Alone Together (62 page)
Authors: Sherry Turkle
CHAPTER 10: NO NEED TO CALL
1
In the object relations tradition of psychoanalysis, an object is that which one relates to. Usually, objects are people, especially a significant person who is the object or target of another’s feelings or intentions. A whole object is a person in his or her entirety. It is common in development for people to internalize part objects, representations of others that are not the whole person. Online life provides an environment that makes it easier for people to relate to part objects. This puts relationships at risk. On object relations theory, see, for example, Stephen A. Mitchell and Margaret J. Black,
Freud and Beyond: A History of Modern Psychoanalytic Thought
(New York: Basic Books, 1995).
In the object relations tradition of psychoanalysis, an object is that which one relates to. Usually, objects are people, especially a significant person who is the object or target of another’s feelings or intentions. A whole object is a person in his or her entirety. It is common in development for people to internalize part objects, representations of others that are not the whole person. Online life provides an environment that makes it easier for people to relate to part objects. This puts relationships at risk. On object relations theory, see, for example, Stephen A. Mitchell and Margaret J. Black,
Freud and Beyond: A History of Modern Psychoanalytic Thought
(New York: Basic Books, 1995).
2
See Stefana Broadbent, “How the Internet Enables Intimacy,”
Ted.com
,
www.ted.com/talks/stefana_broadbent_how_the_internet_enables_intimacy.html
(accessed August 8, 2010). According to Broadbent, 80 percent of calls on cell phones are made to four people, 80 percent of Skype calls are made to two people, and most Facebook exchanges are with four to six people.
See Stefana Broadbent, “How the Internet Enables Intimacy,”
Ted.com
,
www.ted.com/talks/stefana_broadbent_how_the_internet_enables_intimacy.html
(accessed August 8, 2010). According to Broadbent, 80 percent of calls on cell phones are made to four people, 80 percent of Skype calls are made to two people, and most Facebook exchanges are with four to six people.
3
This mother is being destructive to her relationship with her daughter. Research shows that people use the phone in ways that surely undermine relationships with adult partners as well. In one striking finding, according to Dan Schulman, CEO of cell operator Virgin Mobile, one in five people will interrupt sex to answer their phone. David Kirkpatrick, “Do You Answer Your Cellphone During Sex?”
Fortune
, August 28 2006,
http://money.cnn.com/2006/08/25/technology/fastforward_kirkpatrick.fortune/index.htm
(accessed November 11, 2009).
This mother is being destructive to her relationship with her daughter. Research shows that people use the phone in ways that surely undermine relationships with adult partners as well. In one striking finding, according to Dan Schulman, CEO of cell operator Virgin Mobile, one in five people will interrupt sex to answer their phone. David Kirkpatrick, “Do You Answer Your Cellphone During Sex?”
Fortune
, August 28 2006,
http://money.cnn.com/2006/08/25/technology/fastforward_kirkpatrick.fortune/index.htm
(accessed November 11, 2009).
4
See Amanda Lenhart et al., “Teens and Mobile Phones,” The Pew Foundation, April 20, 2010,
www.pewinternet.org/Reports/2010/Teens-and-Mobile-Phones.aspx?r=1
(accessed August 10, 2010).
See Amanda Lenhart et al., “Teens and Mobile Phones,” The Pew Foundation, April 20, 2010,
www.pewinternet.org/Reports/2010/Teens-and-Mobile-Phones.aspx?r=1
(accessed August 10, 2010).
5
See “What Is Second Life,” Second Life,
http://secondlife.com/whatis
(accessed June 13, 2010).
See “What Is Second Life,” Second Life,
http://secondlife.com/whatis
(accessed June 13, 2010).
6
Erik Erikson,
Childhood and Society
(New York: Norton, 1950).
Erik Erikson,
Childhood and Society
(New York: Norton, 1950).
7
To use the psychoanalyst Philip Bromberg’s language, finding fluidity of self in online life enables us to “stand in the spaces between realities and still not los[e] any of them . . . the capacity to feel like one self while being many.” See Philip Bromberg, “Shadow and Substance: A Relational Perspective on Clinical Process,”
Psychoanalytic Psychology
10 (1993): 166. In AI pioneer Marvin Minsky’s language, cycling through online personae reveals different aspects of a “society of mind,” a computational notion of identity as distributed and heterogeneous. Identity, from the Latin
idem
, has been typically used to refer to the sameness between two qualities. On the Internet, however, one can be many and usually is. See Marvin Minsky,
Society of Mind
(New York: Basic Books, 1987).
To use the psychoanalyst Philip Bromberg’s language, finding fluidity of self in online life enables us to “stand in the spaces between realities and still not los[e] any of them . . . the capacity to feel like one self while being many.” See Philip Bromberg, “Shadow and Substance: A Relational Perspective on Clinical Process,”
Psychoanalytic Psychology
10 (1993): 166. In AI pioneer Marvin Minsky’s language, cycling through online personae reveals different aspects of a “society of mind,” a computational notion of identity as distributed and heterogeneous. Identity, from the Latin
idem
, has been typically used to refer to the sameness between two qualities. On the Internet, however, one can be many and usually is. See Marvin Minsky,
Society of Mind
(New York: Basic Books, 1987).
8
Nielsen recently found that children send eight text messages for every phone call they make or receive. See Anna-Jane Grossman, “I Hate the Phone,” Huffington Post, October 14, 2009,
www.huffingtonpost.com/anna-jane-grossman/i-hate-the-phone_b_320108.html
(accessed October 17, 2009).
Nielsen recently found that children send eight text messages for every phone call they make or receive. See Anna-Jane Grossman, “I Hate the Phone,” Huffington Post, October 14, 2009,
www.huffingtonpost.com/anna-jane-grossman/i-hate-the-phone_b_320108.html
(accessed October 17, 2009).
9
“Number of US Facebook Users over 35 Nearly Doubles in Last 60 Days,” Inside Facebook, March 25, 2009,
www.insidefacebook.com/2009/03/25/number-of-us-facebook-users-over-35-nearly-doubles-in-last-60-days
(accessed October 19, 2009).
“Number of US Facebook Users over 35 Nearly Doubles in Last 60 Days,” Inside Facebook, March 25, 2009,
www.insidefacebook.com/2009/03/25/number-of-us-facebook-users-over-35-nearly-doubles-in-last-60-days
(accessed October 19, 2009).
10
Dan is aware of his withdrawal, but a new generation takes machine-mediated communication simply as the nature of things. Two young girls, ten and twelve, trapped inside a storm drain turned to Facebook for help instead of calling the police. They used their mobile phones to update their Facebook statuses. Even with their lives at risk, these girls saw Facebook as their portal to the world. Firefighters eventually rescued the pair after being contacted by one of their male school friends, who had been online and saw they were trapped. The news report read as follows:
Dan is aware of his withdrawal, but a new generation takes machine-mediated communication simply as the nature of things. Two young girls, ten and twelve, trapped inside a storm drain turned to Facebook for help instead of calling the police. They used their mobile phones to update their Facebook statuses. Even with their lives at risk, these girls saw Facebook as their portal to the world. Firefighters eventually rescued the pair after being contacted by one of their male school friends, who had been online and saw they were trapped. The news report read as follows:
The drama happened near Adelaide, Australia. Firefighter Glenn Benham, who took part in the rescue, said, “These girls were able to access Facebook on their mobile phones so they could have called the emergency services. It seems absolutely crazy but they updated their status rather than call us directly. We could have come to their rescue much faster than relying on someone else being online, then replying to them, then calling us. It is a worrying development. Young people should realize it’s better to contact us directly. Luckily they are safe and well. It’s awful to think what could have happened because of the delay.’”
See “Girls Trapped in Storm Drain Use Facebook to Call for Help,”
Daily Mail
, September 8, 2009,
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1211909/Girls-trapped-storm-drain-use-Facebook-help-instead-phoning-emergency-services.html#ixzz0T9iWpeNR
(accessed October 6, 2009).
Daily Mail
, September 8, 2009,
www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1211909/Girls-trapped-storm-drain-use-Facebook-help-instead-phoning-emergency-services.html#ixzz0T9iWpeNR
(accessed October 6, 2009).
11
This paraphrases a line from Sonnet 73: “Consum’d with that which it was nourish’d by . . . ”
This paraphrases a line from Sonnet 73: “Consum’d with that which it was nourish’d by . . . ”
12
The author of a recent blog post titled “I Hate the Phone” would not call Trey old-school, but nor would she want to call him. Anna-Jane Grossman admits to growing up loving her pink princess phone, answering machine, and long, drawn-out conversations with friends she had just seen at school. Now she hates the phone: “I feel an inexplicable kind of dread when I hear a phone ring, even when the caller ID displays the number of someone I like.... My dislike for the phone probably first started to grow when I began using Instant Messenger. Perhaps phone-talking is a skill that one has to practice, and the more IMing I’ve done, the more my skills have dwindled to the level of a modern day 13-year-old who never has touched a landline.... I don’t even listen to my [phone] messages any more: They get transcribed automatically and then are sent to me via e-mail or text.” The author was introduced to Skype and sees its virtues; she also sees the ways in which it undermines conversation: “It occurs to me that if there’s one thing that’ll become obsolete because of video-chatting, it’s not phones: it’s natural flowing conversations with people far away.” See Grossman, “I Hate the Phone.”
CHAPTER 11: REDUCTION AND BETRAYALThe author of a recent blog post titled “I Hate the Phone” would not call Trey old-school, but nor would she want to call him. Anna-Jane Grossman admits to growing up loving her pink princess phone, answering machine, and long, drawn-out conversations with friends she had just seen at school. Now she hates the phone: “I feel an inexplicable kind of dread when I hear a phone ring, even when the caller ID displays the number of someone I like.... My dislike for the phone probably first started to grow when I began using Instant Messenger. Perhaps phone-talking is a skill that one has to practice, and the more IMing I’ve done, the more my skills have dwindled to the level of a modern day 13-year-old who never has touched a landline.... I don’t even listen to my [phone] messages any more: They get transcribed automatically and then are sent to me via e-mail or text.” The author was introduced to Skype and sees its virtues; she also sees the ways in which it undermines conversation: “It occurs to me that if there’s one thing that’ll become obsolete because of video-chatting, it’s not phones: it’s natural flowing conversations with people far away.” See Grossman, “I Hate the Phone.”
In my experience with Skype, pauses seem long and awkward, and it is an effort not to look bored. Peggy Ornstein makes this point in “The Overextended Family,”
New York Times Magazine
, June 25, 2009,
www.nytimes.com/2009/06/28/magazine/28fob-wwln-t.html
(accessed October 17, 2009). Ornstein characterizes Skype as providing “too much information,” something that derails intimacy: “Suddenly I understood why slumber-party confessions always came after lights were out, why children tend to admit the juicy stuff to the back of your head while you’re driving, why psychoanalysts stay out of a patient’s sightline.”
New York Times Magazine
, June 25, 2009,
www.nytimes.com/2009/06/28/magazine/28fob-wwln-t.html
(accessed October 17, 2009). Ornstein characterizes Skype as providing “too much information,” something that derails intimacy: “Suddenly I understood why slumber-party confessions always came after lights were out, why children tend to admit the juicy stuff to the back of your head while you’re driving, why psychoanalysts stay out of a patient’s sightline.”
1
Seth Schiesel, “All Together Now: Play the Game, Mom,”
New York Times
, September 1, 2009,
www.nytimes.com/2009/09/06/arts/television/06schi.html
(accessed December 13, 2009).
Seth Schiesel, “All Together Now: Play the Game, Mom,”
New York Times
, September 1, 2009,
www.nytimes.com/2009/09/06/arts/television/06schi.html
(accessed December 13, 2009).
2
Amy Bruckman. “Identity Workshop: Emergent Social and Psychological Phenomena in Text-Based Virtual Reality” (unpublished essay, Media Lab, Massachusetts Institute of Technology, 1992),
www.cc.gatech.edu/~asb/papers
(accessed September 2, 2009).
Amy Bruckman. “Identity Workshop: Emergent Social and Psychological Phenomena in Text-Based Virtual Reality” (unpublished essay, Media Lab, Massachusetts Institute of Technology, 1992),
www.cc.gatech.edu/~asb/papers
(accessed September 2, 2009).
3
For rich material on the “boundary work” between self and avatar, see Adam Boellstorff,
Coming of Age in Second Life: An Anthropologist Explores the Virtually Human
(Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press, 2008), and T. L. Taylor,
Play Between Worlds: Exploring Online Game Culture
(Cambridge, MA: MIT Press, 2006). See also Sherry Turkle,
Life on the Screen: Identity in the Age of the Internet
(New York: Simon and Schuster, 1995).
For rich material on the “boundary work” between self and avatar, see Adam Boellstorff,
Coming of Age in Second Life: An Anthropologist Explores the Virtually Human
(Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press, 2008), and T. L. Taylor,
Play Between Worlds: Exploring Online Game Culture
(Cambridge, MA: MIT Press, 2006). See also Sherry Turkle,
Life on the Screen: Identity in the Age of the Internet
(New York: Simon and Schuster, 1995).
4
This is true whether they are in the text-based multiuser domains, or MUDs, of the early 1990s (such as Lambda Moo), in the visually rich massively multiplayer online role-playing games of the end of that decade (Everquest and Ultima II), or in today’s cinemalike virtual worlds, such as World of Warcraft or Second Life.
This is true whether they are in the text-based multiuser domains, or MUDs, of the early 1990s (such as Lambda Moo), in the visually rich massively multiplayer online role-playing games of the end of that decade (Everquest and Ultima II), or in today’s cinemalike virtual worlds, such as World of Warcraft or Second Life.
5
Victor Turner,
The Ritual Process: Structure and Anti-Structure
(Chicago: Aldine, 1969).
Victor Turner,
The Ritual Process: Structure and Anti-Structure
(Chicago: Aldine, 1969).
6
The work coming out of Stanford University’s virtual reality laboratory presents compelling evidence that if you are, for example, tall in virtual reality, you will feel more assertive in meetings that follow online sessions. See, for example, J. N. Bailenson, J. A. Fox, and J. Binney, “Virtual Experiences, Physical Behaviors: The Effect of Presence on Imitation of an Eating Avatar,”
PRESENCE: Teleoperators and Virtual Environments
18, no. 4: 294-303, and J. A. Fox and J. N. Bailenson, “Virtual Self-modeling: The Effects of Vicarious Reinforcement and Identification on Exercise Behaviors,”
Media Psychology
12 (2009): 1-25.
The work coming out of Stanford University’s virtual reality laboratory presents compelling evidence that if you are, for example, tall in virtual reality, you will feel more assertive in meetings that follow online sessions. See, for example, J. N. Bailenson, J. A. Fox, and J. Binney, “Virtual Experiences, Physical Behaviors: The Effect of Presence on Imitation of an Eating Avatar,”
PRESENCE: Teleoperators and Virtual Environments
18, no. 4: 294-303, and J. A. Fox and J. N. Bailenson, “Virtual Self-modeling: The Effects of Vicarious Reinforcement and Identification on Exercise Behaviors,”
Media Psychology
12 (2009): 1-25.
7
Turkle,
Life on the Screen
.
Turkle,
Life on the Screen
.
8
The Loebner Prize Competition also awards a prize to the person who is most obviously a person, the person who is
least
confused with an artificial intelligence. See Charles Platt, “What’s It Mean to Be Human, Anyway?”
Wired
, May 1995,
www.wired.com/wired/archive/3.04/turing_pr.html
(accessed May 31, 2010).
The Loebner Prize Competition also awards a prize to the person who is most obviously a person, the person who is
least
confused with an artificial intelligence. See Charles Platt, “What’s It Mean to Be Human, Anyway?”
Wired
, May 1995,
www.wired.com/wired/archive/3.04/turing_pr.html
(accessed May 31, 2010).
9
Mihaly Csíkszentmihalyi,
Beyond Boredom and Anxiety
(San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 2000 [1st ed. 1975]), and Natasha Schüll,
Addiction by Design: Machine Gambling in Las Vegas
(Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press, forthcoming).
Mihaly Csíkszentmihalyi,
Beyond Boredom and Anxiety
(San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 2000 [1st ed. 1975]), and Natasha Schüll,
Addiction by Design: Machine Gambling in Las Vegas
(Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press, forthcoming).
10
Mihaly Csíkszentmihalyi,
Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience
(New York: Harper & and Row, 1990).
Mihaly Csíkszentmihalyi,
Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience
(New York: Harper & and Row, 1990).
11
With too much volume, of course, e-mail becomes too stressful to be relaxing. But “doing e-mail,” no matter how onerous, can put one in the zone.
With too much volume, of course, e-mail becomes too stressful to be relaxing. But “doing e-mail,” no matter how onerous, can put one in the zone.
12
Natasha Schüll,
Addiction by Design.
On the issue of unreal choices, Schüll refers to the work of psychologist Barry Schwartz,
The Paradox of Choice: Why More Is Less
(New York: Harper Collins, 2003).
Natasha Schüll,
Addiction by Design.
On the issue of unreal choices, Schüll refers to the work of psychologist Barry Schwartz,
The Paradox of Choice: Why More Is Less
(New York: Harper Collins, 2003).
13
Sherry Turkle,
The Second Self: Computers and the Human Spirit
(1984; Cambridge, MA: MIT Press, 2005), see, especially, “Video Games and Computer Holding Power,” 65-90.
Sherry Turkle,
The Second Self: Computers and the Human Spirit
(1984; Cambridge, MA: MIT Press, 2005), see, especially, “Video Games and Computer Holding Power,” 65-90.
14
Washington State University neuroscientist Jaak Panksepp describes a compelled behavior he calls the “seeking drive.” When humans (indeed, all mammals) receive stimulation to the lateral hypothalamus (this happens every time we hear the ping of a new e-mail or hit return to start a Google search), we are caught in a loop “where each stimulation evoke[s] a reinvigorated search strategy.” See Jaak Panksepp,
Affective Neuroscience: The Foundations of Human and Animal Emotions
(Oxford: Oxford University Press, 1998), 151. The implication is that search provokes search; seeking provokes seeking. Panksepp says that when we get thrilled about the world of ideas, about making intellectual connections, about divining meaning, it is the seeking circuits that are firing.
CHAPTER 12: TRUE CONFESSIONSWashington State University neuroscientist Jaak Panksepp describes a compelled behavior he calls the “seeking drive.” When humans (indeed, all mammals) receive stimulation to the lateral hypothalamus (this happens every time we hear the ping of a new e-mail or hit return to start a Google search), we are caught in a loop “where each stimulation evoke[s] a reinvigorated search strategy.” See Jaak Panksepp,
Affective Neuroscience: The Foundations of Human and Animal Emotions
(Oxford: Oxford University Press, 1998), 151. The implication is that search provokes search; seeking provokes seeking. Panksepp says that when we get thrilled about the world of ideas, about making intellectual connections, about divining meaning, it is the seeking circuits that are firing.
In an article in
Slate
, Emily Yoffe, reviews the relationship between our digital lives and how the brain experiences pleasure. She says:
Slate
, Emily Yoffe, reviews the relationship between our digital lives and how the brain experiences pleasure. She says:
Actually all our electronic communication devices—e-mail, Facebook feeds, texts, Twitter—are feeding the same drive as our searches.... If the rewards come unpredictably—as e-mail, texts, updates do—we get even more carried away. No wonder we call it a “CrackBerry.” . . .
[Psychologist Kent] Berridge says the “ding” announcing a new e-mail or the vibration that signals the arrival of a text message serves as a reward cue for us. And when we respond, we get a little piece of news (Twitter, anyone?), making us want more. These information nuggets may be as uniquely potent for humans as a Froot Loop to a rat. When you give a rat a minuscule dose of sugar, it engenders “a panting appetite,” Berridge says—a powerful and not necessarily pleasant state.
See Emily Yoffe, “Seeking How the Brain Hard-Wires Us to Love Google, Twitter, and Texting. And Why That’s Dangerous,”
Slate
, August 12, 2009,
www.slate.com/id/2224932/pagenum/all/#p2
(accessed September 25, 2009). See also Nicholas Carr, “Is Google Making Us Stupid?”
The Atlantic
, July-August 2008,
www.theatlantic.com/doc/200807/google
(accessed November 20, 2009), and Kent C. Berridge and Terry E. Robinson, “What Is the Role of Dopamine in Reward: Hedonic Impact, Reward Learning, or Incentive Salience?”
Brain Research Reviews
28 (1998): 309-369.
Slate
, August 12, 2009,
www.slate.com/id/2224932/pagenum/all/#p2
(accessed September 25, 2009). See also Nicholas Carr, “Is Google Making Us Stupid?”
The Atlantic
, July-August 2008,
www.theatlantic.com/doc/200807/google
(accessed November 20, 2009), and Kent C. Berridge and Terry E. Robinson, “What Is the Role of Dopamine in Reward: Hedonic Impact, Reward Learning, or Incentive Salience?”
Brain Research Reviews
28 (1998): 309-369.
1
The PostSecret site is run by Frank Warren. See
http://postsecret.blogspot.com
(accessed August 22, 2009). For his views on the positive aspects of venting through confessional sites, see Tom Ashcroft’s
On Point
interview with Frank Warren, “Baring Secrets Online,” WBUR, June 10, 2009,
www.onpointradio.org/2009/06/secret-sharers
(accessed August 2, 2010). See also Michele Norris’s
All Things Considered
interview with Frank Warren, “Postcards Feature Secret Messages from Strangers,” NPR, March 30, 2005,
www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=4568035
(accessed August 2, 2010).
The PostSecret site is run by Frank Warren. See
http://postsecret.blogspot.com
(accessed August 22, 2009). For his views on the positive aspects of venting through confessional sites, see Tom Ashcroft’s
On Point
interview with Frank Warren, “Baring Secrets Online,” WBUR, June 10, 2009,
www.onpointradio.org/2009/06/secret-sharers
(accessed August 2, 2010). See also Michele Norris’s
All Things Considered
interview with Frank Warren, “Postcards Feature Secret Messages from Strangers,” NPR, March 30, 2005,
www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=4568035
(accessed August 2, 2010).
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