All Your Loving (Bachelors & Bridesmaids) (20 page)

She swallowed back a knot in her throat as she stared at the picture of her sister. Even though she'd known about her, she hadn't seemed like a real person.

How crazy that her father had started over with a new family in his forties, too. Was he a different parent now that he wasn't playing baseball all the time?

She set down the photograph as she suddenly realized that everyone had moved on but her. Her father had remarried and had more children. Her mother had remarried, too, and was happy with her new husband.

Was she the only person still stuck in the past?

Frowning, she knew there was only one answer—yes. The two people who had divorced had found love again, but she was alone. She was distrustful and wary and afraid to put her heart on the line. She had met a man who had made it clear he was interested in a relationship, and she'd done everything she could to push him away.

Not that there wasn't more between her and Matt than just her emotional baggage. There were other issues, too. But if she could open her heart up again, would all those issues become challenges instead of problems?

Matt was right. She did see the glass half-empty. Maybe she needed to see it half-full.

Stuffing the photos and letters back into the envelope, she decided she'd seen enough of the past for now. She had to start focusing on the present and the future.

Her doorbell rang, and she jumped to her feet in surprise. For a split second, she thought it might be Matt. Maybe he hadn't gotten on the plane after all.

But when she pushed the buzzer, it was Isabella's voice that rang out.

"Are you ready?" Isabella asked.

"Ready?" she asked in confusion.

"For brunch. Did you forget? I had a feeling you might with everything else that's been going on."

"I did forget."

"I'll wait for you. I'm double-parked, so get dressed fast."

"I don't know—"

"You're coming," Isabella said decisively. "We all want to hear what went on with Matt Kingsley last night." She paused. "Wait a second, is he with you? Did he stay over?"

"No, he didn't. I'm pretty sure it's over between us."

"Well come downstairs, and we'll help you figure it out," Isabella said.

She sighed. "All right." She might as well spend the day with her friends. At the very least brunch would take her mind off of Matt.

Chapter Fourteen

Brunch at the Cliff House in San Francisco was more fun than Julie had anticipated, and she was happy that her friend Maggie had made it down from Napa to join them. Maggie worked at a hotel and often had to miss out on weekend and evening events, so they didn't get to see her very often.

After they'd all caught Maggie up on their lives, the conversation turned to Julie's love life, as she'd figured it would. Since Liz, Kate, Andrea and Isabella had been at the cook-off, there was no point in denying that there was something going on with her and Matt Kingsley. But as she'd told Isabella earlier, she wasn't really sure if that
something
wasn't already over.

"Matt left this morning," she told them. "He had to go to Arizona sooner than he'd expected. He said he still wanted to have a relationship with me, but I can't see how that would work. I definitely didn't give him the answer he wanted. I'm pretty sure we're done."

"You can still talk to him," Liz said. "You have a phone."

"Or go see him," Isabella put in. "Arizona isn't that far away. You could be there in three hours."

"And then what? I sit in the stands and watch him play baseball? I have a job. I can't run down to Arizona. We have our walkathon in three weeks. There's a ton to do before then. And after that we'll be gearing up for the telethon and then the summer events. My life is busy."

"You still have to take breaks for yourself," Andrea said.

"You're talking to me about taking breaks?" Julie asked with a pointed look.

Andrea acknowledged her point with a wry smile. "I know I work too much, and there have been days or years when I've been obsessed with my job. But after I met Alex, I realized that I needed more in my life than work. If I hadn't given him a chance to distract me, I would not be as happy as I am now. And we're working out the work-life-love balance. It's a constantly changing dynamic. You and Matt can do the same thing."

"Andrea is right," Liz said. "I've always taken my career seriously, but reuniting with Michael made me see how single-minded I'd been. Your career is important, Julie, but so is love."

Julie groaned, looking at Isabella and Maggie. "I need my still single friends to speak up now."

Isabella gave her an apologetic smile. "Sorry. Having seen you with Matt last night, I don't think it matters what I say. There's an attraction between you. Everyone could see that. So why fight it? Go with your emotions, with your heart. You have to feed your soul, Julie."

She could always count on Isabella, the free spirit in the group, to remind her of what was really important.

"What are you afraid of?" Maggie asked.

"Getting hurt. Losing myself. Loving a man I can't count on to be there when I need him," she said. "I don't want to be with someone whose job and life is so big that I can't be a priority."

"Of course you should be a priority," Andrea said. "If you're not, then you should walk away."

"Right?" she said, glad to have someone finally support her position.

"But first you should find out if that's really true," Liz put in. "Because it seems like Matt has done everything he can to let you know he's interested in making you a priority."

"I agree," Maggie said.

"Me, too," Isabella put in. "You need to talk to Matt, see him again, maybe go on a few more dates before you end it forever."

"That shouldn't be too big of a hardship," Liz added. "He is a gorgeous, sexy, rich professional athlete."

She gave a helpless smile. "I'm crazy, aren't I?"

"You are," Liz agreed. "And I think you know that Matt is much more than what he does for a living."

She did know that. Matt had gone to a hip-hop class with her. He'd help her stuff swag bags. He'd made friends with a group of kids she loved. He'd put up with reporters and photographers to participate in her fundraiser. He'd taken her on a yacht cruise and tried to show her she was important to him.

So what was stopping her from taking the leap?

Matt had asked her what would it take for her to trust a man? She hadn't been able to give him an answer then. Could she now?

* * *

After brunch, Julie wrestled with indecision for a few more hours. She really wanted to talk to Matt, but in the end she realized there was someone else she needed to speak to first.

She called her mom. "Hi," she said. "I need a big favor."

"What's that, honey?"

"I need Dad's phone number. Is there any chance you have it?"

Silence met her request and then she heard her mother let out a harsh breath. "Are you sure?" Alicia asked.

"Yes. I read his letters, and I need to speak to him. He's been haunting me for too long. I don't think I can move forward until I get rid of the past, and he's the past."

"I have his number. He gave it to me a few years back, hoping that one day you'd want to reach out to him. I don't know if it's still good, but you can try."

She jotted down the number on her phone. "Thanks, Mom."

"Are you calling him now?"

"I think so, if I don't lose my nerve. Is it strange that I'm so nervous to talk to my own father?"

"No, but it's kind of sad," her mother said, a heavy note in her voice. "And I know that I'm to blame for a lot of the distance between you two."

"I don't blame you, Mom. I'm a grown woman and I have been for a while. The distance between us now is obviously on me."

"Will you let me know how it goes?"

"Yes," she said. "Talk to you soon."

She hung up the phone, took a deep breath and punched in the number her mother had given her. The phone rang once, twice, three times. Her gut twisted into knots. She was about to hang up, about to tell herself she'd tried and that was enough.

And then he answered.

The familiarity of his voice brought forth an overwhelming rush of emotion.

"Hello?" he said. "Hello?"

"Dad," she finally got out. "It's me—Julie."

"Julie?" he asked in amazement. "It's really you?"

Her hand tightened on the phone. "Yes."

"Are you all right? Is everything okay with you—with your mom?"

She was startled that he would even ask about her mother and that there was concern in his voice. "We're both fine," she said haltingly. "I just thought it was time to reach out to you. I finally had a chance to read through the letters you sent me over the years."

"I didn't think you'd ever read them."

"Well, I did." She didn't want to get into the fact that her mom had kept the letters from her until recently.

"Oh, Julie," he said. "There are so many things I want to say to you. And part of me just wants to hear you talk, because I haven't heard the sound of your voice in so long."

Tears gathered in her eyes, because she felt exactly the same way. "I know."

There was another long, tense pause between them. She knew they were both afraid to speak, to say the wrong thing, but so much time had passed already, she couldn't let any more time go by.

"I'm sorry," she said.

"You're apologizing to me?" he asked, shock in his voice. "No, that's not right. I hurt you so badly. I acted selfishly, Julie. I was so unhappy in my marriage that I made some big mistakes. I have a lot of regrets."

"I don't want to talk about the past anymore." She drew in a breath. "I was just thinking that maybe we could go from here."

"I would love to go from here. I want you to meet your sisters. I talk to them about you all the time. I've followed you from afar, Julie. Your grandparents have kept me in the loop. But you made it clear you didn't want me in your life, and I wanted to respect that."

"Well, I'm changing my stance on that," she said. "And I would like to meet my sisters, but maybe not just yet. Maybe we just talk on the phone a few times before we all meet. I don't want to put them in the middle of any tension."

"I don't, either. We'll play it any way you want."

"Okay, then maybe we'll talk next Sunday."

"That long?"

"You know I'm not good with change," she said.

"Yeah, I know," he said softly. "Next Sunday it is. And Julie…"

"Yes."

"I've missed you."

"I've missed you, too, Dad." She ended the call with tears streaming down her face, but this time, they were happy tears.

* * *

Julie woke up early Monday morning, feeling energized and ready to take on her future. The phone call with her dad had definitely broken down her guard walls. She didn't know where that relationship would go, but she wasn't going to run from it anymore.

As for Matt, she still didn't know what would happen with him. There were a lot of things to work out, but she wanted to tell him about her dad. She picked up her phone and called him. It was only seven a.m., but she was hoping he was up.

"Julie?" he asked, his voice a little thick.

"I woke you up, didn't I?"

"No." He cleared his throat. "How are you?"

"I'm feeling pretty good actually."

"Really? I'm not sure how to feel about that, considering I'm here and you're there," he said dryly.

"That's not the part I'm feeling good about. I read my dad's letters yesterday, and I ended up calling him on the phone."

"No way."

"Yes. I feel like I just got over a huge hurdle in my mind."

"Why did you decide to get in touch with him?"

"It occurred to me that both my mom and dad had moved on, and I was the only one stuck in the past. So I called him, and he was as shocked as you are. We didn't discuss too much, but we're going to talk again next weekend. We'll take things slow, see where they go."

"That's great, Julie. I'm happy for you."

"It's because of you, Matt. You made me realize I was holding on way too hard to the wrong emotions. I can't live my life with anger and bitterness. I wasn't hurting my dad; I was hurting myself."

"You were. And I'm glad you've made peace with him."

"Me, too." She paused. "You were the first person I wanted to call, Matt."

"I'm glad."

"I know I didn't give you the answer you wanted the other night, and maybe it's too late—"

"It's not too late," he interrupted.

"Okay," she said with relief.

"Damn, I wish I was in the city right now," he said. "I want to really talk to you, Julie, but I have to go in like three minutes and the rest of the day is packed."