All or Nothing (12 page)

She squeezed her eyes closed and thought back over their fight.

Conrad meant every word he’d said. She’d seen the resolution in his eyes, heard it in his voice. And while she still believed he’d made the choice out of misconceptions about himself, she also accepted she couldn’t change his mind. She couldn’t force him to let go of his past.

She’d waited for him for three years. She’d come here to try one last time to get through to him, only to have him tear her heart to shreds all over again. She didn’t regret trying. But she knew it would be a long time before she got over loving Conrad Hughes, if she ever did.

Now there was nothing left for her but to leave with her head high.

Putting the pieces of her life back together would be beyond difficult and, God, she needed a shoulder to cry on, someone to share a bucket of ice cream and put life into perspective. Her mother was gone. She didn’t have any sisters. Seeing Anthony again was out of the question, and her friends from work would never understand this.

The answer came to her, a place to go where Conrad couldn’t argue about her safety, a person who could offer the advice, support and the sympathetic shoulder she needed. She placed her wedding rings on the bedside table, letting go of them and of Conrad for the final time. She wasn’t chasing after him anymore.

She picked up her cell phone and called Hillary Donavan.

* * *

She was gone. He’d lost her for good this time.

Watching the lazy hippo roll around in the mud, Conrad sat on the dock with a bottle of Chivas, hoping to get rip-roaring drunk before the sun set. The night had been long, sitting on the couch and thinking about her in the next room. He’d prepared himself for the torment of watching over her until Salvatore cleared him to leave.

But she’d walked out first thing in the morning with her own plan in place, already cleared by Salvatore. A solid plan. As good as any he could come up with himself. Boothe would take her to the airport where Hillary would meet her.

Jayne was a smart and competent woman.

He tipped back his glass, not even tasting the fine whiskey, just welcoming the burn in his gut.

The rumble of an approaching car launched him to his feet. Then he recognized Boothe’s vehicle and dropped back down to sit on the dock. He must be returning from taking Jayne to the airport.

Just what he needed. His old “friend” gloating. He topped off his drink.

Boothe’s footsteps thudded down the embankment, rustling the tall grass. “You’re still sitting around here feeling sorry for yourself. Damn, and I thought you were a smart guy.”

Conrad glanced over his shoulder. “I don’t need this crap today. Want a drink?”

“No, thanks.” Boothe sat beside him, a handful of pebbles in his fist.

“Always the saint.”

He pitched a pebble in the water, ripples circling outward. “People see what they want to see.”

“Is there a reason you came by?”

“I’ve been thinking about offering your wife a job. Since you live here and own the clinic, I thought I should run the idea past you first.”

Boothe surprised him again, although hadn’t he had the same thought about moving Jayne to Africa and settling down? Would she actually take the position even though their paths would cross? “And you’re asking my permission?”

“She’s a Hospice nurse. She’s already on unpaid leave from her other job because of what we do. Only seems fair to help her out.” He flicked a couple more pebbles into the water. “Or did you just plan to assuage your conscience by writing her a big fat check?”

Damn, Boothe went for the jugular. “You’re offering her a job to get back at me, aren’t you?”

“Contrary to what you think, I don’t dislike you...anymore.”

“So you concede you hated my guts back then, even if you had the occasional weak moment and shared your cookies with a soulless bastard like me.”

Boothe’s laugh echoed out over the river, startling a couple of parrots and a flock of herons. “Hell, yes, I resented you. You were an arrogant bastard back then and you haven’t learned much since.”

“Remember that I write your paycheck.” Conrad knocked back another swallow. “I fund your clinic.”

“That’s the only reason I’m here, because I’m grateful.” He flung the rest of the pebbles into the water and faced him. “That woman is the best thing that’s ever going to happen to you. So, because I owe you a debt, I’m going to give you a piece of advice.”

“Thanks. Can I have another drink first?”

Boothe ignored him and pressed on. “In the work world, you’re aggressive. You go after what you want. Why the hell haven’t you gone after your wife?”

The question stunned him silent through two more rolls of his pet hippo out there.

Disgusted with himself, Conrad set aside his glass. “She wants a divorce. She’s waited three years. I think that’s a good sign she’s serious.”

“Maybe.” Boothe nodded slowly. “But is that what you want? You made her come to you again and again. And if you do get back together again, she’s stuck waiting for you, repeating the old pattern that wrecked her the first time.”

“You’re more depressing than the alcohol.”

Boothe clapped him on the back, Salvatore style. “It’s time for you to quit being a stupid ass. I’ll even spell it out for you. Go after your wife.”

“That’s it?” Just show up? And he hadn’t realized until now how much he’d been hoping Boothe might actually have a concrete solution, a magic fix that would bring Jayne home for good this time. Even though he’d told her to leave, the quiet afterward had been a damn hefty reminder of how empty his life was without her. He’d made a monumental mistake this time and Boothe thought that could fixed with a
hey, honey, I’m home?
“After how badly I’ve screwed up, that doesn’t seem like nearly enough.”

“For her, that’s everything. Think about it.” He gave him a final clap on the back before he started walking up the plateau again.

Conrad shoved to his feet, his head reeling from a hell of a lot more than booze.

“Boothe,” he called out.

Rowan stopped halfway up the hill. “Yeah, brother?”

Conrad scratched along his collarbone, right over the spot that had once been broken. “Thanks for the cookie.”

“No problem.” The doctor waved over his shoulder.

As Boothe’s car rumbled away, Conrad let his old classmate’s advice roll around in his brain, lining up with memories of the past. Damn it, he’d fought for his wife. Hadn’t he?

But as he looked back, he had to accept that he’d expected the marriage to fail from the start. He’d expected her to walk every bit as much as she’d expected him to follow the pattern of her old man. And when she didn’t walk this time, he’d pushed her away.

Except Jayne wasn’t like his parents. She couldn’t be any further from his criminal of a dad or his passively crooked mother and he should have realized that. Countless times he’d accused Jayne of letting the past rule her, and he’d done the same thing. Convinced she would let him down, because, hey, he didn’t deserve her anyway. So he’d pushed her away. He might not have been the one to walk out the door, but he hadn’t left her any choice by rejecting her so callously. He hadn’t left physically, but no question, he’d emotionally checked out on her.

She deserved better than that from him. She’d laid her heart out, something that must have been tough as hell for her after all they’d been through. He should have reassured her that she was his whole world. He worshipped the ground she walked on and his life was crap without her.

And his life would continue to be crap if he didn’t get himself together and figure out how to make her believe he loved her. He’d panicked in telling her to leave. He realized now that even though he wasn’t good enough for her, he would work his ass off every single day for the rest of his life to be a man worthy of her. No matter what Salvatore uncovered, regardless of whether Conrad had a career or not, he wanted to spend his life with Jayne. He trusted her with anything. Everything. He would even answer her million questions, whatever it took to make her trust him again.

To make her believe he loved her.

Twelve

T
he Bahamas shoreline was wasted on Jayne.

She lounged in a swimsuit and sarong on the well-protected balcony with Hillary. Most people would give anything for a vacation like this at a Nassau casino with a friend to look out for her. Her new gal pal sure knew how to nurse a broken heart in style. But for all Jayne’s resolve to stand her ground, this split with Conrad hurt so much worse than the one before and she was only one day into the new breakup.

The familiar sounds drifted from the casino below and wrapped around her, echoing bells and whistles, cheers of victory and ahhhs of disappointment. Glasses clinked as the drinks flowed in the resort, while boaters and swimmers splashed in the ocean. This place had its differences from Monte Carlo, a more casual air to the high-end vacationers in sarongs and flowing sundresses, but there were still plenty of jewels around necks, in ears...and in navels.

She wasn’t in much of a gambling mood. Besides, she’d left her rings behind.

What had Conrad thought as he looked at them? Did he have any regrets about pushing to finalize the divorce? How could she have been so wrong to hope he would come around this time and fight for their marriage the way he tackled every other challenge in his life?

God, she wanted to scream out her pain and frustration and she would have had she been alone. She turned to Hillary, who was stretched out on a lounger with a big floppy hat and an umbrella to protect her freckled complexion.

“Thanks for taking me in until Salvatore can clear everything up. Once he gives the go-ahead, I’ll be out of your hair and back to work.”

Hillary looked over the top of her sunglasses, zinc oxide on her freckled nose. “You know you never have to work again if you don’t want. I don’t mean to sound crass, but your divorce settlement will be quite generous.”

Jayne hadn’t wanted Conrad’s money. She wanted the man. “I don’t see myself as the dilettante type.”

“Understandable, of course.” Hillary twirled her straw in the fruity beverage, not looking the least like an undercover agent herself. “During my years planning events, I met many different types of people—everything from conspicuous consumers to truly devoted philanthropists. It’s amazing to have the financial freedom to make a difference in such a sweeping fashion. Just something to think about.”

Like opening a clinic in Africa? Conrad had definitely used his money and influence to change the world for the better. Why the hell couldn’t he accept the happiness he’d earned?

The sound of the French doors opening pulled her attention back to the present.

Hillary sat up quickly, her fingers landing on the folded towel that covered a handgun. “Troy?”

A tiny canine ball of energy burst through in a frenzy of barking. Jayne gaped, stunned. Surely it couldn’t be her little...

“Mimi?”

Her French bulldog raced on short legs in a black and white blur straight into her arms. Oh, my God, it
was
her dog. Mimi covered her chin in lapping kisses.

Jayne’s heart tumbled over itself in her chest because there was just one way Mimi could have gotten here. Only one person who would have known how important it was to have her dog with her right now.

The final question that remained? Had Conrad delivered the dog in person as a peace offering or just arranged the travel in a final heartbreaking gesture of thoughtfulness? She squeezed her eyes shut and buried her face in Mimi’s neck to hold off looking for a moment longer, to hold on to the possibility that her husband might be standing behind her even now.

Bracing herself, she looked back and found, thank God, Conrad stood in the open doorway. Her heart leaped into her throat and her eyes feasted on the sight of him after a nightmarish day of thinking she would never see him again. He wore jeans, a button-down shirt with rolled-up sleeves—and dark circles under his haunted eyes.

She didn’t rejoice in the fact that he’d been miserable, too—okay, maybe she did a little—but above all she wanted him to be happy. He deserved to be happy. They both did.

A rustling sounded from the lounger beside her as Hillary stood. “Is there word on Zhutov?”

Jayne sat upright, swinging her legs to the side of her own lounger. Why hadn’t she considered he might be here for that reason? If Zhutov had broken Conrad’s cover, ending his career with Interpol, then she would never know if he would have returned to her on his own. Trust would be all the tougher when they already had so much between them.

Bottom line, she wanted what was best for him, his cover safe, even if that meant he walked away from her.

Conrad shook his head. “No word on Zhutov yet. I’m here for Jayne. Just Jayne.”

He stared straight into her eyes as he spoke, his voice deep and sure. She almost forgot to breathe. And while she was disappointed not to have Salvatore give them the all clear, she couldn’t help but be grateful that whatever Conrad had to say wasn’t motivated by losing his work with Interpol.

Hillary grabbed her bag and her hat. “I’ll, uh, just step into the kitchen and make, um... Hell. I’ll just leave.” Her hand fell on Jayne’s shoulder lightly. “Call if you need me.”

Angling sideways past Conrad, Hillary slipped away into the suite, closing the door behind her.

Jayne hugged her dog closer as Mimi settled into her lap. “This was thoughtful of you. How did you get her here?”

He stuffed his hands in his pockets and eyed her warily. “I phoned your friend Anthony and asked for help retrieving the dog.”

“You spoke to him?”

Conrad nodded, pushing away from the door and stepping closer. “I did. He’s a nice guy actually, and he was glad to pick up Mimi and take her to the airport because he knew seeing her would make you smile.” He crouched beside her, one knee on the ground. “Which I have to tell you, makes me feel like a mighty small bastard, because I should have thought to do this sooner. I should have thought to do and say a lot of things. But I’m here to make that right.”

The hope she’d restrained in her heart swelled as she heard him out, her thoughtful husband who knew she would appreciate her precious dog far more than a lifeless diamond bracelet. “I’m listening.”

“I’m sorry for telling you we should make the divorce final. I was certain I would let you down again, so I acted like an idiot.” He drew in a shaky breath as if...nervous. The great Conrad Hughes, Wall Street Wizard and casino magnate was actually anxious. “I’m a numbers man, always have been, ever since I was a kid counting out my French fries into equal piles. I’m not good at seeing the middle ground in a situation. But I’m getting there.”

“What do you propose?” she asked and saw no hesitation in his eyes as he opened up and answered her.

“Compromise.” He met her gaze full-on, such sincerity in his espresso dark eyes they steamed with conviction. “On
my
part this time. When we were together before I asked you to do all the changing and insulted you by giving nothing in return.”

And clearly that was tearing him apart now.

“Not nothing. You’re being too tough on yourself. You always are.” She sketched her fingers along his unshaven jaw. Apparently he hadn’t wasted a second getting to her, between arranging to pick up Mimi and flying to the Bahamas. He hadn’t even stolen a second to shave.

“Then you’ll help me work through that.” He pressed a kiss into her palm. “Jayne, I’ve faced down criminals. Made and given away fortunes. But the thought of losing you nearly drives me to my knees. I see you with all that unconditional love in your eyes, a total openness I never gave back. You knew the truth about me and my crooked family, and you loved me anyway. I’d put us in an all-or-nothing life. Well, the past three years of ‘nothing’ has been hell.”

“I completely agree with you there.” Her eyes burned, but with happy tears and hope.

“But back to my compromise. And if it’s not good enough, tell me and I promise you, I will listen to you this time. After you left, I realized I can’t go through this again. I let you go once, and it almost killed me.”

“Conrad? I don’t know what to say.” How funny that
she
was the one speechless now. She’d hoped for a moment like this, prayed that Conrad could find the peace to embrace a life together, but the reality of it sent joy sparkling through her.

“If you want me to quit the Interpol work, I will.”

“Shh!” She touched her fingertips to his mouth, moved that he would offer, hopeful that he truly was willing this time to make the compromises needed to build a life together. “You don’t have to do that. I just need reassurances that you’re all right.”

He nipped her fingers lightly, smiling his appreciation. “I can do that. I will tell you everything I’m cleared to share about my work with Salvatore. I can promise you I’ll check in every twenty-four hours so you won’t worry.”

“And that’s safe for you?”

“We have the best of the best technology. And I intend to make use of it to keep you reassured—and to keep you well protected. I kept pushing you away to keep you safe, but all it did was tear us both apart. I will do better. And if you change your mind about the job with Interpol, say the word, I’m out. I would give up anything to keep you. I honest to God love you that much, Jayne.”

Unable to hold back any longer, she leaned forward into his arms and kissed him, pouring all the love, hope and dreams out and feeling them flow right back to her, from him. There was something different in him now; the restlessness was gone. And while it had shredded her heart to walk away from him again, maybe that’s what it had taken to make him see what she’d already realized—they needed each other. Two pieces of the same whole. Conrad seemed to understand that now. He’d found a new peace and maybe even some forgiveness for himself.

Mimi squirmed to get free, squished between them. Laughing, they eased apart and her dog—their dog—jumped from Jayne’s lap to sniff the balcony furniture and potted plants.

Jayne looked back at Conrad, still kneeling in front of her. “Is it all right to have a dog here?”

“I bought the place two years ago. I can have a whole damn pack of dogs inside if I want.”

“And is that what you want? A pack?” She toyed with the open V of his collar, the fire rekindling inside her.

“Actually I was thinking more like a soccer team of kids. Our kids, babies first, of course.”

Shock froze her. She stared into his eyes and found one hundred percent sincerity.

“I’d like that, too,” she whispered.

She’d learned to leave the past behind and step outside her safety zone without losing the essence of herself. Life wasn’t an all-or-nothing game. It was a blending of the best of both sides. A marriage.

Her marriage.

Just as she started to reach for her husband, the French doors opened and Hillary stuck her head out, cell phone in hand. “Folks, you’re going to want to hear this update from Salvatore.”

Jayne’s stomach knotted. Was it bad news? Could their newfound peace be so short-lived? She felt Conrad take her hand and squeeze reassuringly. She looked into his eyes and realized she wasn’t alone—and neither was he. They truly were a team now and whatever happened, they would face it together.

She turned back to Hillary, and realized the woman was smiling so brightly the news couldn’t be that bad.

Conrad said, “We’re ready. What’s the update?”

Hillary tapped speakerphone and Salvatore’s voice rumbled over the airwaves, “Authorities apprehended Zhutov’s hired assassin and given his confession and the photos he had on his cell phone, we’re certain you two were not the targets. You’re in the clear. Your cover is secure.”

Grinning, Conrad grabbed Jayne around the waist, lifted her from the chair and spun her around. Mimi barked, dancing around their feet. Laughing, Hillary put the phone to her ear and stepped back into the hotel suite.

Jayne grasped Conrad’s shoulders as he lowered her back to the ground again. “Oh, my God, that is amazing news.”

“Damn straight it is.” He hauled her to his chest, a sigh of relief rattling through him. “And Lord willing, the day’s about to get even better.”

Stepping back again, he pulled his hand out of his pocket, their wedding rings rested in his palm. “Jayne, I’ve loved you from the first time I saw you and will love you until I draw my last breath. Will you please do me the honor of wearing this ring?”

She placed her hand over his, their rings together in their clasped hands. “I’m all in. I want to be a part of your big, bold plans for the future, to help others in the clinic in Africa and build more clinics in other parts of the world. I accept you, as you are... I
love
you as you are.”

His hand slid into her hair, and he guided her mouth to his with a fierce tenderness that reached all the way to her soul.

The stakes had been high, but she knew a winning hand when she saw one.

Smoothly, Conrad slid on his wedding band and then he slipped hers back on her finger. Where it would stay put this time.

Because one pair, the two of them, had won it all.