All In: Playing the Fool (Gambling With Love) (26 page)

"I know. I didn't do
anything
! I should have. I should've been there for her. But I wasn’t!" I told him through the tears. "I was too self-absorbed in my own life to notice my mom was suicidal."

"Lacy, your mom didn't want any help. She's been like this for years. You know that. I used to try to convince her to get help or see her doctor about getting treatment. She always refused."

"Maybe we should have both tried harder," I told him.

"Maybe so," he agreed, giving my shoulders a squeeze.

...

Will

I pulled up another strand of grass from between the wooden slats on the front stoop and shredded it, just like the ninety-nine blades before it. I was angry at myself for hurting Lacy. So much so that at the time when she most needed someone that cared for her, she pushed me away. Everything had been perfect…until I fucked it up.

"Hey," Dylan sat when he sat down beside me. "How you doing?"

"Fucking awesome."

"Lacy still pissed at you?"

"Oh yeah," I responded, rubbing my cheek that still stung. I knew I deserved so much worse than a single slap. "She was just so upset that she didn't remember until a few minutes ago. I thought…I'm so stupid. I thought she'd actually forgiven me. Forgiven us."

"Yeah, everyone just heard her yell at Joe to get the fuck away from her."

"At least he didn't get slapped," I replied.

"Have you tried talking to her?" Dylan asked.

"Uh-huh. I've sent her texts and left so many messages I've lost count. I'm not going to try and talk to her here or now. She's got too much on her. I can't even imagine how tough this is for her, and I feel like shit because I fucked up and can't be there for her."

"Look, you screwed up, and I know right now that it seems irreparable, but I've been there. She'll forgive you. Most likely. It'll probably just take some time."

I shook my head. "I'm not so sure about that. She's started a new life here. Hell, for all I know, she's seeing Zack again. He's here and she didn't waste any time running to his house the first night."

The door behind us suddenly slammed. When I glanced over my shoulder I saw Joe angrily pound both of his fists against the brick townhouse wall before leaning his forehead against it in defeat. I knew exactly how he felt. Seeing Lacy so upset and not being able to comfort her hurt more than any fucking thing I'd ever experienced before.

None of us said another word, not until Lacy's dad stormed out of the house.

"I thought I made it clear that you were to stay away from Lacy!" he yelled at me, towering over where I sat on the stairs, his face red in anger. "By Monday morning, you'll be unemployed!"

"Does your offer still stand?" I turned and asked Dylan with a heavy sigh.

"Hell yes," he replied.

"I'm sorry for your loss, Mr. Pierce. And when you talk to my boss, tell him that I quit," I said to Lacy's father. "Oh and tell him that they just lost Daughtry Brewing's business, their biggest account."

"You're fired too!" the middle-aged man shifted his anger when he realized he didn't have any effect on me. He started yelling at Joe, who was still standing on the porch.

"Did I forget to turn in my notice? Shit, that's right, I did. I just got hired by the District Attorney, and I start in three weeks," Joe replied coolly. "And Jess is quitting too."

"Fuck you both for whatever the hell you did to Lacy! She's got too much on her to have to deal with you two assholes screwing with her!"

He was right, of course. I stood up and looked at Joe. "You ready?"

"No, but we should probably go," he replied, sighing in frustration.

"I'll go get Jules and Chad," Dylan said, standing up to walk back inside the townhouse.

"I better not hear of either of you going anywhere near Lacy!
Do you hear me
?"

"Or what? You can't fire us anymore. If she changes her mind and wants to see us, there's not a damn thing you can do about it," I told him.

He laughed and shook his head. "Lacy's
never
going to want to see either of you again. I just gave Zack my blessing. She'll be Lacy Bradford before the end of the year."

No, no, no. My lungs forgot how to work. She couldn't…he'd cheat on her again and keep hurting her. She deserved better than that, but she deserved better than me too. If Zack was who she wanted, there wasn't anything I could do to stop her, even if the thought was enough to bring me to my knees. 

Lacy

I spent the rest of the weekend in bed, using Zack as a distraction. Monday morning I decided I was going to try and get out of the house. “Try” being the keyword. My appetite was back in full force, and I needed comfort food. What I was craving was a lime sherbet float. I sure as shit wasn't going to ask Zack to go out and get that for me. On the way to my car I stopped and checked the mail.

I shuffled through the stack, which was rather significant since I couldn't remember the last time I'd opened my mailbox. I froze at the one with the handwritten address. The one with my mom's name and return address on the top left corner.

This had to be some cruel, sick joke. I started looking around the quiet neighborhood as if the prankster would jump out of a bush. When no one appeared, I went back to the porch and sat down in a patio chair to gently open the letter. Before I pulled the paper out I flipped it back over to see what day it was postmarked. June fourth, the same day my mom was found unresponsive in her apartment.

My hands shook as I pulled the tri-folded notebook paper out and started to read. It was in my mom's perfect cursive handwriting, that I would recognize anywhere.

"
Hi, Sweetie,

This letter is more difficult to write than you can imagine, but just holding this pen makes it feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

I'm so sorry to leave you this way, and I know it's the most selfish thing I've ever done. But I'm tired of numbing myself because nothing is capable of filling the emptiness inside of me.

Please don't blame your father for the way I've been the last few years. I know you've always been angry at him after you found out about his infidelity, but the failure of our family lies solely with me. Yes, your dad made mistakes, but I've always regretted not being able to forgive him.

I let my pride stand in the way of my happiness and yours. I couldn’t forgive Jim until it was too late, and I'd already lost him. He'd remarried, and by that time I knew we could never go back to the way things were.

I know you're going to be fine without me. I've never been much of a mother to you anyway, and for that I'm also sorry. I'm just thankful that you turned out to be the incredible and beautiful woman you are today.  Like your father, you're strong, smart and resilient. You'll make your own happiness and not depend on others to make it for you. Just don't make the same mistakes as me.  

If I could go back and change how things turned out, I'd forgive your father. Now I'm begging you to please forgive me. Even though I'm leaving you, never doubt how much I love you, Lacy.

I sat reading and rereading the letter for how long, I don't even know. It was like my prayer for a final goodbye from her had been answered. In just a few words she'd provided me with a sense of closure, and at the same time helped me let go of some of my anger at her for what she did. I still didn't understand, and maybe I never would. That's probably the hardest part of coping with other people's mental illnesses.

When my front door opened I wiped off my face before Zack could step outside.

"Hey," he said, barely managing to fold his enormous frame down in the patio seat beside me.

"Hey."

"Couldn't make it to the store?"

"Not yet," I replied. "I've just been…thinking."

"Listen Lacy, there's something I've been needing to tell you. I sort of need your help. I know this is a horrible time, but I've gotten into a mess with some of my…extracurricular activities, and I'm getting a lot of heat from the Wildcat's owner."

"What's going on?" I asked, not used to seeing Zack this way. You know, not being a cocky asshole.

"I need you to marry me, or at least date me in public, or I might lose my contract."

There's the cocky asshole I know so well.

"I'm sorry, what was that?" I asked, having clearly misheard him.

"Will you just agree to pretend like we're engaged or go out with me for the paparazzi's sake for the next few weeks? You know how much I love football. It's my life, and I can't bear to lose it."

"And let me guess, during this 'pretend engagement' you'll still be screwing other women?" I asked, crossing my arms over my chest at his audacity and his shitty timing. Is this why he'd stayed with me the past few days, to try and butter me up so he could sucker me into helping him? Of course it was. He was the most selfish, arrogant man I had ever known.

"Well, of course I would see other women," he said with his cocky grin.

"And I could see other people too?" I asked.

"Hell no. You can't let rumors start floating around that
you're
cheating on
me
."

"Right," I nodded in understanding. "Then my answer is no."

"
What
? Come on Lacy. Are you still hung up on the cheating shit? Then fine, I'll
try
to stay away from other women."

"God, Zack! You are so damn clueless. It's a good thing you're so pretty, because you're a gigantic asshole. We will never work in a real or pretend relationship. I can't believe I forgot what a jerk you are."

"You sure as hell don't mind fucking me," he said arrogantly.

"You're a selfish lover, and it's not really that good," I told him honestly. Sex with Zack was a letdown after being with Will and Joe. They spoiled me and I…I missed them. Not just the sex, but everything about them.

That's when it hit me. I could keep on being sad and depressed not having them in my life, or I could forgive them. I'd held a grudge and shut them out for so long, not even realizing that I was probably hurting myself more than anyone else.

I looked down at the letter from my mom still in my hand. I don't want to regret not making things right, especially when it's so easy to do. All it will take is a little forgiveness.

"See you Zack," I called out as I headed for my car. "Lock up when you leave."

"Where the hell are you going?" he stood up and yelled.

"To Greensboro, to see the men that actually love me." Will loved me completely and unconditionally, while Joe's love was intense and fatuous. I knew one was slowly slipping away, and would eventually fizzle out. When it did, I'd be happy for Joe. I was certain we'd still be close friends. But the other, it was the real thing with no end in sight. In fact, how I felt about Will seemed to grow stronger every day.     

I went to the law office to see Joe first, since he was the easiest.

"Knock, knock," I said when I tapped on his open office door.

"Lacy!" he exclaimed, and came out of his chair. "How are you? Sorry, that's a stupid question."

I let him hug me and didn't even try to let go right away.

"I'm sorry," he said against my ear. "About your mom and the cameras. I just…I wanted you and Will to work."

"So you let him watch me and you fuck without me knowing, because you thought that would be good for our relationship?"

"Stupid, I know. But since you're here talking to me without cursing, smacking, or throwing things at me, does that mean you forgive my dumbass?"

"Yes, apparently that's what we all need, every once in a while."

"Good," he said with an exhale. "Does this mean you forgive Will too?"

"Yes."

"Thank God," Joe said, holding me tighter. "I've missed you so much."

"I've missed you too."

"Ooh and guess what!" he said excitedly, finally pulling away. "You're looking at the newly hired Assistant District Attorney."

"Really?" I asked, flashing my first smile in days. "Congratulations!"

"Thanks. I'm finishing out the month here, closing cases and reassigning the pending ones. I start working for the state on July first."

"Good for you. But what about Jess?"

"Well, I don't know how much you know about her father that died in prison about a year ago. Apparently he had a very large life insurance policy through his employer, and since Jess's mom is mentally incompetent, she and her brother were awarded it. It took a while for us to get all the paperwork submitted and make our way through the bureaucratic red tape, but it's done. Jess gets half now and her brother's half will go into a trust fund until he's eighteen."

"Wow."

"Yeah, it turns out that their piece of shit father was actually good for something. Now Jess can stay home with the twins until they go to school, which has made her ecstatic. She hated leaving them with a sitter all day."

"That's great."

"Yeah, it is. Oh and Will quit his job."

"What?" I asked.

"He quit. He's going to work for Dylan's dad as the head of their new IT department for all the breweries."  

"I'm surprised he actually accepted," I said, then a terrible thought hit me. "Oh no! Did that change have anything to do with my dad?"

"Maybe. Just a little. Either way, it's what's best for him. He's better than being a regular old tech at GCC, and now he'll be the top dog, handling the networks for all the breweries, one of which is in Charlotte."

"Huh," I said neutrally, even though I was thrilled.

"He could make that one his headquarters…if someone asked him to."

I couldn't help my smile. "Well, it sounds like everything is working out. Except for one little thing."

"What's that?" Joe asked.

"Where's your happy ending?"

Joe gave me a wicked smile and I rolled my eyes.

"Get your dirty mind out of the gutter," I told him.             

"Ah. Does this mean I'm losing my fuck buddy?" he asked with an exaggerated pout.

"Probably so. All the more reason for you to find a replacement. Maybe a petite little redhead?" I asked.

"I'm working on it," he said with a smile and a wink. "I'll have her swooning for me in no time."  

I laughed, hoping he was right.

"How about just one more happy ending?" he asked, heat filling his eyes. "For old time's sake?"

My breath caught as pure, intense arousal filled my body from my head down to my toes for the first time in weeks. Noticing that I hadn't immediately declined, Joe walked over to close and lock his door. Then he was on me. Hands tangling in my hair, he pulled my mouth to his, kissing me with desperation and red hot passion. 

"God, I'm going to miss you," he said when our lips broke apart just long enough for him to pull my shirt off.

"I'll miss you too," I told him, jerking his zipper down. "And this."

My jeans and panties were off a second later, and then he laid me on his desk. He took his time, kissing, feeling every inch of me. Worshiping me.

Finally, when I didn't think I could take anymore teasing, he wrapped my legs around his waist and entered me. His hands grasped my sides as he looked down at me while he fucked me so good. My back arched and I moaned at the incredible feeling of his hard length, filling me up and sending me flying.

After we both came he leaned down and crushed his lips to mine, our tongues seeking and hungry until he was ready to go again. Joe flipped me over like I weighed nothing, and then he was entering me from behind. Neither of us said a word as our bodies met and collided over and over again with his deep thrusts. Moans, groans and the smell of sex filled the air with our releases.

Collapsing against my back after it was sadly over much too soon, Joe kissed down my neck softly. God, I'm going to miss him. I don't know if I'm capable of letting him go, despite how much I loved Will.

"This isn't over, is it?" Joe asked between pants, making me smile as I thought the exact same thing.

"Hell no."

"
I wish I knew how to quit you
," Joe quoted the famous line with a fake southern accent, making me giggle underneath him. He pushed himself up off of me and then smacked my bare ass cheek. "Go make up with your man, and Chad and I will see you both later."

"Okay, Joe," I agreed, and then dressed quickly. I left his office with an extra bounce in my step, deciding on one last minute visit.

"Hey, Dad," I said when I burst into my father's office, since his assistant wasn't at her desk. Imagine my surprise when I found her sitting on my father's lap.
Wow
, there must be an aphrodisiac in the freaking water cooler. At least when Joe and I fuck each other in the office we're not breaking any vows.     

"Lacy, I didn't know you were in town," my dad said as his assistant, Karen maybe, stood up from his lap and quickly pulled the back of her skirt down. My dad covered his lap with both hands.

"Nice, Dad. Cheating on another wife?" I asked. "Thank God I've finally found a nice guy like Will, who's nothing like you or Zack," I told him. Then I left to go see the man I didn't deserve, but would selfishly keep for as long as he let me.        

...

Will

I couldn't believe my eyes when I opened my apartment door.