Alma Mater (37 page)

Vic dialed the
717
area code and Chris's number. Chris picked up
the phone. "Vic, thank God it's you."

"I was out this morning getting cow feed and—"

Chris interrupted, "Pick me up at the Norfolk airport at two-thirty.
Can you?"

"Chris, what's wrong?"

A strangled silence followed, then a deep breath. "I'm pregnant."

_C

h
ris hurled herself down the runway and into Vic's arms. Since
other people were hugging and kissing, home for Christmas, their reunion didn't seem as peculiar as it might have to those

people not used to seeing women embracing.

They had to walk a mile to the Impala, since the parking lot was
full. Once free of airport traffic they both started talking.

"It's not what you think," Chris said.

"What do you mean?"

"I didn't go to bed with anyone but you. I mean, I didn't go to bed
with men. It was that one time with Charly." She was determined not
to cry.

"The other thought never crossed my mind," Vic truthfully replied.
"When did you know?"

"I didn't. I skipped my period, but I don't keep very good count anyway. But more time went by, and I felt good but different. I can't
explain it, but I kind of knew something was different. So I went to my
doctor at home, a lady I adore. And yes, I am pregnant."

"I'm too young to be a father." Vic reached for Chris's hand.

Chris smiled weakly. "If only you were the father, Vic, if only you
were."

"Do you want to have the baby?"

Chris squeezed Vic's hand. "I wouldn't put it like that. I know I
don't want an abortion. I can't do it, Vic. I just can't."

"Okay, okay. I'm not suggesting that you do. Just asking. It's not
my body. I can't make the decision."

"Would you marry me if you could?"

"You know I would. Jesus, we have a lot of decisions to make. You
can finish out this year, but I don't know how you can get through
your senior year with a newborn baby."

"I'll finish later." A sad silence followed. "Do you know any children raised by two women?"

"You mean lovers?"

^"
Yes
.
^"

"No, but how would I know? People don't tell you those things."
Vic squeezed Chris's hand and then realized she needed both hands on the wheel for a curve ahead.

"My parents will kill me." Chris teared up for a moment and then
lifted her head slightly. "You know what? I don't really give a shit
about what they think. My mother wants perfection, and she isn't go
ing to get it. I don't even know if I'll tell her. I'm not going back there."

"We're going to have to tell mine." Vic braked slightly for the
curve.

"That could wait a little bit. I won't show for a while, and I'll still be in school." A shadow of panic crossed Chris's face. "I won't be able to
teach."

"Why not?"

"First of all, I'll have a child and I won't be married. That's a ca
reer killer. And then, sooner or later, people will find out that I'm gay.
Goddammit!"

"What if you married a man? Someone you know?"

"Vic, who?"

Vic shrugged. "I don't know."

"Charly? Well, that's not going to work since he wants to marry
you. A gay guy?" Chris turned to look at Vic. "I'm not doing it. I'm not
doing any of it."

"Okay."

"Do you want me to do something like that?"

"No. I was thinking about your teaching, that's all."

Chris, wrapped up in her emotions, at that moment noticed the diamond on Vic's finger. "Vic." She pointed to the glittering ring.

"He asked me to marry him. I put him off. I gave him the ring right
back, but he said he wanted me to have it, no matter what."

Chris slunk down in her seat. "Oh, marry him, Vic. Your life will
be so much easier."

Vic pulled off the road. "Look, I don't know what to do. I've never
been gay before. I've never been in love before, and now I'm, I'm going
to be a father, a mother—is there a name for this? I don't know what to do, but getting all emotional about it isn't going to solve anything. Isn't
going to make me feel better either. So, shut up. I'm not marrying
Charly. We'll get through this somehow. Christ, it's not like the world
is ending." She reached over, put her hand behind Chris's neck, pulled her close, and gave her a big kiss.

Chris caught her breath after that. "You're right. I'm just . . .
scared."

"So am I. But you know what? A column of German panzers and
tiger tanks aren't bearing down on us." She smiled. "We'll figure it out."
She drove back onto the road.

"This is probably a good thing. Like the ugly duckling turning into
the swan. A crisis sometimes makes things better, forces you to find what you've wanted all along. What is that expression, I can't remember it, but it's something like crisis is opportunity in disguise."

"At the moment, it's certainly effectively disguised," Vic replied,
her voice calm.

"Funny, I always thought I would teach. I mean, what else do you
do? Nursing? Teaching? Be_ a secretary?"

"We've got more choices than that."

"Maybe they do in New York City, but in the rest of the country
it's the same old, same old. And I figured teaching would be okay—I'd
get vacations. I'd be around other teachers. I mean, at least people
would read." She lapsed into silence.

"Are you sure you want the baby?"

"I am absolutely sure. I just wish he or she will look like you."
"Okay. So you'll have the baby."

"What would you do if the shoe were on the other foot?"
"Pregnant?"

"Yes."

"I don't know." Vic struggled. "I can see both sides of the issue."
"It's not an issue. It's your body, it's your future, it's somebody else's
future."

"You're right. I'd hope I'd be happy. It's just trying to figure it out and the money and the practicalities. I'd hope I'd be as strong as you."

"I'm not so strong. I know what you said about us facing tanks is
true. Our lives aren't in danger, but, but I won't be a kid anymore when
the baby comes. You know? I've only had to think about myself, I'm
going to have to grow up. I'm bringing another life into the world."

Vic smiled. "It's the Virgin Mary. You probably wouldn't have
this attitude if you hadn't spent quality time with the Blessed Virgin
Mother."

"Vic." Chris rolled her eyes and then laughed.

They were glad to laugh. It drew them closer together, banishing
the gloom.

"If you can be brave, I'd better catch up. I'm always putting stuff off. Actually, I like to think of it as weighing my options. I'm going to
pull into this filling station. We need gas anyway. I'm going to call
Charly and hope he's home. And, if you agree, we should go tell him
what's going on. This affects him, too. If I wait, I think I'll backslide."

Chris closed her eyes for a moment. "Right. Let's do it."

The Texaco station, old but clean, had a phone booth outside. Vic
called Charly while Chris pumped gas.

"Charly, I'm glad you're home."

"Hey, what's up. I'm on duty tonight, but I thought I'd come over
tomorrow. Mom's got the house on the Candlelight Christmas Tour."

Vic checked her watch. "Can you get away for a little bit? I could meet you, utn, wherever."

"Come here."

"Uh, I've got Chris with me."

"I thought she was back home."

"She was. We'd both like to see you, but coming to your house
might not be the best idea."

He was quiet for a moment. "The Episcopal church. You know
where it is, and it's always unlocked." He paused. "Are you all right?"
"I'm fine. We can be there in thirty minutes."

"Okay."

The white clapboard building, constructed before the Revolution
ary War, had the strength and simplicity necessary to sustain its
parishioners throughout the centuries.

The three of them greeted one another, then Charly opened
the shining black door, and they entered the unheated church, the winter light filtering through the long, clear windows. They sat in a
back pew.

"This must be pretty important." Charly picked up a hymnal from its resting place.

"It is." Vic wondered how she could say what she had to say. "I
have never lied to you, Charly, but I haven't been honest either. I keep
thinking I'll find the right time or the right place or something."

His face remained impassive as he fought back his fear. "This is a
pretty good place."

"I guess for the three of us, important things happen at churches."
She smiled sadly. "I love you. You are a special person but . . I can't marry you." She put her right hand on her left ring finger.

He reached over and stopped her from slipping off the ring. "Don't."

"I know, too, it might seem kind of insensitive to have Chris herc for this but you see, she's part of it. We're all in this together, I guess that's the best way to put it."

Charly looked from Vic to Chris and then back again. "I don't fol
low you."

Vic inhaled deeply. "I'm in love with Chris. I can't marry you." Charly felt a flash of aching desperation. "But you love me. I know
you love me."

"I do, Charly, I do, but it's not the same."

"So marry me anyway. You can still see Chris." His voice shook a
little as he said it.

"I can't do that. It's not fair to anyone."

"You mean you want to be with Chris?
Be
with her."

"Let me put it this way . . . if I could marry her, I would."
He leaned against the hard back of the pew. "Why?"

"I don't know why. It just is."

"I'm sorry." Chris meant it, too.

Charly looked at her pretty face. "You didn't have to be here."

"She does. I'm not finished." Vic's voice was steady. This wasn't easy, but she was becoming more clear, more steady by the moment.
"She's going to have your child."

Charly's mouth opened, but no sound escaped his lips.

"Things will work out, Charly. It was a shock to me, too, when I found out." Chris hoped to console him.

"You could have an abortion," he said flatly. "I'll arrange everything."
"No," Chris replied firmly.

He rubbed his forehead. "Okay, okay, do you want me to marry
you? Is that where we're heading?"

"No." Chris's voice was quieter this time.

"Why can't I marry Vic and we'll raise the child as our own? Who
would know?"

"Charly, that won't work."

"Why not? She can live next door if you have to be close." His face
reddened.

"I'm not going to marry you. I'm not going to live a lie. I love you,
Charly, but not the way you want to be loved, the way you deserve to
be loved."

"What the hell can she give you that I can't? I can give you every
thing. I will give you everything. I'll live my life for you."

"I know you would. But I don't love you that way."

He directed his anger at Chris. "What can you give her?" "Me."

"Vic, you'd never have to worry for the rest of your life. I mean it.
I'll marry you. I'll raise the child with you. No one will ever know. My
parents won't know. Your parents won't know. I'll learn to live with
your relationship with Chris. I don't know how, but I will."

"It won't work."