Read All My Love, Detrick Online
Authors: Roberta Kagan
“You are a wise man, and I know that you are right, but if I don’t go soon, I am afraid of what will become of Leah.”
“You mustn’t leave here, Jacob. If you do, you will not only put your daughter at risk, but you will also be endangering the entire Mueller family. May I make a suggestion?”
“Of course, Rabbi.”
“Go to Herr Mueller. Ask him to go to Detrick for you. Tell him to tell Detrick that you must see him. Even if he refuses to come to see Leah, he will come to you. And then you will have an opportunity to talk to him and see what you can do.”
“Although I hate to impose on Herr Mueller, I think you’re right. Yes, it is the best way.”
So, Jacob waited until the next time Ebner Mueller brought their food into the attic. It was three nights before he arrived, carrying a small bundle meant to keep the group fed for the remainder of the week.
“Jacob, I brought what I could.”
“Many thanks to you for everything, Herr Mueller.”
“It’s not much, I know, but we must share the rations between all of us, and as you know, they don’t go very far.” Herr Mueller
threw his hands in the air. “I am afraid to risk the black market, lest we bring suspicion upon ourselves. The very last thing we need is for the Nazis to start to take notice of us.”
“True, yes. You’re right.” He hesitated for a moment, wondering how Ebner Mueller spent the extra
reichsmarks
that Detrick gave him for their food. Then, wiping the suspicion from his mind, Jacob asked, “Please, Herr Mueller, won’t you sit down?” Ebner Mueller sat at the chair by the small table “Now, I know how much you are doing for us, and I am grateful. So, please, never think I am unappreciative, but I must ask you for a favor.”
“Go on.” Ebner Mueller raised one eyebrow.
“You know Detrick, the boy who brought us here? Well…he works at the Nazi Headquarters. I know it is a lot to ask, but can you go and see him and tell him I must speak to him?”
Ebner Mueller looked hesitant, as if some money should exchange hands when favors were involved. When Jacob realized that Ebner awaited a payment, he knew he had only one thing left of value. Jacob looked down at the gold ring on his hand. For a split second his mind drifted back to his day of his marriage when, standing beside Miriam, both of them young and filled with dreams, he’d stepped on the wine glass shattering it into a thousand pieces. Their guests yelled, “
L’chaim
!” The memory brought a smile to his lips. Then Jacob slipped the wedding band from his finger and handed it Mueller.
“Take this, please; it’s twenty-four karat Italian gold.”
Mueller nodded as his fingers closed around the ring. “I’ll do what I can.”
109
A
fter a week passed without a visit from any of the Muellers and no news of Detrick, Jacob decided he must speak to Leah. Until now, he’d been careful not to pry into her private life. Tapping softly on the door to Leah’s room, Jacob awaited an answer. When it did not come, he became alarmed.
“Leah?”
“Yes, Father?”
“May I come in?” Jacob wiped the sweat from his brow with the handkerchief Miriam had given him for
Hanukkah
the year Karl, their first child, was born. She’d had it embroidered to read, "Jacob Abdenstern, husband and father."
The kitten meowed as the door was opened. The light filtered into to the room, while tiny particles of dust floating in the air became visible. Other than caring for her pet, Leah had remained in the darkness, and unless he came out to eat or use his litter box, the kitten stayed at her side.
Jacob sat at the foot of Leah’s small bed. “I don’t know how to begin. I can see that something happened between you and Detrick.”
“Yes… Oh, Papa, I miss him so much.”
Even in the dimmest of light, Jacob could see her tear-stained face was red and swollen.
“I know. I miss him, too.”
“But he doesn’t love me anymore. He has another girl. I should have expected it, Papa. How could he not lose interest? Look at me? I have no pretty clothes or lipstick; I can’t go with him to see a film or for a walk. There is no food for me to prepare a meal for him. All he can do is sit in this room with me and he just…well, he must have just gotten sick and tired of it. I can’t blame him. He’s young and so good-looking. I’m sure the girls chase him all the time. Why would he want to continue something like this?”
“Did he tell you this is how he feels?” Jacob looked at her, disbelief reflecting in his dark eyes.
“No, not exactly.
But, I found out he was seen at a picnic where Hitler was giving a speech. He was with a girl…a blonde Aryan girl. Someone saw them kiss. Oh, Papa… What has become of us?”
Jacob did not know what to believe or what to say; all he could offer were his arms and his shoulder. Leah cuddled against her father and wept.
110
W
hen Detrick returned from driving Konrad to an early breakfast, he found a note from Ebner Mueller waiting on his desk. It read:
My friend,
My wife and I would like to invite you to dinner on this Thursday evening, as you have always been such a good friend to Gaufid. Although Gaufid will not be present, as he is off fighting for the Fatherland, our two lovely daughters will be here. I believe that Adelheid is just a few years
your junior. The two of you should have much to talk about. We look forward to seeing you.
Ebner Mueller
Detrick read the letter,
then sat down at his desk. The letter lay open as Konrad walked by. When Konrad saw the handwritten note, he picked it up and read.
“Well, well, my man….
This is what happens when you put on a uniform. Everyone wants you as a potential husband for his or her daughters. Don’t get trapped.”
Detrick forced himself to laugh. He was secretly worried that something had happened to Jacob or Leah, and that the letter
had been written in code to bring him to the house.
“You look so gloomy… You needn’t accept, you know.”
“Yes, I realize that, but I will probably go….out of respect for Gaufid.”
Konrad nodded. “Yes, after all, he is holding up the front, doing a great service to the Reich. And by the way, this afternoon
I need you to drive me to a meeting, so have an early lunch so you will be available.”
111
Two days until Thursday. Detrick counted the hours; he could hardly contain himself. He was filled with crippling emotions - worry that something had happened; and at the same time, consumed with the need to see Leah. The hours seemed endless while he was at work, and at night, he sat staring out at the stars unable to rest. Dark purple rings formed beneath Detrick’s eyes. Konrad took notice and wondered if Detrick had begun staying out late, and with whom. Although Konrad wanted Detrick to feel the power behind being a member of the party, and to experience all of the advantages that it brought, he wished Detrick would spend his free time with him. For now, Konrad decided, he must be satisfied with having Detrick with him every day at work. Later, well… Who could say what could happen?
112
D
etrick found himself looking up at the large round clock on the wall so frequently that only five-minute intervals passed between each observation. Thursday morning remained uneventful, with Konrad caught up in a telephone dispute that Detrick had no interest in becoming involved in. Instead, his mind continued to drift through the possible scenarios he might find when he arrived at the Mueller’s home this evening. Perhaps Leah had asked to see him. Thoughts of her brought moments of elation. Then, icy fingers of dread ran up the back of his neck, and he prayed no ill had befallen Jacob or Leah. Another eight hours…now just another five… The entire day, he waited the evening with longing, with anticipation, with fear.
113
With no need to hide his destination, Detrick arrived at the Mueller home before nightfall. He wore his uniform, looking distinguished and behaving as if he were on the way to visit family friends. Greeted by Mrs. Mueller when he arrived, Detrick was escorted into the living room. She offered no explanation of why he’d been summoned, only that he must wait for Herr Mueller. Detrick’s hands trembled as he awaited Ebner’s arrival. It seemed Ebner had worked later than usual that night. As Detrick sat staring out the window with his mind in a whirlwind, it took all of the self-restraint he could muster not to run upstairs, fling the door open, and go to Leah. With her just a few feet from him, he thought he might go mad with the intensity of his yearning to be with her. He ran his fingers along the fabric of the sofa; it felt smooth and cool beneath his hand.
Finally,
Herr Mueller walked through the door, carrying his metal lunch pail. He placed it on the counter.
“Detrick Haswell is here.”
“Where?”
“I told him to wait for you in the living room.”
Ebner Mueller entered the living room and Detrick’s heartbeat quickened.
“Detrick, I’m glad you came. I don’t know what is going on with you and your friends, but Jacob asked me to go to you. He would like to speak with you.”
“Is he all right? Is…Leah…all right?”
“Yes, from what I can see everyone is fine. I don’t know how to tell you this, but even if you decide that you no longer wish to
come to see your friends, I still expect to be paid for their keep… You do understand?”
“Of course, you needn’t worry about that. Just take care of them and you will be paid.”
“Now… I suggest you wait an hour or so until it is dark before going up to see Jacob. The staircase
is hidden, but if someone should be spying, who knows what he or she can see? I don’t think anyone will be looking through the window, but still we cannot be sure…and why take the chance?”
“Yes, I agree with you. I don’t want to take any chances at all.”
“So, you’ll wait here?”
“Yes… I’ll wait.”
Ebner Mueller left Detrick sitting on the sofa. When Adelheid and Rebekka came out of their room, they greeted him. Rebecca went to the kitchen to help her mother prepare dinner, while Adelheid sat beside Detrick.
“How have you been? You’ve been away for such a long while.”
“Yes, I know. I’m fine, and you?”
“Good. I’m doing well, going to school. The Hitler Youth, you
know the usual stuff.” She smiled, tossing her hair out of her face. “Lots of boys asking for dates.” She giggled. “But none as handsome as you are.”
Detrick smiled. “Thank you, Adelheid, but I hardly believe that. You just see me that way because I am older.” He tried to keep his mind present, but his focus drifted to the time when he would go upstairs and speak with Jacob.
What if Leah became angry that he had come, after she told him to stay away? It didn’t matter…in just a few moments he would be just steps from her room…just inches from her face…her eyes…her hair…her lips….
“No…it’s true.” Adelheid laughed.
“I’m sorry my mind was wandering, what’s true Adelhied?”
“Oh, Detrick, it’s true that you are the most handsome man I know.”
.“Well, then all I can say is, 'Thank you.'” He smiled.
“I gave Leah a kitten.” She craved his approval. He should be grateful, show her his appreciation. After
all, she’d shown a kindness to his friend. Instead, she found he grasped on to any conversation or word about Leah.
“How is she?”
Adelheid frowned. “She’s all right, I guess.”
“Is something wrong?”
“You mean with Leah or me?”
“Adelheid, please stop playing games. Is Leah alright?”
“Yes… SHE is fine.”
Then without another word, Adelheid stood and went to her room, slamming the door and leaving Detrick to wonder what he had done.