Alone (19 page)

“
Definitely.”

“
Wait a second. You look different. That vacation did a world of good for you didn't it?”

“
Opened my eyes to a lot of things.”

“
Uh-oh.”

“
What uh-oh? There's no uh-oh.”

“
Alright, let me hear it. I know it's coming so just give it to me straight.”

“
If you know, then I don't have to tell you,” I teased.

“
I could be wrong so just tell me.”

“
okay then. I'm moving to Portland.”

She sat still for an unbearably long minute. “When?”

“
Next week.”

“
Next week?! What are you talking about? Did you get a spot at the gallery there or something?”

“
No. I just can't imagine being anywhere else. I'll make it work.”

“
I know you will. Are you sure you're making the right choice?”

“
Absolutely.”

“
I'm going to miss you,” she choked out.

“
Don't get all teary on me yet okay? It's not goodbye just yet. I'll be back again before I go.”

“
You know that if you ever decide to come back to New Jollie, I will welcome you with open arms.”

“
Thank you Miss Morgan.”

“
Oh my, how are you going to ship everything in that storage unit?”

“
I’m taking some of it with me in a little tow-behind. And what I don’t keep, I suppose I could sell in the moving sale I’m planning.”

“
You are going to sell your art in a moving sale? I think not. Whatever you don’t take with you, keep in storage. I will take over the unit and sell your paintings at the gallery when we have spaces to fill. Maybe we can work something out while you are in Portland. I don’t think I’m ready to let you go just yet.”

When I made it home, I think I was mentally exhausted from everything that had happened because I fell asleep pretty quickly. I had a dream that I was sitting on a porch swing with Jace and we were watching it rain with a blanket around us. Pretty simple, but I woke up in the morning with a smile on my face.

I hadn’t even spoken to Jace since he left for California, but I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I didn’t understand why I had to fall for a guy who lived so far away and probably didn’t think of me as anything more than another artist. As I got ready for the day, I thought about him and every instance we spent together. I tried analyzing it, searching for something that wasn’t there. I thought there could have been something, but why hasn’t he called.

When I heard someone knocking on the door, I half expected it to be Jace, just because he was on my mind but it was Mike. He walked in holding boxes and said that Aaron was bringing up more boxes.

“
I thought you could use some help,” he said.

“
Thanks, I really appreciate it.”

“
No problem.”

“
Oh, my God,” Aaron said as he walked in the door. “Portland? Are you crazy girl? That’s all the way across the country!”

I laughed and said, “Wow, you really know your geography.”

“
Funny. No, I was just thinking that I was just getting to know you and now you’re leaving! You totally suck!”

“
Gee, thanks!”

He gave me a hug and said, “You know I’m kidding, I’m just gonna miss you.”

“
Don’t worry, you’ll hear from me. I’ll be back to visit and you can come to Portland anytime! Well, when I get my own place anyway.”

“
You better call all the time.”

“
I promise.” It was nice to know that I had people that were really going to miss me. Not so long ago, I don’t know if I would have had one person who would even notice I was gone. Maybe they would miss my art, but they wouldn’t miss me.

It didn’t take long to pack what little I had. I didn’t have any sentimental attachment to anything other than my box and the sculpture of the willow tree. I struggled with what to do with the journal filled with the letters to Serenity. For now, I stored it in the box, but when I would get to Portland, I would start adding to it. I figured it was time to really appreciate and take note of all the good that surrounded me.

I had necessities like clothes and bedding, but all of my furniture was used before I acquired them so I was just planning on selling them in the moving sale. Mike said he was sure he could pack the Jeep with what I was bringing and I wouldn’t even need a tow behind trailer. That would save me a considerable amount of money which I had to think about because I had no idea how long it would take me to actually make money in Portland.

Although I knew that Sara was someone I created in my mind, I felt a sense of longing for her. It was as though I had expected her to come walking through the door at any moment. It was difficult getting used to the idea that I didn’t need her anymore. I decided to bring my two self portraits to Portland with me, just to remind me of the time I had with her. Not only that, but I would remember to keep going on the path I was headed and not to look back.

My last night in New Jollie, I received an unexpected phone call from Jace.

“
Willow, when were you going to tell me you were moving to Portland?”

“
Oh,” I stammered. “I don’t know. I didn’t know you’d want to know. How did you even find out?”

“
Miss Morgan told me. Do you know where you will be staying?”

“
Yeah, I met a couple girls who said I could stay with them for a couple weeks while I looked for a small apartment or something.”

“
No, no, no. Listen, I told you that I have a little house near Portland. It’s actually in Scappoose. I know it’s not the most convenient place to the galleries since it’s about forty minutes away from Portland, but you’re more than welcome to stay there.”

“
Jace, I couldn’t do that.”

“
Of course you can. There’s even enough room for you to do some painting there, you wouldn’t need a studio space.”

“
Are you sure? I mean, why would you do that for me?”

“
You’re taking a big step by moving cross country and if I can make it easier for you, I want to.”

“
Well, thank you. I think I will take you up on it if you really don’t mind. Just for a bit until I can find my own place.”

He laughed and said, “No, I’m going to require a year lease. Just pay rent and utilities and make me dinner when I’m out that way.”

“
What would you want for rent?” I asked thinking about what I had budgeted.

“
Two hundred a month. Really I don’t want anything, but I know you wouldn’t agree to that.”

“
No, I wouldn’t.”

“
You’re actually doing me a favor. Now I don’t have to count on other people checking on the place while I’m away. I’m actually here now, so what I’ll do is leave the key with Officer Harding at the police station, he’s a good friend of mine. I’ll let him know you’re coming.”

“
Thank you so much Jace. You’ve really gone above and beyond for me.”

“
It’s no problem. Now, I don’t come there very often, like three or four times a year but I hope you won’t mind me staying with you.”

“
Not at all.”

“
Good! So it’s settled.”

“
So you won’t be there when I get there?”

“
No, I’m leaving tomorrow.”

“
Oh,” I said disappointed.

“
If there’s anything you need, I’m just a phone call away.”

“
Alright. Thanks again,” I said before hanging up.

Everything seemed to be falling into place perfectly, like it was all meant to be. I had made enough money from the art show to get me to Portland and pay bills for awhile. Miss Morgan and I worked out the details of how I would work from Portland for her gallery back in New Jollie. I couldn’t believe how nice it was for Jace to practically give me a place to live and work. Two hundred dollars was nothing in Portland, and him staying with me while he was in town certainly could be interesting. I didn’t feel deserving of any of it, but I don’t think anyone would.

I thought about what Mrs. Schneider would say if she knew of all that was happening for me. She had a saying that I never really paid too much attention to because I was not sure I believed in God. She would no doubt tell me, ‘God helps those who help themselves.’

I was leaving tomorrow morning and Aaron wanted to take me out for a going away dinner at The Italian Bistro. As I was about to leave my apartment, I realized that this was the last time I would see this place. I felt a range of emotions as I looked around last time, thinking of all the memories, good and bad, that I’d had here. I thought of how bittersweet leaving was as I locked the door for the last time.

I had let Mike take my car earlier so that he could get me some new tires, an oil change and whatever else I needed for the trip while I finished cleaning the apartment. When I showed up to the restaurant, I saw my packed jeep in the parking lot, Mike and Aaron were already seated with Miss Morgan.

“
Sorry I’m late,” I said looking at my watch.

“
No, you’re right on time,” Miss Morgan said.

“
I ordered some champagne since this is a reason to celebrate,” Mike said as he poured me a glass.

“
Thanks.”

“
Are you nervous?” Miss Morgan asked.

“
Surprisingly not. It seems like everything has been working out on my favor.”

“
What about the drive? Are you sure you have everything you need?”

“
Yeah, I’ll be fine.”

“
Well, your car is in tip top shape. It should do fine on the trip. I had them check everything, even your heater and air conditioner,” Mike said.

“
Thank you.”

“
Oh,” Aaron started. “We couldn’t help but notice that you had no radio. I know you don’t usually listen to music but I can’t imagine driving three thousand miles with nothing to listen too. Mike and I, we had a new stereo put in.”

“
Wow, really? Thank you!”

“
Just a little going away present. It’s nothing too fancy.”

“
Speaking of going away presents,” Miss Morgan said as she handed me a box.

I took the box from her when I opened it, there was a beautiful white gold necklace with a Willow Tree charm on it that looked a flat version of my sculpture. “Miss Morgan, this is beautiful. Thank you.”

“
You’re very welcome dear. I had it made while you were gone. I kind of knew you wouldn't be back in New Jollie for very long.”

“
So this really is my sculpture?” I asked amazed while Aaron secured the necklace around my neck.

“
Yes, I took pictures of everything at the art show and brought the one of the tree to my jeweler.”

“
Thank you so much,” I said with tears in my eyes.

“
Alright, enough of this sappy stuff,” Mike joked. “Let’s get this party started.”

When our food came, we talked about everything except the trip tomorrow. Time went by too fast and I didn’t want to say goodbye to any of them. For dessert we all got some tiramisu that everyone took too long to eat, trying to prolong our goodbye. Miss Morgan gave me a hug outside by her car and was crying. I tried to tell her that I’d be coming back I’m not sure she believed me. I could never really leave New Jollie behind, and I didn’t really want to.

In the morning, Mike and Aaron woke up with me even though I told them there was no need. Aaron made some coffee, eggs and toast for us while I gathered my things. They both made me promise that I would check in with them at least every couple of weeks. I told them not to worry as I gave them both one last hug goodbye.

I knew that there was one last thing that I had to do before I could really feel like I was leaving this place. It was the one thing I had dreading doing, but I knew was completely necessary and luckily I wouldn’t have to go out of my way to visit her. It was almost 10:00 when I pulled into my mother’s driveway. She was sitting on the porch with her morning coffee when I arrived. She gave me a double-take as I walked up and sat next to her.

“
Well, what brings you here?”

“
I’m moving,” I said.

“
Where too?”

“
Listen mom, I have something I need to say. I’m moving out of state, and I don’t know when I will be coming back to visit.”

“
If you leave and you fail, don’t come crying to me,” she sneered.

“
Mom listen! I want you to know that I forgive you for everything that has happened between us in the past and anything that may happen in the future. I don’t know what happened to make you so angry inside. I don’t know how you could hurt anyone the way you’ve hurt me, but I don’t want to dwell on that anymore.”

“
So you want to try and put the past behind us?”

“
Not how you mean it mom. I want you to know that I do love you because you are my mother, but I can’t have a relationship with you. At least not right now. I am in a really good place with my life and it seems like every time that happens, you just have to tear me down. I really can’t have that in my life right now.”

“
Willow,” she said sadly. “I want you to know that I do love you.”