Almost Transparent Blue (4 page)

"Yesterday, at my place, she had a fight with Okinawa. She didn't get to shoot up, you know. She's fat and her veins don't stand out, I guess, and Okinawa got impatient and shot it all up himself, hers too, shot it all up."

"Real idiots, they are. And you were watching like an idiot?"

"No, I'd shot up. I was flat out on the bed, thought maybe I'd die. It was scary, I got a little too much, really scary."

Yoshiyama took two more Nibrole pills, dissolved in gin.

My stomach felt empty but I didn't feel like eating. Thinking maybe at least I'd have some soup I looked in the pan on the gas ring, but the surface of the soup was a film of gray mold, and the bean curd in it was slimy, rotten.

Since Yoshiyama said he'd really like some coffee, with a lot of milk, I put up with the awful smell of the soup and warmed some coffee in a pot.

Yoshiyama poured milk up to the brim of his cup, held it firmly in both hands, and brought it to his mouth. He yelled, Hot! and vomit sprayed from his pursed lips like water from a toy pistol and fell in globs on the counter.

"Aw shit, I'll just stick with liquor," he said, and gulped down the gin left in his glass. When he had a slight fit of coughing and I rubbed his back, he turned around and said, You're really great. His lips twisted. His back, sticky and cold, had a sour smell.

"After that I went back to Toyama, I guess you heard from Reiko? After I'd been at your place, my mom died, I guess you heard?"

I nodded. Yoshiyama's glass was full of gin again. The too-sweet coffee stabbed my roughened tongue.

"It's really a funny feeling when somebody actually dies on you, that was the first time for me. Are your folks O.K., Ryū?" "They're O.K., they worry about me, I get all kinds of letters."

The last number on "Left Alone" ended. The record turned with the sound of tearing cloth.

"Yeah, well anyway, I took Kei with me, she said she'd come along to Toyama, she didn't want to stay at our place by herself. Sure, don't you get how she felt?

We stayed at this inn but it was ¥2000 without meals, really high."

I turned off the stereo. Reiko's feet stuck out from under the blanket, the soles were black with dirt.

"And then on the day of the funeral, you know, Kei phoned me, said to come back over for a while because she was lonely. When I said how can I leave, she said she'd just kill herself and so I was really freaked and I went. She was listening to an old radio in that dirty six-mat room. She said she couldn't get the FEN station, well, how can you expect to get the GI broadcasts way over in Toyama? And then she asked me all sorts of stuff about my mom, really dumb stuff. She was laughing in this fakey way, it was a bad scene, honestly. When she'd died—Kei asked how my mom's face had looked when she'd died, and is it really true they put makeup on people before putting them in coffins, stuff like that, you know. When I said, Yeah, they put makeup on her, she asked, What brand? Max Factor? Revlon? Kanebo? How was I supposed to know something like that? And then she started sniffling, said she'd been really lonely, then she bawled, you know."

"But, well, I think I understand how she felt, waiting around on that kind of a day, yeah, I know it'd be lonely."

The sugar had sunk to the bottom of the coffee ; I swallowed without thinking.

All at once the inside of my mouth was coated with sugar and I felt sick.

"Yeah, I see that, too. I know, but listen, my own mom was really dead. Kei was crying and mumbling and then she dragged the bedding out of the closet and she stripped. I mean, I'd just said good-bye to my dead mother and there I was being grabbed by this naked half-blood chick. It was kind of, Ryū, you know what I mean? It would have been O.K., I guess, if we'd done it, but it was kind of, you know, kind of . . . "

"You didn't, huh?"

"How could I? Kei was bawling, and I actually got uptight, hey, you know the soap operas on TV? Somehow I felt I was in one of those soap operas, I got worried maybe they could hear us in the next room, I was ashamed. I wonder what Kei was thinking then—anyway, it's been no good between us ever since."

The only sound was Reiko's breathing. The dusty blanket moved up and down in time with it. Sometimes drunks peered in through the open door.

"Anyway, ever since, it's been weird. Yeah, we fought a lot before.

"But now somehow, you know, it's different. Somehow, something's different.

"And even though we'd talked about Hawaii before and been making plans for a long time, you saw how it was today?

"Yeah, even sex is no good anymore, I'd be better off going to one of those Turkish baths."

"Your mother, was she sick?"

"I guess you could say that, her body was just worn out. Her eyes were all tired, like, and she'd gotten a lot smaller than she used to be. When she died. Yeah, it was pretty sad about my mom, I felt it didn't have anything much to do with me, but it was pretty sad.

"Did you know? She went around peddling that old-time Toyama medicine.

When I was little I went around a lot with her. She'd walk around all day with that bundle as big as an icebox on her back. There're regular customers for it all over the country, you know? And do you know those paper balloons, the kind you can blow into and puff up, she used to give them out free. I used to play around a lot with those.

"It's really funny, when I think about it now. It was really something—I could play all day with a thing like that. If I tried it now, I'd be bored stiff, but even back then I was bored, really, I don't remember having any fun. One time I was waiting for my mom in this inn, you know, and the electric light was out, and I realized the sun had set and it was getting dark. I couldn't say anything to the maids there, I wasn't even in grade school, I was scared. I went over to one corner of the room where a little light came in from the street—I can't forget it, I really was scared, that little street, and the town smelling of fish. I wonder where it was, the whole town smelled of fish, where was it?"

There was the sound of a car far off. Reiko mumbled now and then. Yoshiyama went outside again. I followed. Side by side, we puked into the gutter. I braced my left hand against a wall and stuck my finger back into my throat; the muscles of my stomach jerked and warm fluid came out. As waves passed though my chest and belly, sour lumps lodged in my throat and mouth, and when I pushed them with my tongue, they numbed my gums and then plopped into the water.

As we walked back inside, Yoshiyama said, "Hey, Ryū, when I heave like that, you know, and my guts are all mixed up and I can hardly stay on my feet and I can't see good, you know, that's the only time I really want a woman. Well, even if there was one around, I couldn't get it up and it'd be too much trouble to open her legs, but anyway I still want a woman. Not in my prick or in my head, but my whole body, all of me, is just squirming for it. How about you? Do you get what I mean?"

"Yeah, you want to kill her, rather then fuck her?"

"That's it, that's it, squeezing her neck like this, tearing her clothes off, ramming a stick or something up her butt, a classy chick like the kind you see walking on the Ginza."

Reiko was coming out of the john; she said sleepily Hi, come in. The front of her slacks was open.

She seemed about to fall ; I ran forward and held her up.

"Thanks, Ryū, it's quiet now, isn't it? Hey, give me some water. My mouth's sticky—" Her head dropped. As I cracked some ice, Yoshiyama was stripping her where she lay on the sofa.

The Nikomat lens reflected a dark sky and small sun. When I bent forward to have it reflect my face, Kei bumped into me. "Ryū, what're ya doing?"

"Who's talking, you're the last one here, it's no good being late."

"On the bus, ya know, this old guy spat on the floor and the driver made a fuss about it, even stopped the bus. They both got red in the face, shouting at each other, even though it's so hot. Where's everybody?"

Yoshiyama was sitting sleepily by the street. She laughed at him. "Hey, weren't ya going to Yokohama today?"

Reiko and Moko finally came out of the clothes shop in front of the station.

Everybody around turned to look at Reiko. She was wearing an Indian dress she'd just bought, a red silk dress covered with tiny round mirrors all the way down to the ankles.

"You really got another wild outfit," Kazuo laughed, turned his Nikomat on her.

Kei said in my ear—her perfume hit me—"Hey, Ryū, Ah wonder if she doesn't know, being that fat and buying that kind of dress."

"It doesn't matter, does it? She must have wanted to change her mood. She'll get tired of it soon, you can get it from her then, Kei, it'd be sure to look good on you."

Glancing around, Reiko said to us all in a tiny voice, "Me, I was shocked. Moko did it right while the store clerks are watching, stuffed it in her bag all at once."

"What, Moko, you've been lifting stuff again? You're stoned? They'll get you if you don't cut it out," Yoshiyama said, screwing up his face against the fumes from a bus. Moko thrust her arm in front of my face.

"Smell's good, huh? Dior."

"Dior's O.K., but don't be such a show-off about your lifting, you'll get us all in trouble."

While Yoshiyama and Kazuo went off to buy hamburgers, the three girls exchanged cosmetics and smeared their faces, leaning against the railing by the ticket puncher. They pouted and peered into their compact mirrors. People passing by looked at them strangely.

An older station official laughed to Reiko, "Great clothes, sister, where're you going?"

Drawing on her eyebrows and looking very serious, she told the man who punched her ticket, "Party, we're going to a party now."

In the middle of Oscar's room, nearly a fistful of hashish smoldered in an incense burner, and like it or not, the spreading smoke entered one's chest with every breath. In less than thirty seconds I was completely stoned. I felt as if my insides were oozing out through every pore, and other people's sweat and breath were flowing in.

Especially the lower half of my body felt heavy and sore, as if sunk into thick mud, and my mouth itched to hold somebody's prick and drain it. While we ate the fruit piled on plates and drank wine, the whole room was raped by heat. I wanted my skin peeled off. I wanted to take in the greased, shiny bodies of the black men and rock them inside of me. Cherry cheesecake, grapes in black hands, steaming boiled crab legs breaking with a snap, clear sweet pale purple American wine, pickles like dead men's wart-covered fingers, bacon sandwiches like the mouths of women, salad dripping pink mayonnaise.

Bob's huge cock was stuffed all the way into Kei's mouth. Ah'm jes' gonna see who's got the biggest. She crawled around on the rug like a dog and did the same for everyone.

Discovering that the largest belonged to a half-Japanese named Saburō, she took a cosmos flower from an empty vermouth bottle and stuck it in as a trophy.

Hey, Ryū, his is twice the size of the one ya got. Saburō raised his head and let out an Indian yell, then Kei seized the cosmos flower between her teeth and pulled it out, jumped on the table, and shook her hips, like a Spanish dancer.

Flashing blue strobe lights circled the ceiling. The music was a luxuriant samba by Luiz Bon Fa. Kei shook her body violently, hot after seeing the wetness on the flower.

Somebody do it to me, do it to me quick, Kei yelled in English, and I don't know how many black arms reached out to throw her on the sofa and tear off her slip, the little pieces of black translucent cloth fluttering to the floor. Hey, just like butterflies, said Reiko, taking a piece of the cloth and spreading butter on Durham's prick. After Bob yelled and thrust his hand into Kei's crotch, the room filled with shrieks and shrill laughter.

Looking around the room, watching the twisting bodies of the three Japanese girls, I drank peppermint wine and munched crackers spread with honey.

The penises of the black men were so long they looked slender. Even fully erect, Durham's bent fairly far as Reiko twisted it. His legs trembled and he shot off suddenly, and everyone laughed at the sight of his come wetting the middle of Reiko's face. Reiko laughed too and blinked, but as she looked around for some tissue paper to wipe her face, Saburô easily picked her up. He pulled her legs open, just as if he were helping a little girl to piss, and lifted her onto his belly. His huge left hand gripping her head and his right pinning her ankles together, he held her so that all her weight hung on his cock. Reiko yelled, That hurts, and struck out with her hands, trying to pull away, but she couldn't grab on to anything.

Her face was getting pale.

Saburô, moving and spreading his legs to get more friction on his cock, leaned back against the sofa until he was lying almost flat and began to rotate Reiko's body, using her butt as a pivot.

On the first turn her entire body convulsed and she panicked. Her eyes bulging and her hands over her ears, she began to shriek like the heroine of a horror movie.

Saburō's laugh was like an African way cry, as Reiko twisted her face and clawed at her chest. Squeal some more, he said in Japanese, and began to turn her body faster. Oscar, who'd been sucking Moko's tits, Durham, who'd placed a cold towel on his wilted prick, Jackson, who wasn't naked yet, Bob on top of Kei— all gazed at the revolving Reiko. God! Outasight! said Bob and Durham, and went over to help turn her around. Bob took her feet and Durham her head ; both pressing hard on her butt, they began to spin her faster. Laughing, showing his white teeth, Saburō then put both hands behind his head and arched his body to drive his cock in even deeper. Reiko suddenly burst into loud sobs. She bit her own fingers and tore at her hair, because of the spinning her tears flew outward without reaching her cheeks. We laughed harder than ever.

Kei waved a piece of bacon and drank wine, Moko buried her red fingernails in the huge butt of wiry-haired Oscar. Reiko's toes were stretched back and quivering. Her cunt, rubbed hard, gaped red and shone with mucus. Saburō

took deep breaths and slowed down the spinning, moving her in time with Luiz Bon Fa's singing of "Black Orpheus." I turned down the volume and sang along.