All We Know Is Falling: Fall With Me: Volume One (35 page)

“Everyone will be fine,” he said again but slower. “Just go to sleep. We can figure this out when we wake up. Goodnight.”

I conceded. “Goodnight.”

He gave me a chaste kiss on the lips before he put his arm over me and closed his eyes. I tried as hard as I could to fall asleep.

When we got to school Friday my every thought was about Hale and keeping him safe. I didn’t even know where to begin since it was made clear that even in my presence he wasn’t safe. He could be reached at all times. Only thing now that helped was that I was aware of the threat.

It was nearly twitching by the time my third hour class got out. I’d been texting Hale all day just to make sure he was alright. They all sounded coherent so I knew he wasn’t drugged again.

He was already in class when I got there, despite my almost running to get there. He looked so damn calm when I sat down. I was the picture of panic and he was perfectly put together.

Exasperated, I said, “How the Hell are you so calm right now?”

He turned his head and laced his fingers together on the table. “I’m English, Rory. We are a calm people.”

I exhaled loudly and narrowed my eyes at him. “You were born in America. You’re hardly English.”

He looked almost offended. “I’m as English as they come.”

I crossed my arms. “Other than the fact that you’re not English? Sure.”

He covered my mouth with his hand. “Stop saying that,” he looked around like he was making sure no one heard. “I don’t want people thinking that I’m faking the accent. It got me so many friends on my first day.”

I mumbled against his hand. “And where are they now?”

He dropped his hand. “Long gone. But it’s not the point.”

“It is. Your maybe-fake accent might have gotten you friends but the only friend you have now was the one who didn’t care. What does that tell you?”

“That you truly are my best friend.”

The corner of my mouth went up. “We already knew that.”

“Fine,” he adjusted my locket. “The point is that it’s in my upbringing—early upbringing,” he sighed. “To remain calm in situations where you cannot do a thing. Why should we panic when we’re already sitting ducks?”

“Because we’re sitting ducks!”

“And nothing will change that. Until we get some kind of hint, all we can do is wait.”

Yeah right. I could try and track them. If they were doing physical harm then their corruption is strong. It might not even hurt me too bad to do it. The only problem being that I can’t take Hale with me. And I doubted that he would stay willingly with Mom or Hadley, even if it meant he was safe. If he knew I was going out alone, there was no way it would be allowed to happen. I wasn’t even sure if my family would let me go.

“I don’t want to wait around for someone to try and hurt you. I’d like to find them so I can kill them,” I said calmly.

He took it as a joke. “I’m not letting you kill someone, Rory. I’m a gentleman.”

“Well I’m a—” demon. I shook the word away. “I’m not letting this person hurt anyone else. I’ll end this whatever way I have to.”

His eyebrows pinched together. “You don’t know what it means to take a life. However justified, it will do damage.”

“It would do more damage if I let someone kill you because I couldn’t stop it.”

He put his hands on my face. “No one is going to die.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I do. We’re just dealing with a crazy person. So we find out who it is, then we get them sent away. Simple as that.”

Sure. Except it wasn’t that simple at all.

When class started we were forced to stop talking while the rest of the students presented their projects. Again, Hale was calm while I was twitching to go and do something. What that might be, I didn’t know.

I watched as Mr. Dixon tried hard not to look suicidal as the students droned on about the Revolutionary War. I was starting to think he regretted giving us this project. Not that he had a choice.

Kenna’s was fun to watch. Her spirit was shattered by one of my new favorite brothers. I might have to send Luc and his family some fruit or something.

The girl stood in front of the class as nearly whispered her whole report. Some kind of ripple must have gone through the school, altering the balance that once was. Kenna was the same all except for her over all demeanor. She looked almost smaller now that her confidence was gone.

I shouldn’t love it, but I did.

The bell rang and Mr. Dixon nearly cried with happiness. The students rushed out like it was already the end of the day. Fridays tended to be a little hectic. Hale and I waited ‘til the room was clear before we left. No need to get trampled.

Our table was empty when we sat down for lunch. And after a few minutes we decided that Dottie definitely wasn’t showing up today. Neither of us had classes with her so we didn’t know if she just chose to ditch lunch. I doubted she would. She had an unhealthy obsession with Hale and his brother.

“Hmm,” I said as I chewed on my cookie. “Oddly comfortable without Dottie here.”

He looked at me like he was half amused. “She’s a nice girl, Rory.”

“Sorry if I don’t like being around a girl whose mom I got killed. It tends to make me feel a little guilty.”

“You didn’t get her killed. A drunk driver did. Dottie knows that and she doesn’t blame you.”

“Oh, did she tell you that when you guys were all chummy.”

He smiled and I saw a hint of male pride on his face. “Ah, so there it is.”

“What?” I said as annoyance rose in my voice.

“You’re jealous of her. You didn’t like us spending time together.”

I nearly slapped the look off of his face. “Of course I was jealous. Why shouldn’t I have been? You decided to go ahead and force me to like you then you started hanging out with another girl. I hated seeing you with her.”

His joy left his face. “I’m sorry I did that. If it makes you feel better, I only started spending time with her to distract myself from you. And it never did a thing. The whole time I would talk to her at lunch, all I was thinking about was how close you were and how I no longer had the right to speak with you.”

“It wasn’t so great on my side either,” I broke eye contact. “It was pretty miserable being all alone again. I didn’t figure out how much I liked not being alone until it wasn’t a choice anymore.”

“I won’t be leaving you again. So you don’t need to worry about that anymore.”

I didn’t let my mind go where it wanted to. The automatic doubt that I had when it came to him sticking around. One day, when he really moved on from me, he’d find a new girl. He’s too loving and sweet to be alone for the rest of his life. That girl would do for him what I can’t. She’d have kids, grow old with him. And I’d still be what I am today.

It’s unnatural, the life of an antichrist. Nothing about us is right. Frozen. Evil. We just didn’t fit into this world.

I didn’t fit with Hale.

Gym rolled around and we had our free day to look forward to. Hale and I tried to get away with just sitting out but Jenna wasn’t having it today.

“Get up,” she ordered us. “Go and get some exercise. Be people. It’s good for you.”

I stood up despite my reservations. “So are carrots but I still prefer chocolate.”

Hale laughed. “I know that first hand.”

I shoved him lightly.

“Look,” Jenna sighed. “Just do something other than sitting around. This is my job, kids.”

I threw my head back in annoyance. “But I hate exercise.”

“Cleary,” she griped. “Go and get some fresh air. Run, jump. I don’t care as long as I have plausible deniability to your laziness.”

Hale and I headed for the double doors at the end of the gym. Jenna propped them open so she could keep an eye on the kids playing inside and outside.

“What do you want to do?” Hale asked when our feet hit the grass.

“I want to go home and watch a Golden Girls marathon. Maybe have some ice cream and or cookies.”

“Normal seventeen year olds don’t watch the Golden Girls.”

“Then normal girls suck.”

We walked over to the middle of the field and I sat down. Jenna couldn’t see us from here and I doubted that she would walk all the way out here to yell at us again. Hale sat beside me and pulled me onto his lap. His arms went around my waist and he put his chin on my shoulder.

“People can see us, ya know,” I moved my head so I could try and look at him.

“Good. I want them all to know that you’re claimed.”

“That’s romantic,” I said sarcastically. “And not fair.”

“How is it not fair?”

“Maybe because you won’t make it real. You can’t have a claim on me and not take that last step, Hale.”

His arms tightened around me. “I’m sorry. I just meant that—”

“I know what you meant. But we shouldn’t be so…affectionate with each other. It’s meant for people that are more to each other than we are.”

“You’re everything to me,” he said it like it was obvious.

The fact was that it wasn’t true. If it were then we’d be together right now. We wouldn’t still both be holding back. Even knowing that I should move, I couldn’t make myself. I think I knew why Hale did what he did. The desire was still there. But it wasn’t enough to push past all of the worries.

I wanted to talk to him about it more. To remind him that this would only make it harder on us later. Once he was ready to start dating—or when he wanted to go back to his old habits with girls—we’d still have this link between us. It was only getting stronger.

Hale moved me so I was still on him, but sitting sideways. “What are you thinking that had that look on your face?”

“I think if I tell you, you’ll get upset.”

“Doubtful. But I’d still like to know.”

It took me a few seconds to work up the nerve to say it. “Don’t you miss it?”

His eyebrows briefly knit together. “Miss what?”

“The girls. The…activities that you used to partake in.”

“Oh,” he looked down before he looked back up. “Why are you worried about that?”

“Of course I’m worried. I know the day is coming where you’ll want to—if you’re not—” I couldn’t find the right words to say what I needed to say. “I know that guys are different like that. I was just thinking about when you might start being with girls again.”

He shook his head and smiled. “You don’t seem to understand. Maybe I should have explained it to you better.” He fidgeted with my locket as he spoke, opening and closing it. “You’re the only one I see. It’s never been like this before and I don’t think it can happen again. I used sex as a distraction, like everything else I did. But you do more for me than any other thing I’ve used. So I can go without that.”

I almost laughed. “You think that you can handle never having sex again?”

His eyes flashed for a split second as he realized what he signed himself up for. “Yes. You’re the only girl I’ll ever want. I can go my whole life without it.”

I started messing with the fabric of his sleeve so I wouldn’t have to look at him. “What if I didn’t want you to have to go without?”

There were several quiet seconds. “What are you saying?”

“Well, if you need it…I’m here for you. I want you to be happy.”

He tilted my chin up with his hand. “Rory, you don’t need to have sex with me to keep me around. I’m not going anywhere.”

“But this is because of me. I don’t want you do have to go without anything. There are too many things you’re already giving up.”

He smiled. “I’m getting so much more than I’m giving up. It’s nothing to me. It doesn’t matter.”

“It matters to me.” I put my arms around his neck. “Maybe after school we can go back to my house. You can spend the night after. If you want to…you can go home after if you want to. Just… just whatever you want to do.”

He looked at me with disbelief. “So not only do you expect me to use you to get off, but you think if I did I’d leave after? What do you think of me?”

“I want to make you happy. And I don’t know what you would want to do. I’ve never done it. I don’t know what people do after.”

His features softened. “If ever I was to be with you in that way, I would never leave like that. I’d stay with you until you forced me out of your bed.”

“I wouldn’t do that,” I blushed. “I’d probably be clingier than you would.” By far.

“Not possible.”

I moved closer to him. “Only one way to find out.” I put my hand on his face to turn it to mine.

Just before my lips could touch his, he turned his head away. His hand pulled mine from his face. “Don’t do that. Don’t do things just to keep me…satisfied. I won’t mean anything if you do that.”

“I don’t touch you like that because I’m trying to keep you satisfied. It’s because I want to be doing it. I’ve never touched you just for you. And I’m not offering to you what I’m offering just so you can get off. I’m doing it because,” I paused, as I suddenly didn’t feel as brave. “Because I want that from you. Don’t you still want that from me?”

“You know I do. But I can’t just take what I want. What I want more than you, is your well-being. I need to do right by you. This is one of those ways.”