All That Matters (47 page)

Meg sniffled, held back from actually crying just because she knew how uncomfortable it would make Train. “We have to write back.”

“We will. Just give yourself a minute.” He came and sat down next to her. “Get over here.” Meg moved closer to him, shut her eyes and let the tears fall. Instead of making a comment about how much he hated when she cried, he just held her. Meg buried her face as deeply as she could in his chest.

“He's going to be okay.” Meg wasn't sure if she was convincing herself or Train. “They're both going to be okay. They're going to grow up and they're going to come back home, back to us where they belong. And we're going to be okay, too. We're going to give them some little brothers and sisters to drive them crazy.”

Chapter Twenty-Five

Four Months Later...

“GET THE FUCK OUT!” Amelia's scream was heard clearly in the waiting room, even though it was a good ten feet away from the room she'd been placed in when they'd brought her in an hour earlier. Train rose to his feet, walked over to the hall where he could see what was going on.

Buster and Caroline were already walking towards him. “Apparently, we're not welcome in there right now,” Caroline huffed. “She's refusing all pain medicine, for some reason. It's making her very bitchy. I don't know why she just won't take the medicine.”

Train knew. He remembered when Amelia had been a little too fond of pain medicine. “I've got this. Everyone just stay here.” When he reached the room, he didn't bother to knock. Instead, he just walked in. Amelia growled at him. “What's the problem with the pain medicine?”

“Nothing. Get out.”

“You know what I think the problem is? I think the problem is how much you used to like pills.”

“I will call security,” she snarled.

“You think hospital security scares me? Do you even know me?” Train walked over and sat on the chair next to the bed. “It's been a long time since you were that girl, Amelia. A long time. You taking something now, to get through this, there's no stigma in that. No one is going to judge you.”

“I'll judge me.” She was no longer snarling. Her entire body seemed to have relaxed, and the machine next to the bed had stopped moving frantically. The contraction must have passed. “Now, get out.”

“Don't be fucking stupid. You want me to explain how pushing that baby out is going to be like passing a watermelon through something the size of a grape? You really want to feel that? There's no need for you to suffer. Take something. Take the edge off of it.”

“I can't.” Amelia's voice broke. “I promised Danny I'd never take anything like that again. The strongest thing I've had was a tranquilizer after all the shit that went down at the bar. I can't.”

“You know what Danny would say if he was here?”

“He's not.”

“He'd tell you to take the pills. Fuck, he wanted you to take them back then. He didn't want you to suffer then, and he wouldn't want you to suffer now.” Train locked his gaze on hers. “You know that I'm right.”

“I don't know anything anymore. What am I doing, Train? I can't be a mother.”

“Too late to get freaked out about that now,” he stated. “Look, this is happening, and there's nothing that you can do to stop it. For what it's worth, you won't completely suck as a mother. You'll love the kid, that's the most important thing, if you ask me.”

“What if I fuck up?”

“You fix it the best that you can and you move on. We all fuck up, one way or another. It's what we do after that makes us who we are.” Train's eyes were drawn to the machine next to her bed, it was starting to move again. “Another contraction?”

“Fuck me, it is. And no, that wasn't an offer,” Amelia sighed. “Go get the nurse, tell her to bring on the drugs.”

“I can do that,” Train got to his feet. “Who should I tell to come in for when you squeeze the kid out?”

“Who do I want seeing my snatch?” She smiled, but it quickly turned into a grimace. “Once I have the drugs, I won't care. Just tell whoever does that I'm going to punch the first person who baby talks me.”

“I can do that.” Train started for the door. It'd be better to get the nurse before the contractions got any closer. He nearly collided with one in the hall. “Hey, she's ready for the painkillers. Another contraction just hit.”

The nurse, a pretty Asian woman, looked down at her watch. “I'd better take a look at her. Get her comfortable if we can, she's cutting it pretty close. Anyone who comes to sit with her should try not to agitate her.”

“Yeah, that's probably right. We appreciate everything that you're doing for her.” Train smiled and moved past the woman. The second he walked into the waiting room, everyone was on their feet. “The nurse is taking care of it now. She's going to take the pain medicine. And she isn't in the mood for any baby talking encouragement, she'll hit whoever does it, and that's a quote.”

“I'll go in and sit with her,” Jillian offered as she rose to her feet. Train watched Caroline get up as well. Something was going on with her. He'd tried to find out what, but she'd brushed him off, so he wouldn't ask again.

“I'm going to see what the cafeteria has. I'm starving. Meg, are you hungry?” She nodded and rose to hr feet. As much as there was something going on with Caroline, there was also something going on with Meg. She'd been quiet even before they'd gotten the call about Amelia. Train waited until they were in the elevator. “Alright, spill it.”

“Spill what?”

“What's going on with you?”

“Nothing.”

Train considered using the emergency stop button on the elevator, locking them in the car until she answered, but before he could act, they reached the bottom floor and the doors dinged open. “It pisses me off when you lie to me.”

“It's nothing, or rather, it's stupid. Just drop it, Train.”

“Have you met me, at all? Do you really think I'm going to drop anything when something is bothering you?”

“It's been over a week since we've heard anything from Leo.”

Train was well aware of Leo's lack of communication. He'd wondered, and worried, about it himself. Roxie was the worst sort of person, but her husband, Drew, seemed to be alright. Drew had even convinced Leo to try out for baseball. “He was going for baseball, remember? He's probably had practices, activities or games with the team.”

“Or he's just decided that he wants nothing to do with us since we couldn't get him back.”

“You were right, that is stupid.” Train didn't mince words. She didn't need him to coddle her, she needed him to be straight, like he always was. “Leo loves you. He loves us.”

“We've been hearing from him less and less. He doesn't even mention anything about Joshua anymore.” She kept her voice low as they walked into the cafeteria. It wasn't exactly crowded but they were far from being alone.

“He's making the best of a bad situation, Meg. So are we. Look, let's just get something to eat, watch Amelia pop out this kid and then head home. I bet there will even be a message from Leo when we get home.” Train hoped that he was right.

<#<#<#<#

Shane Danger Benson was an impossibly tiny bundle of blue. There was a tiny little knit hat on his head, so it was impossible to see his hair color, but his eyebrows looked blonde, like he was going to take after his father.

“Do you want to hold him, Train?” Amelia asked; amusement flickered through her exhausted eyes.

Train had never held a baby before. The only child he'd ever held had been Fiona's daughter, Taylor, Amelia's niece, but she'd been older. “I'm good.”

“You're not going to break him,” Caroline chimed in. “Just support his head.”

“If you don't support the head, it'll come clean off and roll around on the floor like a soccer ball.”

Train flipped up his middle finger at Caesar's words. All of Nightshade, and the old ladies, were gathered in Amelia's room. The nurse had protested at first, but when her shift changed, the next nurse knew Maggie and told them to go right in. “Just give it to me,” he told Amelia as he held out his hands.

“Him,” she corrected. “Don't call your godson it.”

“Godson?” Train stopped short of taking the baby. He wasn't overly religious and hadn't thought that Amelia was, either. “What?”

“You don't want to be his godfather?” Amelia cocked an eyebrow at him.

“I didn't say that,” Train clarified. “I'm just the last person in the world I'd think you wanted.”

“I second that,” Caroline added with a frown. “The two of you aren't exactly close or friends...”

“I'm sure that Amelia gave it plenty of thought before she asked.” Meg's tone wasn't hostile, but it was close to it. Ever since Danny's funeral, she and Caroline seemed to be less friendly. Truthfully, Caroline seemed to be less friendly, and more short-tempered, with everyone. “I think that it's a great idea.”

“I'm glad that you do.” Amelia sat up straighter on the bed and held the baby out to Train. “Especially since I figured you'd make a good godmother.”

Train was surprised at the offer. He obviously wasn't the only one, as Caroline suddenly let out what sounded to be a sob or gasp, rose to her feet and left the roof in what he could only describe as a huff. He reached out, took the blanket-wrapped bundle from Amelia and held it in the best imitation of how she had been. “What the fuck was that all about?”

“I'll go and find out.” Buster cleared his throat. “I know that Caroline's been out of sorts lately, she's not herself. I apologize for that. It's the hormones.”

“Hormones? Is she pregnant?” Jillian asked.

“No,” Buster replied. “The hormones are to help her get pregnant and to apparently help make her a little psycho. She expected that Amelia was going to ask her to be the godmother, since they're close.”

“Oh shit,” Amelia sighed.

“You can ask her, I won't be offended,” Meg offered. “Just let me get my hands on this little devil now and then.”

“No,” Amelia shook her head. “Danny and I talked about this. I'm sorry if it hurts Amelia's feelings, that wasn't my intention.”

“Don't worry about it, Amelia.” Buster smiled. “Like I said, it's just the hormones. She'll be fine. I think I've given her enough time to cool down. I'll be back.”

Train looked down as Shane began to cry, really wail, at a volume that shouldn't have been possible from something so small. He heard Meg cover a laugh with a cough. “You think you can do better?”

“Give him to me.” She took the baby with ease, held him in the crook of her arm and began to rock him. “Poor little guy, he's still getting used to being here. He might be wet. Do you mind if I change him?”

“Mind? Go ahead. I'll bring him to you every time he needs a new diaper, if you want.” Amelia leaned back against the raised bed with a contented sigh. “I might just close my eyes for a few minutes.”

“We should all probably go, leave you some privacy and peace.” Manuel stepped over to the bed, leaned in and gave Amelia a kiss on the forehead. “You did good.” Train watched Meg change Shane in the clear plastic bassinet as everyone filed out.

“The two of you can stay, play with the baby if you want,” Amelia said when it was only them left in the room.

“We should give you time to rest. It looks like he's going to fall asleep, too, so you'll have nice quiet.” Meg rewrapped the baby like he was a burrito.

“We'll come and see my godson tomorrow.” Train walked over to the bed, looked down at Amelia and did something he couldn't recall doing before, he leaned over and kissed her forehead. “Shut up,” he told Meg when she let out a chuckle.

<#<#<#<#

There was nothing like the feeling of being on his bike, especially with Meg behind him. The first few times that they'd ridden together, she'd been as stiff as a board, but now she'd gotten used to it and knew how to move with him. Instead of heading right home, he took them for a ride. Train had been glad to hand the keys of the truck over to Meg when the weather broke; he'd missed riding, missed not feeling like he was being slowly suffocated inside a metal box.