All I Ever Need Is You (20 page)

“The last time I saw you, when you were dancing with Adam Sullivan, you looked so different. So happy. At least, until I showed up,” her mother said with a rueful smile. “I didn’t mean to ruin your beautiful moment.”

Kerry wanted to tell her mother that she hadn’t ruined anything. But that was a lie she couldn’t get past her lips. Instead, she told her what she was absolutely positive she wanted to hear. “Adam and I, we aren’t”—she could barely keep her voice from breaking before she got to the final word—“together.”

This was where her mother was supposed to sigh with relief. Instead, she frowned and said, “I’ve always gone by first impressions. A skill that I passed on to you. However, what’s taken me sixty-odd years to recognize is that sometimes those first impressions aren’t right. Sometimes you need to take a step back to take stock of what the
actual
situation is. Take your father, for example. He swept me off my feet. But the man he turned out to be after those first impressions had faded... Well, you know precisely how that turned out. I don’t always get it right, Kerry. Particularly, I’m afraid, when it comes to the man you were dating.”

“But Adam and I were never dating.”

Only, was that really true? Because even though they’d had an
arrangement
, hadn’t they repeatedly broken the rules they’d set for themselves?

“Well, maybe we...” Kerry was so tired from fighting her feelings that she nearly laid her head down on the table. “I don’t know what we were.” Her chest was clenched tight as she admitted, “I don’t know what we
are
.”

“Oh, honey.” Her mother’s arms came around her, holding her tight. “Maybe you should give yourself some room to find out.”

Kerry was officially beyond speechless now. “Wait.” She was sure she had this wrong. “Are you actually telling me to date Adam Sullivan, one of Seattle’s most notorious playboys?”

Her mother brushed the hair back from her face, just as she had when she was a little girl and it had come out of her ponytail. “I love both you and your sister, but the two of you have never been the same. You’ve always had a good head on your shoulders. Whether it’s business or love, I trust you, honey. And I’m proud of you. So for once, instead of promising me to be safe, I’m hoping you’ll make me a different promise. A promise to trust your instincts. And if you fall in love, to let yourself love with your whole heart.”

* * *

Tuesday

Adam left for the lake right after meeting with Kerry’s mother on Sunday. And since the moment he’d arrived, all he wanted to do was call Kerry, hear her voice, and tell her she should be standing on the beach with him, in his arms.

He wanted her back now. Yesterday. Tomorrow.

Always.

But he knew she needed time, needed space. The time and space to miss him. And to long for him the way he was longing for her, every second of every day.

Soon, he reminded himself for the zillionth time, she’d be here for three days of wedding romance, not to mention a dozen Sullivan happy-ever-afters all around them. But Adam had never waited for anything in his life, and it was killing him not to speed back to Seattle, charge into her office, throw her over his shoulder, and lock the two of them in one of their fancy hotel suites until she accepted what he already knew for sure—that they belonged together.

For the first time in days, he smiled, thinking of what her reaction to
that
would be. First cool as she would try to freeze him out, then hot as she would blast him for being so presumptuous. But he’d do anything to get her to consider taking him back.

He was glad that he’d had so much work to do building the gazebo for the past two days, though every nail he pounded, every board he cut, every swipe of the paintbrush made him think of how excited Kerry had been about this addition to the wedding plans. Adam had always been good at carpentry, but he’d never done work this good. He’d never wanted to please anyone more than he wanted to please Kerry, in any and every way that he could.

Normally, when he was at the lake he liked to spend as much time with his family as possible. But since he wasn’t good company right now, he’d tried to steer clear of the happy couple.

There’d been no getting out of the bonfire the three of them were sitting in front of tonight, though. Just as there was no getting away from the concern in Brooke’s eyes as she watched him from across the fire and asked, “Is everything okay, Adam?”

Rafe handed him a beer. “Is one of your projects at work giving you trouble? You mentioned that building last week that was practically falling down when you took it over.”

“Work’s fine.”

Adam took a long pull from the bottle, feeling a tug of guilt about not confiding in his brother and Brooke about Kerry. But he’d promised her that it would stay only between them—with his father as the only exception. Adam couldn’t betray Kerry’s trust by telling everyone in his family about them. One day soon, he hoped she’d be here with him, and they’d tell everyone together.

But for now, all he could say was, “I’m trying to work out something in my head and hoping it will come out right.”

In the firelight, he could easily read the shock on their faces. “When have you ever not been sure about something?” Brooke sounded as surprised as she looked.

“Guess there’s a first time for everything, isn’t there?” Even the one Sullivan who’d never planned to fall in love losing his mind over it. Knowing there was no point in continuing to spread his dark cloud over the two lovebirds, he stood up. “I’m going to head in. Enjoy the fire.”

Thankfully, they didn’t ask him to stay.

* * *

“Rafe, I think your brother...” Brooke was still staring after Adam, though he’d already gone into the house next door to theirs, which Max and Claudia Sullivan owned. “I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but I think Adam’s in love.”

“Since I can’t think of anything else that could possibly mess with him like this, I’m going to guess you’re right on the money.”

“Adam Sullivan in love. I can hardly believe it.” Brooke shook her head in wonder. “But who could possibly have stolen your brother’s locked-up heart?” Rafe gave her a huge grin, one that tuned right into her almost-married-couple ESP. “Oh, my God.” She grabbed her fiancé’s hands. “Kerry!”

He nodded. “Of all the people in the world to end up falling for a wedding planner, Adam’s got to be the best.”

Suddenly, Brooke’s smile fell away. “Wait, he was talking about hoping things would work out. Do you think that means she doesn’t love him back?”

Rafe also frowned. “My brother definitely has his faults, but he’s also one of the best men I’ve ever known.”

“Surely she’s got to see that,” Brooke agreed.

But as they held on to each other in front of the fire on the beach, both of them were silently hoping for the same thing: that Adam would end up getting his happily ever after. One as wonderful as the love that Rafe and Brooke were about to seal with vows and wedding rings in only a few short days.

* * *

Wednesday

Kerry was getting desperate. She’d try anything to get to sleep at this point. Warm milk. Chamomile tea. Even a hot rum toddy. Today, she prayed a long walk up and down the downtown Seattle streets between meetings would wear her out by evening.

She’d walked past plenty of construction sites over the years, but none of them made her heart race until she’d met Adam. Suddenly, she found herself looking at all the crews a little more closely, searching for that familiar swagger, for that cocky smile that made it impossible not to smile back.

And then—she swore she saw him. Tall, dark, broad shoulders, moving through the job site like he owned the world. Kerry’s heart raced, her palms got sweaty, and she had already turned in from the sidewalk to head his way when the guy turned around.

It wasn’t Adam.

Her heart fell so hard, so long, so painfully, that she had to put a hand on a metal rail to steady herself. Of course Adam wasn’t here in Seattle. He’d been planning to head up to the lake that weekend to build the gazebo.

He hadn’t texted, hadn’t emailed, hadn’t called since Thursday night, and neither had she. It was going to take them a little while to reset their boundaries to just friends, she knew that. But even if she was never going to kiss him again or make love with him again, she
missed
him. Missed her friend, the best one she’d ever had. She missed his teasing, missed his laughter, missed being able to talk with him about anything at all.

Kerry was nearly back at her office when she stopped and turned around. She hadn’t planned to head up to the lake to set up for Rafe and Brooke’s wedding until tomorrow morning. But she couldn’t stand it anymore.

Even if it was too soon, even if she and Adam were both still too close to the end of one phase of their relationship, missing him was a deep ache that came from way down inside. And as far as she could tell, there was nothing that she could do here in Seattle to make the ache go away—not wine or food or TV or burying herself in work.

Only Adam could make her happier.

* * *

Adam put the final touches on the lattice on the gazebo and stepped back to look it over. It was as perfect as anything he’d ever built. Rafe and Brooke had come out earlier before leaving for their overnight trip into Seattle and exclaimed over how great it was. The hug Brooke had given him had been big enough, and gone on for long enough, that he’d shot his brother a questioning look over her shoulder. But his brother had just shrugged, so Adam figured it was probably wedding nerves.

Either that, or the two of them were worried about him big-time, given the way he’d brooded over the bonfire for the full five minutes he’d joined them last night.

Hell, he thought as he stripped off his shirt and shoes so that he could toss himself off the end of the dock in his shorts, he was almost starting to worry about himself, too. All night, and every minute that had ticked by today, he’d had to practically nail his fingers to the gazebo to keep from getting in his car to go get Kerry.

How was he going to make it until she showed up tomorrow? At this rate, one more day was going to kill him when each hour, each second, had never gone so slowly.

Damn it, he was going to her.
Now.

Adam was halfway up the beach, planning to grab his car keys and drive into Seattle, when he heard a car pull up behind Rafe and Brooke’s house.

And saw the most beautiful woman in the world step out of it.

Kerry hadn’t been surprised to find Rafe and Brooke’s driveway empty when she’d pulled in behind their lake house. They’d told her they weren’t going to be back until late that night, but since everything was unlocked, she should let herself in and use anything she needed. They’d also told her that if she needed help with anything, Adam would be there working on the gazebo and staying next door at their parents’ lake house. Everyone else in the family would be arriving the following evening, while guests who weren’t related would come a day later for the actual wedding.

Adam’s car was parked next door, and just seeing the vehicle that they’d once nearly made love in made her heart beat so hard that she could hardly breathe.

If she could barely keep it together just looking at his car, how the heck was she going to deal with actually seeing
him
again? But she knew she had to figure out a way to do just that, and quickly, because she had an amazing wedding to put on.

Friends
, she reminded herself. She and Adam were just going to be friends now. Friends who might not actually have talked to one another for nearly a week, but still—she hoped and prayed—friends.

The sun was setting as Kerry stepped out of her car. Since she would be staying at an inn a short distance away from Rafe and Brooke’s cottage, she left her things in the trunk. Taking a deep breath of the wonderfully clean lake air, she headed toward the beach where both the wedding and the reception would be set.

The first thing she saw was the most incredible gazebo ever made, one so beautiful that her jaw actually dropped. Adam Sullivan wasn’t only a brilliant architect, he was also an artisan of the first order. She’d seen his plans, of course, but seeing the structure brought to life simply took her breath away.

Her eyes grew wet as she thought about Rafe and Brooke standing in the center of the gazebo saying their vows to each other.
Perfect.
It was absolutely perfect, and her emotions tore more deeply into her.

So deeply that when the sun momentarily shifted behind a cloud and she realized Adam was standing on the beach looking straight at her, she didn’t have even the barest chance of giving herself another of her many reminder lectures about why keeping the boundaries clean and clear between them was the smart thing to do.

Kerry couldn’t think straight anymore. Couldn’t figure out how to do anything but
want
as she kicked off her heels and ran toward him.

And, of course, his arms were open for her when she threw herself into them—just as open as they’d always been.

“Adam.”

She couldn’t press her lips against his soon enough. Couldn’t wrap herself around him nearly close enough. Again and again, she kissed him, and he kissed her back with just as much need. Just as much desperation.

“Too long.” She kissed him again, running her hands over his bare back. “It’s been so long, too long. I missed you so much.”

“I missed you, too.” His kisses were hard and deep, and still she wanted more. So much more. “Never again.”

“Never,” she echoed.

But then, instead of taking more, he drew back from her. “I promised myself I wouldn’t do this. That I wouldn’t let sex make us forget everything else. We need to talk, Kerry. Need to figure things out.”

“We will. I promise we will.” And even though she knew he was right, she couldn’t keep her hands or her mouth off him. “Later. We’ll talk later. About everything.”

He took her mouth again, rough and sweet and wonderful, before pulling back once more. “Promise me, Kerry. Promise me that you won’t run, won’t shut us down. Promise me you’ll talk to me. Really talk, even if it’s hard.”

“I promise. Just please,
please
, make love to me. In the water, on the sand, in a bed. I don’t care where, just as long as I’m with you.”

Thank God, her pleas and promise finally convinced him to give up the last vestiges of his control as he said, “Hold on to me.” He lifted her up so that she could wrap her arms and legs around him. “I need you everywhere, sweetheart. Every last one of those places. Tonight.”

“Yes.”
His kiss warmed her everywhere that the lake cooled her as he took them into the water. “Everywhere.
Anywhere.
”

Adam was wearing only shorts, but her lightweight dress immediately stuck to her skin, becoming transparent as it soaked up the water. When she heard ripping as he tore the dress off her, no sound had ever been sweeter. He covered her breasts with his mouth, first one, then the other, making both of them moan from the shocking pleasure of being together again.

Nothing else existed for them as they rediscovered each other with lips and hands, with gasps and sighs, with water sloshing between and all around them. Adam’s shorts were thrown on top of her clothes in a nearby rowboat, and with the water buoying her weight, it was so easy to cling to him and nearly take him inside the way they’d both wanted to so badly before. No protection, nothing between them at all.

“There’s no one else for me, Kerry. I swear I’m clean and safe.”

“I am, too,” she told him even though she knew he could already have guessed it, since she hadn’t been at all promiscuous before they’d met. “Take me like this. Just like this.”

“Will you—”

“No. I’m on the Pill.”

The sun had nearly set all the way by then, but there was just enough light for her to see the ecstasy in his expression as he moved into her at the same moment that she brought her weight all the way down onto him.

“You feel so good.” He kissed and licked and bit at her mouth, at her chin, at the curve of her shoulder as he pushed up into her. “So damned good.”

But she couldn’t speak at all anymore, couldn’t do anything but try to take him even deeper, even closer, with the water cradling them and the sun setting behind them. He held her hips in his big hands, rocking her down over him again and again until her breath was coming out in panting sobs and the water was rippling in a perfect circle all around them.

She felt utterly raw and exposed, but when he was loving her like this, it didn’t feel wrong to let her walls all fall away. Not when she knew he’d already dropped all of his.

“I love you.”

He’d said the words to her last week, but her heart had been locked up tight that night. Now, with the locks stripped away by longing, she finally heard him. Finally understood that he wasn’t just saying what he thought she wanted to hear.

“I love you.”

Every time he said it, the three little words went deeper into her, straight into the center of the heart she’d so carefully guarded her whole life.

“I love you.”

His mouth was barely a breath from hers, and where he would usually have been kissing her as she came apart in his arms, tonight he whispered the words over and over again—
IloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyou—
in a kiss made entirely of love.

Kerry went tumbling into a release so powerful, so astonishingly wonderful, that she could have sworn fireworks were shooting out over the lake. But tonight, every beautiful explosion, every dazzling detonation was inside of her as Adam’s lips finally crashed into hers again, and he kissed her through his own release.

The surface of the water around them calmed long before her own heart rate steadied. As she laid her head on his shoulder, the truth was that Kerry never wanted to let go. Never wanted to have to think past the beauty of their physical connection. Never wanted to have to dissect anything more than the fact that Adam made her feel safe and warm.

And loved. So loved that she reeled from it. She couldn’t quite believe that anyone could feel so deeply for her, deeply enough that he would say the words to her again and again and again the way Adam had.

He stroked her back. “I should take you inside and dry you off before you get cold.”

“I’m not cold,” she protested, but she knew her body temperature would soon drop. It was just that as soon as they got out of the water and got dressed and weren’t making love anymore, she’d have to make good on her promise. Her promise not to run, but to talk. Really talk to him about the two of them.

The moon illuminated his face as he put a hand on her cheek so that she would have to look him in the eye. “I know you promised to talk to me, but it doesn’t have to be tonight. Just getting to be close to you again is enough for me right now.”

It was so tempting to take him up on his offer to push off their talk. But there was too much between them, too many things left unsaid, too many needs and desires pushing at their boundaries, for them to simply get dressed and get to work on the wedding.

“No, we should talk now.”

His eyebrows went up. “Right now? Because I’m not sure I can get enough synapses to fire when we’re like this.”

It was so perfectly right, so wonderfully natural to be wrapped up in his arms, that it took her a few seconds to realize they were still totally connected in every way they could be under the water. Nervous laughter escaped her.

“You’re right, we can get dressed first.”

“God, I love to hear that sound. Your laughter.” He closed his eyes, as though the emotions he was feeling were too strong for him to deal with. “It’s one of the most beautiful sounds in the world.”

Her entire chest warmed even as shivers started to take over the rest of her.

“Come on, beautiful, let’s get you into a warm shower.”

Kerry had never been an exhibitionist, had never thought she’d do anything as crazy as having sex in a lake, but as he handed her his T-shirt from the dock to put on and she walked out of the water nearly naked and holding Adam’s hand, she felt strangely calm about the incredible breach in the propriety she’d been raised with.

And, of course, when they finally made it to the shower, there wasn’t any chance at all that they wouldn’t come together again. Just as fast as they had in the lake, just as desperately, with her back against the tiled wall and his hands tangled in her hair while he kissed her the entire time that he loved her back over the edge of exquisite pleasure.

He didn’t say
I love you
this time, but she heard it in every stroke of his body into hers, in the pounding beat of his heart against hers, in the dance of his tongue over hers.

She hadn’t slept well for the past week, and as soon as he draped a big plush towel around her body and began to gently dry her skin, her eyelids started to droop.

“You’re exhausted.”

“No,” she protested. “I’m okay. We can still—”

“Talk after you rest.”

He lifted her into his arms before she could make any more protests and brought her into a rumpled bed that smelled wonderfully like him. She should have told him she was staying at the inn and that she needed to take her nap there. Instead, she said, “You never make your bed, do you?”

“Never could figure out why I should bother when I’m just going to get back into it again.”

“Because,” she said before yawning big and long, “it looks prettier when it’s made.”

Her entire body felt lax and loose again after making love with Adam twice in a row. But it was more than just sex that had her finally feeling like she could relax.

It was knowing that he’d still be there when she woke up.

“If you ask me,” he said as he looked down at her, “the bed has never looked prettier than it does right now.”

She was so very tired, but the desire in his words had her blood heating again. “You promised to make love to me in all three places I listed. You’ve given me two, if we switch the shower for the sand.” She reached for him. “Now I want the bed.”

And, of course, he gave her everything she wanted.

Just the way he always had before.