Always (Bold as Love) (14 page)

30

Jake

Sleep. It's an annoying thing that I'm not too familiar with anymore. It comes and it goes. Thinking that I need a change of scenery, I leave my room and go sit on the porch. I can easily remember sitting on these porch steps with my mom beside me. She would wrap an arm around my shoulders and ask about my day. Mom would listen so attentively and I could have talked forever. I probably did.

After the news of her cancer, it would be just me and her and we would sit here quietly, watching as the cars passed. When I told her about my first crush, it was here on these steps. When I told her I got on the team, it was on these steps. Sometimes, I just want to sit on these steps with her. Only she's not here anymore and I'm on these steps alone.

Sighing, I look up to the sky and catch a particular star that's shining so bright. My mind turns to Emily and how she was clearly annoyed earlier. I wonder what happened with her mom. Will she tell me? The night is quiet with the exception of crickets singing their song until I hear footsteps. I glance down the street in the direction of the sound and see a figure running on the sidewalk across the street. Whomever it is seems to be in no hurry. Faintly, I can see the swishing of hair.

Emily with ear buds in place is focused on the route before her. She doesn't even see me sitting here. She keeps on running.

“Emily,” I call out, hoping she'd hear me over her music, but she doesn't. I get up and run after her. Catching her arm, she shrieks and swivels to face me.

“
Jake! What the hell? You scared the shit outta me!” she says in a still high pitch voice as she takes out her ear buds.

“
I'm sorry. I tried to call out to you, but your music must have been too loud.”

Her hands are shaking. I take them in mine and say in a low voice, “Hey, calm down. It's okay. I'm sorry.”

“It's fine. I was just distracted. What are you doing awake?”

“
What are you doing up?” I ask in return. She gives me a half smile and then goes to wrap her arms around my waist. Locking her hands together, she attempts to bury her face into my chest.

“
I'm sorry about snapping at you earlier on the phone.”

I thought she would go into more detail, but she doesn't. “It's fine. C'mon, let's go sit on the porch.”

Her arms fall and I take her hand, leading her back to my house. I sit on the top step and Emily takes the place on the one below in between my legs. She leans back against my chest and I clasp my hands together in front of her, with my arms resting on my knees. Her body is hot and slightly damp.

“
How long have you been running?”

“
About an hour, I think. I was heading home.”

“
Oh. Do you want to go then? If all your worries are gone for the night and you're tired, you could just go on home.”

“
No, I'm fine.”

I smile knowing that's she's choosing to stay here with me.

“What were you doing out here?” she asks.

“
I was thinking about my mom.”

“
You miss her.”

“
Every day.”

Silent evades our surroundings.

“You make it hard.”

“
What?” I ask.

“
I want to be at home in my own bed. But sitting here with you, I don't want to leave. I miss it, you know.”

“
I know.”

“
But do you really? You are always right where you want to be. You always have what you want with you. You always do what you want. When do you have a chance to miss something?”

I am taken aback even though there is no vengeance in her voice. What is she talking about? “Are you not happy?”

“No, I am, I just...”

“
What's going on, Sweetness?” I say in my gentlest voice.

“
Nothing. I'm going to head home. I'll see you later.”

She breaks apart my hands and stands up. Quickly, she puts her ear buds back in and takes off running. Not a kiss or an I love you. What is going through her mind? More importantly, what is she talking about?

Her words replay easily in my head. The way she sees it, I always get what I want, I always go where I want to go, and I always have what I want. The more I think about it, the more she's right. Is she resenting us? Is that what this is about? Does she wish things were different? That she wasn't moving around with me and now Drake? Is she wishing that things weren't always going to revolve around my dream, putting her and her dreams on the back burner?

That's not the case, though. She's even more important than those things. I don't really understand what I'm supposed to do. Last time we talked, she wanted me to do whatever I needed to do to make it in the NHL. I'm doing just that. What more does she want?

If I thought I couldn't sleep before, I definitely won't sleep now. I want nothing more than to run after her and talk this out, but I can't leave Drake, and I'm not going to wake up him. It'll just have to wait until morning.

I've been staring at the ceiling all night. There's absolutely nothing interesting on my ceiling. I've scanned the surface and haven't found anything to hold my attention for more than a second. There's a creak from the other side my door and I know that it's Drake. My door opens seconds later and Drake peeks in.

“
You're up?”

“
Yep. Hungry?”

“
Of course!” he says, rubbing his stomach.

Chuckling, I get up and we go downstairs to raid the fridge. Turns out, I need to go shopping. The milk is two weeks expired, the cereal boxes are empty, and the fridge is pretty bare.

“C'mon. We'll grab something and go eat with Emily.”

“
Awesome!”

We head upstairs to get ready and leave minutes later. Running through the drive-thru at Hardee's, I get us each a biscuit. Drake knocks on the door five times in a row before deciding that that was enough. Emily opens the door a minute later, looking disheveled in a tank top and shorts with pink penguins on them. Her eyes catch the bag of food and she moans.

“You boys are the best!” She steps aside and we come in. Emily fixes us all something to drink while Drake and I take a seat at the table. After she places the glasses on the table, she sits sideways in my lap.

“
What are you boys up to today?” she asks, taking a bite from her biscuit.

“
I want to go to the beach,” Drake says with a mouthful.

“
Don't talk with food in your mouth, Drake,” I warn before taking a bite of my biscuit.

Emily just nods and uses one arm to go around my neck, her fingers running through my hair at the base of my neck. She seems distracted while she eats and plays with my hair.

“Are we going to the beach or what?” Drake asks looking between me and Emily, only she doesn't seem to hear him. “Emily?” he asks.

“
Hmm?” she looks at him.

“
Are we going to the beach?” he says, clearly annoyed at having to repeat himself.

“
Oh, yeah. Sure. Right, Jake?” Sweetness looks at me.

“
Yeah. We can do that.”

“
Good,” Drake smiles.

Emily finishes her food and says, “So I'll go get ready and then we'll go to your house for y'all to get ready? Okay, good,” she adds without waiting for me to reply. Emily hops off my lap and walks out, down the hallway and to her room. Drake and I finish our breakfast in silence and afterwards, I clean up.

“Jake,” Emily calls from her room. “Can you come here for a second?”

“
Coming,” I yell back as I leave the kitchen. Her back is to me and from the looks of it, she's only wearing her bottoms, which have Penguins across the back.

“
Can you tie my top? Every time I do it, it's either too loose or too tight.”

“
Sure.” I walk over to her as she holds the top over her breasts and I grab the strings. Chuckling, I ask, “Who are you going to root for when I play the Penguins? Me or them?”

Emily's shoulders sag. “I hadn't thought of that.”

I tie the one around her neck first. My fingers keep grazing her skin, which is warm already.

“
Definitely you,” she says, finally answering my question. I laugh, but before I can respond, she says, “I'm sorry about last night.” Her tone is serious and she's speaking quietly. “It's not that I don't appreciate us or anything like that. It was just... never mind, it doesn't matter.”

I finish tying both sets of strings and Emily turns to face me, wrapping her arms around my neck and standing on her tiptoes.

“I'm ready for whatever our lives give us and I'm prepared to miss things along the way. I'll follow you anywhere. I only want to spend my life with you.”

I run my hands from her shoulders down to her waist, smiling. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Then she's gone from my arms. Sweetness walks over to the door where a bag full of towels and sunscreen is waiting. “Let's hit the road, Jack.”

We take her car to my house where Drake and I change. Afterwards, we are on our way to the beach. Sweetness appears to be in a good mood, singing along to the radio with the windows down, bopping along to the beat. The beach is crowded as expected and we have to walk a ways to find a spot.

“
Can I go get in the water already?” Drake asks me.

“
Sunscreen, first.”

Emily hands him the sunscreen and then I help her lay out the towels.

“Seriously?” I ask, seeing that not only is she wearing a new bathing suit with the Pens on it, but she bought herself a towel as well.

“
I ordered them before you were drafted, so hush. Plus, they are still my favorite team. You're just my favorite player.” She smiles easily and sits on the towel beside me. Drake tosses her the sunscreen and looks at me for approval.

“
Be careful and the water doesn't go higher than your waist without me in there with you.”

“
Got it,” he nods.

So much for him going in the water, not that I'm complaining. He sits close enough to look for mole crabs. Turning to look at Emily, she's slathering sunscreen over her arms. We take turns passing the sunscreen to one another as we apply it to ourselves. Last, but not least, I rub it on her back after she does the same for me.

“You know, if you keep on with all this Penguins gear, I'm not going to be able to be seen with you in public.”

Emily laughs and shakes her head as she moves to lay on her stomach first with her head towards the water. I've got my knees pulled up and my arms resting on them. My eyes are focused on the water's edge where Drake is digging quickly.

“I'm probably just going to work this semester and take a couple of online classes at a community college, so I don't get too far behind. That way, it'll be a little easier to be there when Drake gets home from school, that kind of thing. Have you heard anything more from your dad's attorney?”

“
Apparently, when my mom got sick, she made him set up a will, right? The house is mine and it's paid for. I can either keep it or sale it. What money he had goes to me and part of it goes into a trust fund for Drake when he gets older. That's pretty much it. Are you going to be okay with online classes?”