All of the Lights (6 page)

A light chuckle vibrates in my throat and even though the risk is obvious, I don't care. This is a free-fall I don't know if I can survive. But I jump anyway.

My fingers grope around my purse for a pen and something to write on. When my name and number are scribbled on the back of an old receipt, I hand it to him and leave the rest up to fate. His eyes skim the paper and his lips curve up victoriously.

"Rae," he murmurs. "That's pretty."

"Thank you."

He shoves the paper deep into his pocket and holds a hand out for me to shake. I slip my hand into his larger, warm one and the feel of his skin against mine short-circuits my brain for a second.

"Jack," he tells me with a wide grin.

He doesn't let go of my hand, but I freeze all the same. Jack. Whose brother lives in prison. Who works here at this club. Every day except Fridays and Saturdays. When the fights happen.

His lips dip into a frown, but when they part, his eyes shoot up to something over my head and toward the front of the street. Strong arms shove me protectively into the cement as a hard body shields mine from the chaos around us. Everything seems to happen in slow motion and before my brain even has a chance to catch up, the quiet night air erupts in ear-splitting pops.

Rae

I can't focus. I can't even really see. Jack's body pins me to the cement and even if I can't move, here is good. Here I'm safe. Here I'm sheltered from the storm raging around me, even if it can't last.

After the smoke clears, the shouting and the blaring sirens start, just trading one cacophony for another. There's a deep voice in my ear and when I turn my head, I find grey eyes boring into me.

"Rae?" Jack murmurs anxiously. "You okay?"

All I can manage is a nod underneath the weight of him and he eases off my back, pulling me up to my feet with him, but his hands settle over my shoulders. He dips down a little as his eyes sweep over me in a quick inventory before he finally nods to himself.

My breath heaves in and out. Adrenaline courses through me and the only thing I can focus on is the heavy warmth of his hands. I want this moment to last—this moment where he's looking at me like I'm the only person who matters. Like my safety and well-being is all he can think about. It's foreign, this feeling, but I want to live in it forever.

It doesn't last because the real world chooses
this
moment to rear its ugly, pessimistic head.

"Rae!"

Bennett is headed right toward us with my sister and her friends behind him. A slew of emotions stream across his face all at once: terror, worry, relief, and finally, when he realizes who's standing next to me, shock and fury. In a flash, he lunges at Jack, shoving him right in the chest to force some space between us.

"What the hell, Flynn?" Bennett yells, his voice rising in disbelief and an accusation that really isn't fair. "Don't touch her!"

Jack stumbles back a little, momentarily stunned into immobility, and then he shakes himself out of it, his eyes jerking back and forth between Bennett and me. Two things happen at once: Jack takes an aggressive, almost protective step in front of me and my sister pushes her way through the crowd, skidding next to Bennett. Jack stops right in his tracks, jerking backward like some invisible wall has just sprouted right up from the cement.

Even though his back is to me, I know exactly what has him rooted to the ground.

My sister.

Now I understand why he couldn't stop staring at my phone when she called. It wasn't so much that my sister and I look nothing alike.

He was trying to place her.

And now, he's staring at me like the earth just opened up and swallowed me whole.

God, I should've just stayed in the car.

His mouth slips open and clamps back shut. His head shakes almost imperceptibly from side to side. His feet shuffle backward, putting more space between us.

There's no time to even attempt to salvage this because the side door Jack came out of only ten minutes before slaps open and three men barge through it. Their eyes scan the alley in a frenzy and I recognize the leader of that pack immediately from the campaign ads I've seen on TV.

The family resemblance is staggering. Maybe resemblance isn't the right word.
Attitude
is probably more accurate.

On paper, no one would ever believe they were brothers. Even though they both possess some impressive muscle mass, Brennan is about four inches shorter and his light coloring is wildly different from Jack's. But they have the same lanky stride, the same careful inventory of their surroundings, the same air of danger and authority, the same far-reaching presence...it's clear they were raised in the same household.

Considering my sister and I are
as polar opposite as Lady Gaga and Carrie Underwood, I can't help but feel a twinge of jealousy. I wish I could be someone else. Someone different than the me that's been trapped on a rat wheel of never-ending disappointments and rejections.

That helplessness just stabs a little bit deeper when Jack casts me one more hard, incredulous glance over his shoulder before his brother claps an arm around him. Just a few seconds later, Brennan murmurs something in his ear and guides Jack back inside the club, leaving the rest of us to deal with the fallout.

"Rae," Bennett murmurs in my ear as he wrap his arms around me. "I was so worried. I thought...it doesn't matter what I thought. Are you okay?"

I just nod. I don't know what else to do.

"What in the name of Stefani Germanotta were you doing out here with Jack Flynn?"

"I have no idea," I whisper. I don't know what else to say.

Now some cops descend with their questions while a few others are right on Brennan and Jack's heels. It doesn't really matter because I have nothing to say, at least nothing that would help the cops make sense of what just happened here. Still, I do as I'm told and give them a statement.

And just when I thought my night couldn't possibly get any worse, it slides even further down the mountain of epic failures I've embarked on tonight when my dad rolls up in his Maserati Quattroporte with his driver behind the wheel.

"Oh shit," Bennett murmurs under his breath.

Lucy's frantic dark eyes find mine and finally we agree on something: we're both screwed.

I DON'T KNOW why I got in the car. I could've went with Bennett. I could've called a cab. Hell, I could've just sprinted down the street, bum knee and all. Anything would've been better than this. But I know that when my dad barks out an order, I listen. That's why I find myself in the front seat next to the driver while my dad and Lucy ride in the backseat.

Bennett was right. I need to find a backbone and soon.

Nothing but silence has permeated the thick air around us and this is just my dad's way of leveraging as much tension as he can before he unleashes. At this point, I just want to get the inevitable over with.

True to form, my dad was just biding his time.

"I've never been so humiliated," he starts, his voice tight and low.

You'll never hear him yell. Never see him lose his cool. Never see a hair out of place. Even tonight, he rolled onto the scene blank-faced and stoic in his crisp white button-down, black dress pants, and slicked-back hair. That calm, collected demeanor cuts an intimidating figure in Beacon Hill, in the press, and here in this car. It's also cold and unfeeling—he's always the most impenetrable person in the room and that's exactly the way he likes it.

I can't see my sister, but I can only imagine she's squirming in her seat just as much as I am right now.

"I thought you were smarter than this," he continues. "You know what being on this side of town means, the danger you've put yourselves in, and the position you've put
me
in. How am I supposed to explain your presence there tonight?"

He pauses long enough to elicit a cringe from both of us and for once, we don't disappoint.

"I can't explain why either of you were down there tonight. That's the answer I was looking for. There's no logical reason for it. I don't care that it's your birthday, Luciana. You could've went anywhere else you wanted tonight and yet, you chose the most dangerous place for you in this city. Do you have any idea what could've happened to you?"

"Dad," my sister bravely interjects and she uses that high, sweet tone reserved strictly for him. "I'm sorry. I didn't think—"

"That's exactly it, Luciana," he snaps tightly and almost, dare I say it, shows some real emotion. "You didn't think.
And
you lied to me."

"We're not little kids, you know," she grumbles from behind me and I can practically see her crossing her arms over her chest in willful contradiction.

"When you stop acting like children, I'll stop treating you like children. I can't even begin to wrap my head around the idiocy it takes to do something this stupid, this
reckless.
You've blatantly disregarded everything I've ever told you and that I can't forgive."

I hear a soft sniffle behind me and in spite of the situation, my heart tugs a little. It shouldn't. It really shouldn't have much sympathy for Lucy when my dad's right, but she's still my sister and I still, for the life of me, can't push aside the need to make sure she's okay. When I shift in my seat to glance at her in the back seat, my dad sets his sights on me.

"All you had to do was tell the truth, Raena," he bites out and the ice in his voice chills me to the bone. "This could've all been avoided if you'd just done the right thing from the beginning—how many opportunities did you have tonight to let me know where your sister really was? What she really had planned? And yet, you lied to me. Even when you knew how precarious the situation was, you still lied. Did you want to see your sister in danger, is that it? Did you want one of the Callahans to get ahold of her?"

My lips part in shock, but I can't speak. My voice is frozen. How could he even
think
that? My lips quiver and I have to bite down on my bottom lip to grasp hold of some control again.

"I don't even want to talk about why you saw the need to go down there yourself," my dad continues his lethal, soft-spoken tirade. "You of all people should know how dangerous it is. I thought we were past this kind of behavior, but I suppose all the time and money I've spent trying to straighten you out was just wasted effort. You'll never change, will you?"

At least he doesn't dilve into the dirty details, a tactic he's well-versed in, and I guess it's just because he has bigger fish to fry right now.

"This can never happen again," his voice slices through the air, hitting its target with each clipped syllable. "Ever."

We ride out the rest of the trip in silence and I try to find some comfort in the buildings and street signs as they morph into something safer and more familiar. Stupid girl. Thinking I'd ever find comfort in such close proximity to my father.

Finally, the car stops in front of my apartment building. I can't get out of the car fast enough.

"Happy birthday, Luce," I tell her over my shoulder and she flashes me a weak smile. When her eyes dart back to our dad, that smile fades immediately.

"Thanks, Rae."

I wave a little as I step onto the sidewalk and even though my sister returns the gesture, my dad does not. Big surprise.

When I shut my apartment door behind me, I lean against it and squeeze my eyes shut. My hands tremble around my purse and the tears I'd desperately held at bay finally prick the surface. This is nothing new, but my emotions still haven't found a way to barricade my dad from sneaking in.

It never fails—every time I interact with him, I always feel less than. Always a disappointment no matter what I do or how hard I try. At least I wasn't the only one bearing the brunt of his wrath tonight. A small consolation for drowning in this devastation, but it's a consolation nonetheless.

Soft fur brushes up against my bare leg and I glance down to find the only real comfort I'm going to get tonight. Yellow eyes stare up at me and she lets out one high-pitched mew before I sweep her up in my arms. Every other person who walks through this door is either hissed at or fled from and for all intents and purposes, she's probably the most hostile cat I've ever encountered in my life.

But Freya's strong. She's independent. She's self-aware and knows exactly what she wants. She doesn't take shit from anyone, Bennett included. She's more woman than I think I'll ever be.

She nuzzles my cheek, her chest vibrating against my skin, and then I can't stop it. Wetness coats my cheeks and squeezing my eyes shut just makes it worse.

Everything about this is so unfair. He actually accused me of intentionally trying to hurt Lucy. Or at the very least, setting her up to get hurt. Like I'm this twisted, vengeful creature who'll stop at nothing to undermine and destroy my sister at every turn.

I can't remember the last time he made me feel this low, this dirty, and at the end of the day, how am I any worse than Lucy? She was the one who orchestrated the whole thing. Sure, I shouldn't have agreed to let Bennett help her, but I've never ratted her out before and I'm sure as hell not going pick her birthday to start.

It's the double-standard that has me shaking where I stand. Lucy could blow up a building and walk away with a slap on the wrist. No matter what I say or do, my dad always finds a way to remind me of my rank. No matter what, I always lose.