All Your Loving (Bachelors & Bridesmaids) (17 page)

"Julie?"

"I do want to, but…" But what was the end of that sentence?

The air crackled between them at her hesitation.

Why couldn't she just say yes? Why couldn't she just leap without looking? Why couldn't she stop being so afraid to take a chance?

After a long moment, Matt pulled her dress back into place and stepped back. "It's fine, Julie. I get it."

She wasn't sure he did get it. "I'm sorry. I do want to be with you. Everything is happening really fast."

"You don't have to explain," he said, his words calm, but a dozen emotions running through his eyes. "I'll tell the captain we're ready to go back."

He disappeared so quickly she didn't have time to stop him. Not that she probably would have stopped him. She needed a minute alone to catch her breath.

She let out a long sigh. Was she being stupid? Being with Matt would probably be wonderful and amazing, and her body was literally humming just from kissing him.

But what about afterward? What about tomorrow? Or next week? Or next month?

If she slept with him, it was going to hurt even more when he left.

Another sigh passed through her lips as reality hit her in the face. Even if she didn't sleep with him, it was going to hurt when he left. She should never have let things get this far. But she had, and now she had to deal with it.

* * *

Julie woke up Saturday morning with a pounding headache and a fierce desire to kick something—maybe herself. After Matt's decision to abruptly end their cruise, they hadn't spoken much. Every time she tried to say something, he cut her off, telling her it was all fine. But clearly everything wasn't fine.

Matt had walked her to her door to say goodnight, but there'd been a distance in his eyes when he kissed her—a kiss that had chilled her to the bone, because it hadn't felt like goodnight but rather goodbye.

She told herself she should be happy that he was backing away. Wasn't that what she'd wanted? He'd obviously realized she wasn't going to jump into bed with him, and he'd decided she wasn't worth the trouble. All that stuff about liking her and wanting them to get to know each other had probably just been part of his play to get her to sleep with him. But he'd lost and she'd won.

Unfortunately, it didn't feel like much of a victory.

As she got dressed, all she could think about was the fact that she was going to have to see him again tonight at the cook-off. Not just see him, either, she was going to have to take care of him, make sure he spoke to the press, make sure everything was set up in his kitchen, help him if he had problems.

It was going to be a long evening if they weren't speaking to each other.

Her phone rang, and her pulse leapt into her throat, until she realized it was her mother on the line. "Hi," she said a little shortly.

"Did I wake you?" her mom asked.

"No, I'm actually getting ready to head out. The cook-off is tonight, and I have a million things to do before then."

"I won't keep you. I haven't heard from you since our rather intense conversation last Monday, and I've been worried. Are you all right, Julie?"

She wasn't all right, but her emotions had nothing to do with her mom's confession or her father's unopened letters. "I'm fine. I haven't looked in the envelope if that's why you're calling."

"You should do it when it feels right. I just wanted to make sure you and I were okay."

"We are," she said decisively. Whatever her mother had done, she'd done it out of love and to protect her child. Julie wasn't going to fault her for that. "We'll talk soon, okay?"

"Okay. Good luck tonight."

"Thanks." She'd no sooner ended the call when her phone rang again. This time her pulse had a reason to jump. "Matt?"

"Hi Julie," he said quietly. "Listen, I know you're busy getting ready for tonight, but I wanted to apologize."

"I thought we weren't doing apologies."

"Yeah, I know, but I don’t want you to think that I was expecting anything last night. I got caught up in the moment."

"So did I," she admitted. "I'm just more cautious than you are, or maybe I feel like I have more to lose."

"That might be how you feel, but I don't know that it's true."

She gripped the phone more tightly, wanting to believe his emotions were as involved as hers were.

"Anyway," he continued. "We can talk about it later. I'll see you tonight."

"See you then."

She sank down on the couch and stared at the wall for a good minute, not sure how to feel about Matt's call. At least, he'd broken the tension between them, but what happened now or what happened next? She'd thought they were done—but maybe not.

Chapter Twelve

It was half past five when Julie took one last look at the grand ballroom of the Ambassador Hotel. The tables were set with glittering silver, the centerpieces were stunningly beautiful, and the exquisitely decorated celebrity kitchens ran along the walls, each space designed to represent each celebrity chef. She'd seen Matt come in a little while ago, but she'd been too busy running around to do anything more than wave.

Melanie came over to her. "It looks amazing, Julie. You did a great job."

"
We
did a great job, but no more congratulating ourselves until the night is over. I don't want to jinx us."

"I saw Matt Kingsley a few minutes ago. He asked where you were. I said you were running around like a mad woman."

"I have been doing that, but I think everything is set now. I was just about to head over to his kitchen to see if he needs anything."

"There's something going on between you two, isn't there?" Melanie asked, a curious look in her eyes.

She hadn't had time to fill Melanie in. Actually, that wasn't completely true. She just hadn't wanted to talk about her relationship—or whatever it was—until she knew exactly what was going on. "There is something," she admitted. "And I want to talk to you, but not tonight."

"Okay, but I'm going to hold you to that chat. And it's going to be soon."

"It's a deal." Julie left Melanie and headed across the ballroom.

Matt was standing in his kitchen. It had been decorated in Cougar colors with a baseball-themed décor. He'd donned the chef's hat they'd provided for him, but he hadn't started setting up his station yet. Instead, he was reading something on his phone with a perplexed look on his face.

"Something wrong?" she asked as she walked into his space.

"I can't find the recipe. I thought I put it on my phone."

"It's taped inside the cupboard," she said, opening the nearby door. "See."

"You think of everything," he said with relief.

"Part of the job," she said, thinking how good he looked in his black slacks and gray shirt, a dark blue tie around his neck. His green eyes were sparkling, and his brown hair had been tamed by some kind of product. He smelled enticing, as usual. She had it bad—really bad.

While she was looking at him, he was looking back at her, and there was a gleam of appreciation in his eyes. "You look incredibly hot tonight—the lady in red."

Her short red cocktail dress was a little sexier than what she normally wore, but Melanie had convinced her to buy it a few weeks ago, and she'd really had nothing else in her closet that would fit the event.

"Thanks," she said. "I figured a bright color would make it easier for the volunteers to find me."

"You would stand out no matter what you're wearing. You're a beautiful woman, Julie."

Her cheeks warmed at his words.

"I'd really like to kiss you right now," he added.

Her skin grew even warmer. "Matt. Don't say stuff like that." She took a quick look around, but there was no one nearby. "I really thought after the way things ended last night we were done."

"We're not done," he said seriously.

"We should be. This relationship has nowhere to go."

"I don't agree."

"You're really stubborn."

"So are you," he returned. "Something we have in common. I'm sorry things got awkward last night. You rattled me."

"I did?" she asked in surprise.

He gave her a solemn nod. "Big time, and I don't get rattled easily."

She licked her lips. "You made me dizzy."

A smile spread across his lips. "I like you dizzy. I like you every which way. I didn't mean to pressure you last night."

"You didn't. Honestly, I felt like all the pressure was coming from me. I—I haven't felt so out of control with anyone in a really long time—maybe ever. And you know I'm kind of a control freak, so that feeling is a little terrifying."

"I know exactly what you mean."

She drew in a deep breath. "Anyway, we can't talk about this now. The guests are starting to arrive as well as the press. And you need to start cooking."

"Then we'll talk later, after the event."

"Fine. You should put on your apron. We promised our sponsors the chefs would wear them while they were cooking."

"I'll put it on. Right now, I'm more concerned with cooking this meal I've volunteered to make and not burning the hotel down."

"You'll do okay."

"You keep saying that, and while I appreciate the pep talk, I can't help feeling very alone at this moment."

"You're used to performing in front of a crowd."

"Yeah, but that's when I know what I'm doing, when I've practiced more than once."

"Well, I didn't stop you from practicing." She paused. "But, just like I had the recipe waiting for you, I've also made sure you have a little more backup."

"What does that mean?" he asked with a hopeful look in his eyes.

"I got you a sous chef. To keep the contest fair, I asked all the kids from Baycrest to help out in the kitchens, but you have the most knowledgeable kid I could find." She waved her hand toward the young girl walking toward them. "Maya is a very good cook. She's used to cooking for her siblings, and she's going to help you."

"Hi Matt," Maya said.

"Maya. You're a lifesaver," he said, giving her a big smile.

"You're making a really easy meal; it won't be hard," Maya told him. "Don't worry. I'll tell you what to do. First thing, you need to do is to get organized." She headed over to the refrigerator. "Let's see what you've got."

"I'm going to leave you to it," Julie told him.

He grabbed her arm, his warm fingers sending the oh-so-familiar butterflies dancing through her stomach. "Thanks, Julie."

"Good luck. There's still a chance you could win, you know."

"I'm just hoping I don't poison anyone."

"Maya won't let that happen," she said, smiling as Maya started to bark orders at Matt. He was going to have his hands full with Maya.

Matt grinned. "She's going to kick my ass."

"Matt, are you listening?" Maya asked, waving her hand in the air.

"Sorry," he said, giving Julie's arm another squeeze before he let her go. "See you later."

"Later," she echoed, then headed back to the front of the ballroom. She was almost to the entrance when she ran into her friends. Liz and Michael, Andrea and Alex had come as well as Kate and Isabella. After going through a line of hugs and greetings, she took them over to their table.

"I put you guys near the judging table, so you'll have a good view," she said, as they all sat down. "I think the food is going to be amazing, too."

"Where's Matt?" Liz asked.

"He's in his kitchen getting ready to cook."

"I think I'll say hello," Alex said.

"I'll go with you," Michael added.

As the two men left the table, Julie was immediately besieged by questions.

"What is going on with you and Matt?" Kate asked.

"Are you guys dating?" Isabella wanted to know.

"Is it getting serious?" Liz wondered.

"Stop," she said, sitting down for a moment in the seat Alex had just vacated. "We've gone out a couple of times, and I like him, but you all know how I feel about baseball players."

"And he hasn't changed your mind yet?" Liz asked.

"Well, maybe a little," she conceded. "Actually a lot. He's really great," she said with a sigh.

Andrea gave her a knowing look. "I recognize that expression. You're falling for him. You have the same look Liz did when she reunited with Michael."

"And the same look you had when you got together with Alex," Kate put in.

"Matt seems really nice," Isabella added. "And he liked you enough to come to my hip-hop class, which not all men will do."

"He's been doing everything right," she admitted. "But I just don't see how it could work. Even though I know he's not my father, he's still on the road several months a year, and he's surrounded by women. He also told me he doesn't think he wants kids. That would be a deal-breaker. It's better if I cut things off now, before they get started."