Read All My Love, Detrick Online
Authors: Roberta Kagan
94
Berlin
On a gray day, a light rain combined with a cold breeze blew outside the Nazi headquarters building. Konrad lit another cigarette. He’d smoked the previous one so low he’d burned his fingers. A new job had been created to instruct others on the use of the punch card machine. Offering a significant pay raise for Konrad, it would be considered a promotion, and he wanted to be the one chosen for the position.
Detrick sat at his desk in the area adjacent to Konrad’s office, looking over files and wishing the clock would move time along faster so he could be free of this workplace.
Another round of pathetic-looking Jews lined up outside to be checked in. Although it had not been openly discussed with him, Detrick knew that executions of innocent people were taking place. He shuddered to think of Jacob and Leah.
Their new home, so far, had proved to be as safe as could be hoped
for. Although the living space in the attic had insect infestations, the Abdensterns were grateful for the refuge. Detrick and Leah did what they could to help keep the area as clean as possible.
“Detrick, come here,” Konrad called to him.
“Heil Hitler.” Detrick was careful to salute when he entered the office.
“Heil Hitler. Look…today, you are going to check some of these Jews in and get them ready for transport to the work camps.
I’m terribly busy and don’t have the time for this. Therefore, I’m relying on you. Are we clear?”
“Yes.” Detrick’s stomach responded angrily with a sharp knife-like pain.
But he smiled, not meeting Konrad’s gaze.
“Good. Take care of it. I am involved in the making of some important plans.”
“I understand.”
Detrick walked outside. A slight headache began over his eye, and traveled up the side of his head to his temple.
The job should have been easy. All that was expected of him was to sit at a table at the front of the line of Jews. As each family came before him, he must ask for their information. Then direct them into the line to be transported to the camp. Simple, right? Not for Detrick. He knew where the poor souls were headed and what awaited them when they arrived. Having knowledge of the fate of these fellow human beings tortured Detrick, but he knew he dared not speak out. Instead, he took the cards without asking questions. A pile grew upon the desk. His head pounded as if a hammer drummed inside of it.
When he got up to pour
himself a cup of coffee, Detrick saw someone, he recognized standing at the front of the line. Although he was skinny, covered in open sores and stripped of his fancy clothes, the man who stood before him could be none other than Lewis Shapiro.
The desire for revenge sparked like a flashing light of triumph in Detrick’s mind. Once, long ago, this man had humiliated him, attempted to seduce Leah, and then, proving himself to be less than a gentleman when she’d denied him his way, he’d left her alone to walk home in the dark of night. Now, Detrick held power over Lewis and his family. Taller by more than a foot, Detrick stood looking at Lewis. His black uniform terrified his prisoner. For the first time, Detrick wanted to show domination. Lewis’ fate and the fate of his entire family, who stood with him, lay in Detrick’s hands. If Detrick so chose, he could shoot them all, right here, right now. There would be no consequences, no one to answer
to. A dark part of him entertained the idea.
“Do you remember me?” Detrick asked. The sound of his own
voice startled him. For the first time he sounded like a member of the Nazi Party.
A frightened look of recognition came to Lewis’ face. He remembered. “I don’t think so. Perhaps you have me confused with someone else.”
“No, I don’t think so. I am Detrick Haswell. Do you remember Leah Abdenstern?’
“I’m sorry… I don’t remember.”
“Don’t lie to me.” Detrick’s deep blue eyes blazed at him. “You do realize I have the power to decide if you live or die? I could shoot you right now,” Then, upon hearing himself, Detrick’s inner self protested. Regardless of what Lewis had done, Lewis had been the catalyst that had brought Leah to him.
“Yes I know…I’m sorry for everything, please, spare us…please.”
To hear someone begging him brought Detrick back to reality. He could not be cruel, could not sentence this man to death by his own hand. How many times had he wished that he had the power to free all of them?”
“Come into the office.” Detrick turned to another guard “Heinz, I will be right back. I have a personal situation with this group.”
Heinz nodded.
A small workplace area
had been established to be used by lesser officers who did not have offices of their own. Detrick took the Shapiro family inside the room and closed the door. He saw Lewis’ hands and legs quivering, and noticed the fraying on the sleeves and lapel of his jacket.
“I don’t agree with the things you did, Shapiro, but I cannot kill you. It goes against everything I believe. Although I’m not
sure, you don’t deserve it. That night you left Leah on the road in the dark, to fend for herself - what kind of man does such a thing?” Detrick stared at Lewis looking as if he’d eaten something foul “However, I am going to set you free. You and your family will leave here by the back door. I suggest that you do whatever possible to get out of Germany. Use your money use whatever you have. Next time I may not be able to help you.”
Lewis nodded, relieved to be awarded another day of life. As Detrick looked down, he found that Lewis had urinated.
With pity, Detrick had never thought he could feel for Lewis, he led him and his family out of the office.
“Follow me.” Detrick directed the Shapiro’s to the back door. “Leave through here and disappear as quickly as you can.”
Again, Lewis nodded. Then, turning to Detrick, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything.”
“I know.”
The family walked out the door, but before he left, Lewis turned to Detrick. “I know I shouldn’t ask, but I must. Why are you doing this? Why are you helping us?”
“Because it’s the right thing to do, Lewis.”
Later the Shapiro family
would be rearrested and sent to Auschwitz. Detrick would never know of their plight. There they would all perish, but for today, they clung to life, and to hope.
95
That night, Detrick brought wood planks, paint and a few of his books when he went to see the Abdensterns. He hoped to give them something they could do to fill the hours. “I brought you some crafting supplies. I thought you might want to whittle?”
“Do I look like a whittler?” Jacob laughed. “Detrick, we are grateful to you for everything, every day. You needn’t worry about filling our time.”
Remarkably, Jacob, even having lost two sons and his wife, still managed to tell jokes and keep smiling, but the pain he’d endured now reflected in his eyes.
Leah, like her father, never complained. Neither of them ever made mention of their home or the shop. No sad discussions of Miriam or Michael took place. Occasionally Jacob wondered aloud about Karl’s whereabouts, but other than that, the two were thankful to be together and to be alive.
Leah had formed a friendship with the two Mueller girls. They’d always wanted to learn piano, and so she’d drawn a keyboard on the cement floor with chalk and taught them to play.
Adelheid, only a few years younger, admired the older and self-confident Leah. She wished that she had the fashion sense and culture she recognized in Leah.
But most of all she wished she had Detrick.
When Detrick saw the drawing he smiled
, “A piano?”
“Yes.” Leah laughed. “I’m teaching Adelheid and Rebekka to play.”
“My sweetheart, you’re so innovative.”
“Is that what you'd call it?”
“Yes, I certainly would.”
She giggled and he kissed her. The two had not lain together as lovers since the move, out of respect for Jacob. When their lips brushed, the passion within both of them ignited immediately. Leah gave Detrick a knowing smile and he turned away, lest he take her in his arms and make love to her right there.
“Here,” Detrick reached into the pocket of his coat and brought out a small loaf of bread wrapped in a towel, a tin of fish and an orange. “I thought you might like this.”
“Oh, Detrick, you’re bringing us your dinner? You should eat.”
“I have plenty.”
“We’re fine here.” Jacob smiled. “Eat.”
“We can all share this… now, would that be all right?”
“Only if y
ou promise not to do this again,” Jacob began to tear the bread into three pieces.
96
The attic reached across the entire roof of the house. It separated into two rooms. The large area in the front housed a small table, with four chairs, and a cot where Jacob slept. A few feet away, the lavatory, and attached to it a small closed-off room, for Leah.
Once the couple heard Jacob’s gentle snoring, they lit a candle and slipped quietly off to Leah’s room. There they sat across from each other on Leah’s bed, holding hands.
“How are you holding up, Detrick? I mean really, how are you doing?”
“I’m fine, adjusting. Anyway, it’s
me who should be asking you how you’re doing. Oh, Leah, I wish every day that I could take you out of here and that we could live a normal life. That we could marry and make your father a grandfather.”
“I know, my darling, and we will…this will all end. You’ll see. Years from now we’ll tell the stories to our children.”
She turned so that he could not see the tears welling up in her eyes.
“Yes, and they won’t believe it, because the world will have changed so much. Once the Nazis have been defeated and everyone sees them for what they are, the entire world will shun them.” Detrick smoothed her hair gently with his hand.
“Detrick?”
“Yes, love?”
“Do you think the Third Reich will really ever end? That Hitler will be defeated?”
“Of course, darling,” h
e cradled her in his arms and rocked her like a baby. “Of course he will.” Detrick repeated it once again, trying to convince himself.
97
Midnight had come and gone when Detrick quietly descended the stairs out of the attic to leave the Mueller home. As he walked towards the door, a voice from the darkened hallway surprised him.
“I know you’re not a Nazi, but the uniform becomes you.”
Adelheid stepped out of the darkness.
“You startled me. What are you doing still awake?”
“My cat had kittens. I spent the evening with her. Do you want to see them?”
Exhausted, Detrick longed to go home and fall into a deep slumber, but he felt obligated to be cordial to
this young girl who’d welcomed Leah with her friendship. “Yes, of course. Where are they?”
“Come in here.” She led him through a short hallway to a small room, where inside of a wooden box lay a gray cat surrounded by six tiny, furry bodies. The cat purred loudly, satisfied with the accomplishment of motherhood as her kittens cuddled against her. Surprised by the feelings of tenderness the feline domestic scene brought on, Detrick found he had to smile.
“They’re lovely.” He gazed at the small, rat-like little bodies lined up and sucking fiercely at their mother’s breast.
“Not yet, but they will be. Right now they look like little mice, don’t you think?” Adelheid bent over the box to get a closer look. “But in a few days, they’ll open their eyes to the world, and they’ll be beautiful.”
“It is amazing, you know? That life goes on regardless of everything we are going through in the world. Like the war and the camps. I mean all of it, you know?”
“Yes, it is amazing, isn’t it?”
He smiled. “Thank you for showing me the kittens. In a strange way it did me good.”
“Would you like one when they are old enough?”
“I don’t have time to take care of it; between my job and coming here, my days are full. I’ve even stopped my gymnasium exercises for lack of time.”
“Do you think Leah would like one?”
“Yes, actually, I do. That’s a wonderful idea, and very generous of you, Adelhied. I also want to express my gratitude for how kind you have been to Leah and Jacob.”
“You don’t have to. They are such nice people. But Detrick, have you ever considered that YOU might choose to lead a more normal life?”