Allure Magnified (12 page)

             
I stared down at my hands, my heart racing as I thought of what I was about to tell her. If there had ever been a time to confess, this was it. “I can understand what you mean.”

             
“Dem, I’m serious. I’m so—wait. You can?”

             
Okay, this confessing thing wasn’t going to be easy. Yeah, she had no right to be angry with me, but regardless, my nerves made my breathing speed up when I looked at her. “Liv...I’ve been seeing Dorian just as long as you’ve been seeing Calum.”

             
I watched as confusion and shock flitted across her face.

             
“You?
You?
You’ve been sleeping with your boss on the DL?”

             
“I’m trying real hard to not be offended by that right now, Liv.”

             
Liv smiled at me and slapped me on the back. “Fucking hell. I thought you were a prude.”

             
“Fuck you, Liv.”

             
She laughed, the strain melting from her face. “What? I’m actually proud of you right now. Dorian is a hot piece of ass.  I never saw this coming. I’ll admit it. Wasn’t he still your boss when it started?” At my nod, the smile left her face. “Oh. How’s your dad taking it?”

             
“He doesn’t know, yet.” I cringed at the reminder, the stress of keeping it hidden surfacing once more. “But only because I have no idea where this is going. I don’t give a damn if he gets mad at the age difference. I love my dad but I’m old enough to decide who I want to be with. What I do care about is him fighting with Dorian over it. They’re
friends
.”  Their friendship was another aspect of the situation that was eating at me. “I just hope they remain friends after this.”

             
“Are you guys official? How serious is it?”

             
That question had me squirming in my seat. It was a question I’d been trying real hard not to ponder. Although I was pretty sure where
my
emotions stood, wanting more than Dorian was willing to give would be disastrous. Turning into a pinning, lovesick fool would only serve to ruin what we had.

             
“You guys haven’t talked about it, either, huh?”

             
I shrugged one shoulder. “I am in the same situation that you are. He’s definitely into me and I think he might want more, but we haven’t spoken about it. We also want to tell my dad as soon as possible, but we didn’t get the chance. Dorian came back just as my dad left. The next time they see each other will be in Chicago for the design festival and I won’t be there. So we’ll have to wait until they both get back to even think about having that talk.”

             
Liv leaned back on the bench, her expression rueful. “What a fucking pair we make.”

             
I laughed lightly and mimicked her pose.

             
“Hey. At least Dorian
wants
to talk to your dad. That means he wants something serious, doesn’t it?”

             
It might, but again, I couldn’t allow myself to dwell on it right then. I knew what I was beginning to feel and all it would take is one stray thought for it to break loose.

We sat in silence for a few minutes before I turned to look at her. “I think that you should go to Chicago with Calum. He’s a really good guy, Liv. At least as far as I know.”

“I know. I’ll admit, I’m scared of wanting more with him, but I also know that’s a stupid reason to sabotage this. I have to give him a real chance. Let’s just hope that I don’t end up getting hurt.”

I was proud of her no commitments
ass and my approval was obvious. Liv gave me the finger when she saw the smile on my face. I heard the ping of my phone going off and reached into my bag.

My heart did a little flip flop when I saw a text from Dorian. All it said was
“Call me as soon as you get out of class.”
I frowned, wondering why the hell my heart had fallen into my stomach.

“What is it?” Liv asked.

“Give me a sec.”

I got up and hit call. Dorian picked up on the first ring. “Why aren’t you in class, baby?”

My lungs stuttered like they always did when he called me that. “My friend came to see me. What’s going on?”

“I need to see you. How fast can you
get to my apartment? I’ll meet you there.”

I’d started pacing back and forth and I could feel Liv’s eyes following me. “I’ll leave right now, but you’re worrying me. What’s going on?”

“I can’t talk about it over the phone. We need to talk in person.”

And there you go. Those words were enough to make my chest freeze. I stopped pacing, unable to move another inch.

“Demi.”

The way he growled my name had me blinking.

“Whatever the hell you’re thinking, stop that right now. You’re
wrong.
”

How the hell did he know what I was thinking? And he was telling me that I was wrong, but since I wasn’t sure we were talking about the same thing, the fear was still rolling inside me.

“Demi...”

“I’m on my way.”

“Good. See you in a bit baby girl.”

The endearment was enough to thaw some of the cold anxiety coursing through me. “Bye,” I said in a small voice, aware that I was biting my lip and Liv was giving me a questioning look. I hung up the phone and before Liv could start with the questions, I let her know I had to leave.

“But what is it?”

“I don’t know, but it sounds urgent.”
Bad.
“I’ll let you know once I do know. I meant what I said, go with Calum.”

Liv’s face scrunched up while we kissed each other’s cheeks. “Now you’re the bossy one. Good luck with whatever it is. And call me.”

“I will, you nag.” I managed to smile at her as she laughed. Turning, I rushed off campus, heading for the parking lot and jumping straight into my car. I had no idea what the hell was waiting for me or what Dorian wanted to talk about, but I was shaking as I turned the key in the ignition.

In that one second of uncertainties, what-ifs, and bitter imaginings, I realized something that I’d already known but hadn’t admitted to myself yet. I loved Dorian. It was obvious and even more so, it had been inevitable. What woman wouldn’t love him?

If I lost him...Fuck. I couldn’t even think about it. It didn’t matter that I was young and could move on. Doing so would be a bitch.

10

T
he fear was still mind-raping me gleefully when I pulled into the garage of Dorian’s building. My hands were so tight around the steering wheel that I feared for the safety of my bones. The entire ride was spent contemplating the end of my “relationship” with him. I told myself over and over that it might not be the end, but my panic-stricken mind was having none of it.

Pissed off at myself, I pulled into the empty spot Dorian had reserved for me to use. I turned off the car and leaned back. My heart was beating rapidly, which was to be expected. The fear coursing through me hadn’t abated one bit. I leaned my head back onto the headrest and tried breathing deeply. Not that that shit worked, but I was too freaking scared to leave my car.

I reminded myself that he was waiting for me.  I told myself that I didn’t know for a fact what this was all really about so there was no point in freaking out yet.

None of the words that I came up with to reassure myself did anything to calm my already frazzled nerves.

I bit down on my lip and forced myself to open the door. Another deep breath and I was out of the car.  In a daze, I made myself walk toward the elevators and step into the first one going up. I don’t even remember pressing the button for Dorian’s floor, but apparently I did. The rid
e
to the top of the building took less than a few seconds. Next thing I knew, the elevator door was sliding open and I was facing the hallway.

I got off the elevator on his floor and stopped, unable to take another step. His door was right in front of me and he was waiting on the other side, ready to talk to me. All I had to do was go up to the door  and knock. Simple.

Or, at least it would’ve been, except I had no idea what this “talk” would entail. Usually when people told each other they had to “talk”, it never ended well. Especially in a relationship.

You’re not in a relationship, you idiot.

True, but it still felt like I was on the verge of losing one. My last relationship, if you could even call it that, had ended with
me
walking away. It had been a pathetic attempt on my part to be with someone and feel passion toward them. Not only had the guy been an idiot out of bed…apparently, he’d been an idiot in it, as well. He had hurt me our first time together, ramming away and caring only for his pleasure. It was that same attitude manifested out of bed that had made me ultimately walk away.

Had I hurt him? I never found out. He acted like it didn’t mean anything to him when I saw him the next day in school. But I wondered if he had felt even a pinch of the nervousness I now felt when I’d text him and told him “we needed to talk.”

You don’t know for a fact that Dorian wants to end it.

Again, this was true, but knowing it didn’t lessen my fear.

One foot, bitch. One in front of the other. Just face it. Even if he does want to end it, you knew this day was coming eventually. Woman up and just get in there.

I walked up to the door and raised my hand to knock. Before I could do so, the door swung open and I was practically dragged inside. Dorian closed the door, his grip too tight on my arm. When he tried to lead me further into the apartment, I dug my heels in and pulled my arm out of his hold.

He paused and gave me a confused look. “Demi?”

“You said that you wanted to talk.” I was barely refraining from crossing my arms and hugging myself. “So…what’s going on?”

His brow remained furrowed, but it was the cold determination that I saw in his eyes that got to me. “Demi, come into the living room.”

             
“I rather talk here.”

             
“Demitra, come in and sit down. This isn’t something we should talk about standing here.”

             
I closed my eyes and felt myself grow cold. Those words only added to my suspicion and for a few seconds, I was afraid to look at him. I could feel the tears starting to build and I’d be damned if I cried in front of him.

             
He sighed and I picked up on every bit of stress behind the sound. “Demi, please just—”

             
“Dorian.” I attempted to open my eyes, then thought better of it. The tears were still prickling. “Just tell me what you have to say and I’ll leave.”

             
“Leave? Demi, what— you fucking think that— Jesus. Baby, just come and sit with me.”

             
The fact that he’d called me “baby” registered right as he grabbed my hand. I opened my eyes and looked up at him. He was already leading me toward the living room, his face turned away. I saw the tension in him. I could feel it in the air.  However, the way he was acting toward me made a tiny bit of warmth leak through the coldness inside me.

             
Despite the way I felt inside, I knew that my cheeks were getting redder by the second. Dorian led me to the couch and motioned for me to sit. On shaky legs, I complied, expecting him to take the seat next to me. He didn’t. Instead, he began pacing. His expression was worried. Adrenaline spiked again, making it difficult for me to stay seated.

I tried to keep my breathing steady although my heart felt like a wrecking ball attacking my ribcage. When Dorian finally spoke, it took me a few moments to tune into what he was saying.

“…there’s no easy way to say this, so I’m going to just say it outright. I’m being threatened.”

I blinked, taken aback. “What?”

He’d stopped pacing. He was facing the windows covering one whole wall, his arms crossed. The sunlight streaming in was reflected in his blue irises. I saw how lost in thought he was. Sitting up, I leaned toward him. “Dorian, what are you talking about?”

“Monica.”

I inhaled sharply. A million different emotions screeched through my brain. Most prevalent of them all? Rage. I took another second to try and calm down. “Why is she threatening you?” Not that I didn’t already suspect why. It wasn’t hard to guess.

Dorian groaned and turned to sit on the coffee table. “Fucking shit,” he grumbled. He scrubbed his hands down his face.

Seeing how stressed he was actually hurt me. “Dorian…it’s about us, isn’t it?”

He lowered his hands. His stare was harsh and angry, but when he locked eyes with me, it turned pained. He went to reach for my hands. “Demi.”

I pulled back before he could grab me, too fragile and scared to handle his touch just then. “Just tell me already. Please.”