All's Well That Ends Well (13 page)

SECOND LORD
    Nay, good my lord, put him
to't
¹
, let him have his

way.

FIRST LORD
    If your lordship find him not a
hilding
³
, hold me no

more in your respect.

SECOND LORD
    On my life, my lord, a
bubble.
⁵

BERTRAM
    Do you think I am so far deceived in him?

SECOND LORD
    Believe it, my lord, in mine own direct knowledge,

without any malice, but to speak of him
as
⁸
my kinsman, he's

a most notable coward, an infinite and endless liar, an hourly

promise-breaker, the owner of no one good quality worthy

your lordship's
entertainment.
¹¹

FIRST LORD
    It were fit you knew him, lest
reposing
¹²
too far in his

virtue, which he hath not, he might at some great and
trusty
¹³

business in a main danger fail you.

BERTRAM
    I would I knew in what particular action to
try
¹⁵
him.

FIRST LORD
    None better than to let him
fetch off
¹⁶
his drum,

which you hear him so confidently undertake to do.

SECOND LORD
    I, with a troop of Florentines, will suddenly

surprise
him; such I will have whom I am sure he
knows not
¹⁹

from the enemy: we will bind and
hoodwink
²⁰
him so, that he

shall suppose no other but that he is carried into the
leaguer
²¹

of the adversaries, when we bring him to our own tents. Be

but your lordship present at his examination. If he do not,

for the promise of his life and in the highest compulsion of

base fear, offer to betray you and deliver all the
intelligence
²⁵
in

his power against you, and that with the divine forfeit of his

soul upon
oath
²⁷
, never trust my judgement in anything.

FIRST LORD
    O, for the love of laughter, let him fetch his drum.

He says he has a stratagem for't. When your lordship sees

the
bottom
³⁰
of his success in't, and to what metal this

counterfeit lump of
ore
will be melted, if you
give him not
³¹

John Drum's entertainment, your
inclining
³²
cannot be

removed. Here he comes.

SECOND LORD
    O, for the love of laughter, hinder not

the honour of his design. Let him fetch off his drum

in any hand.
³⁶

BERTRAM
    How now, monsieur? This drum
sticks
sorely in
³⁷

your disposition.

FIRST LORD
    A
pox
³⁹
on't! Let it go, 'tis but a drum.

PAROLLES
    ‘But a drum'? Is't ‘but a drum'? A drum so lost?

There was excellent command: to charge in with our horse

upon our own
wings
, and to
rend
⁴²
our own soldiers!

FIRST LORD
    That was not to be blamed
in
the
command of the
⁴³

service: it was a disaster of war that Caesar himself could

not have prevented if he had been there to command.

BERTRAM
    Well, we cannot greatly condemn our success.

Some dishonour we had in the loss of that drum, but it is not

to be recovered.

PAROLLES
    It might have been recovered.

BERTRAM
    It might, but it is not now.

PAROLLES
    It is to be recovered.
But
⁵¹
that the merit of service is

seldom attributed to the true and exact performer, I would

have that drum or another, or
hic jacet
⁵³
.

BERTRAM
    Why, if you have a
stomach
⁵⁴
, to't, monsieur: if you

think your
mystery
⁵⁵
in stratagem can bring this instrument

of honour again into
his
⁵⁶
native quarter, be magnanimous in

the enterprise and go on. I will
grace
⁵⁷
the attempt for a

worthy exploit. If you
speed
⁵⁸
well in it, the duke shall both

speak of it and extend to you what further
becomes
⁵⁹
his

greatness, even to the utmost syllable of your worthiness.

PAROLLES
    By the hand of a soldier, I will undertake it.

BERTRAM
    But you must not now
slumber in it.
⁶²

PAROLLES
    I'll about it this evening, and I will
presently
pen
⁶³

down my
dilemmas
⁶⁴
, encourage myself in my certainty, put

myself into my
mortal preparation
⁶⁵
, and by midnight look to

hear further from me.

BERTRAM
    May I be bold to acquaint his grace you are gone

about it?

PAROLLES
    I know not what the success will be, my lord, but the

attempt I vow.

BERTRAM
    I know thou'rt valiant, and to the
possibility
⁷¹
of thy

soldiership will
subscribe
⁷²
for thee. Farewell.

PAROLLES
    I love not many words.

SECOND LORD
    No more than a fish loves water. Is not this a

strange fellow, my lord, that so confidently seems to undertake

this business, which he knows is not to be done,
damns
⁷⁶

himself to do and dares better be damned than to do't?

FIRST LORD
    You do not know him, my lord, as we do. Certain it

is that he will steal himself into a man's favour and for a

week escape a great deal of discoveries, but when you find

him out, you
have
⁸¹
him ever after.

BERTRAM
    Why, do you think he will
make no deed
⁸²
at all of this

that so seriously he does address himself unto?

SECOND LORD
    None in the world. But return with an invention

and clap upon you two or three
probable
⁸⁵
lies. But we have

almost
embossed
⁸⁶
him. You shall see his fall tonight; for

indeed he is not
for
⁸⁷
your lordship's respect.

FIRST LORD
    We'll make you some sport with the fox ere we
case
⁸⁸

him. He was first
smoked
⁸⁹
by the old lord Lafew. When his

disguise and he is parted, tell me what a
sprat
⁹⁰
you shall find

him, which you shall see this very night.

SECOND LORD
    I must go
look my twigs.
⁹²
He shall be caught.

BERTRAM
    
Your brother he shall go along with me.
⁹³

FIRST LORD
    As't please your lordship. I'll leave you.

BERTRAM
    Now will I lead you to the house, and show you

The lass I spoke of.

SECOND LORD
    But you say she's honest.

BERTRAM
    That's all the fault. I spoke with her but once

And found her wondrous cold, but I sent to her

By this same
coxcomb
that we
have i'th'wind
¹⁰⁰

Tokens and letters which she did re-send.

And this is all I have done. She's a fair creature.

Will you go see her?

SECOND LORD
    With all my heart, my lord.

HELEN
    If you
misdoubt
¹
me that I am not she,

I know not how I shall assure you further,

But I shall lose the grounds I work upon.
³

WIDOW
    Though my
estate
⁴
be fall'n, I was well born,

Nothing acquainted with these businesses,

And would not put my reputation now

In any staining act.

HELEN
    Nor would I wish you.

First, give me trust, the count he is my husband,

And what to your
sworn counsel
¹⁰
I have spoken

Is
so from word to word.
¹¹
And then you cannot,

By
¹²
the good aid that I of you shall borrow,

Err in bestowing it.

WIDOW
    I should believe you,

For you have showed me that which well
approves
¹⁵

You're great in fortune.

HELEN
    Take this purse of gold,

And let me buy your friendly help thus far,

Which I will over-pay and pay again

When I have
found it.
²⁰
The count he woos your daughter,

Lays down his
wanton
²¹
siege before her beauty,

Resolves to
carry
her: let her
in fine
²²
consent,

As we'll direct her how 'tis best to
bear
²³
it.

Now his
important blood
²⁴
will naught deny

That she'll demand: a ring the
county
²⁵
wears,

That downward hath succeeded in his house

From son to son, some four or five descents

Since the first father wore it. This ring he holds

In most
rich choice
, yet in his
idle fire
²⁹
,

To buy his
will
³⁰
, it would not seem too dear,

Howe'er repented after.

WIDOW
    Now I see

The
bottom
³³
of your purpose.

HELEN
    You see it
lawful
³⁴
, then: it is no more,

But that your daughter, ere she seems as won,

Desires this ring;
appoints him an encounter
³⁶
;

In fine, delivers me to fill the time,

Herself most chastely absent. After,

To
marry her
³⁹
, I'll add three thousand crowns

To what
is passed
⁴⁰
already.

WIDOW
    I have yielded:

Instruct my daughter how she shall
persever
⁴²
,

That time and place with this deceit so lawful

May prove
coherent.
⁴⁴
Every night he comes

With
musics
⁴⁵
of all sorts and songs composed

To her
unworthiness.
It nothing
steads
⁴⁶
us

To
chide
⁴⁷
him from our eaves, for he persists

As if his life
lay
⁴⁸
on't.

HELEN
    Why then tonight

Let us
assay
our plot, which, if it
speed
⁵⁰
,

Is wicked
meaning
in a
lawful deed
⁵¹
,

And lawful meaning in a lawful act,

Where both not sin, and yet a sinful
fact.
⁵³

But let's about it.

FIRST LORD
    He can come no other way but by this hedge-corner.

When you
sally
upon him, speak what
terrible
²
language you

will: though you understand it not yourselves, no matter, for

we must not seem to understand him,
unless
⁴
some one

among us, whom we must produce for an interpreter.

FIRST SOLDIER
    Good captain, let me be th'interpreter.

FIRST LORD
    Art not acquainted with him? Knows he not thy

voice?

FIRST SOLDIER
    No, sir, I warrant you.

FIRST LORD
    But what
linsey-woolsey
¹⁰
hast thou to speak to us

again?
¹¹

FIRST SOLDIER
    E'en such as you speak to me.

FIRST LORD
    He must think us some band of
strangers
¹³

i'th'adversary's
entertainment.
Now he hath a
smack
¹⁴
of all

neighbouring languages: therefore we must every one be a

man of his own
fancy
, not
to know
¹⁶
what we speak one to

another,
so
we seem to know, is to
know straight
¹⁷
our purpose:

choughs
¹⁸
' language, gabble enough and good enough. As for

you, interpreter, you must seem very
politic.
But
couch
¹⁹
, ho!

Here he comes, to
beguile
²⁰
two hours in a sleep, and then to

return and swear the lies he forges.