s a nice boy, but if you give him what he wants now, he’s never going to marry you.”

Liz narrows her puffy eyes at Mom. “I don’t want to marry Sam,” she growls, heading for the coffee. “I just want to fuck him.”

Mom gasps, and I have to bite my lip to keep from laughing. Seriously, the woman should know better than to pick a fight with Liz this early in the morning. Liz and mornings are mortal enemies, and she takes her loathing out on everyone stupid enough to get too close.

Mom huffs. “I’ll say an extra prayer for you at church, Elizabeth. Your sister Maggie went through this phase too. And now Hanna’s having babies out of wedlock. Heaven help me, you’d think I didn’t bring my girls up in the Church.”

Liz mutters something unintelligible under her breath. Probably for the best that Mom couldn’t hear.

I pack up an assortment of pastries and see Mom to the door. “Take these for your Bible study group,” I say. When she’s gone, I turn to Liz. “I cannot believe you just told our mother you were using Sam Bradshaw for sex.”

She chugs half her cup of creamer-and-sugar-filled coffee before replying. “I didn’t say I was using him for sex. I said I don’t want to marry him. I want to fuck him. And the look on her face was totally worth it.”

“You’re going to burn in hell.” I giggle.

“Well, I’ll have the best company.” She laughs, but then her face goes serious again. “I have to tell you something.”

“I don’t know if I like the sound of that.”

Sighing, she avoids my gaze. “You know how much I appreciate my job, don’t you? I mean, you took me in and gave me work when you were pissed at me for the whole Max thing. Even though I totally wish you would have
told
me that’s why you were pissed, I still think it’s pretty awesome that you did that for me.”

“Are you quitting?”

“Yeah,” she says. “Kind of. Do you hate me?”

“Of course not! Did you get a new job? That’s great!” I hug her, and when I draw back, she’s grinning.

“I’m so excited. One of the girls who graduated from the El Ed program with me is starting a preschool, and she wants me to be her partner. Isn’t that awesome?”

“Oh, Liz! That’s great! I’m so happy for you!”

She frowns. “But you already work too much, and now that you’re pregnant, I really hate leaving.”

“Don’t worry about it,” I insist. “I never intended to have you here forever. You were helping me with my dream, and now it’s time for you to go after yours.”

“Best. Sister. Ever,” she whispers.

“Just tell me what I can do to help.”

“How about you start by planning to enroll those babies of yours in my preschool when the time comes. I’ll hold their spot.”

I feel the blood drain from my face. “I never realized how many decisions and plans are required when you’re a new mother. It’s just overwhelming. I know I won’t be doing it alone, and I know Max would help me with anything I wanted, but I feel guilty because it’s all I ever talk about and they’re not even his babies.” I take a breath and then another. Then I go to the kitchen to get a cold washcloth for my face because that’s the best thing I’ve found for these nausea spells.

Liz follows me and beats me to the sink, wetting a towel and handing it to me.

The bell in the front rings, letting us know someone just arrived.

“I’ll get it,” she says.

“Thanks.” I drape the washcloth across my forehead and close my eyes, listening to Liz talk to the customer.

“Oh,” she says. “Hmm. Um. How are you?”

“Where’s Hanna?” I know the voice, and an unwelcome thrill dances up my spine as Nate pushes into my kitchen and stalks toward me.

“Customers aren’t allowed back here,” Liz says behind him.

“Don’t do it,” he says, and those dark, broody eyes are all over me like he’s trying to take me in, memorize me.

I take a deep breath and look to my sister. “You should probably go.” Then I turn to Nate. “Don’t do what?”

“Um…” Liz looks Nate up and down. “Are you sure? Because I can stay to protect you. Or…try.” God bless her, she’s standing behind Nate with her hands on her hips, ready to swing on my behalf.

“Why don’t you give us a minute?”

She narrows her eyes at Nate. “Hurt her and I’ll cut off your balls in your sleep.” Then she pushes out of the kitchen, the door swinging wildly behind her.

“Don’t move in with him,” Nate says.

“What are you talking about?” I ask.

“I thought you said you weren’t moving forward with Max until after the babies were born. Don’t you think moving in is moving forward?”

“I don’t know where you get your information, but I’m not moving in with him.”

“You’re not?”

I shake my head. “He asked me to, and I said no.”

He must have been expecting a fight, because his shoulders relax and he drags a hand through his hair. “Thank you.”

I toss my washcloth into the sink. “Is that all?”

“No.” He lifts his eyes to mine. “I need to apologize.”

“For what?”

“For this.”

In two long strides, he closes the space between us and presses his mouth to mine. His lips are hot and hungry as his tongue sweeps inside—coaxing and demanding all at once. And it’s so good. So sweet and easy and safe that, for a breath, I forget how wrong it is. I’m back in the hotel in St. Louis, finding myself in the fire between us. For a breath, I forget that I’m wearing Max’s ring.

I shove at his shoulder and push him away. “Don’t do that again.” My stomach squeezes, and my heart is so battered and beaten that it’s unrecognizable.

H
ER EYES
flash with anger, disappointment, and heat. “Do you think you can win me with a kiss? Did you think I’m so fickle that your mouth on mine is enough to convince me to break Max’s heart?”

I step forward, blocking her between me and the counter as I lower my mouth to her ear. “I thought maybe you needed a reminder.”

“What do you want from me? You want me to admit that I want you? You know I do. You want me to tell you I’m still in love with you? It’s true.”

My heart swells and hammers at her words. I don’t know if I’ll ever feel worthy of Hanna’s love, but that doesn’t change that I want it,
need
it like I need air.

“Isn’t that enough? Is it like this with him? When he’s whispering in your ear, does your body hum with need? We both know I could kiss you again and make you forget him. I could kiss you until you wanted me so badly you climbed onto that counter and let me touch you everywhere, let me do anything I wanted with your body.”

“You won’t,” she says, her voice shaking slightly.

“Are you so sure?”

“You won’t,” she repeats, “because I’m asking you not to. You won’t because you’re too good not to respect that.”

“I don’t want to be
good
,” I growl. I step back so I can see her face—her parted lips, her smoky eyes. “I want
you
.”

“I’m taken.”

“What happened?” I ask, scanning her face, trying to read her shielding expression. “Between when I left LA and when I came back to New Hope, what happened to make you take him back?”

She’s silent for a minute, and I wonder if she’s going to tell me the truth. “I found out he bought me the bakery—that all my worries and insecurities about our relationship were totally unfounded.”

“I’ll buy you a hundred bakeries.”

“But I don’t want a hundred bakeries. I only want this one.”

Here. In New Hope
. I close my eyes because I can’t deny that geography still stands between us.

“Please don’t kiss me again.”

“What if you ask me to?”

She swallows. “I won’t ask.”