All My Heart (Count On Me Book 4) (12 page)

They were only two words, but for me, they’re everything. He might never talk to me, but even the small attempt he did do, it means I’m making progress and he’s comfortable.

Maybe what Kayden said a few mont
hs ago is true after all.

I really can change the world.

Chapter Twelve

Kayden

I know I said I was cool with doing this, but I’ve been sitting here with them for the last twenty minutes or so and the last thing I am is cool or comfortable.

My body is tense
, something heavy brewing inside me.  Not exactly anger, but something close enough to it that it’s throwing me off. I’m watching Belle using her notepad to talk to this guy and it’s the most natural thing in the world, but it’s bothering me.

She lights up every single tim
e she gets a response from him. The same smile she shares with everyone that she even remotely cares for, but it’s a smile that a year and a half ago, she didn’t do at all.

Until she did it for me.

I don’t wanna be that guy. The one that’s territorial and possessive over their girlfriend, but shit. This guy is pretty much Belle two years ago. They’re identical other than a few subtle things that most people wouldn’t catch. 

It’s all clear to me though and after the way I caught them whe
n I pulled in earlier, it just makes my mood plummet into the ground even more.

I’d been expec
ting them to come out together. She’d texted me that much, but it was the way they came out that has me all sorts of torn up inside.

They
were holding hands. Belle beaming that smile of hers as brightly as possible and it was seeing her like that when I realized she wasn’t the same girl that was scared weeks ago when she started here.

Helping Isaac has
done good things for her. I thought with everything she told me about what the jerks in her class were doing to her that she needed me here, but ever since I saw them skipping along happily out of the building, I’m starting to doubt whether she needs me at all.

Shit. This is going to drive me nuts. Continuous loop of insecure bullshit repeating until I lose my mind and end up somehow putting my own foot in my mouth.

If this was any other girl; I would have already said something. Put my cards on the table and made him do the same. The problem is, this isn’t any girl. It’s Belle and the way she is with people, especially others that are similar to her, it’s like she’s a mother to them.

She’ll hold their hands, hug them and do everything under the sun to make them feel comfortable. She did the same thing with Eric last year when we caught Ti
m giving him shit. She led him by the hand out of the school and I didn’t even flinch because I just knew it was her way.

So what is it about Isaa
c that’s making me so pissed? Is it because he’s not part of our normal circle and I don’t know him that’s making me want to act like a Neanderthal?

“Kay, is everything alright?”

“Yeah, everything’s great.” I reply even though it’s not entirely the truth. With him not being able to speak, it’s only been Belle’s voice I’ve heard since we sat down and to be honest, I stopped listening the first time I heard her laugh. He’s even getting her to do that. Something I thought for the longest time was only for me.

I want her laughter and the
smile that stops my heart every time she does it, to be for me only. I don’t want to share it with the rest of the world.

And wanting that makes me a supreme jackass.

I catch her hands move and looking down, I see why. In front of me is a paper and there are words on it, but not in the familiar scrawl I’m used to from her. Isaac’s writing me and apparently with the way they’re both looking at me, it’s been sitting there for a while.

It’s really nice to meet you, Kayden. Thank you for being cool with me being here. :)

Damn. He’s a lot more like Belle then I thought. Happy faces. His might not make me go as wonky as Belle’s, but it definitely goes a long way to breaking up the turmoil inside me.

“Don’t need to thank me. Anything that makes Belle happy makes me happy.”

I know the second I say it that it didn’t come out right. I’m not doing this to make Belle happy. It’s a big part of it sure, but it seems like a dickhead thing to say, making it all about her.

“I’m sorry, that didn’t come out right.”

Belle smiles but it’s weak, not like the one’s she was doing right after I got here and I know she’s taken what I said wrong too. Shit. I’m just screwing everything up being here right now.

It came out fine. Belle told me that you play football. What position?

“Fullback.”

You look like a quarterback.

I know he doesn’t mean anything funny by it, but I laugh anyway because it’s not the first time I’ve heard it. I’m just glad Dillon’s not here. I’d never hear the end of it. He’s not QB on the team in Toronto, but with the way he works, it won’t be long before he is.

Dillon was born to be a quarterback
.

Belle
understanding why I’m laughing, smiles before turning to Isaac and explaining before I get the chance to.

“Our friend, Dillon. You don’t wanna say that around him. He’d keep you here all day listing reasons why Kayden doesn’t look anything like a quarterback and why he plays even worse.”

The easygoing way she has with him, I swear I’m living in some weird reality where our roles have been reversed. Thinking about it like that just twists the knife deeper because this is probably the way it should be.

Isaac opens up more, actua
lly smiling when she talks to him. The same as she used to do with me whenever we were alone together. It also helps that in their case, she understands him where I came at it from a different angle. I had to learn as I went along and she’s doing it effortlessly.

Shit. I really need to stop thinking about this.

She loves me.

Isaac moves and my eyes, which until now have been trained for
the most part on my girlfriend, follow him. Holding out two pieces of paper, one across from me where Belle is sitting and the other directly to me, waiting until we both take them.

It was really nice meeting you, but I know you came down to see your girlfriend and I don’t want to get in the way of that. I told Belle I would see her in class tomorrow, but I hope I get to see you again too.

Damnit. Now I feel even worse. I barely spoke two words to the guy, but here he is saying he wouldn’t mind hanging out again. If I could get my leg around the back, I would definitely kick my own ass.

“Yeah man, anytime you wanna hang out just let Belle know and it’s cool. Sorry for not being so talkative. It’s been an off day.”

The minute I mention the day has been off, Belle’s head perks up and again I feel like kicking my own ass. She asked me earlier if everything was okay and I told her that it was. Now she’s learning otherwise which means she’s going to know I lied to her.

Isaac smiles one more time before
Belle stands up and wraps her arms around him, hugging him close to her and I swallow down the sick twisted feeling inside me at the sight.

Belle hugs everyone. It’s the w
ay she is. Don’t read anything into it.

When he pulls away and she sits back down, her eyes trained on him as he walks away, the lump in my throat gets a little bigger. I’m sitting here. I came all this way to see her and even though the guy isn’t with us anymore, she can’t take her eyes off him.

I need to find out what the hell is going on here.

“Belle,” I start and her eyes are back on me again, only this time she’s crawling across the grass toward me and before I can speak, she’s pressing her soft lips against mine and whatever it was that I was going to spit out vanishes.

“That’s better.”

“That’s better, huh? I thought that was supposed to be my line?”

“I like stealing your lines, Kay.” She laughs as she positions herself comfortably in my lap. “I missed you.”

“I’m pretty sure I missed you more.”

“You had an off day?” she asks, but it’s muffled by her position in my shirt.

“Is there something going on with you and Isaac?” I blurt out, sucking in my breath sharply. 

Way to shift the conversation, idiot.

“Huh?” she asks, lifting her he
ad off my chest as I force down the shitty way her moving away from me feels.

“I didn’t mean it like that.”

“How did you mean it?”

“I saw you two hold
ing hands earlier and it’s just—do you have to do that with him? You were smiling and skipping along happily. Fuck. This isn’t coming out right.” I exhale before dragging my hand roughly through my hair.

“He’s having a rough time in his c
lasses. I hold his hand so he feels comfortable, not because I like him, Kay. Does it really bother you that much?”

I can’t say the words out loud, so I just nod
and her eyes lower. Great. Now I’m making her feel like shit because I’m an insecure bastard.

“It’s nothing, Belle. It’s just me being stupid. I’m sorry. I know you don’t think of Isaac that way.”

“Do you?” she whispers and the way her voice cracks undoes me. My doubts are making her doubt herself now. That’s not what I want at all.

“Yeah, I do. I think everything that happened today and this distance thing, it’s screwing with my head.”

She nods and I sigh. I warned her a long time ago that I would probably screw this up, make mistakes and even push her away. It’s the way I am. I also told her that I didn’t want to screw it up because the way I am with her, the things I feel and the way I act, it’s everything to me and I don’t ever wanna lose it.

“I love you, Kayden. Only you. You know that right?”

Of course I know that she loves me and I’m the only one she wants. Shit. See? I’m making her think that because I’m jealous of the way she is with him that I’ve forgotten how she feels. It’s like somewhere along the way I’ve forgotten that I’m the one she chose.

I’m her choice.

“Yeah, I know you love me. It’s not about that. I’m sorry I made you think it was.”

“Is this because I was texting Dillon and didn’t tell you? Do you think that I’m keeping things from you or lying?”

“Holy shit. No!” I respond a little louder than I intended but needing her to get the message. I don’t think she’s lying to me. What she did with Dillon was her worrying about me and it’s no different with her and Isaac. She’s told me everything about him from the day she met him.

“Belle, I know you’re not lying and this has nothing to do
with what happened with Dillon. This is all me. I’m being an idiot. I’m dating the kindest person on the planet, and it’s hard not to be jealous of anyone that gets to spend even five minutes in her company. Does that make sense?”

“You’re jealous of Isaac?”

“Yeah. He gets to be with you while I’m in Toronto wishing I could be.”

“You are with me. Every single minute, Kayden. Right here.” She says before pla
cing her hand over her heart. All of the earlier discomfort, anger, jealousy and other stupidity I was feeling the second she does that, is completely gone.

“I lo
ve you.” I murmur before pulling her back into me and kissing the top of her head, allowing myself the chance to breathe in her scent before bringing up the real reason I’m here.

The answer to the questio
n I really don’t want to answer.

“I love you more, Kay. So
are you going to tell me why your day was off, or do I need to use your torture technique and tickle it out of you?”

Wrapping my arms around her, I laugh before leaning down to her ear and whispering.

“I’m not ticklish, but I know someone who is, so threats won’t get you anywhere.”

She shivers as my breath crosses her ear and I soak in the way it feels having her react to me. I’ve never experienced anything like it in
my life and I don’t think I ever will again. It’s something only Belle can do.

“I got a letter from Dean
.”

She goes to sit up again, but I pull her b
ack. The loss of connection earlier was more than enough. I don’t want to repeat it. I need her close to me if I want to get through it without breaking.

Just thinking about my mom being back, even though I haven’t seen her yet, is enough for me to not to let this girl go ever again.

“Is this about you visiting him?”

“Yeah. I’m not going to visit him. He told me what Tom wouldn’t.”

“What was it?”

“I know who went there, Belle.”

Her body tenses and not liking the way it feels, I move forward and wait until she twists herself around and our eyes meet.

“Why did you just tense when I said that?”

“Because I think I know who went to see Dean.”

“Who do you think it is?”

The air goes silent while I wait for her to speak. Could she really know about my mom? Has she already seen her and this is where she tells me?

The questions flood my head until I can’t take it anymore. I can’t wait for her to tell me who she thinks it is, I’ve got to be the one to say it first.