All's Well That Ends Well (18 page)

By my old beard,

And every hair that's on't, Helen, that's dead,

Was a sweet creature: such a ring as this,

The
last
that e'er I
took her leave
⁹⁰
at court,

I saw upon her finger.

BERTRAM
    Hers it was not.

KING
    Now, pray you let me see it. For mine eye,

While I was speaking, oft was fastened to't.

This ring was mine, and when I gave it Helen,

I
bade
⁹⁶
her, if her fortunes ever stood

Necessitied to
⁹⁷
help, that by this token

I would relieve her. Had you that craft, to
reave
⁹⁸
her

Of what should
stead
⁹⁹
her most?

BERTRAM
    My gracious sovereign,

Howe'er it pleases you to take it so,

The ring was never hers.

COUNTESS
    Son, on my life,

I have seen her wear it, and she
reckoned
¹⁰⁴
it

At
her life's
rate.
¹⁰⁵

LAFEW
    I am sure I saw her wear it.

BERTRAM
    You are deceived, my lord. She never saw it.

In Florence was it from a
casement
¹⁰⁸
thrown me,

Wrapped in a paper, which contained the name

Of her that threw it. Noble she was, and thought

I stood
engaged
, but when I had
subscribed
¹¹¹

To mine own fortune and informed her fully

I could not
answer in that course of honour
¹¹³

As she had made the overture, she ceased

In
heavy satisfaction
¹¹⁵
and would never

Receive the ring again.

KING
    
Plutus
¹¹⁷
himself,

That knows the
tinct
and
multiplying med'cine
¹¹⁸
,

Hath not in nature's mystery more
science
¹¹⁹

Than I have in this ring. 'Twas mine, 'twas Helen's,

Whoever gave it you. Then, if you know

That you are well acquainted with yourself,

Confess 'twas hers, and by what rough enforcement

You got it from her. She called the saints
to surety
¹²⁴

That she would never put it from her finger,

Unless she gave it to yourself in bed,

Where you have never come, or sent it us

Upon her great disaster.
¹²⁸

BERTRAM
    She never saw it.

KING
    Thou speak'st it falsely, as I love mine honour,

And mak'st
conjectural
¹³¹
fears to come into me

Which I would
fain
¹³²
shut out. If it should prove

That thou art so inhuman — 'twill not prove so —

And yet I know not. Thou didst hate her deadly,

And she is dead, which nothing but to close

Her eyes myself could win me to believe,

More than to see this ring. Take him away.

My
fore-past
proofs, howe'er the matter
fall
¹³⁸
,

Shall tax my fears of little vanity
¹³⁹
,

Having
vainly
¹⁴⁰
feared too little. Away with him.

We'll
sift
¹⁴¹
this matter further.

BERTRAM
    If you shall prove

This ring was ever hers, you shall as easy

Prove that I husbanded her bed in Florence,

Where yet she never was.

KING
    I am wrapped in dismal thinkings.

GENTLEMAN
    Gracious sovereign,

Whether I have been to blame or no, I know not:

Here's a petition from a Florentine,

Who hath
for
four or five
removes
come
short
¹⁵⁰

To
tender
¹⁵¹
it herself. I undertook it,

Vanquished
¹⁵²
thereto by the fair grace and speech

Of the poor suppliant, who by
this
¹⁵³
I know

Is here attending. Her business
looks
¹⁵⁴
in her

With an
importing visage
¹⁵⁵
, and she told me,

In a sweet verbal
brief
¹⁵⁶
, it did concern

Your highness with herself.

KING

[
Reads a
]
letter

‘Upon his many protestations to marry me when his wife

was dead, I blush to say it, he won me. Now is the Count

Rossillion a widower. His vows are forfeited to me, and my

honour's paid
to him. He stole from Florence,
taking no
¹⁶¹

leave, and I follow him to his country for justice. Grant it me,

O king! In you it best lies, otherwise a seducer flourishes and

a poor maid is undone. Diana Capilet.'

LAFEW
    I will buy me a son-in-law
in
a
fair
, and
toll for this.
¹⁶⁵

I'll none of him.

KING
    The heavens have thought well on thee, Lafew,

To bring forth this discov'ry. Seek these
suitors.
¹⁶⁸

Go speedily and bring again the count.

I am
afeard
¹⁷⁰
the life of Helen, lady,

Was
foully snatched.
¹⁷¹

COUNTESS
    Now, justice on the doers!

KING
    I wonder, sir,
sith
¹⁷³
wives are monsters to you,

And
that
you
fly them as you swear them lordship
¹⁷⁴
,

Yet you desire to marry.— What woman's that?

DIANA
    I am, my lord, a wretched Florentine,

Derivèd
¹⁷⁷
from the ancient Capilet.

My suit, as I do understand, you know,

And therefore know how far I may be pitied.

WIDOW
    I am her mother, sir, whose age and honour

Both suffer under this complaint we bring,

And
both shall cease
¹⁸²
, without your remedy.

KING
    Come hither, count. Do you know these women?

BERTRAM
    My lord, I neither can nor will deny

But that I know them. Do they charge me further?

DIANA
    Why do you look so
strange
¹⁸⁶
upon your wife?

BERTRAM
    She's none of mine, my lord.

DIANA
    If you shall marry,

You give away
this hand
¹⁸⁹
, and that is mine,

You give away heaven's vows, and those are mine,

You give away myself, which is known mine,

For I by vow am so
embodied yours
¹⁹²
,

That she which marries you must marry me,

Either both or none.

LAFEW
    Your reputation comes too short for my

daughter. You are no husband for her.

BERTRAM
    My lord, this is a
fond
¹⁹⁷
and desp'rate creature,

Whom sometime I have laughed with. Let your highness

Lay a more noble thought upon mine honour

Than for to think that I would sink it here.

KING
    Sir, for my thoughts,
you have them ill to friend
²⁰¹

Till your deeds
gain them
²⁰²
: fairer prove your honour

Than in my thought it lies.

DIANA
    Good my lord,

Ask him upon his oath, if he does think

He had not my virginity.

KING
    What say'st thou to her?

BERTRAM
    She's
impudent
²⁰⁸
, my lord,

And was a common
gamester
²⁰⁹
to the camp.

DIANA
    He does me wrong, my lord. If I were so,

He might have bought me at a common price.

Do not believe him. O, behold this ring,

Whose high respect and rich
validity
²¹³

Did lack a
parallel.
²¹⁴
Yet for all that

He gave it to a
commoner
²¹⁵
o'th'camp,

If I be one.

COUNTESS
    He blushes, and
'tis hit.
²¹⁷

Of
²¹⁸
six preceding ancestors, that gem,

Conferred by
testament
to
th'sequent issue
²¹⁹
,

Hath it been
owed
²²⁰
and worn. This is his wife,

That ring's a thousand proofs.

KING
    Methought you said

You saw one here in court could witness it.

DIANA
    I did, my lord, but loath am to produce

So bad an
instrument
²²⁵
: his name's Parolles.

LAFEW
    I saw the man today, if man he be.

KING
    Find him, and bring him hither.

BERTRAM
    What of him?

He's
quoted for
a most
perfidious
²²⁹
slave

With
all the
spots
o'th'world
taxed
and
deboshed
²³⁰
,

Whose nature sickens
but
²³¹
to speak a truth.

Am I
or that or this for
²³²
what he'll utter,

That will speak anything?

KING
    She hath that ring of yours.

BERTRAM
    I think she has; certain it is I liked her,

And
boarded
her i'th'
wanton
²³⁶
way of youth.

She
knew her distance
²³⁷
and did angle for me,

Madding
²³⁸
my eagerness with her restraint,

As all impediments in
fancy's
²³⁹
course

Are motives of more fancy. And in fine,

Her
insuite
cunning, with her
modern
²⁴¹
grace,

Subdued me
to her
rate
²⁴²
: she got the ring,

And I had that which any inferior might

At market-price have bought.

DIANA
    I must be patient.

You, that have
turned
²⁴⁶
off a first so noble wife,

May justly
diet
²⁴⁷
me. I pray you yet —

Since you lack virtue, I will lose a husband —

Send for your ring, I will return it home,

And give me mine again.

BERTRAM
    I have it not.

KING
    What ring was yours, I pray you?

DIANA
    Sir, much like the same upon your finger.

KING
    Know you this ring? This ring was his of late.

DIANA
    And this was it I gave him, being abed.

KING
    The story then
goes
²⁵⁶
false, you threw it him

Out of a casement.

DIANA
    I have spoke the truth.

BERTRAM
    My lord, I do confess the ring was hers.

KING
    You
boggle
shrewdly
, every feather
starts
²⁶⁰
you.

Is this the man you speak of?

DIANA
    Ay, my lord.

KING
    Tell me, sirrah — but tell me true, I charge you,

Not fearing the displeasure of your master,

Which on your
just proceeding
²⁶⁵
I'll keep off —

By
²⁶⁶
him and by this woman here what know you?

PAROLLES
    So please your majesty, my master hath been an

honourable gentleman.
Tricks
²⁶⁸
he hath had in him, which

gentlemen have.

KING
    Come, come, to th'purpose: did he love this woman?

PAROLLES
    Faith, sir, he did love her, but how?

KING
    How, I pray you?

PAROLLES
    He did love her, sir, as a gentleman loves a woman.

KING
    How is that?

PAROLLES
    
He loved her, sir, and loved her not.
²⁷⁵

KING
    As thou art a knave, and no knave. What an

equivocal
companion
²⁷⁷
is this!

PAROLLES
    I am a poor man, and at your majesty's command.

LAFEW
    He's a good
drum
, my lord, but a
naughty
²⁷⁹
orator.

DIANA
    Do you know he promised me marriage?

PAROLLES
    Faith, I know more than I'll speak.

KING
    But wilt thou not speak all thou knowest?

PAROLLES
    Yes, so please your majesty. I did go between them,

as I said. But more than that, he loved her, for indeed he was

mad for her and talked of Satan and of
Limbo
and of
Furies
²⁸⁵

and I know not what. Yet I was
in that credit with them
²⁸⁶
at

that time that I knew of their going to bed, and of other

motions
²⁸⁸
, as promising her marriage, and things which

would
derive
²⁸⁹
me ill will to speak of: therefore I will not speak

what I know.

KING
    Thou hast spoken all already, unless thou canst say

they are married. But thou art too
fine
²⁹²
in thy evidence:

therefore stand aside. This ring, you say, was yours?

DIANA
    Ay, my good lord.

KING
    Where did you buy it? Or who gave it you?

DIANA
    It was not given me, nor I did not buy it.

KING
    Who lent it you?

DIANA
    It was not lent me neither.

KING
    Where did you find it, then?

DIANA
    I found it not.

KING
    If it were yours by none of all these ways,

How could you give it him?

DIANA
    I never gave it him.

LAFEW
    This woman's an
easy
glove
, my lord: she
goes off
³⁰⁴

and on
at pleasure.
³⁰⁵

KING
    This ring was mine, I gave it his first wife.

DIANA
    It might be yours or hers, for
aught
³⁰⁷
I know.

KING
    Take her away. I do not like her now.

To prison with her, and away with him.

Unless thou tell'st me where thou hadst this ring,

Thou diest within this hour.

DIANA
    I'll never tell you.

KING
    Take her away.

DIANA
    I'll
put in
³¹⁴
bail, my liege.

KING
    I think thee now some common
customer.
³¹⁵

DIANA
    By Jove,
if ever I
knew
³¹⁶
man, 'twas you.

KING
    Wherefore hast thou accused him all this while?

DIANA
    Because he's guilty, and he is not guilty.

He knows I am no maid, and he'll swear to't.

I'll swear I am a maid, and he knows not.

Great king, I am no strumpet, by my life.

I am either maid, or else this old man's wife.