All That I Need (Secret Desires) (8 page)

“I’m feeling pretty self-conscious lately. My stomach is this pouch that refuses to go away; I think I’ve contributed to the pulling away factor because of that too. I feel fat and not very attractive right now. I know I got the go ahead to have sex, but I’m not feeling very sexy.”

“Well that’s ridiculous, because all I see is a beautiful woman, and I think I’m a lucky guy. You have nothing to worry about.”

“I appreciate that,” I said quietly, “but it’s something I need to work on. I’m having body issues lately, so it’s been bringing me down.”

“I never knew,” he said, tipping my head back, and kissing my forehead. “You’re perfect just as you are.”

I nodded. “I’m trying to believe that.”

“I like that we’re talking. We haven’t talked in ages.”

“It seems like forever,” I agreed.

“Let’s walk,” he broke from our hug and held my hand. Together we followed the path the ocean made. As the water rolled up and left traces of wetness where it’d been, we let our toes get wet and followed the darkened sand.

Falling into a pattern of discussing the kids, we found easy conversation. I realized we didn’t talk that much anymore, not about ourselves or our interests, and hobbies seemed to be a thing of the past. I barely run anymore, and he didn’t do much of anything besides watching television in his spare time. We were in a rut, and if we didn’t make the effort to climb out of it, we’d be stuck there.

Walking back to the bed and breakfast after our stroll, there was a renewed interest in the bed portion of the room. We were ready to share intimate moments, and after closing the door behind us, Austin took me in his arms and made me his once again. Slow and tender kisses turned into passionate ones. His lips were soft pressed against my own, and as his tongue explored my mouth, I explored his.

We weren’t in a hurry, and the gentle pace was dizzying. My body was drunk with lust, but each second was pure pleasure. Feeling his lips on my mouth and neck, each nibble or nuzzle left me wanting more. His kisses dripped from my neck down to my shoulder, and as his fingers tugged at the edge of my shirt, I stopped him so I could undress.

Together we removed our clothing and climbed under the covers. Hidden beneath the blankets, I wasn’t as self-conscious about my tummy, but I knew it was much softer than it had ever been. I hoped it wouldn’t stop him in his tracks once he became aware of it.

Austin’s hands traced my shoulder, and leaning in, he brought his lips back to my skin, kissing, suckling, and claiming me for his own. Each sensation sent tingles of electricity through me, revving up my desire higher and higher.

His mouth was circling my breast with tender kisses. Stopping at my nipple, Austin drew lazy circles around it with his tongue. Finally, he encased it in his warm mouth, taking me inside. My hands pulled his head tighter to my chest as he pleasured my flesh.

My breathing deep and slow, I arched my back wanting more, trying to get closer. Austin teased me, moving between each breast, knowing my body was responding with need. The dampness between my legs told me I was ready, and what I needed more than anything was for him to penetrate me.

Tangled together, we made love. As he filled me, I clasped my legs up and around him, pulling him tightly to me. Austin groaned as he entered me, and with each thrust I felt him deeper. Clinging to my husband, I shifted my hips, ready to climax. Each stroke, each thrust, his body rubbed against my sensitive nub, and with his cock deep inside, the combination was not only robust, but lifting me to the heights of orgasm.

Moaning, there was no hiding the fact that my peak was imminent. As I called out, my legs seized and locked onto my husband. Every bit of me was sensitive. Austin shifted a few more times, causing me to squirm and orgasm again. 

Seconds later, Austin’s release echoed across the room. Collapsing on the bed beside me, he smiled. Rolling over, I nuzzled into his chest.

“I love you, Austin.” I really did, and in moments like these floating on the high of my orgasm even more.

“I love you too.”

The intimacy and perfection of that moment, I wish I could bottle it and capture it forever. The connection we shared, the softness between us – as quickly as it arrived, it started to fade. How had something so incredible turned awkward in minutes?

“I’m hungry,” he said, getting out of bed way too quickly.

Why didn’t he stay? Why didn’t he let the moment linger longer? I wanted to linger…I needed to linger. I missed the days of spooning in bed, whispering secrets, and sharing one another again and again.

Standing, Austin pulled his jeans on. “I think there’s a list of menus over here, and there are more downstairs. There was a place I thought about going last time we were here; it’s supposed to be nice.”

And just like that, we were back to how we usually were. Why? What was so hard about staying beside me, sharing stolen kisses in bed, and talking quietly? Had he said too much earlier? Did it make him uncomfortable to talk to me, share details of his life? I didn’t understand and it made me a little sad. Maybe I was reading too much into it. I tend to overanalyze everything.

I climbed out of bed to redress. Looking at my husband, he seemed anxious. How is that possible after what just happened? I was relaxed and comfortable, but his body language spoke another language than my own.

“Austin, what’s going on?” I couldn’t hold back, something felt off. We shared an intimate moment, and yet something felt wrong.

“What are you talking about?” He played it off like I was overreacting, but I knew he wasn’t being honest with me.

“You got up so fast, something feels off.” I was sure of it now; my gut told me there was more than what he was saying.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he started.

“Please. Baby, I can’t help you if you don’t tell me.”

“I’m okay, just a lot going on in my mind.”

I nodded, realizing he wasn’t going to tell me. What happened back there? It was magic…and now, just like that he felt almost distant.

Chapter Eleven

We decided on a candlelight dinner at a small seafood restaurant. The service was excellent, with only a few tables. We were lucky to get in with such short notice, but they had a cancellation and it all worked out. We didn’t realize we’d normally need a reservation.

“Georgette’s” offered twelve tables, and there wasn’t a regular menu. It changed based on the catch of the day, and the chef’s whim. The food was divine, fresh, and so full of flavor that we realized how much we lucked out.

Walking through the door transported you into an outdoor type of environment. They pulled it off so well. Lining the wall were porch like structures that you stepped up to, lined with railing and hanging plants. Each wall in the restaurant looked like gorgeous outdoor porch dining.

Large fan back chairs gave an air of privacy to each table, and looking up the ceiling was arched and painted a soft blue with white, fluffy clouds. It was magical and such a surprise.

From the outside, it looked like any other building at the shore, a wooden sided structure, with a simple sign. The inner walls looked like the outside of a house, with yellow siding and window murals painted in, so it looked like you were looking inside of a house, but were sitting outside. The illusion was spectacular.

The smells of warm, fresh bread filled the dining room, mixed with hints of mouthwatering creations. I inhaled deeply, enjoying the aroma of culinary delights.

Music played lightly in the background, almost non-existent, to buffer the sounds of people talking.

Hearing the specials, it was a hard choice. There were five meals offered each night, entirely the chef’s choosing and changed day to day. We opted for pasta dish with seafood. There were bits of shredded lobster, chunks of crab, massive shrimp, and the most incredible creamy garlic butter sauce drizzled over the angel hair pasta beneath the seafood. I almost went with the Surf and Turf, but was thrilled with my choice. It was heavenly.

Everything was cooked to perfection. After our meal we shared gourmet sorbet in mango and orange passion fruit flavors, an exquisite touch at the end of our dining experience. Lingering over the last of our wine, we talked quietly about nothing of importance. It was casual and comfortable between us, though I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. It seemed like there was something more – something he didn’t want to tell me.

I pushed it from my mind, afraid I’d ruin the weekend with my insistent need to know every detail, even when he didn’t want to share. I reminded myself he’d tell me when he was ready.
Enjoy the weekend, don’t let it slip away
.

Returning to the bed and breakfast, Austin took my hand as we walked in. He was warm and charming this evening, and yet I still had the nagging feeling like there was…
stop it, stop it. Let it go
.

Wrapping me in his arms, we swayed to non-existent music, sharing a tender moment.

“Do you know how much I love you?” A soft smiled spread across his face.

“How much,” I asked, playing his game.

“More than the moon and stars,” he went on.

I pressed my face into Austin’s neck, “I love when we’re like this, close together.”

“Me too,” he pulled me back slightly, so he could look into my eyes. “I’m so glad we came here.”

I nodded, “I think we needed some time alone.”

“I think we should take advantage of that time alone,” he grinned, giving his next move away.

I kissed him and laughed, “Do you now?”

“I do,” he said scrambling to the bed, and patting it. “Care to join me?”

“More than you know.”

We undressed, and for a moment in time I forgot about my body and got lost in our sexual dance.

“Come here, you,” he said, reaching out for my hand, pulling me close. I stood between his legs as he sat on the bed.

Austin played with my breasts which were near his face, and as his hands slowly stroked my bottom, I felt the first quick spank. A succession of small spanks followed, and closing my eyes, the heat of passion rose up in me. Small gasps and moans slid between my lips.

I forgot how good it felt to have my bottom flush from the paddle of his hands. My cheeks got warm and tingly under his touch, and what started as a tender and soft moment, quickly grew heated and full of lust.

Each spank brought about a slight sting, but it was oddly arousing, and as he played I felt the dampness between my legs increasing. I loved his touch, loved being in Austin’s arms, and when we connected intimately, it brought us even closer.

Each movement led to the next, and soon a river of desire was unleashed. Kneeling between my husband’s legs, I took him into my mouth and pleasured him. Slipping his manhood between my lips, I teased and tempted him, wanting to help him reach ecstasy. Listening to his groans filled me with purpose, and as he finally peaked I caught his seed, tasting his saltiness on my tongue.

Austin’s hands wrapped around my head, and tangled in my hair. His breathing ragged, he finally let go and dropped back, lying on the bed. I smiled seeing his contentment and knowing I was responsible.

Climbing on the bed, I pressed my body to his and held on. His warm body against my own had me hungry for more. Austin knew what I needed, and rolled over, turning us together so that I was now lying back. Sliding between my legs, he pleasured me intimately with his mouth. The heat of his tongue playing with me took me to the edge. I came with his face between my thighs clasped tightly around him, as the orgasm ripped through me.

In the moments that followed, he was finally ready to share and spoke softly.

“Kate, there’s something I need to talk to you about,” he started.

I wanted him to wait; afraid it would ruin the mood. I could tell by the tone of his voice, and yet was curious to know what was inside of him. Why now? What’s going on?

“What is it?” I asked, lifting my fingers to his hairline, and tracing the edge of his face. His hair was soft, and as I ran my fingers into it, I waited for him to continue.

“I’m not sure how to say this. I’ve been trying to find a way to tell you, but there’s no easy way.” His voice showed hesitation.

My stomach lurched. I prepared myself the best I was able, uncertain what he wanted to tell me. As much as I wanted to know, I was afraid of the words that might come out.

“Go on,” I said, guarding myself.

“I’m not happy,” he started.

“Oh God, are you leaving me?” He’s not happy, I knew it, I should have seen it coming. What was this weekend about? Everything inside of me seized up, my shoulders tensing, my chest feeling tight.

“No! No, this isn’t about that kind of stuff,” he said, realizing I was reading into what he was saying. “We’re fine, I love you. It’s not you, it’s my work.”

“Your work?” I was surprised. He’d never said a word about it. After finishing his classes, and then getting the apprenticeship, he was near to having his own business soon. He seemed content, and never said much about it either way, so it through me for a loop.

“I’m not happy. This isn’t the career for me. I’ve known for a while, but I didn’t have the heart to just stop since it’d taken me so long to get started again.” He looked almost embarrassed to admit this fact.