Alphas on the Prowl (19 page)

“It’s not worth all the screaming,” she said, meaning to sound flip, but bitterness seeped through, making Ryan’s eyebrows rise.

“Sounds pretty awful, Hay,” he said. He wiped his mouth with a napkin and pushed back his chair to fetch the half-empty wine bottle.

“I get by.” She held her glass out for a refill, miserably aware he was judging her life and finding fault with it. As if he could talk. Sitting out here with this marvelous view, all alone. Hypocrite.

“Don’t you think sometimes that just getting by sucks?” He set the wine bottle down on the table and stared at her with such a penetrating gaze, she shrank beneath it.

She retreated to the rocker with her wine and blanket.

He shrugged. “I think so anyway”

“Then do something about it,” she snapped. “Go out with some of those friends of the wives of your soccer mates.” The thought of him doing that produced all sorts of conflicting emotions, and she strove to keep her face blank.

He shook his head. “I blew it with you because I was scared of being different than you, and I’d blow it with them because I wouldn’t care about them.”

He sat in the rocker next to hers. “Why don’t you take one of those shifters up on his offer? Is it really because you’re scared of having kids?”

She gulped at her wine. “I don’t want to settle,” she said rebelliously. “And that’s all I’d be doing. I haven’t yet met a shifter man who could compare…” She snapped her mouth shut. Jesus. “I don’t want to talk about this. Change the subject.”

“Why?” Ryan set his wine glass aside so he could slide to his knees and kneel before her. He braced his hands on her knees, and if she leaned forward, she could kiss him. Instead, she cowered back against the rocker, acutely aware how good his hands felt on her thighs but also knowing if she could have, she would have bolted. Too fast. They needed to slow the hell down.

Ryan said persuasively, “Why can’t we both admit we made a mistake five years ago and erase it so we can start over?”

Hailey’s mouth dropped open, Was he freaking serious? “Because
I
didn’t make a mistake! You did. This is all on you, Ryan. Don’t try to blame me for any of it.”

“You ran away,” he accused. “You didn’t give me any time to assimilate that fucking huge bomb you dropped on my life. We spent every day together for six months, and you never told me what you were until the moment we decided to take things deeper. Then you blurted it out and expected me to handle it? And when I didn’t do it very well, you ran.”

“Didn’t do it very well?” Hailey’s cheeks burned. “Try not at all! You pretended I didn’t exist! You wanted time to assimilate the fact that I’m a shifter? Screw you. You think it wasn’t agonizingly hard for me to tell you? You have any idea how much easier it would have been not to tell you at all? That’s what we did for centuries. That’s what my mother did. My father had no clue what she was until my senior in high school. He had no idea what I was. And when he did find out, I think a part of him never forgave us. Things have never been the same between them. Or between me and my dad. I didn’t want that with you. I wanted everything to be out in the open. No secrets!”  She pushed at his shoulders, trying to overbalance him so she could get the hell out and never look back. This was futile. It always ended the same way. Accusations, betrayal, and that awful look of suspicion that never, ever went away.

“Hailey!” He took her hands within his and struggled to keep her in the chair. Somehow they ended up on their feet, dancing across the floor as she fought to be free and he resisted letting go.

Hailey crashed against the glass-paned door, driving all the breath from her body. Ryan boxed her in, pinning her arms above her head.

“I hate you,” Hailey gasped, then went on tiptoe to kiss him, mashing her lips against his. Rage warred with passion, and she didn’t know whether she wanted to kill him or make love to him until he lay exhausted beneath her. He was supposed to be different. He shouldn’t care she could shift into a wolf because that ability didn’t change who she was at a fundamental level. Why couldn’t he see that?

He kissed her back ardently, pulling her into his embrace when she arched her body into his.

“Hailey.” He repeated her name over and over, making her knees weak with the urgency in his tone. Coherent thought vanished and she became a primal creature, wanting only to feel him inside her, skin to skin, soul to soul. Without words. Words ruined everything.

She reached behind her for the doorknob and twisted it. The door gave, and they stumbled into the hallway, clinging to each other. Ryan growled deep in his throat before sweeping her up into his arms. Still kissing her, he strode down the hall and kicked open a door on the right-hand side.

Hailey received a blurred impression of dark blue walls and white curtains before he tumbled her onto a bed, crushing her into the mattress.

His hands burned against her skin as he slid her shirt up and over her head. He bent his head to her breasts, teasing one of her nipples with his teeth and tongue through the fabric of her bra.

She arched up into his mouth, and slid her hands beneath his t-shirt so she could glide her fingers across his muscled back. He lifted up so she could rip his shirt off, then returned to her breasts. After freeing them from her bra, he cupped them in his hands as he straddled her. Lowering his mouth, he licked circles around one areola, while stroking his thumb around the other.

She combed her fingers through his soft hair, writhing beneath him, wanting more.

She knew she ought to think about this before going farther, but screw that thought. This felt so good and so right. She deserved this. She’d waited five years to know what his mouth felt like against her breasts, what his fingers felt like between her thighs.

As if he knew what she was thinking, he moved his hands to her jeans, snapping the button before sliding down the zipper. She braced her feet on the mattress and lifted up to let him peel them and her panties over her hips and thighs. She kicked them aside, and spread her legs so he could settle between them.

His mouth covered her pussy, and she groaned.

“God, you taste good,” he murmured as he licked her. The tip of his tongue found her nub and flicked it, making her gasp. He spread her with his fingers, and thrust his tongue deeper while rubbing with his thumb.

She writhed, tossing her head side to side as sensation built and roared within her.

She came with a muffled scream, digging her fingers into the sheets. He trailed kisses up her belly, between her breasts, and to the hollow in her throat. When he claimed her mouth, he tasted of her. His kissed her greedily as if he couldn’t get enough. She ached to have him inside her.

“Ryan,” she groaned, struggling with his belt buckle. “I need you inside me. Now.”

He helped her remove his jeans, and groaned when she gripped him with her fingers and moved her hand up and down his straining shaft. She cupped his balls, squeezing them, loving how they fit in her hand.

He fumbled in the nightstand drawer and withdrew a condom before rolling to the side of the bed so he could sit up and put it on. She slid off the mattress and crawled between his legs.

“Wait,” she whispered, before drawing her tongue up the length of him, swirling it around the tip. She took him into her mouth and sucked, making him groan and grip the sides of the mattress. The cords in his neck bulged as she ministered to him.

Her knees pressed into the braided rug beneath the bed. She smelled fresh linen and Ryan’s unique scent. The sound of the rain on the roof filled her with a rising urge for something more.

“Oh, my God,” he gasped. “Hailey, if you don’t stop, I’m gonna come. Come sit on me.”

He pressed the condom in her hand, and she gave him one last, long suck before letting him slip out of her mouth.

She placed the condom on the swollen tip of his cock and rolled it down slowly. He drew in his breath raggedly and tangled his fingers in her hair. When he pulled, she grinned.

She pressed a kiss to his belly before standing. He helped position her so she could brace both knees on either side of his thighs. He held tightly to her hips, guiding her down until she impaled herself upon his erect shaft.

He groaned as she slid down and lifted up again. “Goddamn, that’s sweet!”

“You’re so hot inside me,” she whispered into his ear as he moved her up and down, creating delicious friction. “Ryan, I knew it would be like this between us.”

“Me too.” He kissed her throat, and she increased their pace, bouncing up and down on him until both their breath came short.

She wrapped her arms around him, burying her face in his hair as they moved faster and faster until she cried out, clamping herself around him as tight as she could.

When he came, he groaned her name, and she moved faster still, wringing out every last drop until they were both limp in each other’s arms.

He collapsed onto the bed, taking her with him. She lay panting on top of him, everything a magnificent haze.

His lips hot against the sweaty flesh of her throat, he whispered, “I love you. I love you so much.”

Hailey stiffened against him. The magnificent haze crashed and burned into terrible clarity. What the hell was she thinking, going to bed with Ryan? Leaving herself open to him again only courted disaster. He didn’t understand her, and she couldn’t be with someone who didn’t. His love was an illusion. A cheat. Blinding him and erasing the parts of her he couldn’t deal with.

She rolled off the bed, evading his arms when he reached for her.

“What are you doing?” His eyes narrowed in confusion. He held out his hand, and she ignored him.

She found her jeans on the floor and shimmied into them. “I’ve gotta go.” She couldn’t keep the bitter hurt from her tone, and he stared at her.

“What did I do? I did something wrong?”

“You can’t really love me. You don’t even know me. You don’t want to know me.” Hailey didn’t look at him as she searched for her shirt.

He groaned softly. “Look, I know this seems fast, Hay, but if you factor in I loved you five years ago and I never stopped – it’s not so fast. I’m sorry if I scared you. We can slow down. Only don’t leave me like this. Talk to me.”

She found her shirt beneath his jeans. Great, now it would smell like him. “Nothing to talk about.”

“Please. I love you. I said it before I should have, obviously. But this is like when you told me you were a shifter. You didn’t want there to be secrets. Neither do I.”

Horrible rage strangled her. How could he compare the two things? She stared at him. He didn’t understand. He would never understand. Disappointment and grief doused the rage leaving her flat and trembling. “It’s not the same thing at all.”

He left the bed, grabbing his jeans from the floor without taking his gaze from her as though afraid if he looked away she’d be gone. He put on his jeans slowly. She wrestled with her shirt, then stuffed her feet into her sneakers. Her goddamn fingers shook so much it took her three tries to tie the laces.

“Hailey,” he begged. “Don’t go yet.”

“You think telling me you love me is the same thing as me telling you I’m a wolf shifter?” She surged to her feet, wanting to run, wanting to smash her fists into the wall, needing to do something to bleed out the awful glut of emotions drowning her. “It’s not. Love is an emotion. It’s something you feel. Something you can deny for five years while you try to make a different life. Something that can fade out and die.” She took a heaving breath, so close to tears she could smell them.

“A wolf shifter is something I cannot ever change. It’s not something I feel or do. It’s who I am! And until you can understand and accept that, I can never be with you.” She rushed out onto the landing, aware he stayed close behind her. She took the stairs two at a time, the world a hazy blur thanks to the tears streaming down her cheeks.

“I must be so stupid,” she kicked at the door because it wouldn’t open, and now he was right behind her.

“You’re not stupid,” he said. “It’s locked. Move over and I’ll unlock it for you.”

She moved, trying to avoid brushing against him because if she touched him, she’d be lost.

He undid the locks slowly, head bent. His shoulders heaved, and although she couldn’t smell his tears, she knew he was close to breaking down. She swiped at her wet cheeks.

“I’d do anything to change what I did five years ago, but I can’t.” He pressed his forehead to the door. “I’d do anything now to prove I do understand and I do accept who you are. Maybe I’m the stupid one because I don’t know what you want or how to prove it.”

The last lock popped, and he opened the door. A stiff breeze filtered in, bringing the scents of rain and sea with it.

Ryan turned and stepped aside so he didn’t block her way. His eyes gleamed with unshed tears.

“I’m sorry, Hay. I hurt you, and I’m sorry. I guess that means shit, I know.”

Hailey could see her car in the driveway. She could be sitting behind the wheel in less than twenty seconds if she forced herself out the door. It was the smart thing to do. Walk away while she still could. Hell, she ought to run.

She bit her lip and looked at Ryan. He leaned against the wall as if he needed the support to keep upright. His bare chest heaved, and she remembered kissing his belly and how he’d pulled her up to sit on him. The way they fit together.