Always and Forever (9 page)

“You ready to roll?” Matt called out, shutting the trunk and stretching as he glanced over at his Chevy. He couldn’t believe that his pick-up was going to be parked up without him. The only thing about it he did like was that it meant he wasn’t going to be working for a bit, and after a busy few years building houses with his teams of guys, it was nice to take a decent break.

“Almost.”

He jogged up the two steps of their house and headed down the hall. He stopped when he reached their bedroom. Lisa was bending to pick up a bag and the look she gave him was pure guilt.

“Another bag?” he asked, groaning at the thought of re-packing the trunk to make anything else fit.

“I don’t know how long we’re going to be gone,” she said, flashing him a smile that made him groan again. “You want me to look good though, right?”

“Stop with the guilt,” Matt growled, trying not to laugh. “Of course I want you to look good!” It felt good laughing, just joking around. Made him remember how things had always been between them.

“Okay then.” The two words sounded like a breath of air, a gentle whoosh as she blinked and fixed her beautiful hazel eyes on him, a peacefulness there that made him smile.

“Come on, let’s go,” he said, crossing the room and taking the bag from her before she could change her mind.

“You have the camera?” she asked.

“We have the camera. And the iPads and our phones and the list and just about everything from your closet.” Lisa punched him on the arm and he jumped out of the way, laughing. “And
I
have a change of underwear, a clean t-shirt and a pair of jeans. We’re good to go.”

“The fridge is empty and everything’s turned off. I think we’re actually ready to leave,” Lisa told him.

“Me and you in our pretty red Cadillac,” Matt said with a chuckle as he threw his arm around her and dragged her down the hall. There was no point saying anything else; all he wanted was to keep a smile on her face and enjoy every second they had together.

“Just me and you and the road,” she murmured, hugging him tight to her side as they walked.

He noticed that she didn’t even look at the nursery door they’d shut earlier. Going into the baby’s room had been tough before, but it was something he’d been wanting to do and he was glad he’d looked around it. Maybe he could get the color changed while they were gone so it was easier for Lisa to come back to.

Matt stopped to set the alarm and then pulled the front door shut behind them, locking it and turning to face the car. Lisa grinned as she walked toward it, swinging open the door and jumping in. He watched as she scooped her long blonde hair up into a ponytail, thinking how gorgeous she still was. She’d been cute when he’d fallen for her, but she was all woman now, and she’d gotten more gorgeous with every year that had passed.

He carried the bag to the car, leaned in to give her a quick kiss on the mouth and then opened the trunk again.

“What was that for?” Lisa asked, looking surprised.

“Nothing. Nothing at all. Can’t a guy kiss his wife just for the hell of it?”

“Sure.”

He listened to her laugh and found a place to stuff her bag. “And because you’re my wife, it means I can kiss you whenever the hell I want.”

Matt was trying so damn hard, but at least today it felt natural. Their fights usually consisted of him screwing up, her yelling at him, him waiting her out and eventually them having crazy-good make-up sex. Whatever was going on between them right now was nothing like that.

Matt strode over to his Chevy and started the engine, drove it into the garage before locking it and shutting the garage door. He pushed the keys into his back pocket out of habit and ran back over to jump behind the wheel of the Caddy.

“You’re taking the truck keys with you?” Lisa asked, looking confused.

“I ain’t risking no one stealing my ride,” Matt said with a grin, turning the engine over and leaning back as the car started up. It sounded like heaven to him: endless days driving and no plans. After being settled for years, he was looking forward to some downtime. If he hadn’t met Lisa he’d probably have been a drifter, not giving a damn about putting down roots anywhere, after the upheaval of losing his mom. But with her, he’d been happy to do whatever she wanted, and he’d gotten used to following her lead.

“Goodbye, little house,” Lisa called out, holding her hand high above her head and waving in the air as he backed out.

Matt took her hand and placed it on the gear shift, putting his on top of it.

“This is it,” he said, giving her a quick grin before pulling out onto the road.

“Yep, this is it. Here’s to an amazing road trip,” Lisa said.

“Damn right.”

Matt put his foot down and reached in the back for his baseball cap, loving the way it shaped to his head like it was made just for him. He put his hand back over Lisa’s and settled into his seat. They were going to drive for a few hours, eat somewhere good, and then find somewhere to stay the night.

Sounded perfect to him. Or as perfect as they could get right now.

The sun was so bright and beautiful that Lisa was worried she was going to get burnt before their vacation even began, but it was making her feel good. Maybe she’d been seriously lacking in Vitamin D the past few months. Matt had put the hood up for a bit and was putting some gas in, and she did a quick check of her emails, wanting to post a pic of their car that she’d taken earlier. Her customers loved seeing snaps of her life and what she was wearing or doing. After a little while offline when things were really rough, she’d jumped straight back in to social media, sharing designs, what she was wearing . . . Lisa gulped. Pretending like she hadn’t had her heart ripped out of her chest and her dreams shattered had been tough, but there was also something freeing about being another person online. Work was what kept her going, and she liked the contact with the women who frequented her store or bought online, the fact that her clothes made them feel good.

Lisa put her phone back in her purse once she was done and turned as Matt jumped back in the car. He passed her a Coke and put a bag of chips in between them, and she quickly ripped the bag open. So much for her post-cancer diet.

“To hell with no sugar, huh?” she joked.

Matt held up his Coke and banged it to hers. “Cheers to that.”

They both sipped, and Lisa loved the taste. She never drank soda and it took her back to the drinks she used to buy at school when she was earning her own money and her mom couldn’t stop her.

“Maybe we should have bought a more practical car. Like one with cup holders,” Matt said, taking another swig of his soda before balancing it between his thighs and firing up the engine.

Lisa drank some more, not even bothering to feel guilty. She’d done so well with her special cancer diet of no sugar or dairy, but the sugary bubbles were definitely worth it.

“Where are we stopping tonight?”

“Anywhere we like,” Matt replied.

She got the map out, a real one instead of the app on her phone. It was like trying to read Braille, but she squinted at it and turned it a few times and tried to look like she knew what she was doing. They’d talked about where they wanted to go but she’d been so anxious packing and worrying about the dog and her shop that she’d left it to Matt to figure the rest out. He was better at working out distances and stopovers than she would ever be. Lisa put down the map and angled her body so she was facing him.

“Do you ever think about how different your life could have turned out if we hadn’t met?” she asked.

“Hmmm, not really,” Matt said through a mouthful of chips. “If we hadn’t gotten together, maybe I would have moved away from Redding, closer to the beach maybe so I could have surfed whenever I wanted.”

She put the map down and stared out the window at the Californian landscape as it whizzed past. “Would you be playing football still?”

Matt chuckled. “Baby, we both know I wasn’t cut out to go pro, and I sure as hell wouldn’t still be playing now, not at almost thirty.”

“How do you know you weren’t good enough?” she asked.

“If I was, I’d have done it regardless of whether I was with you or not. Are you asking me all this to avoid having to read the map?” he joked.

She bit down on her lower lip and gently chewed on it, ignoring the map comment. She’d always wondered if Matt felt like he’d sacrificed anything for her, whether he had dreams he wished he’d followed that didn’t include staying in their hometown. Suddenly she needed to know the answers to questions that she hadn’t bothered asking before, didn’t want to take for granted how he felt. Because now it wasn’t just all that stuff; it was the fact that she couldn’t give him a family, too. That she might have made him sacrifice something else. Would he have married her if he’d known? She tried to push the thoughts away but they were hard to shake.

“I was a damn good high school quarterback, but I was never
pro
kind of good. Not good enough to make a career from it. You know that, Lis.”

“You would have been picked up by a college team.” She wasn’t trying to pick a fight or dredge up the past, but suddenly she couldn’t stop, needed to know.

Matt glanced at her before quickly looking straight ahead again. “I was, actually.”

She had to stop her jaw from dropping. “You were?”

“Yeah, I was,” he said softly, eyes firmly fixed on the road as he spoke. “But that was a long time ago, and it wasn’t what I wanted. Life was kinda rough then.”

Lisa was silent for longer than she meant to be, but she couldn’t believe what he’d just told her. They’d been together so long and the fact he’d never mentioned it seemed weird to her. Why hadn’t he wanted her to know back then? Why had he kept it from her all this time?

“Look, I knew what I wanted, and I’m happy. I made that decision for me, and it was the right one. I just wasn’t in the right head space to be part of a new team. I couldn’t have focused and it would have been a disaster.”

Matt was three years her senior, which meant that he’d made the decision before they were officially together. But still. The
what ifs
in life had been bothering her since her surgery.

“You know I’d have told you to go,” she said wistfully. “We weren’t even dating then.”

“Like I said, I knew what I wanted. I didn’t have to tell anyone because my mind was made up.”

“I often wonder who I would have met, what I would have done differently,” Lisa told him, finding it hard to consider another life, a different path. “I can’t imagine being with another man, not now, but it’s crazy to think how different our lives could have turned out.”

Matt took her hand and looped his fingers through hers. “I’m happy, Lis. I always have been and I wouldn’t change a goddamn thing.”

She stared at him. “Really? Even knowing how much pain there was to come, you’d still have asked me to marry you?”

His smile was slow as he glanced over at her. “Even knowing the future, I’d still have kissed you behind your parents’ house when you were sixteen.”

Lisa clamped her hand over her mouth, remembering. “I can’t believe we did that! And then waited so long for a rematch.”

“Hey, you didn’t see the look on your dad’s face when we snuck back around and he was walking out of the garage! It was enough to scare me off a rematch for a while.”

Lisa smiled, the memory like a flash of color in her mind, thinking about her old family home and having all her family together. Even though Kelly was only a few years older than her, she was more the mother figure in her life now as well as being her best friend. She’d kind of picked up where their mom had left off when their folks had moved away for her dad’s work, and Lisa had missed them so badly when they’d first moved. Her little sister, Penny, was working in New York near their parents, but she was moving back to California sooner rather than later, and Lisa couldn’t wait to spend more time with her.

“So you’re happy? I mean, you’re happy with the decisions you made in the past?” Lisa asked.

“Hell, yeah. Aren’t you?”

Lisa sighed. She seemed to do it all the time now; it seemed to be the only answer she was capable of sometimes.

“I’m happy with you, with everything we have, but sometimes I wish I hadn’t dragged you into all this,” she said. “That I’d taken a different path so I didn’t have to cause you so much pain. I know I’ve been hard to live with, impossible during this treatment, and I keep forgetting how hard it must be for you. We’ve never really talked about your mom either.”

“They’re crazy words,” Matt said straight back, shaking his head and frowning over at her. “There’s no one I’d rather have by my side than you. We’ve had ten awesome years together, and a tiny part of that time has been crappy.” He was silent for a beat. “My mom died and I survived it. You’re not the same as her, and what happened to you was not the same as what happened to her.”

Crappy
was a nice way to put what they’d been through, and she didn’t doubt for a second that he hadn’t seen parallels between her and his mom. She’d just been so preoccupied with what she was going through that she hadn’t asked him, or maybe she hadn’t been emotionally available enough to deal with anyone but herself.